All That Was Happy

by
M. M. Wilshire

Copyright © 2010 M.M. Wilshire

This book is a work of fiction. Names,
characters, places and incidents are either products of the
author's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to
actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely
coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this publication can
be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the
author.

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Chapter 1

Having received her divorce papers by ambush,
Beckie’s next action had been to call her best friend Leah, her
closest friend throughout her 29 years of marriage to Leah’s
brother-in-law, Bernie.

Beckie and Leah agreed to meet for lunch on
the patio at Chillers, their table facing The Promenade, a
European-style, open air mall laid out by the city of Santa Monica
and filled with trendy eateries, T-shirt shops, and other amenities
suitable for chasing away dark moods.

Chillers, famous for a menu boasting a wealth
of brightly-colored tropical drinks, served as a natural watering
hole for lonely women in the middle of the afternoon..

“
He's divorcing me," Beckie said. "He
had me served this morning without warning. I was in the grocery
store and a man walked up to my cart and handed me the papers. I
feel as if I’ve been turned upside down."

“
That's normal, to go through a period
of temporary insanity,” Leah said. "No one can get a shock like
that and not go bananas. I can’t believe Bernie did this to you the
way he did--no discussion--just had you served out of the blue.
After 30 years!”

"Not 30," Beckie said. "It would have been 30
this year. The diamond anniversary, or, if you're old fashioned,
the pearl. Now it is neither." She began to convulse in spite of
herself, tasting the salt of tears.

The drink waiter appeared, a quick blond man
of lanky, yet muscular good looks and an amazing tan. The knees
below his tan cargo shorts were more than a little knotted,
indicating a great deal of time spent on a surfboard in the ocean a
block from where they sat. He directed a concerned stare at Beckie,
his clean cool gaze making her feel foolish.

“
What do you have that really builds
self-confidence?” Leah asked. “We’re a little depressed this
morning.”

“
How about a Banana Banshee,” he said.
“Vodka, banana liqueur, cream de cacao, ice cream, and blended
bananas. On a nice spring day like this, you’ll be happy again in
no time.”

“
Make it two Banshees,” Beckie said.
“The bananas may help--I skipped breakfast this morning, and I
think the stress may have burned off a lot of my
potassium.”

He smiled--at Beckie, not at Leah--turned
smartly and hustled off.

"Did you see that?" Beckie said. "The smile
on that guy?"

"He is cute," Leah replied. "In a rough-cut
sort of surfer-dude way. Maybe he'd like to shoot my curl."

"Please, Leah!"
Beckie
sighed.

“
You’re going to get through this,”
Leah said. “You’re not alone--millions of women in this town have
gone through it.”

“
That may be,” Beckie said, “but let me
tell you, when it’s your turn, you walk it alone. For one thing
it’s like God, or somebody, reaches inside you and flips the agony
switch. I’m scared, Leah--I’m not sure I can handle this. I’ve been
married twenty-nine years! Do you know how long that is? I got
married to Bernie when I was twenty years old! I was just a kid!
What am I going to do? What does Bernie think he’s
doing!”

“
Bernie is a pig. But you're not. At
least you’re still gorgeous,” Leah said. “As soon as you’re ready,
you’ll have no trouble getting another man.”

“
Gorgeous! Another man! I’m twenty
pounds overweight!”

“
Better than being fifty pounds, like
me--you always were the beauty, Beckie,” Leah said. “That’s why you
got married so young--you’ve always had those cheerleader good
looks. And what’s a few extra pounds? The latest poll in Cosmo
indicated that most men are tired of skinny women. Did you see the
way our server smiled at you?”

“
I can’t even think about dating,”
Beckie said.

"Who's talking about dating anybody? Don't
tell me you wouldn't like that surfing waiter to wax your
board."

"Please, Leah! For one thing, I’ll never live
through this. The pain is overwhelming--when I got served the
papers, it was like my stomach dropped ten floors. My whole body
started vibrating. I don’t even know how I managed to call you and
drive over here--I don’t even remember getting here.”

“
You’re in shock, that’s all,” Leah
said. “That’s what doctors are for. We’re going to spend the rest
of the day together and I’m going to drive. The first place we’ll
go after we have our drink is to my shrink to get you something for
the stress.”

“
You mean pills? They don’t make a pill
that’ll stop this kind of pain. This kind of pain invades one’s
entire body and soul.”

"Trust me," Leah said. "They make pills
nowadays that'll do anything."

The waiter returned in record time with the
drinks. Each lady took a grateful, tentative sip of the brightly
fruited yellow slush.

“
It’s good,” Beckie said. "A couple
more of these and maybe I will hang ten with that
waiter."

“
Who says you can’t buy happiness?”
Leah replied.

Beckie noticed the waiter wasn’t leaving. She
glanced up and caught him giving her the once over.

“
Waiter, or waitperson, or server, or
whatever you call yourself--you’re hovering,” Leah said, her sharp
words propelling him back to his fluorescent grotto of
booze.

“
Leah, I think he was giving me the
eye. And a rather hungry eye at that.”

“
And why not?” Leah said. “He for sure
wasn’t giving it to me. It’s like I told you--once you’re
emotionally ready, you’ll have no problems finding
somebody.”

“
I had my ring off,” Beckie said. “I
took it off and threw it into the backseat of my car. The waiter
thinks I’m single--but he’s so young!”

“
Young and cute--what could be better?
It’s your body language,” Leah said. “You appear vulnerable right
now--the guy spotted it and thought you were sending him a signal.
I’m telling you--you’ve still got it!”

Fresh spring breezes complimented the new
blooms surrounding the topiary dinosaurs on the promenade, the
whole mixing with a mist-softened mid-morning light, which played
over the strolling shoppers--it was a perfect day in hell.

“
I don’t know what to do,” Beckie said.
“I don’t know where to turn.”

“
You turned to me,” Leah said. “And I’m
with you all the way. Bernie may be my brother-in-law, but you’ve
always been there for me. I love Bernie, but right now I could kill
him for what he’s doing.”

“
But how do I go on with my life?”
Beckie said. “Do I even go home? Do I even have a home? If I go
home, will Bernie be there? This can’t be happening! He’s got to
come to his senses!”

“
You’ve got to get a grip,” Leah said.
“The first thing we’ve got to do is have some lunch--you need to
keep your strength up. After lunch, we’ll go talk to my shrink and
see about getting you something for the stress.”

“
Oh,” Beckie said. “This is getting
worse every minute. This morning, when I got up, I sensed something
bad was going to happen today. Bernie left the house early, and
there was no good-bye kiss. The next thing I knew, I was being
served. My premonition this morning was right. The world I inhabit
now is vastly different from the one I woke up to.”

“
Bernie’s a jerk,” Leah said. “He
thinks he can just up and waltz out of your life.”

“
He not only thinks he can,” Beckie
said, “he just did. The only question I have is, Why did he do it?
We weren’t fighting or anything. I noticed that he’d been a little
distant the past few months, but I thought it was from all the
hassle at the company, what with the merger and all.”

“
It’s a beautiful day out,” Leah said.
“I’ll call the waiter back and we’ll order something--maybe some
baby backs with a salad.”

Beckie balanced her gaze on her friend’s
face. “Leah,” she said. “You know why, don’t you?”

Leah’s face wilted.

“
Leah!” Beckie cried. “Dammit! You do
know why! And you better tell me right now!”

“
I didn’t want to be the one who told
you,” Leah said. “I begged Bernie to face you himself. I told
Bernie he was being stupid and foolish. A man his age!”

“
A man his age!” Beckie said. “A man
his age! Don’t tell me it’s another woman!”

The silence between them grew, expanding
until it seemed to fill the entire Promenade.

“
You might as well know,” Leah said.
“Bernie’s found somebody else. They’re going to have a
baby.”

Beckie’s world chose at that moment to
collapse completely, the degree of orderliness and predictability
normally required set aside, for the time being, to allow for the
weight of the news, which now, spelled out, destroyed completely
any vestige of hope which still remained, and closed tight the door
to her past life. She was alone with her Banshee, watching the
familiar rules fall into an abyss, rules giving way to a new rule
and a new law--the law of immense pain.

“
Bernie’s not been himself,” Leah said.
“He’s been dealing with a lot of issues about his mortality--when
you were unable to have children, he put everything he had into the
business, but now he’s feeling empty.”

“
I don’t want to hear it,” Beckie said.
“And he’s right to be fearing his mortality--because the next time
I see him, I’m going to kill him.”

“
You’re just upset,” Leah said. “You
don’t need to kill anybody.”

“
I’m not upset,” Beckie said. “I’m just
feeling old, ugly, and utterly alone. I’m not upset, but I am
furious--there’s a difference.”

“
We need to eat something,” Leah
said.

The waiter returned. “What’ll you ladies
have?”

“
I’ll have the baby backs,” Leah
said.

“
Another Banshee for me,” Beckie
said.

“
Beckie, that’s not a good idea,” Leah
said. "You've never had more than 1 drink at a time in your
life."

“
I’m either having another Banshee
right now,” Beckie said, “or I’m getting in my car and I’m taking
my gun out of the glove box and going to find Bernie. Which do you
prefer?”

“
Bring her another,” Leah
said.

This time, the waiter didn’t hover. He knew
enough not to.

Chapter
2

“
It’s going to be up and down for
awhile,” Dr. Black said, “like being in a trance. You’ll be in
shock because of your fear that your basic survival needs aren’t
being met.”

“
My survival needs?” Beckie
said.

Beckie, sitting with Dr. Black in the inner
sanctum of Black’s tenth-story corner office in the World Savings
building at the corner of Wilshire and Barrington, had been picking
through the destroyed remains of Beckie’s former existence in an
attempt to establish a few new underpinnings which, if they held,
might offer Beckie some chance of erecting a sufficient emotional
shelter to make it through the next twenty-four hours until her
next appointment with the shrink, who had, in just under an hour,
managed to win Beckie’s support and confidence enough to be viewed
as a sort of lifeline, however jury-rigged and impermanent such a
lifeline could be said to be. Black, a younger woman of obvious
Native American Heritage, lean and fit, very tall, with minimal
makeup beneath luxuriant, long black hair, and decked out in a
simple rose-colored business skirt and vest, presented a face of
sympathetic concern which pushed Beckie to the point of tears.