All That Glitters (33 page)

‘To the happy couple.’

‘The refrain echoed raggedly around the room. Haydn fixed his gaze on Jenny, but she refused to meet it, looking determinedly and adoringly at Eddie as she sipped delicately at her drink. Bethan looked from one brother to the other in confusion. Then she remembered Haydn’s unexpected breakfast visit. Was this what had been on his mind? Her heart went out to him. He had been so much in love with Jenny a year ago.

The door opened and the maid crept to Bethan’s side. ‘Cook sent me to ask if you’d like lunch laid in the drawing room or outside in the garden.’

‘It’s such a glorious day, we thought it would be nice to eat outside,’ Andrew explained. ‘We set up a trestle under the chestnut tree, but if anyone objects, say so now.’

‘Sounds wonderful to me,’ Laura enthused.

‘Then the garden it is.’

Trevor slapped Eddie soundly across the back as the maid left.

‘Good on you, Eddie.’

His gesture galvanised the others. Evan and Phyllis stepped forward to give their congratulations, and soon Eddie was in the centre of a crowd. Diana hugged Jenny to welcome her into the family. Only Haydn took advantage of the confusion to slip out through the French windows into the garden. He walked over to the trestles, already covered with snowy, white damask linen, that had been set up in the shade of an enormous tree.

‘You all right, Haydn?’

He looked down. Jane was beside him, her small face furrowed with concern. She reminded him of an anxious mouse. He smiled, then as her frown cut deeper into her forehead, he laughed. ‘Why shouldn’t I be?’

Jenny heard the laugh, and looked through the window. She saw no further than that he was happy and with Jane. And she hated him, and Jane – plain and insignificant as she was – for it. If he had shouted at her or Eddie, created the scene she’d secretly hoped for, she would have handed Eddie back his ring without a qualm. As it was, Haydn’s reaction only served to make her all the more determined to marry Eddie.

‘That was some party in the Town Hall last night,’ Trevor said to Haydn as he joined him in the garden.

‘If you think that was good, wait until we get to the last night of the Summer Variety.’

‘Starts tomorrow?’

‘If we can remember the routines.’

‘I’m sure it will be wonderful,’ Bethan said as she left the house.

‘Wish I had your confidence.’

‘Have you seen any of the rehearsals, Jane?’

‘No,’ she answered shyly as Haydn pulled a wickerwork garden chair out for her. The rehearsals have all been in the morning when I haven’t been working.’

‘I suggest Haydn gives us a song from it so we can judge for ourselves.’ Andrew sank down in the chair next to Bethan’s.

‘You going to play the piano for him?’

‘Why not? I’m not that dreadful.’

‘I think Haydn’s repertoire is slightly more extensive than “Twinkle, twinkle, little star”.’

‘You have a piano?’ Evan asked.

‘Andrew bought me one for my birthday. He hoped I’d learn.’

‘It was the only thing I could think of that she’d have to sit down to do.’ Andrew refilled Laura and Diana’s sherry glasses.

‘He wouldn’t listen to me when I told him I was tone deaf.’

‘But I believe you now, darling.’

‘And rather than send the piano back, he’s decided to try and learn himself.’

‘As my teacher gave up on me when I was eight years old that will give you some idea of the standard I’ve achieved. But, my “Twinkle twinkle little star” has to be heard to be believed.’

‘I think it would be better for everyone present if we took you at your word.’

‘Laura can play,’ Trevor volunteered.

‘Would you like a piano?’ Bethan asked. ‘I know of an almost new one, hardly played, going cheap.’

‘I’d love one, but I have no time to practise. Between running the new restaurant for the family, and cooking this one’s -’ she pointed at Trevor – ‘meals and doing his mending. And cleaning up after …’

‘Truce!’ Andrew called.

‘Music would be nice.’ Bethan smiled at Haydn.

‘I’ll do my best if Laura plays.’ Haydn was aware of Jenny watching him. Of an old, familiar look in her eye, which dispelled the final vestiges of hope he’d nurtured, that her threats had been idle ones.

‘I love summer,’ Diana said as she sat on the grass and leaned back against the tree trunk.

‘Don’t we all.’

‘Make the most of it,’ William said flatly. ‘It could be the last for a while.’

‘Summer will come even during a war.’

‘It did in the last one,’ Evan murmured. ‘Although it didn’t always feel like it when the casualty lists came in.’

‘Perhaps Hitler will see sense. Even now at this late stage. After what happened to them last time, I can’t believe the Germans are any more eager to fight than we are.’

This time Bethan didn’t stop Trevor from talking. The mere mention of war – and there seemed to have been nothing but talk of it during the past few weeks – was enough to close a fist of icy dread around her heart. She couldn’t bear the thought of her brothers and Andrew leaving. Possibly for ever, as William and Diana’s father had done the last time. Trevor’s optimistic declaration that it might not come to that was one straw in the wind that she wanted to grasp.

‘I’d like to think you’re right.’ Andrew squeezed Bethan’s hand as he gave up his chair to Phyllis and sat at his wife’s feet. ‘But if Hitler was going to move his troops out of Poland, I think he would have done so by now.’

‘The Fascists have been asking for it for a long time,’ Evan said, picking up his beer.

‘They didn’t learn, not even when you tried to punch them on the nose, eh Dad.’

Everyone laughed at Eddie’s joke, as much from relief as at any trace of humour it contained.

‘Come on, Haydn,’ Laura took his hand. ‘Let’s go and find this piano of Andrew’s and give it a bashing.’

She led him through a second set of French windows into the dining room and soon afterwards the melodious strains of ‘Where are the Songs we Sung’ drifted out into the garden. The maid came out with a tray loaded with condiments and napkin wrapped cutlery and started to lay the table. Andrew went into the drawing room and emerged with more beer and another bottle of sherry.

‘All the latest songs,’ Alma smiled as Laura switched to ‘Dearest Love’.

‘Of course,’ Andrew agreed, ‘I do know what sheet music to buy, even if I haven’t progressed from nursery rhymes.’

‘Haydn can really sing,’ Charlie observed.

‘Can’t he just.’ Bethan passed Phyllis’s glass to Andrew. ‘I often wonder where he got it from. Or you, your boxing ability, Eddie. Dad told me how well you did on Friday, and we heard that you’ve been picked out by a top promoter. Congratulations.’

‘We’re hoping it will give us enough money to marry.’ Eddie laid his arm protectively around Jenny’s shoulders.

‘You thinking of setting the date soon?’ Diana asked.

‘As soon as we find a place to live,’ he answered with a defiant look towards the dining room, where Laura’s voice had now joined Haydn’s.

‘It’ll be nice to have a wedding to celebrate in the family.’

‘How about some dancing?’ Andrew suggested. ‘There’s only one rug in the dining room. If you give me a hand to shift the furniture back, Trevor, we’ll have plenty of room.’

Evan pulled out the pocket watch that had been his father’s.

‘Ten minutes to go before the Prime Minister’s broadcast.’

‘I’ll put the radio on.’ Andrew rose to his feet. ‘If I turn the volume up, we’ll be able to hear it from here.

The only sounds that disturbed Chamberlain’s voice were the singing of the birds, and the drone of a motorcycle and side-car as it chugged slowly along the lane past the garden. As the broadcast continued, the silence closed in, blanketing, suffocating. Afterwards Bethan felt as though she couldn’t breathe. She fumbled blindly for her husband’s hand, looking down at her lap lest anyone see her tears.

‘There’ll be a shortage of miners.’ Evan looked to his two older sons, and his nephew. ‘Like last time, they’ll probably make it a protected occupation.’

‘I’d feel a coward if I didn’t take my chances along with everyone else.’

‘I had no idea you wanted to go, Eddie.’ The shock in Jenny’s voice was genuine.

‘I don’t think many men our age will be given the option of whether they want to fight, or not.’ Haydn glanced at Will, who nodded agreement.

‘All you can do is wait and see what will be wanted.’ Evan said curtly.

‘Men.’ Charlie pronounced dully. ‘That’s what will be wanted. Sheep to the slaughter, just like 1914. Fodder for the Generals, the trenches and the mass graves.’

There was a grim knowledge and finality in the Russian’s voice that none of them dared contradict, not even Alma whose love for her husband had never been so plainly etched in her eyes.

‘I don’t want to go through another day like this one, ever again,’ Bethan said to Andrew as they leaned over their front gate and waved goodbye to the last of their visitors. Evan and Phyllis had been the first to go, driven down the hill in Trevor’s car, little Brian’s head lolling sleepily against his mother’s shoulder. Charlie and Alma, Jenny and Eddie had been next. William, Diana, Haydn and Jane stayed until dusk, making the most of the peace of the garden and Andrew’s generous hospitality.

‘I’m sorry. To have a birthday on the day war is declared is bad enough, but then to go and have Eddie announce his engagement to Haydn’s ex-girlfriend is possibly even worse.’

‘There’s always been a certain amount of friction between them.’

‘Something tells me there’ll be more now.’

‘Did you have any idea?’

‘About Eddie and Jenny?’

She nodded. The war news was too immense, too great. She didn’t want to think about that now. Eddie’s involvement with Jenny was easier to cope with.

‘I saw the way he was looking at her last night.’

‘You never said anything.’

‘I thought you’d notice. After all, aren’t women supposed to be the intuitive ones?’

‘Poor Haydn.’

‘Haydn will get over it,’ he said unthinkingly, ‘but I’m not so sure Eddie will.’

‘What do you mean?’

He turned the question on her. ‘Do you think Jenny really loves Eddie?’

‘She must do. Why else would she get engaged to him?’

‘Well, you know women better than I do, I hope you’re right.’

‘You think she’s trying to get back at Haydn in some way, don’t you?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘But if she is, someone should tell Eddie …’

‘Tell Eddie what? That we’re all paranoid?’

‘Concerned for his happiness.’

‘Beth, Haydn and Eddie are grown men. They’re not going to thank you for interfering in their lives. All you can do is congratulate, smile sweetly and let them both know that you’re here for them if ever they should need you.’

‘I suppose you’re right.’

‘You know I’m right. Now,’ he kissed her gently on the lips, ‘let’s leave your family where they are, and celebrate your birthday the way I’d like to. In bed.’ He led her away from the gate and across the lawn. The moon shone down, silvering the leaves and the burgeoning fruit on the cherry and apple trees, glinting above the gables of the enormous house she had come to love in the one short season she and Andrew had lived within its walls. She breathed in the scents of the night, and summer. The fragrance of flowers, slowly released into the atmosphere after the heat of the day. Hay drying in the fields, and Andrew’s cologne mixed with cigar smoke as he walked beside her.

‘It’s all going to change, isn’t it?’

He stopped and gathered her into his arms. Her eyes shone feverishly, her face was unnaturally pale and vulnerable in the moonlight. He wanted to shield her from everything unpleasant that the world had to offer, but all he could do was love her. He had never felt the emotion quite so futile and inadequate before.

‘The war will alter everything, especially our lives, but never my love for you.’

She had known what his answer would be, but like a child obstinately willing otherwise, she had wanted him to contradict her.

‘It’s inevitable, Beth. I’d be lying if I told you otherwise.’

‘And you’ll go away to fight?’

‘Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.’

‘You’ll have no choice. They’ll need doctors even more than they’ll need soldiers.’

He buried his lips in her hair, breathing in the sweet, fresh fragrance he would always associate with her. ‘Someone will have to stay in Pontypridd. The town can’t be left without a doctor.’

‘There’s your father and old Dr Evans.’

‘Whatever happens, you must know that the last thing I’d want to do is leave you and the baby.’

‘That’s if you have a choice. But they won’t give you one, will they?’

‘No one can answer that. Not yet.’

‘I know you.’ There was an edge of bitterness in her voice. ‘You’ll do the “right thing”, as you see it. You may not be as anxious to go as William and Eddie, but you’ll still go.’

‘You haven’t mentioned Haydn or your father.’

‘Dad’s too old. And Haydn has enough sense to know that even those who come back won’t be the same men who marched away. He has his career. He’ll try to stay out of it.’

‘Beth, tonight no one knows anything other than we’re at war. Tomorrow the whole country will be sitting down and thinking out exactly what that means, but I don’t want to have to do that now. It’s a wonderful night, we have each other, we have something very special to look forward to, and I promise you it will be all right this time.’ He laid his hand lightly on her abdomen. ‘Let’s enjoy what we have, while we can, and make some memories that will see both of us through whatever lies ahead.’

Chapter Nineteen

‘That didn’t go too badly,’ Eddie commented as he and Jenny parted company from Charlie and Alma at the foot of Graig Avenue.

‘No, Diana and Phyllis were nice about our engagement.’

‘Meaning the others weren’t?’

‘No, silly. Meaning that women are more romantic than men.’

She slipped her hand into his pocket and tickled the top of his thigh through the thin cloth.

‘Can I come in for a while when we get to your place?’

‘My father’ll still be in the Morning Star, and my mother will be looking out for us. She was none too pleased at our news.’

‘So I gathered.’

She slowed her steps as they passed a shop that had been closed and shuttered for years. On the left was the lane opening that led to Shoni’s pond. ‘We could go for a walk.’

‘To Shoni’s, in the dark?’

‘There’s a moon. And I don’t want to say goodnight yet.’ There was a huskiness in her voice that was all the persuading he needed. Once around the corner he wrapped his arm around her, cupping her breast with his hand.

‘The quicker we walk, the sooner we’ll be at the lake,’ she teased provocatively.

‘I just hope I don’t fall in the dark. Not in these clothes. They’re almost new.’

‘If you take them off, they won’t get spoiled.’

‘How about you taking yours off first?’

‘If you want me to. How about nude swimming?’

‘Now?’

‘Where’s your sense of adventure?’ She stripped off her dress and shoes as the lake shimmered into view.

He stood and watched as she folded and piled her clothes neatly on the ground. Turning her back on him she waded into the water. He leaned against a tree, breathing in the fragrance of pond water and dry grass, studying the long, slim lines of her legs, the soft, luscious swell of her buttocks, her narrow waist, her back, half-covered by a mass of pale gold hair. Her body gleamed like polished silver in the thick, dusty twilight. She hesitated as the water brushed the top of her thighs.

‘Aren’t you coming?’ She turned to look at him, trailing her fingers sensuously over the surface of the lake. She’d spoken in a whisper, but the sound carried, echoing over the water to the bank. He removed his clothes but kept on his underpants as he followed. She ducked; swimming underwater she emerged behind him, playfully splashing him with water that flowed over his skin like warm silk. He tried to seize her, but she slipped from his grasp.

‘Isn’t this wonderful. I feel marvellous and incredibly alive.’ She kissed his neck, rubbing the full length of her body against his back.

‘It’s wonderful, but I’m not a fish. How about we get out and finish what you’ve started on firm ground.’

‘Eddie, you’re the most unromantic man I know.’

‘I’d rather not drown if it’s all the same to you.’

Confident of his arousal and his need for her, she swam around him, moving her hands lightly over the contours of his body.

‘How about we get married?’

‘I’ve asked you.’ He grabbed her wrists, successfully holding on to them this time.

‘I mean sooner, rather than later. I’m tired of all this sneaking around. I want to sleep beside you all night, every night, wake up next to you in the morning.’ She couldn’t see his face. Darkness had fallen, suddenly and totally, transforming the outlines of the trees and bushes into black shadows. She didn’t even have to close her eyes to imagine him as Haydn.

‘All right.’

‘If I find a place we can move into, you’ll marry me right away?’

‘Tomorrow.’ He picked her up and carried her to the bank.

‘You mean it?’ He set her down on a grassy slope. The sharp edges of twigs and coarse-leaved weeds dug into her back, but she was unaware of the discomfort. Uppermost in her mind was Haydn’s rejection, Will’s mocking offer of a trip to the pictures, and the need to make Eddie hers before he, or someone else, changed his mind.

‘I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.’

She rose to her knees and buried her face between his thighs. A man was so different, so very different from a woman.

‘I’d marry you right now, Jenny.’

‘Tomorrow will do, Eddie.’ She moved back and slid her hands down the inside of his legs.

‘It can’t come soon enough for me.’

Those were all the words she wanted to hear. She lay on her back and prepared to receive his embrace.

‘Take me out to supper after the show.’

‘Everyone’s going out, Babs,’ Haydn said. ‘Together.’

‘But not everyone’s sitting next to you.’ She snaked her fingers along his shoulders and into his collar.

‘Babs …’

‘The Revue girls have gone. You’re left with little old me. But that’s not so bad. You do remember the good times we had in Brighton, don’t you?’

‘Yes. But as I’ve told you, this isn’t Brighton. I live here. This is my home town.’

‘All the more reason for us to have fun. Rusty and I compared notes, and we both agreed, when it comes to lover boys, you’re the best.’

‘You talked to Rusty about me?’

‘We talked to one another about you. Rusty admitted that she was lucky to entice you between the sheets. After all, she is almost old enough to be your mother, and …’ Babs pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows, ‘a lot more experienced. But then she did say what you lacked in practice you more than made up for in enthusiasm. She also said no one can fondle a woman’s nipple the way you can.’

The one thing Haydn had always been squeamish about was the chorus girls’ habit of publicly discussing their sexual adventures in frank, and often crude terms. He’d learned to forget the mores drummed into him during his puritanical, chapel-going Welsh upbringing and listen in silence. But Babs’s revelation that she and Rusty had compared his sexual prowess left a bad taste in his mouth. Suddenly he saw himself through their eyes. A young man with a body they could take pleasure in and make use of, the way some men used whores.

‘Babs, do me a favour?’

‘Anything,’ she purred seductively.

‘Go now, before I’m tempted to say or do something we’ll both regret.’

‘If I go, you’ll be left without a woman in your life.’

‘That’s the way I want it.’

‘Not you, Haydn. You’re not cut out to be a monk.’

‘I think you’ve just given me reason to join their ranks.’

‘Not you, sweetie,’ She reached out but he dodged, avoiding her touch. ‘It’s no good setting your sights on Helen. She’s engaged. And he’s richer than you.’

‘I know. I worked a London Empire with him. Good comic, nice chap.’

‘Haydn …’ she made another grab for his crotch but he was too quick for her. Opening the door he bundled her out into the corridor.

‘You bastard, Haydn Powell. Think you can use people and drop them just like that! Well I’m not just anybody, you know. I’m special. I’m going places, I’m …’ she stormed into her dressing room and slammed the door.

‘What the bloody hell is going on back here?’ Chuckles stood in the main corridor looking down towards the dressing rooms. He saw Haydn standing in his open doorway and guessed. ‘Damn and blast it, man, do you have to go upsetting the girls ten minutes before the curtain goes up?’

‘Not me,’ Haydn asserted innocently. ‘Just a bad dose of pre-performance nerves.’

‘And I’m a monkey’s uncle.’ Max Monty poked his head out of his dressing room, scratched at his armpits and hopped about like an ape.

Haydn went into his dressing room, closed the door, and took out the bottle of brandy he kept in his bag. He’d had the same bottle for months. Wary of hard liquor he usually only opened it on the rare occasions visitors called in after the show. He’d seen too many performers take a ‘tot’ to steady their nerves, only to come a cropper on stage afterwards. But just this once he needed a boost. Pulling the cork with his teeth he poured a small measure into a metal beaker.

‘I smell brandy.’ The door opened and Max came in.

‘You’re incorrigible.’

‘And don’t you just love me for it?’ Max said, deliberately camping it up.

‘Sometimes.’

‘Ooh, good. Now batty Babs has gone, does this mean I’m in with a chance?’

‘No, you idiot.’

‘Shame, you would be a welcome addition to our ranks.’

‘Thanks, but no thanks. Mind you,’ Haydn downed his measure and poured out another for Max, ‘with all the woman trouble I’ve had lately, I’m seriously considering taking up another hobby. Something harmless like fishing.’

‘You poor soul’ Max held out the empty cup. ‘More?’

‘Don’t you ever buy your own?’

‘No, because I’d drink it, and I know it’s bad for me before a show. Besides I don’t want to end up a drunk, and other people’s meanness is my way of checking my weakness.’

Haydn refilled the beaker, but stoppered and stowed away the bottle afterwards.

‘Missing Rusty?’ Max asked as Haydn checked his make-up in the mirror.

‘Not really. It couldn’t have lasted.’

‘Not with her husband waiting in the wings. I’ve heard he’s an absolute brute. But I know you Welsh boyos, for all this talk of fishing you’ve got to have at least one female around, otherwise vital parts will shrivel and die. Who’s going to be the lucky lady this time? The gorgeous Helen?’

‘She’s engaged.’

‘Rusty was married.’

‘We’re just friends.’

‘Uh-oh, I’ve heard that one before.’

‘This time we really are.’ Haydn dipped his comb into Vaseline and ran it through his hair.

‘I know – it’s Jane, isn’t it?’

‘Don’t be silly, she’s only a child,’ Haydn said irritably.

‘A child who has the most horrendous crush on you. If you weren’t so wrapped up in chorus girls, you’d have seen it already.’

‘She’s my father’s lodger.’

‘And plain, and nice, unlike your last half a dozen lady loves, or at least the half a dozen I know about. Probably a bit too skinny for your taste too. You always have rather tended to run to voluptuous -’

‘Five-minute call for Mr Powell – five-minute call for Mr Haydn Powell. Five-minute call for Miss Bradley – five-minute call for Miss Babs Bradley.’

‘There you have it, old son. The top of the bill. The most important cog in the wheel, or is that the other way round?’

‘You shouldn’t have had that second brandy.’ Haydn left his chair, straightened his open-necked shirt and the garish garland of artificial flowers around his neck. ‘I look bloody ridiculous in this get-up.’

‘Don’t we all sunshine, but you know Chuckles. He always has gone a bundle on all things Hawaiian.’

‘I’m too tired to teach anyone anything right now.’

‘I didn’t expect it, Haydn. Not on your first night. I just wondered if you wanted anything from the kiosk. I’m getting the girls’ ice creams.’

‘And no doubt you’ll be doing their mending, and running their errands just as you did for the Revue girls.’

‘If they want me to.’

‘And charging them too?’

‘Only for mending. The manager’s made my pay up to what the other usherettes are getting, so things aren’t quite so desperate as they were. Is there anything I can get you?’ she repeated, uneasy with his mood. He’d often been short with her, but never downright aggressive.

He stared at her and she coloured, conscious that she was wearing a new black dress. One that fitted her better because it hadn’t come off Wilf Horton’s stall, but new out of Leslie’s Stores. She’d bought it that morning along with two more sets of underclothes, stockings and leather shoes. She’d also bought a green sprigged summer dress and straw hat like the ones she’d borrowed from Diana, because everyone had said they’d suited her, and a bottle of lavender water for Daisy who worked in the toilets by the fountain. It had meant taking three pounds out of the Post Office, but she’d paid Phyllis a final week’s rent with the last of her sewing money, and Wilf Horton with her wages. It was a good feeling not owing anyone anything. She had money in the bank, wages coming at the end of the week, and all the clothes she needed. She didn’t have to put up with anything from anyone, especially moodiness from Haydn.

‘I won’t be able to walk home with you tonight either,’ the cast are going out for a drink after the show.’

‘That’s all right, I didn’t expect you to.’

‘Damn you! Don’t you expect anything from anyone?’

‘No.’

‘What is the matter with you?’

‘Haydn.’ She stepped into his dressing room and closed the door behind her. Knowing how thin the walls were, she lowered her voice. ‘I know there’s something wrong …’

‘And you’re going to tell me not to take it out on you?’

‘No, not to let it affect your performance. I overheard Chuckles apologising to someone in the auditorium for the opening number. There’s a man no one’s ever seen before sitting next to him. One of the girls said she thought it was an impresario from London.’

‘And Chuckles didn’t tell me?’

‘Perhaps he was afraid of rattling you more than you already are. You’ve been odd since you came in tonight.’

‘In what way?’

‘All sorts. Sometimes it helps to talk things out, then if you’re lucky you can see them more clearly. When I was small and had no one to talk to I used to sneak into a big room that had a mirror in it and talk to the mirror.’

‘You suggesting I should talk to myself?’

‘No, but William perhaps, or your father. He and Phyllis were really good to me when I went to them with my problems.’

‘And you think I have problems?’

‘It’s obvious, Haydn. Yesterday you couldn’t stop looking at your brother and Jenny. Not that I blame you. She is very beautiful with all that long golden hair, and …’

‘And you think I’m in love with my brother’s future wife?’ He made a resolution to watch his movements carefully the next time he found himself in Jenny’s company. If Eddie could hear Jane now, he’d lay both of them out.

‘I heard that you two were inseparable before you went to London.’

‘Did you?’

‘I know it’s none of my business …’

‘No, it isn’t. But I’ll tell you something for nothing. If I was going to fall in love, Jenny Griffiths would be the last person on my list. I happen to think she’s bad for Eddie, that’s all. And he won’t listen to me, and -’ he realised he’d said far more than he’d intended – ‘and the whole thing is a bloody awful mess.’ He finished miserably.