All of You (73 page)

Her smile faded and her expression softened. “You have such an incredible knack for saying the most beautiful things in the most amazing ways, Danny. And I admire that so much about you, because I have always had such a difficult time expressing myself. She scoffed softly. “
Obviously
. But I want you to know it’s not that I didn’t have a million thoughts about you – about
us
 – because I did…it was just so hard for me to verbalize them. Because I was terrified of saying the wrong thing or appearing weak or…” Kat’s voice caught as more tears welled. “Getting any more attached to you – growing even more dependent on you – when I knew, deep down, I couldn’t have you. And that I couldn’t give myself to you, either. Not all the way. Not for good.” Kat slid her panties down, stepping out of them and kicking them toward the clothing pile. “But I don’t want to hide anymore. Not from you. Not ever again.”

Danny’s gaze was
hot, direct, and extremely thorough and she fought the urge to cover herself with her hands and arms, to hide herself from him again. Because standing here like this – totally naked and completely exposed – made her feel more physically and emotionally vulnerable than she’d ever felt in her life.

Because not only was he privy to her anatomical nakedness, he was well on his way to witnessing the psychological nakedness Kat had spent a lifetime hiding from everyone – sometimes including herself.

Kat exhaled a long, shuddering breath as she stared into his beautiful, warm, open eyes.

You love him. You trust him.

He loves you. He wants to see it all – the good, the bad, and the ugly. The parts of you you’ve had hidden away for as long as you can remember. The parts you never thought you’d show anyone, because you never could have imagined
wanting
to show someone. You couldn’t have known you’d meet someone like him…couldn’t have known you’d ever love someone like this. Trust someone like this. Need someone like this.

Emotion welled in her chest as tears welled in her eyes.

I love you, Danny. I want to show you everything – tell you everything – and let you love me, anyway. I want to let myself love you…and not half-assed like I did before. But all the way. With everything I have.

For the rest of my life.

But then Kat realized saying stuff in her head wasn’t enough, not anymore. Danny deserved to hear the truth and it was about damn time she started sharing herself with him like he’d always shared himself with her.

Making herself vulnerable had never been easy, but he was worth all the effort, discomfort, and potential heartache exposing herself might entail.

“I was just thinking, ‘I love you, Danny,’” she whispered.

Kat was rewarded with a big grin splitting Danny’s face.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about. My baby telling me what’s she’s thinking without me needing to physically extract it from her with my bare hands.” He winked at her, hands on his hips. “See, Kat? I knew this getting buck naked idea was going to help.”

Kat nodded toward his boxers. “Yeah, but I can’t help but notice that only one of us is ‘buck naked,’ Danny. And it’s not the one whose idea this was, incidentally.”

Kat sat back on the bed and, with purposeful slowness, scooted backwards until she reached the middle of the bed. She got up on her knees and sat back, hands resting lightly on her thighs.

When Kat tried to meet Danny’s eyes, she found them latched firmly on the space between her parted legs – which spiked her arousal.

And made her smile.

“Eyes up here, big boy,” she said and Danny’s eyes lifted…

To her breasts.

Kat felt more warm moisture pool between her legs…felt her nipples contract beneath the weight of Danny’s insanely erotic stare.

“Just a little higher,” she coaxed softly. When his hooded eyes finally found hers, Kat’s smile faded and she shivered at the smoldering intensity she saw there. “You want to touch me very badly, don’t you, Danny?” she whispered, feeling like the most desired woman who had ever lived.

He nodded slowly, his lips parting to release audible pants as his hand gripped his erection through his thin, plaid boxer shorts. “So badly I’m about to lose all control and fuck you like the animal you’ve turned me into, Kat,” he replied hoarsely.

He stroked himself a few times and Kat moaned softly, the unrelenting ache inside of her quickly morphing into a painful throbbing need. “Then take those off and get up here with me.” Kat slid her left hand between her thighs and cupped her right breast with the other, the friction making her moan again.

“
Holy fuck, Kat…
” Danny breathed out, watching her touch herself – his expression nothing short of utter adoration and uninhibited longing…pure lust. “You better knock that shit off or I’m gonna come before I lay one finger on you.”

Kat’s hands stilled and a slow smile spread across her face. “Then you’d better get those boxers off and get up here so we can say what we need to say…” She tightened her fingers around her nipple and bit her bottom lip, loving the way it made Danny subconsciously stroke himself again. “Because I cannot wait to fuck you like I’ve never fucked you before, Danny.” Kat held his eyes. “Like I never let myself fuck you before.”

Clearly as stunned at hearing her words as Kat was at saying them, Danny’s alternated between gaping, swallowing hard, and panting before finally choking out, “
What the…holy fucking hell, Kat…
”

With a quick head shake, Danny finally snapped to enough to shove his boxers down and climb onto the bed. Then it was Kat’s turn to gape, swallow hard, and pant as she eyed Danny’s enormous erection bobbing between his legs as he crawled over to her.

“
Dear God
, Danny, I think it’s grown since the last time I saw it,” she said, which made him laugh out loud.

“Well, that’s what happens after a week of no attention, sweetheart. Shit gets all backed up.”

Danny didn’t stop in front of her or next to her as Kat had expected – instead crowding her until Kat had no choice but to straighten her legs and fall back onto the bed so he could position himself on top of her.

One hand braced on either side of her head, his knees bent on either side of her hips, and his face only a few inches from hers, Danny stared deeply into her eyes.

“You had me so broken up I couldn’t even jerk off, Kat. First time in my life that’s ever happened. Not trying to make you feel bad, just being honest.” The corner of his mouth ticked. “Well, maybe I do want you to feel a
little
bad about it.”

Kat stared right back into his beautiful, soulful eyes and did some uncharacteristic passive-aggressive poking, because the time and distance between them leaving her desperate to hear things she already knew.

“Why didn’t you just have sex with someone else, Danny?” she whispered. When his brows furrowed, Kat said, “You could have. Probably a hundred different times with a hundred different women. You were a free man. Why didn’t you?”

“You’re asking me why didn’t I fuck somebody else?” When Kat nodded, he scoffed. “Uh, because I’m in love with you, Kat, and that didn’t change just because you broke up with me. I’ve been in love with you since I met you and I’ll be in love with you until the day I die.”

Tears leaked out the sides of her eyes and Danny brushed them away with the pad of his thumb. “I told you the night I showed up at your apartment, being around other women only made me want you more…miss you more,” he said softly, searching her face with a thorough tenderness that broke her heart. “And I will never have sex with anyone else but you ever again, Kat, whether you’ll have me to or not. Even if I wanted to, I could never get hard for anyone else. I could never come with anyone else.” Danny huffed. “Hell, the thought of even touching another woman makes my skin crawl – there’s just no fucking way.”

“But you might change your mind, Danny…because one day I might not be able to…” Kat’s throat tightened and her chest ached as old, familiar fears reared their ugly heads.

“One day you might not be able to, what, sweetheart?”

“I’m sure my sisters told you my MS might be getting worse, which means my body will continue to deteriorate…which means the mild symptoms and limitations I experience now will be nothing compared to the horribleness…” Kat’s voice caught on a sob and she turned her head, eyes squeezing shut. Because it hurt too much to look to Danny’s eyes and acknowledge what would most likely happen in the future – to her, to him…to
them
.

After a brief pause, Danny sighed. “I think it’s time for that orderly, efficient, once-and-for-all discussion, Kat.” He pushed himself up onto his knees and rocked back on his haunches, gripping the back of his neck. “That’s where I tried starting, but, as usual, you’re so fucking sexy you get me all side-tracked.”

Kat turned back to face him, but her eyes immediately dropped to the humongous erection stretching all the way to his belly button.

“
Yeah, same problem here
,” she choked out, trying to pull her eyes away from it, but finding it impossible. The thing was attracting her eyeballs like a moth to a flame. “Which is why this whole
let’s-get-naked-and-try-to-have-a-meaningful-discussion
idea is never going to work, Danny. Not with us. I think maybe we should put our clothes on and go talk in a public place, where the chances of us stripping down again is slim to none. Maybe then we could actually have a normal conversation.”

He looked down at his erection, then back up at her, grinning. “Nah, it’s a good idea. We just have to stop getting distracted, veering off on tangents and get down to business.” Danny winked at her. “And, by the way, don’t underestimate my ability to get you stripped down in public, either, sweetheart. In fact…” He paused, eyeing her nipples again with an intensity level Kat could only classify as
extreme
, which only make them contract…which only made Danny stare harder. “I’ve been thinking about you riding me in the back of the squad car ever since we talked about it the other day.”

Kat pointed at him. “See? Veering! Tangents!”

He shook his head, hard. “Yeah, right. Veering. Tangents. Yeah…” Danny tore his eyes away from her nipples and cleared his throat. “Uh, I’m thinking you’re right, Kat…we probably need to cover up somewhat if we’re going to get any talking done.” He slid off the bed, grabbed his dress shirt off the floor and walked over. “Here…” Danny positioned the shirt around her shoulders, then stood back and watched as Kat slid her arms into the sleeves and pulled it around her body.

She glanced up to find Danny starting at her intently. “What?”

“I didn’t think it was possible for a woman to look as sexy in clothes as she did naked before I met you.” Danny paused, head shaking. “You look so fucking hot wearing my shirt, Kat. Now I wanna fuck you even more, although only God knows how that’s even possible.”

Kat gazed at Danny gazing at her as he always had – like she was Miss America, Playmate of the Month, and People Magazine’s Most Fascinating Person all rolled into one. “I think you’d find me ‘fucking hot’ in a Haz Mat suit, Danny,” she said. “I just don’t get it.”

“What’s to get?” He got back onto the bed and pulled a corner of the comforter over his lap. “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. Sexiest, too. Factor in that you’re the most brilliant person I know and that it all adds us to the hottest woman on this whole fucking planet.”

When Kat just stared back at him, Danny lifted a shoulder. “What?”

She shook her head slowly. “I’m starting to believe my Nonna’s old wives tales about the women in our family being witches because I think somehow I’ve managed to cast a spell on you, Danny.”

Danny barked out a laugh. “Oh, you’ve cast a spell on me all right – my brain and my dick haven’t worked right since the first time I looked at you.”

“I feel the same way about you, you know.” Kat’s hot, appreciative gaze skimmed his body. “You are the most stunning, handsome…” Her eyes rested on his pecs, then Kat tilted her head and eyed his biceps before exhaling a soft, little sigh. “Just the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.” Kat’s eyes suddenly lifted to his, her brows slightly furrowed. “But I didn’t feel comfortable saying that to you – not as often as I wanted to – because…”

Danny studied her pinched expression. “Because, why?”

“Well, first of all, because you already know it,” she said, eliciting a snort from Danny. “Secondly, because every time I thought it, all I could think about next is how many other women have said the exact same things to you. How many other women have admired your body the way I do…touched it the way I do. But I was okay with that; I’ve made my peace with your sexual past. But those thoughts would inevitably lead to other thoughts…more painful thoughts.”

Kat paused, her eyes welling as she held onto Danny’s.

“What painful thoughts, sweetheart?” he whispered. When Kat shook her head, Danny pushed her. “No more secrets, Kat, remember? No more hiding. Tell me what you thought. Please.”

“I thought about how I will never be able to please you like they did,” she said softly.

“
What?
”

She forced a tight smile. “I’ve heard more than a few stories about those crazy sex clubs you used to go to…about all the strippers, Hooters waitresses, coeds, flight attendants, and badge bunnies you’ve been with.” Kat’s smile faded. “I can’t compete with those women, Danny, and I’ll
never
be able to compete with them – partially because I am so inexperienced, but mostly because my body cannot do what other women’s bodies can do. And whatever limitations my body has now, they will only get more restrictive as time goes on and as my disease progresses.” Kat’s voice dropped to a strained whisper. “Until I can longer satisfy you…until…” She pulled Danny’s shirt tighter around her, her next breath catching in her throat. “Until the things my body begins doing disgust you so much you wouldn’t so much as
consider
having sex with me, let alone find me adequate.”

Danny gaped at her. “You think you’re
competing
with those women?”