All of My Love (2 page)

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Despite the sadness she felt, Faith smiled upon seeing her mother entering the restaurant. Her mother’s smile was as forced as her own. Her mother could tell them she was on a diet to lose weight and hide the dark circles beneath her eyes with makeup, but there was nothing she could do about the bleakness in her eyes.

Faith only had to remember the time she’d thought she’d lost Brandon to know the unbearable pain her mother must be going through. More than ever she was determined to get her parents back together.

When her mother was several feet away, Faith came to her feet. She’d meant the hug to be light and brief, but as her arms went around her mother’s shoulders, she felt her tremble, and she tightened her hold. She wished she could tell her everything would be all right. She couldn’t. Only her father could do that and he refused to even mention her mother’s name.

Loosening her hold, Faith stepped back, noticing that her mother’s gaze kept slipping away. She was on the edge. “Good morning again.” She pulled out a chair. Her mother quickly took the seat and placed her small clutch in the chair next to her. “Henri just brought out your salmon, baby carrots, and Caesar salad. He has a surprise for dessert.”

“It looks wonderful.” Stella placed her napkin in her lap.

Faith tucked her head to bless the food. Her mother had spoken with about as much enthusiasm as a person going for a root canal. Faith lifted her head and picked up her fork. “Henri is a fabulous chef, as you know. What do you think?”

Her mother took a tiny bite of the fish. “Excellent.”

It was time to stop coddling her mother. “How can you tell with that tiny bite?”

Her mother frowned; her lashes fluttered. They usually overlooked her not eating and her red eyes due to “allergies.”

“Henri is going to be out here to see for himself how you liked the food.” Faith wrinkled her nose. “He’s as temperamental as Brandon about his food. So help your favorite daughter out and dig in.”

Stella picked up her fork and just held it for a moment, then looked across the table at her daughter. “I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

Now Faith was the one stunned … and annoyed. “Why would you say such a thing?”

Her mother bit her lower lip. “Because it’s long overdue. I ran off like an irresponsible fool, destroying a good man’s life and leaving you right out of college to clean up my mess. I knew you wanted to travel, but I thought…” She swallowed. “I thought you were young. You still had time. I didn’t think I did.”

For a moment, Faith didn’t know what to say. They’d never talked about that devastating time in their lives. “I loved you, Mama. I still do. Yes, it was hard, especially on Daddy, but I’d seen what Duncan and Cameron had gone through with the women in their lives and I thought love wasn’t always enough.”

Faith placed her napkin on the table and took the seat next to her mother. “At least I did until I stopped thinking about the extra pounds I carried and went after Brandon.”

Her mother’s head came up sharply. Her eyes were narrowed in anger. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you look.”

Faith grinned. “That’s the same thing Brandon said once. Being with him, I realized I’d been wrong. Love with the right person is enough. We have that kind of lasting love. If I had gone off exploring the world, some other woman might have snagged him. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I want you to have that same kind of happiness.”

Her mother glanced down at her plate. “It’s too late for me.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Faith nudged her mother’s hand holding her fork. “Eat up. We have a busy afternoon.”

“Doing what?”

“Creating a new beginning.”

*   *   *

Paul McBride’s thoughts were chaotic as his big truck hugged the steadily descending narrow mountain road outside of Santa Fe, New Mexico. He’d been in the same mixed-up frame of mind since he left Denver two days ago.

As much as Paul wanted to see his daughter, Faith, and her husband, Brandon, he didn’t want to return to Santa Fe. Once it had held so many painful memories that no amount of booze could erase them. He knew because he’d tried. Thank goodness he’d finally figured that out before he went down so far he couldn’t find his way back.

If not for Faith, he might have.

The palm of his hand brushed the stinging from his eyes. No matter how stinking drunk he was when he dragged his sorry behind home, no matter how much he yelled at her to leave him alone, she never did. She just loved him, took care of him, and cried with him when the pain of losing his wife to another man was too deep to push away.

If she had to manage the hotel and couldn’t be home at night, she hired someone to be there. She intuitively understood that coming home to an empty house was just as agonizing as walking into the bedroom he’d once shared with the only woman he’d ever love and seeing their bed.

A week after his ex-wife had left town, he’d torn that bed apart with his bare hands. Once Faith made sure he was all right, she had moved him into Duncan’s old bedroom. Paul never set foot inside his bedroom again.

He’d been a pathetic excuse for a man. He hadn’t known a man could feel such emptiness, such anguish and still live. If not for Faith, and Cameron and Duncan taking turns to fly in weekly, he might not have made it. They just kept telling him over and over how much they loved him. The one thing that finally got through to him was hearing them talking when they thought he was asleep.

Mama is gone. I’m not sure we could make it if we lost Daddy, too
.

Paul had realized he was letting his children down, turning his back on them the same way his wife had turned her back on him. The next morning he’d poured the stashed whisky down the drain.

It hadn’t been easy turning his life around, but each day had been a little bit better than the one before. Yet, staying in the house he’d once shared with his ex-wife, knowing she was now married to another man, had been too much. Without telling the children, he’d sold the house, hoping to finally be free of the past.

He hadn’t been. He quickly learned the memories were in his mind, his heart. He could no more forget them than he could forget or stop loving the woman who’d betrayed him.

Paul stopped at the signal light outside the city limits of Santa Fe. He hadn’t been back since Faith’s wedding. He wouldn’t be back now if she hadn’t asked him to come visit this week, if he had the time. She never badgered, never made him feel guilty for all the times he’d stayed away because his ex had been visiting. That wasn’t Faith’s way.

The light turned to green and he pulled off. He could now admit to himself that he’d been selfish enough and injured enough to want his children to hate their mother for what she’d done to him as much as he’d tried to hate her. They might not have attended her wedding in New York, but he’d been well aware that they kept in touch with her.

He’d been angry when they hadn’t turned their backs on her. It was almost like another betrayal. If he hadn’t heard them talking that night, he might have kept being mad at them.

He had to admit that before his ex-wife asked him for a divorce, she’d been a wonderful wife and mother. The hotel was making a profit, but most of it went back into operations. She never complained, just worked hard and put him and the children first. At least until that snake Trevor had slithered into town.

Paul’s calloused hands clenched on the steering wheel. The anger was just as fresh and just as useless. She could have said no. Lord knows he’d begged her to stay. He’d never forget her reply. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Four words ended thirty years of marriage. For what? He’d tossed her aside for another woman. Soon afterward she was back in Santa Fe, as beautiful as ever. He’d seen her first. He’d walked past her as if she didn’t exist and checked out of the hotel. There was no way he’d ever let her into his life again.

Paul flicked on his signal, turned under the portico of Casa de Serenidad, and stopped in front of the valet. He’d barely opened his door when he heard Faith’s excited cry.

“Daddy!”

He thrust the painful memories of his ex aside. A broad smile on his face, he opened his arms wide and reached for his daughter, his joy. She was the reason he could still call himself a man. “Hi, Faith. How’s my baby girl doing?”

“Hi, Daddy. I’m fine now that you’re here.” She smiled up at him.

Paul smiled back, glad that he saw pride instead of worry. She and her brothers continued to be concerned about him at times. He wished there was some way to ease their minds.

“I knew you’d make it,” she said.

“I figured it was about time I paid you and Brandon a visit. Duncan and Cameron are next,” he told her. He’d already made sure his ex wouldn’t be there.

“Then we better get things rolling,” she said.

“Rolling? What are you talking about?” he asked, lines radiating across his forehead.

“You’ll see.” She looked over her shoulder and his gaze followed. He expected to see Brandon. “Mama, we can ride with Daddy.”

Paul’s gut clenched as he stared at his ex-wife. She looked as shocked as he felt. Unfortunately, she also looked beautiful in one of those fancy suits she’d started wearing after she came back.

It still ate at him that another man could give her what he couldn’t. She swallowed and stared back. He quickly jerked his gaze away before she saw the yearning that was becoming more and more difficult to hide. “Faith.”

“Please, Daddy. For me.” Her hand trembled on his chest. “I’ll ride in the front with you and Mama can ride in the back.”

Lord have mercy,
he thought. He didn’t want to be within a hundred miles of his greatest regret, and greatest temptation. “Where?” It was the only word he could get out.

“Like I told Mama, to a new beginning.”

CHAPTER TWO

Faith kept the conversation going on the way to their destination. She wasn’t nervous, she was sad. It was so easy to see that her parents still cared. She just hoped what they’d planned was enough to help them find a way back to each other.

“We’re almost there,” Faith said.

Her father threw her a quick glance, the truck braking. “Please tell me you’re not…”

Faith gently placed her hand on his arm. “It’s something Brandon and I have talked about.”

After a long, intense moment of staring at her, her father eased off the brakes. Faith didn’t breathe easier until he continued down the street instead of turning around. He stopped in front of a single-story yellow adobe-and-wood home on a quiet street, and switched off the motor. An uneasy silence pervaded the truck.

Faith knew her mother in the backseat was probably having the same misgivings as her father. They’d shared so many good times here, but this was also the last place they’d been together just before her mother had left on a private jet with another man.

Paul’s hands flexed on the steering wheel as he fought painful memories and the need to drive away as fast as he could. How could Faith do this to him?

Faith got out of the truck and opened the back door. “Come on, Mama.”

In the rearview mirror, he saw his ex bite her lower lip. She didn’t want to be here either. Tough. She was the cause of this. Wrenching the door open, he got out and slammed it shut.

He thought he heard her gasp and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, ordering himself to keep calm. Anger meant he cared.

Faith, holding her mother’s arm, stopped midway up the walkway. She held out her other hand for him. He hesitated. He didn’t want to be that close to his ex, but the patience and love in his daughter’s eyes was stronger.

As soon as her arm curved around his, she began talking. “This is where you raised your children to be loving, strong, and independent. Duncan, Cameron, and I couldn’t have asked for better parents. I thought it was gone forever, and then Brandon told me he’d bought it because he had so many good memories of the house as well.” Her voice trembled, then firmed. “We both work long, crazy hours, trade off living at his place over the restaurant or in my suite at the hotel. We love what we do, but we’d like to be able to get away from it all with just the two of us. We both feel this house would be perfect.”

His ex didn’t say anything and neither did Paul. He’d once been fool enough to think the same thing.

Faith sighed. “There’s one catch. The house needs work. I’d like to take up the carpet, sand the hardwood floors, redo the kitchen. However, both of us are too busy, and the men I’d trust are booked through July. I wanted to invite everyone over for a Mother’s Day brunch to celebrate what wonderful and caring mothers Brandon and I are blessed to have. NASCAR will be in full swing, but as you know, they don’t race on Mother’s Day so Cameron could come and bring his family. The timing would be perfect.”

Paul knew what was coming. “Faith, I—”

“I know it’s asking a lot of both of you, but I’m asking anyway.” Faith paused. “To restore the house. You did a lot of the original work as newlyweds. I remember Mama telling me she’d used a sander for the first time.”

Paul loved his children, but this was asking too much. He couldn’t do this. This time he wouldn’t survive.

“Isn’t this going to be great, Daddy? I can already picture it in my mind.” Faith turned to her mother. “You’ll have the house restored in no time.”

Out of the corner of Paul’s eye, he saw his ex-wife swallow. She didn’t want to be there any more than he did. Love had brought them here. But there hadn’t been enough love to keep him and his ex-wife together.

Faith, with her arms hooked though his and her mother’s, leaned first against him and then against her mother. “As I said, we know this is asking a lot, but with Brandon at his restaurant and me at the hotel, we don’t have time to oversee restoring the house ourselves. We trust you.”

“Are-are you sure you want to live here?” Stella asked quietly.

Paul felt the softly spoken words twist his insides. He shouldn’t care that this was difficult for her. She’d ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He’d been lost without her. Damn, there were times when he still felt the aching loneliness, but that was his own hellish secret.