All of the Lights (52 page)

"Hello?" she says into the phone and as the conversation moves forward, her expression morphs through confused to hesitant to surprised and shocked and finally, rests on happy elation all in the span of about 20 seconds. "Right...yeah, of course we will. Absolutely. Just let us know when and we'll be there."

When she hands the phone back to me, I still don't really understand what just happened here.

"So I invited you two over for dinner," Brennan tells me in my ear. "Shannon's still trying to figure out what day works best next week, but we thought after the fight, yah know, it would be good to get everybody together under one roof."

Right. Finally.

"Okay..."

"Let's just say that after talkin' to Sean again and some really long, exhausting conversations with my wife...I think maybe I might've jumped the gun a little with all this. Okay?"

"Okay," I nod. What else is there to say?

When I slide the phone back into my pocket, I wrap my free arm around Rae's shoulders to draw her in close. Her happy smile beams back up at me and for a second, I think I almost see some tears shining in her eyes, but they're gone just as quickly. This is a happy day. A good day. And it's nothing if not a reminder that we need to focus on the future. That we need to focus on the
probability
of a future. Nothing else.

So we wait in line for our hot dogs. She orders hers all-around, but I get mine all-inc because I want that tangy ketchup added to the usual mustard, relish, and onion they pile on top of the frank. Then we walk down up and down the ramparts, taking in all the beauty that is this island. It's an intoxicating concoction: the bright air from the sun, the crisp salt, the sand warming our toes, the peaceful crash of the sea against the beach, and her.

She would be enough any day of the week.

There are plenty of other things I want to do with her today, plenty of places I want to take her: the aquarium, the baseball field where I learned how to pitch, the park where I learned how to throw my first punch, a Sox game, the cafe down the street from my apartment with the best sticky buns in the world...we could probably spend days just walking through the streets of my neighborhood so I could show her everything about it that I love.

But here, as we walk along the warm sand and dip our toes in the sea, I never want to leave.

I could stay here with this girl forever,
I think to myself.
I could love this girl forever.

It hits me all at once. That's what this is. If anything, it just leaves peace in its wake. It's reassuring to finally know what to call this feeling I've spent too much time fighting since I met her.

"This is nice," she calls out to me.

"It is. Yah havin' a good day?" I grin back at her.

"The best."

Her facial expression doesn't really match her words. She shifts her weight a little from side to side in the few inches of sea water we're standing in. That expression is a familiar one and I like to think I can read her well enough to know we should probably keep walking to a minimum. It's a good thing I had the foresight to tell her to wear comfortable shoes.

"I think this just might be the best first date I've ever had."

My eyebrows shoot up into my forehead. "First date?"

"Yeah," she laughs, her cheeks glowing from the sunlight. "That's kinda what this is, isn't it? You know 'cause we skipped a few steps...there's nothing wrong with going backward and covering all our bases."

"Right," I cock an eyebrow at her. "Can't leave a single one out. I like to make sure I hit each one nice and good."

"Oh boy," she laughs and splashes some water at my legs. "You're nuts."

"That may be true, but you can't blame me for trying."

"So what's next on the agenda?"

"Oh, yah know," I wrap an arm around her shoulders just because I can. "There's a lot of time between now and where I wanna take you to dinner. I'm sure we can get in a few more things."

That beautifully brilliant smile lights up her whole face, but I have to swallow back the lump forming in my throat. I can't help but feel like we have to fit an entire relationship into these next two days—like we're on borrowed time. Like we may not get anything more than this little bit of time carved out for us. Like we have to make every memory
right now
because we might not get another chance. Something dark unfurls in my stomach, taking root, and threatening to collapse all the plans I had for this day.

"Everything's going to be okay, right?" her soft voice whispers to me above the waves crashing around us.

There's so much hope in her voice. So much desperation there too. She wants to hold onto this just as much as I do, but there's only so much we can do. Only so much we can control. I want to tell her we'll make it to next week when we can have that dinner with Brennan and Shannon, when we can start seriously thinking about what our lives together might look like, when we can enjoy being together freely and without any worries, when we can put these last few weeks behind us.

There's nothing I want more than to give her that happily ever after she's convinced doesn't exist, but I'm not the guy who's going to make promises I might not be able to keep. I want to be the guy who's going to come through for her.

The way she's looking at me now, like I'm the only other person in this city with her, like it's just the two of us against the world...I have to be that guy. I can't
be anything else.

The best I can do, the best I might
ever
be able to do, is wrap my arms around her and pull her in close.

I love her. I know that now.

And I have to hold onto her for as long as God will let me have her.

Rae

When I wake up on Sunday morning, my first instinct is to stretch out my left hand to find the warm body next to me. I come up empty and my head lifts from my pillow, squinting through my sleepy fog for the person I want to see.

The scent of warm and earthy coffee grounds fill the room.

There's also zero patches of midnight black fur in sight.

Uh oh.

I rub the sleep from my eyes as I pad out of my bedroom, down the hall, and finally skid to a stop. Jack is leaning nonchalantly against the counter in my kitchen, bringing a steaming mug up to his lips and staring down my cat, who's perched not-so-amiably kiddie corner to him. There's no growling, no puffy tail, no swatting, no hissing, and yet...and yet, I just don't trust Jack and Freya alone in the same room together just yet.

Freya's had a little bit of time to get used to him already and the acclimation has certainly been a process. It's not like I expect miracles because my cat might as well be the devil in some respects, but at least they can actually
be
in the same room together, which is more than I can say for her and Bennett. Or anyone else for that matter.

Wariness pinches Freya's face and she casts me a knowing glance as if to say,
Oh, so I see we're still allowing the intruder in our home. Nice life choice.

The key to their uneasy truce is that Jack just doesn't give her what she wants. He doesn't react, barely acknowledges her presence, and when he does, it's with the measured confidence I've come to expect from him that says,
Whatever you do to me, I do to you
. At first, I think it was the thing that infuriated her more than anything. Now, that just might be the thing keeping the peace between them.

Neither of us are used to sharing our space with anybody else. Even when I was with Josh before he dumped me on my ass just a couple months ago, it was rare that I had a male in my apartment for this kind of extended time. It's the subtle things I'm not used to—his phone charger lounging next to the bed, his rolled up socks underneath my coffee table, two sets of plates in the sink instead of one...everything just feels so
domestic.

In two days, my life has irrevocably changed course. I was prepared to wash my hands of him and ready to accept the fact that we both had to walk away and then he just showed up out of the blue, saying everything I needed to hear. Not only that, but he's made every effort to show me the best two days of my entire life. Every moment has been better than the one before it, each second filled with a new memory, every touch, every kiss...I never expected us to get to this point and yet, here we are, sharing kitchen space and coffee like we've always been this way.

After passing a reassuring hand over Freya's head, I move closer to Jack until I can rest my chin on his bare shoulder.

"Hey," he murmurs, turning his mouth so he can kiss the side of my head.

"Hi."

"Want any coffee? I'll pour yah a cup."

"I'm good for right now," I shake my head. When he drapes his free arm over my shoulders, that's enough. I don't need breakfast or coffee this morning because this simple contact with him is all I need.

When my phone buzzes in the bedroom, I groan, rub my eyes, and stalk down the hall. I already have a feeling I know what this is about, especially at this hour, and I pound out a quick response to her before tossing my phone back down on the nightstand.

If you're down $750 from yesterday's plan, then you need to plan yourself up another $750 for today to try to make up for that deficit.

Lucy fires back just as quickly:
Right. I knew that. I really did. I'm on it.

"Everything okay?" Jack calls out to me as I make my way back to the kitchen.

"Yeah," I shrug. "She had an easy question, but she's still learning. She'll get there."

His lips tug apart in a happy grin and I find myself mimicking the sentiment.

I'm still getting used to the idea that she's willing to try, willing to take my help, and willing to share. It wasn't what I'd asked her for, but how could I turn her down? To run a business with my sister and run it
well
...that was a dream I hadn't known I had until it was right within my fingertips.

Still, I jumped on the chance to have this beautiful, albeit brief, window of time with Jack and while operations aren't running completely smooth, the store hasn't burned down and she's only texted a few times with questions because I know she wants to prove her worth. I know I need to let her.

So now, I wrap my arms around Jack's waist and breathe him in, the woodsy musk that lingers on my sheets, in my shower, and on my skin. Thinking about tonight feels like a waste of our morning, but it just can't be avoided. I don't want him to go, but I can't tell him not to either.

"I've still got a couple hours before I have to head out," he whispers to me like he can read my thoughts.

If we could just bask in this for a little bit longer, if we could just shut everything else out and just be, maybe I'll be able to rest easy for the rest of the day. But since reality has once again come knocking down our door, I'll spend the rest of my pacing this apartment like a caged cat. I never even bothered to ask if I could come to the fight tonight—what's the point in asking questions you already know the answer to? Besides, I don't know if I could stomach the sight of him in the ring, swinging, jabbing, and potentially setting himself up for a world of hurt.

And yet, I have to give him this out. I have to let him know that maybe, regardless of circumstance, Jack should listen to what his dad is telling him a little more carefully.

"You don't have to do this, you know," I rest my chin on his shoulder and hug him close. "We can figure something else out. It doesn't have to be this way."

Jack's head turns sharply. "And we've talked about this already. I'm not backing out. I'm not a coward. I don't lose."

"I know," I sigh heavily and close my eyes. "I know."

His lips brush my temple in a featherlight kiss, but that doesn't ease my worries. The fact that he's so cavalier about this, so confident, so sure...it just makes me less confident, less sure and I don't know how to tell him that.

"This is all gonna be okay and by midnight tonight, I'll be back here, crawling into bed and playing nurse with you."

Jack catches my inevitable flinch immediately and both his hands cup my cheeks to force me to look at him. "Hey. I'll have a couple bruises. There's gonna be some cuts. Some blood. I'll probably have to ice my hands when I get back. It just comes with the territory, but it's nothin' to worry about. You're looking at a professional, okay? I know what I'm doing and I need you to trust me."

I want to. I really do. I just can't help this foreboding hovering over us like a moldy blanket. The next time I see him, I need to believe I'll see him in one piece. I need to believe I'll see him at all.

His lips find mine as his free hand sets the coffee mug down on the counter behind him. Freya grumbles her disapproval, but all I can feel are his hands. All I taste are his lips, sweet and bright from the coffee lingering on his tongue. It's enough to make me forget for just a little while as he leads me back to the bedroom where we can cling to each other, where we can forget that our borrowed time together just might have reached its expiration date.

LESS THAN AN hour before the fight is scheduled to start, someone knocks on my door. I've been alone now since Jack left to meet up with Brennan and the pacing has been underway for just as long. But when I open the door and find the mayor on the other side of it with a calculated stare, my heart free-falls into my stomach.