All of You (12 page)

“Lincoln, your house is amazing,” I said as I
stood on the beach.

“Thank you,” Lincoln said as he came up
behind me. He wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his
chin on my shoulder. “Can we talk?” he asked softly in my ear. The
short hair on his chin tickled my neck as he spoke. I nodded and
turned in his arms to look him in the eye. “I’m hoping, since you
are here and not freaking out, this means you’re giving me a
chance?” he asked, his voice full of hope. I looked down. I wasn’t
sure if I was giving him a chance yet. He could still end up
hurting me. “Why did you run?” he asked me quietly.

I hesitated. I couldn’t lie to myself any
longer; I wanted to be around him. I knew he deserved answers, but
I wanted to ask my questions first. “How do you know Mackenzie?” I
asked, cautiously looking up at him. I had overheard what he had
said to Rebecca, but I wanted to hear it from him.

I was still standing in the circle of his
arms, and he tipped his forehead down to rest on mine, closing his
eyes. “I was stupid. We went out a few times… I thought she was a
good person.”

“Did you sleep with her?” I asked bluntly.
This was one of my core fears. I was a twenty-four-year-old virgin,
and I didn’t know if I’d ever be comfortable enough with myself to
let a man see me naked. I never imagined there would be a man that
would want to see me that way.

Lincoln exhaled. “Yes,” he admitted after a
short pause.

“More than once?” I pressed.

“Yes,” Lincoln said sadly.

At least he was being honest, I thought.
“Tell me what happened,” I demanded.

“What happened when? When we slept together?”
Lincoln asked and recoiled from me.

“No! God, no. I don’t want to hear about
that!” I exclaimed and Lincoln chuckled with relief. “Tell me what
happened with her. How did you meet? How did you break up?”

Lincoln sighed and stepped back from me,
rubbing the back of his neck with one hand while looking at the
ground. “I wouldn’t say we ever actually dated. She approached me
at a fundraising event. It was for kids with cancer. I should have
known right away she was a terrible person. She didn’t care at all
about making those kids feel better.” Lincoln’s head came up, and
he looked me in the eye. “That’s how I knew you were different. Not
only are you beautiful, but you really cared about that little girl
that fell down in the tent. You didn’t even care that your coat was
ruined. Mackenzie would have freaked.”

“Do not compare me to that evil bitch.
There’s a lot of shit Mackenzie would do that I never would,” I
said with a fiery passion. I tried not to think of how depressed I
had been after Mackenzie wreaked havoc in my life, but even though
it was over five years ago, the pain of the memory still made me
furious.

“I’m sorry,” he said, backtracking. “I meant
it as a compliment. You are nothing like her.”

I nodded. At least he could see that much.
“What happened then?” I asked.

“Are you cold? We should go inside,” he said,
avoiding the question.

“Answer the question, Lincoln.”

He let out a frustrated growl. “We went on a
few dates, and I was dumb enough to fall for her
‘good-girl-next-door’ routine. At least I realized she was using me
before too much damage was done.”

I knew how it felt to be deceived by her.
“You’re not dumb,” I said, trying to comfort him. “She’s a
conniving wench.”

Lincoln cross his arms and switched to
offense. “Now, how do you know her?”

I paused. I hated talking about this. But he
had shared with me, so I tried to be open and honest. “She was my
roommate freshman year.”

“You had to live with her for a year? You
poor thing,” Lincoln said, halfway joking. But when I didn’t
respond to his teasing, he asked, “What happened?”

“Well, let’s just say I wasn’t smart enough
to get out before too much damage was done,” I said sadly, not
wanting to remember.

Suddenly Lincoln was in front of me rubbing
the tops of my arms in a comforting way. “What did she do?”

I didn’t know where to start. I never talked
about those days. I hated myself for falling for Mackenzie’s evil
ploy. “The first semester was okay. I honestly didn’t see her much
to begin with. I knew full well she ran in a different circle than
I did. But suddenly after Christmas break, she started inviting me
to parties and to hang out with her friends.” I paused. I felt so
stupid. “I knew she wasn’t the best person in the world. But I had
no idea how evil she could be.”

Lincoln ran a hand down the side of my head.
“Hey, it wasn’t your fault. Whatever happened.”

I shook my head. “I should have been smarter.
I don’t know why I trusted her,” I said quietly. I inhaled deeply
and began again. “I had told her I thought this guy I had seen in
the cafeteria was cute. She invited me to a party and told me this
guy was going to be there.”

“Jillian…,” Lincoln said, sounding
distressed.

“She told me he was waiting for me in one of
the bedrooms. I wasn’t going up there to sleep with him.” My eyes
flashed to Lincoln’s. “I swear that’s not why I went up there. I
just wanted to talk to him.” I desperately needed Lincoln to
believe that.

“Jillian… did he rape you?” he asked quietly
and wiped the tears away from my cheeks. I didn’t know I had been
crying.

“No. No. He didn’t,” I said, shaking my
head.

“Jillian, it’s okay.” he said, obviously not
believing me.

“No, really. He didn’t,” I said truthfully. I
tried to compose myself. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like he
did. He wasn’t even there.”

Lincoln looked confused.

“Mackenzie and her bitch friends were waiting
for me. I tried to turn the light on but nothing happened. I heard
her laughing and her friends jumped me. They stole my clothes and
called me names and took pictures of me.” I couldn’t continue.

“Baby,” Lincoln said and gathered me into his
arms. He held me close, and I snuggled into his embrace,
desperately wanting comfort.

“No one even told me she had sent the
pictures to everyone on campus until I showed up for class on
Monday.”

“God damn. No wonder you ran today.”

I nodded, glad he understood. “Yeah, she's
not my favorite person. I’d rather not be around her. I’m sorry I
didn’t answer my phone when you called, though. I thought you were
involved with her, and I really don’t want anything to do with
her.”

Lincoln pulled me back away from him to look
me in the eyes. “Please don’t hold it against me that I was
involved with her.”

“I don’t, Lincoln. It just takes a lot for me
to trust anyone. I don’t have anyone other than my family,” I
admitted.

“You have me, Princess.” Lincoln lowered his
mouth to mine. I leaned forward and pressed into the kiss. He
opened his mouth, coaxing me to open mine as well, and our tongues
met and rubbed together.

I threw my arms around his neck and pressed
my body against his, moaning into his mouth. I ached to be desired,
and Lincoln made me feel incredibly wanted and comforted. His hands
made their way to the curves of my waist as he pulled me closer. We
stood in the cold, wrapped around each other. I kissed him and let
go of all the pain Mackenzie had caused me, and I felt maybe
Lincoln was doing the same. He was trusting me, even though he had
been burned. I wanted to do the same.

Lincoln broke the kiss and pulled back from
me slightly. He looked at me adoringly. “Should we finished the
tour?” he asked.

I nodded and squeezed his hand when Lincoln
grabbed mine. We walked across the backyard up to the house, hand
in hand. He guided me toward the side door of the lowest level, and
when I walked into the house I saw we were now in a rec room of
sorts.

“My man cave,” Lincoln said proudly while
waving his arm out. There were two pool tables, a foosball table, a
poker table with chairs, and a wet bar on one side. The other side
had a sunken area that contained a long, lush brown leather couch
and a love seat along with two ottomans, all facing the biggest
flat-screen TV I had ever seen mounted on the wall. Hockey jerseys
and memorabilia hung on the walls throughout the room.

“How stereotypical,” I said, teasing him.

He smiled. “Pretty much. But it’s every guy’s
dream room. Come on.” He pulled me toward a door in the back on the
middle sidewall. He opened it, and we walked into a bathroom. A
giant Jacuzzi tub big enough for two people sat in one corner.
There was a big marble shower next to it, and across from that were
a two-sink vanity and mirror and the toilet next to that along with
another door.

Lincoln only slightly paused in the bathroom
before pulling me through the next door and into the largest
bedroom I had ever seen. The back wall was made of the glass panels
that ran all the way down the back of the house, and there was a
giant bed in the middle of the opposite wall. It was the biggest
bed I had ever seen. It looked so warm and inviting, covered in
puffy blankets and pillows.

Various nightstands and a dresser were
sprawled around the room against the walls in a functional manner,
but I could not take my eyes off the back glass wall. I moved
forward toward it. The sun had set by now, and I could barely see
the frozen lake that spanned out in front of us.

I felt Lincoln come up behind me as I peered
out. “Don’t you worry about privacy?”

“Constantly,” Lincoln answered. “But who’s
going to see in here? We’re on a point on the end of the land. The
only thing out there is the lake and a few woodland creatures.”

“But what about when you have parties? Your
guests could see in.”

“Jillian, it’s not like I have wild keggers
here. It’s usually just a few friends and Ken and Carter.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling dumb and Lincoln
chuckled.

“Are you disappointed?” he asked,
laughing.

“Oh no. I just assumed… “ He had the perfect
setup for parties.

“You assumed I was a wild party animal?”

I nodded. “Sorry. You just hear about
professional athletes, ya know,”

“Yeah. I can guarantee you that’s not me,”
Lincoln said.

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just
thought… “

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, interrupting
me. He turned me away from the windows and held me against his
chest. “I know we don’t know each other very well, but I would
really like the chance.”

I thought about what my sister had said. That
it shouldn’t matter if I was terribly disfigured under my clothes.
I felt as if I was lying to him by not telling him but it was too
soon to reveal that secret. I looked up at him. His eyes were full
of hope and desire. I didn’t know if I could do it, but I was going
to try. I wanted to give him a chance. A chance to prove he
wouldn’t hurt me. A chance to prove he was different from everyone
else. A chance that maybe he wouldn’t be disgusted by my true self.
It was a long shot, I knew, but I nodded and reached up on my
tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the lips.

He gave me a sweet smile. “We’re going to be
great together, Princess. I can tell.”

Lincoln and I spent the rest of the evening
together at his house. He grilled chicken on a little indoor
electric grill, and I made roasted garlic potatoes and opened a
bottle of wine. We exchanged simple caresses and tender looks
throughout the whole evening. We talked and laughed about anything
and everything, and I felt even more beguiled by him. It scared me
how quickly my feelings for him were growing. After dinner, Lincoln
fired up his movie-streaming program, and we snuggled on the love
seat in the man cave while watching the latest action/adventure
movie.

When the movie ended, I shifted against
Lincoln. He had lain back on the couch, and I was essentially lying
on top of him with my head on his hard, muscular chest. His arm
wrapped around me, and his hand rested on the small of my back.
After I assured myself my shirt and pants were properly covering my
body, I lifted my head and looked up at him. His eyes were closed
and his face was slack. He looked so peaceful. I shifted on top of
him slowly and leaned over his face.

“Don’t start something if you’re not going to
finish it,” Lincoln said with a smile, his eyes still closed.

I gasped. “I thought you were sleeping.”

Lincoln opened his eyes and smirked at me.
“No. Just enjoying having a beautiful woman lie on me.”

I blushed and put my head back on his chest.
Lincoln brought his arms up and hugged me, holding me to his chest.
He shifted to his side, taking me with him so I was wedged between
his chest and the back of the couch, his arms still around me.

I looked up at him, and we stared at each
other for a long moment. I loved just being near him. He made me
feel warm and content, and he drowned out the negative, busy
thoughts that were constantly buzzing in my head. I had never
experienced this with a man before, nor had I ever expected a man
to tell me I was beautiful. Once again, I felt a twinge of guilt
over what I was still hiding from him. I was taking joy in him
calling me beautiful when I knew fair well that I was anything
but.

“Why so sad, Princess?” Lincoln asked as he
brushed my hair back from my face.

I panicked. “I was just thinking I should go
home soon,” I lied and snuggled closer to him.

Lincoln frowned and tightened his arms around
me. “Doesn’t seem like you want to leave.”

“I don’t. Do you have a game tomorrow?”

“Yeah, it’s a home game, though. I don’t have
to be at the rink until noon,” Lincoln informed me. I wondered if
he meant I should stay overnight. I tensed and leaned away from
him, pressing my back into the cushion of the couch. As much as I
enjoyed being around him, I needed a little space. I didn’t want to
fall too fast.