All of Me? The Trust Me? Trilogy (13 page)

We follow into her room. It’s nothing like I’d imagined. I was picturing one of those sofas where the patient lays down and for it to be stark and sterile, but it’s just the opposite. There’s a large wooden desk with two dark brown loveseats facing each other and a dark brown table in between. A beautiful plush bright red rug lights up the room. There’s a full length window covering one entire wall, looking out to a pond with ducks swimming. I feel calm instantly.

Dr. Lovatt shuts the door after we walk in.

“Now first things first, please call me Deanna or Dee, which ever you prefer. It says on your forms that you like to be called Jeni, is that right?” she asks, gesturing for us to sit on the sofa.

I sit down and Dee sits across from us on the other sofa.

“Would either of you like a drink of water?” she asks, pouring herself a glass from a jug.

I shake my head.

“No thank you,” Brielle says.

“Jeni, would you say you’re normally a reserved person?”

I bite my bottom lip. I’m not sure why I’m not talking. I feel scared I might say the wrong thing.

“Not normally, no,” I say quietly.

Bree takes my hand.

“You have nothing to be nervous about. I won't repeat anything you share in here; it stays between you and me. I can tell you’re a little hesitant to open up to me, which is understandable, but more importantly I can tell you’re hurting Jeni otherwise you wouldn’t be here today. It would be good to have a chat so we can remove some of that weight off those shoulders of yours, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” I say.

I gulp, when the memories of Jason flood back into my mind. I tense up and tears well in my eyes.

“I see you have a beautiful engagement ring on your finger. Would you like to talk about your fiancé?” she asks kindly.

A smile instantly crosses my face when I think of Aiden.

“His name is Aiden. He’s amazing, the best a girl could ask for. He’s caring, supportive and loves me more than anything,” I say.

“Is he the reason you’re here?” she asks curiously.

I shake my head.

“Tell me more about Aiden. How did you meet?”

“We were in a chain collision; he literally ran into the back of my car.”

“That’s a unique way to meet someone. I can tell by the way your face lights up when you talk about him that you love him.”

“I do, very much.”

“So what’s happening in your life that brought you here today?”

“I can’t,” I say quietly.

“Jeni, the first step is recognizing the issue and or problem. In your case, it’s seems it’s a
who
that is the problem?”

I gather the courage to say his name.

“Jason,” I say softly.

“Good, now who’s Jason to you?” she asks curiously.

“My ex-fiancé,” I say.

“Jeni, what did Jason do to make you come here?”

I tense up as imagery of his fist pounding into my face repeatedly floods my mind.

“He hit me… a lot. I was in hospital. They had to take out my spleen and my left eye socket was fractured, and I was… a mess. I was left broken, battered, and terrified of men... all men. I felt like
shit
and I still do. I hurt so much, and I blamed the one person I love most in the world, and it broke him too. You of all people should know how you feel after being beaten to a pulp,” I snap at her.

“In here, we can work on helping you learn to learn how to use that anger and take control of it.”

My forehead crinkles with confusion.

“Is there anything bringing back the memories of when Jason hurt you?”

“Yes, Aiden and Bree’s father. I work in the family business with Aiden’s family. Alistair’s loud and very aggressive toward me. He doesn’t like me at all and he frightens me. I think he may hurt me like Jason did because he’s aggressive toward me when no one is around. He makes no apology about the fact that he detests me; he says so in front of Aiden and Bree all the time.”

“Is it possible for you to work somewhere where he can’t interact with you?”

I shake my head.

“Do you like your job?”

“I love it. The work is exactly what I love doing, and I’m good at it. Working with my fiancé is a dream come true. I get along well with everyone else who works there. It’s only Alistair, and he’s the boss, so it makes it hard.”

“The best thing would be to remove yourself from any situation where your fears could be heightened. However, you also need to face your fears, but not if you think he could actually harm you in any way.”

“I think my father might be capable of hurting Jeni unfortunately. He takes great pleasure from it. It’s quite disconcerting. He’s always been a nasty person, even with our family but with Jeni he seems much, much worse, especially lately,” Bree says.

“Do you feel like you can cope with staying in the same workspace as him?”

I think for a moment.

“I have to.”

“You don’t have to do anything. You do what makes you feel most comfortable and what keeps you safe,” she says in response.

“True, but I love my job, and if I left again, I don’t know how Aiden would take it. He loves having me there with him, and I don’t want to disappoint him again. He’s put up with a lot from me, and I want to make it up to him,” I say honestly.

“Now, you say Alistair is frightening you? How?” she asks, looking at me intently.

“He’s really loud and obnoxious; he raises his hand to me and is very threatening. He openly admits that he hates me. He thinks I’m taking Aiden away from him; he mentions it all the time.”

“And how do you react when he’s loud and threatening toward you?”

“The other day he raised his hand to me and I fell backwards. I honestly thought he was going to hit me. I flinch whenever he yells or pounds his fist on my desk, which is often. My heart pounds when he taunts me and my muscles tense. I react badly to it I suppose, and he knows it and uses it, but I don’t know how to not react.”

“How do you feel about today’s session?”

“Relieved, it’s good to get some of this off my chest and to know that I’m not completely out of mind crazy.”

Dee laughs.

“No, Jeni, you’re not crazy, you’re not even mildly crazy. The reactions you’re having are normal. You need to find a new coping strategy, and that’s why you came to me. I’ll see you again in a week’s time.”

Dee stands up, walks over to me, and puts out her hand.

“It was very nice to meet you, Jeni, and you also, Bree. It’s good that Jeni has wonderful support.”

I shake her hand, and Bree and I walk out to the car.

“You didn’t make another appointment?” Bree asks getting into the car.

“No, I might try this out on my own for a while. If I need to see her again, I will.”

Bree shakes her head and pulls out into the traffic.

***

We grab something to eat at a little lunch bar and eat there so our story of going to a restaurant and the service being terrible will make our story bullet proof.

Heading back to the office, the elevator doors open, and Alistair and Aiden are standing in the foyer with Mike; Aiden’s on his cell phone. They look up. Aiden hangs up and rushes to my side.

“Oh, thank God!” Pulling me into a tight embrace, then holds me at arm’s length.

“Where were you? Why didn’t you have your cell with you? I was worried sick and both of you were gone. I couldn’t reach Bree either. I was worried someone had taken you. Jeni, don’t you dare scare me like that again.”

Instantly I feel guilty for leaving without telling him. Poor Aiden, he must have been so worried.

“We went out for lunch, big bro; the restaurant was really slow with bringing our food out.”

“Why weren’t either of you answering your cell phones?”

“Mine’s on silent,” Bree says.

“I think I left mine at home in this morning’s rush,” I say truthfully.

“Can you please tell me next time, before you go off somewhere together? You scared me. You were gone for nearly two hours, Jeni.”

He pulls me to him again kissing my head. I feel a sense of guilt at the relief I’m feeling that he believed me. And at the same time I am disgusted in myself for lying to him yet again.

“Sorry.”

“Yeah, sorry. We didn’t mean to cause any problems or make you worry,” Bree says, walking toward her desk.

“Not good enough, Brielle,” Alistair says to her sternly.

“Sorry, Father, it won’t happen again,” she says, sitting down.

Alistair glares at me and storms back to his office. Mike walks over and stands with Aiden while I sit at my desk.

“Glad you’re both alright, Miss Taylor,” Mike says, patting Aiden on the back before he leaves.

“Why was Mike here?” I whisper.

“I called him to see if he had taken you anywhere. When he said he hadn’t, he came up to try and help us find you,” Aiden says softly, taking my arm and lifting me gently from my seat. I look at him curiously as he walks me to his office.

He’s hurt. I can tell by the look on his face. It makes me feel disappointed in myself that I put it there. He leads me to his office, closing the door behind him. Instead of yelling at me—like I deserve—he spins me around, pushes me against the door, and presses his body into mine. “I was so worried,” he says. But before I can speak, he gives me a frenzied kiss. I kiss him with the same passion as my hands get lost in his hair. He pushes his body weight against me harder, while his kisses are so forceful it’s almost painful. Slowly he eases the kiss and eventually our lips part, and he rests his forehead on mine.

“I was so worried,” he says as our breathing slows.

“I thought… I thought maybe Jason had gotten out and came after you or something had happened with James. I don’t know what I was thinking but I was scared I’d lost you.”

“I’m so sorry, babe,” I say, feeling overwhelming guilt wash over me.

Easing his body away from mine, he touches my face.

“Don’t be sorry, but next time, make sure you tell me that you’re leaving so I don’t panic. It was the worst moment of my life when I realized that you were gone without a trace.”

“I’ll make sure I tell you in the future. Is your father really angry with me?”

Aiden chuckles and leads me over to the sofa.

“Unfortunately he’s beyond angry, but don’t worry about him. I’ll sort him out.”

I sit next to him, cuddling into his side.
I should tell him, tell him where I was today.
It’s the right thing to do. Maybe I should leave out the bits about his father and say that I went because of what Jason did to me. He did ask me to go see someone when we got back together, so I’m sure he’ll understand.

“Babe.”

“Yeah?” he asks nuzzling into my hair.

I take in a deep breath and gulp.

“I… I… “

I can’t find the words.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, pulling my chin up.

I gaze into those mesmerizing deep blue pools, and all I can do is smile.

“Nothing… I love you so much.”

He kisses my nose.

“I love you too, baby.”

We sit cuddling for what seems like a few minutes but could have been an hour. There’s a knock at the door interrupting us.

“Come in,” Aiden says.

I sit up and quickly wipe off my transferred lip gloss from Aiden’s lips while he runs his hand through his disheveled hair.

Bree pops her head through the door. “Aiden, your two o’clock is here.”

We both stand up. I quickly make sure he looks respectable and he does the same for me. Opening the door, I walk to my desk and he walks out to greet his client.

I seriously need a caffeine hit. Bree seems deep in thought so I scrunch up a scrap of paper and throw it, hitting her in the head. I giggle and she laughs shaking her head as she throws it back at me but it falls short, hitting the floor in front of my desk.

“Want coffee?”

“Nah, I’m good thanks.”

As I am waiting for my cappuccino, I hear someone enter the kitchen. I turn around to see Alistair's tall, bulky frame towering over me. He stares at me and gives me his creepy smirk that I'd love to smack right off his face. Deciding there has to be enough coffee in my mug—I don't even care if it's only a sip, I don't want to be in here any longer than I have to with the spawn of Satan—I pick up my coffee. I move to pass him, but he moves to purposely block me. I exhale in frustration.
What is he? A five-year-old? Grow up, old man!
Distracted by my thoughts, I've somehow ended up backed into the counter. He leans in really close, so close I smell the tuna sandwich he had for lunch on his breath. Then he leans toward me and whispers eerily quietly in my ear.

“Listen closely. If you think you can come and go when you please, taking my staff with you, you’re very much mistaken. If you’re planning on taking Brielle away from me as well as Aiden, you’d better be ready for an almighty fight, girlie, because I’m willing to sacrifice everything for my children, even if I have to take you down myself. Don’t think I won’t. I’ll make them see the insignificant little
slut
that you are, do you hear me, bitch?”

I’m so nervous in this moment. I just want to appease him and get out of here.

“Yes.”

“Good, now tell me what you are?”

I'm trying really hard to act unaffected by his evil ass, but I don't think it's working—I think he can smell fear like dogs do. And I'm confused. What the hell does he mean, “tell me what you are”? Not trusting myself to speak, I raise my eyebrows and shrug my shoulders.

“You’re an insignificant little bitch. Say it,” he says, breathing all over me.

My heart pounds, and I’m starting to sweat. My nerves are getting the better of me. Okay, this isn't just annoying me anymore. Now I'm just scared. The man is crazy. He raises his hand abruptly, making me flinch.

“Say… It…” he says through gritted teeth.

“I’m an insignificant little…”

“Say it.”

“Bitch.” I wish that I was stronger in this moment. This is all stupid Jason's fault! Why can't I just stand up for myself? This is just degrading.

His thin lips twist into an evil grin, and his bottomless black eyes twinkle. I'd never have guessed that the devil had leathery, old skin and tuna breath. I wonder where he hides his horns.