All Roads Lead Home (21 page)

“GET OUT! GET out! I mean it Shane! Get out!” He finally turned to leave and then she was standing there with an ashen face and glassy eyes.
Fuck!
She was listening.

She looked like she wanted to run, and that’s exactly what she did. She took another look at me and then left as easily as she walked in. I called out to her as loud as I could, but she didn’t come back. I was trapped in this bed, and she was trapped with Shane.

“TENLEY! PLEASE, STOP for a minute.” He called out to me and took hold of my arm before I could reach the bay of elevators.

“Don’t you touch me! I will scream this place down if you don’t let go of me.”

“I’m not going to hurt you. Calm down and let me explain.” Shane implored me.

“Explain? Oh hell no! I’ve heard enough. How could you possibly explain to me how you chose not to save your friends life? How could you, Shane?”

I began to cry. I didn’t want to be consoled, I wanted to feel this pain I was going through. Jagger could have died and once again, it would have been my fault. They were arguing because of me.

Shane backed away and sat down. He looked broken and lost, kind of like I was at the moment. He held his face in his hands and cried along with me.
How did we all get here? Once upon a time we were as close as three friends could be. We were a family, and I don’t even recognize us anymore.

The only time I ever witnessed Shane crying was at my brother’s funeral, and it hurt like hell just as much as it does now. I was angry with him, but at the same time I wanted to comfort him.

“Shane, please? Tell me what happened. I have to know.” It didn’t matter what I overheard, I had to hear it from Shane.

With his head down, he quietly began to speak. “It was an accident. A stupid reckless accident. We were bringing in the animals and trying to get out of the storm. The wind was whipping at our backs. It was a savage storm that just landed right on us. He was screaming for me to follow, but then my mind just shifted to you. I had overheard our fathers, along with Ren, talking about Jagger and his planned trip to go to New York to see you. We managed to get some relief from the storm by seeking cover under some trees. The horses were restless with the lightning strikes hitting one after another. I can’t even begin to explain why I chose that moment to ask him about you, but when I did, he immediately got angry. We began to hurl insults at each other, and then something just boiled over inside of me, and I knocked him off She-devil.”

“So She-devil throwing Jagger off of her was a lie?”

“Yes, it was. I stepped out of my body and didn’t see my brother in front of me anymore, I saw the reason why I wasn’t with you. I attacked him. I hit him with everything I had until he fought me back, and that’s when he lost his footing and fell over the edge. He called out for me to help him, but I was withdrawn. I could hear him, see him, but I couldn’t move my arms out for him to grab onto. Tenley, by the time I snapped out of my disoriented state, it was too late.”

He continued, “I was so scared after he fell down the embankment. I saw him fall and then he was just gone into the darkness below. I screamed and screamed for him, and then finally radioed in for help. I swear I did everything I could to find him before help arrived. We were in the middle of a storm, so the helicopters had to be on stand-by until it passed. We all searched on foot until the copter spotted him using night locating sensors. When we finally reached him, I didn’t know if he was even breathing. I fell to my knees and just lost it. He was airlifted here, and after they cleared him physically, it was just a waiting game to when he would wake up.”

“Were you hoping for a lesser outcome?”

“Of course not! Tenley, how could you even ask me that?”

“How?! How could you not help him Shane? And when you snapped out of it, it was too late. He could have died Shane! He could have died! And what would you have done then? Go off pretending like you weren’t the one that was responsible for it? Go marry Shelby, take over my father’s ranch, and live out the rest of your pathetic life into the sunset? Damn you Shane! I thought you were my friend, one of my best friends. You and Jagger were Jamie’s best friends, brothers to him and to each other. What the hell happened to all of us?”

My stomach was churning with the disgust I was hearing from Shane. I could taste the acid lining my throat as my stomach retched. I ran for the nearest garbage and expelled everything I had eaten this morning. It kept coming up until I had nothing left. I felt empty and drained.

“Here, drink this, it will help.”

Shane handed me a Gatorade to drink, but I refused it. I took some water from the fountain instead.

“Please, Tenley, look at me. I swear on my life, and on the lives of my parents, and Jamie’s memory. I would never consciously hurt Jagger. No matter how he feels about me right now, I have to believe he knows me better beyond his anger. He’s my brother for life.”

“I can’t speak for Jagger, but I can for Jamie. He loved you both very much, but that doesn’t mean you get to use the memory of your friendship to ease your guilty conscience. This is on you, Shane, and I hope you can find your way back to the guy I once knew. Because this pale version of you is not who I know and love with all of my heart.”

I continued, “You need to stay away from Jagger, and me. I have all I can handle right now. Please don’t call me. I know I can’t avoid you completely on the ranch, but if you see me coming, please turn and walk in the other direction. I swear to you, Shane, if I have to, I will remove you from the ranch. You may be a partner, but the Fairchilds hold the majority. It’s my family’s home, and clearly by your actions, it’s not yours…anymore.”

“Please, Tenley? Please don’t do this to me. I know no other way of life. That ranch is my life. I will not lose it. Please?”

“What the hell do you want from me? Forgiveness? We tried that, remember? And now here we are. I find out that you are the reason for Jagger’s near-death accident. And now all you have to worry about is your future on the ranch? You did this all on your own Shane. No one forced you to do what you did up on that ridge. You did that, and now you have to live with it. Get your head out of your ass, Shane, because you should be praying that Jagger will have a change of heart and not choose to press charges against you. Hell, if he does, I’ll represent him myself. I’m so angry and disappointed with you, Shane. He could have died! Do you hear me? He could have died by that river with a broken body and heart. Did you think for one second how Jagger’s death would have left a permanent mark on you? You see, that’s what loss does. It breaks you and swallows you whole until you have nothing left. I now realize the
fulfilled
life I thought I had been living was truly empty without the other half of my heart.”

“It was always him, Shane, it was always Jagger. I’m just sorry it took nearly losing him for all of eternity to get me to finally realize it.”

I left him there. I left Shane alone, broken, and completely lost while I went back to Jagger. How could we all have changed this much in five years? While I was selfishly living my life in New York, the two men I cared about were struggling and fighting against a storm that was raging heavily on both of them.

For the first time, I now see what my decisions have cost the people in my life who have loved me.
Jamie was right. They all were right…I chose wrong.

I WATCHED HELPLESSLY from my hospital bed as Tenley walked away from me, and with Shane. If I could, I would have ran after her, but my injured leg stopped me from doing that.

Where is she? I saw the look in her eyes. I knew she heard what I wanted to share with her privately, but Shane confronting me earlier forced my anger to the surface.

I wanted to choke him for what he did to me. He wanted forgiveness for nearly killing me. I begged him to help me, but his eyes were blank as if he just checked out. He reached for me too late, and I lost my grip and fell below. How I’m not dead is a miracle. My mother believed this to be true, maybe I should too.

“Knock, knock. Are you decent, Mr. Brown Eyes?”

My flirty nurse was back. Even in the worst of circumstances, I have to admit that Shirley made me smile and laugh.

“Hi, Shirley. I don’t suppose you saw Tenley out in the hallway? She’s been gone for a while and I really need to see her.”

“I saw her while she was talking to your friend, Shane. I don’t know what happened up in here, but that boy looked like he was going to be sick or something. I almost checked in on him, but they looked like they were in a heavy conversation. I’m just saying is all.”

“Yeah, I hear you, Shirley. Can you please check the hall again for me?”

“I will, but first you need to take your medicine.”

“I don’t want anything that’s going to make me tired. My leg is fine.”

“Oh really? Let’s test the theory, shall we?”

“Wait, Shirley! What are you going to do?” and before I could say anything else, she moved my leg off the traction device and a sharp shooting pain vibrated through my entire leg. I gritted my teeth to not give her the satisfaction, but I began to sweat on account how much it hurt.

“You still don’t want any medicine, Mr. Brown Eyes?” She waited for me to answer with her sassy attitude.

“That was a dirty trick, Shirley, and if you try that again, you no longer can call me Mr. Brown Eyes.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, but I knew no other way to show you that you still need to take it easy and rest that leg. You’re lucky you still have one.” She reprimanded me with a stern warning.

“When am I getting this cast off?” I asked her.

“Oh don’t you go worrying about it, handsome. Dr. Sampson has ordered the cast removal tomorrow morning, and then you begin physical therapy.”

“I don’t want that. I can do all the healing I need back on my ranch. My tests showed nothing, so I’ll handle the rest on my own.” I knew I was calling bullshit, but I needed to get the hell out from this bed and this hospital. I hated to be confined, and it just brings back too many sad memories of Jamie.

“Okay, Mr. Brown Eyes, let’s get serious now. You do realize you are lucky to be alive, don’t you? You are awake and completely alert after a month-long-plus slumber. Give yourself a minute to catch up, please? I promise you if you can cooperate with doctor’s orders and follow your therapy, you will be released sooner than you think.”

“Okay, Shirley, you win. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” She smiled and left me on my own.

I took my pills and minutes later, I was down for the count and replaying my horrific fight with Shane.

When I was younger, I used to ride up the north ridge all the time and sometimes played chicken with my horse. The extreme side of me always wanted to take it a step further, but a near miss many years ago taught me a valuable lesson.

Daddy used to say: “You don’t have control of the land. The land owns you. Go up against it and you will lose.” Maybe I didn’t understand what he meant back then, but I certainly did now, as once again I was faced with going up against something I didn’t have control over. One: Mother Nature. Two: My deep rooted anger for Shane.