All The Glory (36 page)

He swallowed with effort and continued on, his voice strong. “I feel terrible for all those kids whose lives were ruined by the monster who took advantage of them and of his position in our community. We put that man up on a pedestal and look what he did. There’s a danger in that, and I hope all of you guys who put people’s pictures in the paper and build them up to be some kind of god will think about that little bit harder from now on.”

He paused to let his words sink in before continuing. “You asked if I think it’s fair that I’m not in jail. Yes, I think it’s fair, while I also think this whole thing was a terrible tragedy. Do I wish things had gone differently? Yes. I wish the coach were in jail right now answering for his crimes. But would I do what I did all over again if given another chance? Yes, I would. I didn’t go see the coach with the intent to harm him. I went there to confront him about what he’d done. I did it because people can’t be afraid to confront monsters, to call them on their bullshit, to stand up and say
no more
when things are happening that hurt kids.”

He put his arm around me and pulled me in close. “And what am I going to do now? I’m going to go jogging with my best friend in the entire world … the girl who never gave up on me and the person who is responsible not only for me being free but also for all those kids getting the help they need. She’s the real hero here. And we were all victims.”

“What are you going to say to all those people who say you’re lying about what Coach Fielding did?”

I didn’t think Jason was going to answer at first, but then he stopped trying to walk off. His arm dropped from my shoulders and he stood very straight. “Anyone who will look one of those kids in the eye, hear his story, and then say that Coach Fielding did nothing wrong, belongs in a cold grave right next to him. And that’s all I’m going to say on the matter. Please go home to your families and stop harassing me and these good people here.”

He grabbed my hand and pushed through the vultures on the steps, pulling me behind. We started jogging before we hit the sidewalk, the wet grass making our ankles damp and itchy.

“Come on, race you to the corner,” he said.

“I’ve been working out,” I said, taking off at a dead run. “Catch me if you can!”

We ran for miles that day in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. I imagined that with every block that went by, we left behind a little bit of the sorrow we’d been gathering for the last six months. It was only a dream, but at least I knew it was okay to have hope. Jason was free to move on with his life and so was I.

Chapter Sixty-Four

OUR FIRST DAY BACK TO school together wasn’t really a school day. Jason took a couple weeks off and then decided his first introduction back into the system would be better if it didn’t involve classrooms of students staring at him like he was some kind of freak.

The night of prom he picked me up in his Camaro.

“Have her home by midnight,” my dad said. He’d begrudgingly accepted the fact that Jason was going to be a permanent part of my life. He wasn’t ready for smiles and hugs yet, but I had hope that he’d get there eventually.

“You two have fun,” my mom said, hugging Jason. “And be safe. Watch out for the press. They’re still out there.”

“We’re yesterday’s news,” Jason said, “but I’ll be careful.”

He turned to me and grinned. “You ready, beautiful?”

I smiled back, unable to stop myself from looking like a happy fool. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

My mom snapped a picture of us standing there in love, ready to face the world that had until recently considered us the worst humanity had to offer.

We arrived at the hotel where the prom was being held about an hour after it started. Hoping to avoid a mob was our plan, but we might as well have spit into the wind and hoped to stay dry. It seemed like every single student at the entire school was waiting for us to show up.

The first people we saw, thankfully, were Bobby and his date Stephen. Stephen was new to the school, so he had no preconceived notions about Jason or me. It was kind of refreshing not to be wondering how much he might have hated us a couple weeks ago.

“Oh, I’m soooooo glad you’re here,” Bobby said, getting all of us into a group hug. “This place was just buzzing with rumors. Time to set everyone straight.”

“What was it this time?” I asked, holding Jason’s hand. I was nervous. So far I’d heard that I was pregnant, one of the coach’s victims, and several other equally ridiculous things I’d managed to block from my memory.

“You don’t want to know. But just watch your back where Britt and Tiff are concerned.”

“Watch her back? What’s that all about?” Jason asked.

“Oh, you know. Mean-girl stuff.” Bobby waved it off like it was no big deal. “Come on. Let’s go get something to drink.”

“We’re glad you’re back, Jason,” Stephen said. “Everyone feels really bad about what happened.”

“Not everyone,” I said under my breath. Jamahl was standing off to the side in the lobby staring at us. He made no effort to approach.

“Save the drama for your momma,” Bobby said as three guys from the football team came walking up from the other direction.

“Nah, man, it’s all good,” said one of them. “Yo, Jace, good to see you, man.” He held his hand up for some sort of man fist pounding or whatever.

Jason just looked at him. “How’ve you been?” he asked politely.

The guy stood there with his hand out for another second or two before giving up on the social greeting he expected to receive. “I’m good. How ‘bout you?”

An awkward silence ensued.

“Did you seriously just ask that question?” Bobby said.

“I’m good,” Jason said, diffusing the awkward. “Listen, we’re going to get some drinks, so … see you around.”

“Yeah, sure.” The three guys watched us walk by, mystified.

“Holy awkward moment,” Bobby said, snorting. “They just don’t get it.”

“It’s hard for anyone to get,” Jason said, squeezing my hand a little. “We don’t live in the same world as they do anymore.”

“You can say that again,” I said under my breath as Brittney approached from across the room. She was covered in a white dress that looked suspiciously like a wedding gown and she had more makeup on than a tranny.

I watched her set her sights on Jason and felt a sharp stabbing pain in my chest area. What if he decides he wants to be with her again? I wasn’t sure I could handle that. Not after all we’d been through.

“Jason, oh my god, you’re back!” she squealed, coming for him with her arms open. She ran on tiptoes, her grin stretching from ear to ear.

She fully expected him to drop me and take her in a bear hug, obviously, so she was totally shocked when he backed up, took me with him, and then pulled me in really tight to his side.

“Hello, Brittney.” His voice was dead, zero emotion lighting it up.

She came to a halt and glared at me, dropping her arms. “I see you brought your friend to prom,” she said, her voice saccharine sweet. “What a pretty dress you have. I’ve seen three others just like it so far tonight.”

“I guess I have good taste,” I said, giving her my eat-shit smile.

“So, when are we going to see you back in school?” she asked Jason. “We’ve really missed you, you know.”

“Monday.”

“Oh, that’s so exciting.” She stepped in closer. “I’ll save a spot for you at our table in the cafeteria.”

“No thanks. I’ll be eating with Katy and Bobby.”

“And me too,” Stephen said, raising his hand.

Jason smiled at him. “Stephen too.”

“You’re eating with them?” she asked, her distain on display for all of us to enjoy.

“Yes.”

“But … what about the team?” She looked genuinely confused.

“What team?” Jason asked.

We were the only ones who knew what he really meant when he asked that question.

“Jail really messed you up,” she said, turning bitchy.

“He’s not the one who’s messed up, actually,” I said, ready to go toe-to-toe with her.

“Easy,” Jason said, pulling me back and turning us to go around Brittney. “She’s not worth it,” he said quietly.

It wasn’t quiet enough to escape her ears, though.

“Not worth it?” she asked, as if she couldn’t believe what she’d heard. “Not worth it? Oh my god … that’s hilarious.” She started laughing, but it sounded more like a witch’s cackle than anything else. “Wow, have you got your priorities turned around.”

“God, I hope so,” Jason said with a sigh.

I couldn’t stop laughing after that. My abs were sore by the end of the night, from laughing at Brittney and from all the twisting and booty shaking we did on the dance floor. It felt amazing to be able to do this in public and not just in Jason’s kitchen.

When Jason dropped me off at my front door that evening, five minutes before midnight, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me long and slow. The moon lit up the front lawn and made the wet blades of grass sparkle a little.

“You are the coolest girl in the entire school,” he said, touching me forehead to forehead.

“You’re pretty cool too.”

“My constant gardener,” he said. “I’m glad I finally got to know you. When are you going to plant some more of those pink and purple flowers, anyway?”

“Funny you ask … I was planning a trip to the garden store for next weekend.”

“Can I come?”

I grinned. “Do bears poop in the woods?”

“Uhhh … I think so, yeah.”

“Okay, then. Bring some gardening gloves.”

“It’s a date.”

He kissed me again until I went warm everywhere. A small moan escaped my lips and then the front porch light went on sending a flood of light into our eyeballs.

“I think your dad wants you to go inside.”

“My dad can suck it,” I said, looking to kiss Jason again.

He laughed and pushed me from him gently. “One of these days I’m going to take you away from here and get you naked. But not tonight. Tonight your dad’s the boss and I have to go home.”

I pouted, but inside I was secretly happy that he was so respectful of my dad’s antiquated attitudes. “Promise?” I asked.

“You bet your sweet buns,” he said, walking down the stairs backwards. It was like he couldn’t take his eyes off me, which of course made me feel like a million bucks.

“You were beautiful tonight,” he said.

“You were pretty okay yourself.”

“See you tomorrow?” he was halfway across the lawn.

“Aren’t you tired of me yet?”

“Never. I’m waking you up at seven for a run.”

I laughed, pulling open the door. “Good luck with that.”

As I was stepping inside, inspiration struck. “Hey!” I shouted.

He was on the street, but he turned around. “What?”

“I want to go to church tomorrow after our run.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want to do.”

I blew him kiss. “See you tomorrow.”

He reached up into the air and pretended to catch my kiss. He put it on his chest. “See you tomorrow, beautiful.”

I had the best sleep of my life that night. Not a single nightmare came to steal away my happiness for the first time in months.

Chapter Sixty-Five

WE WALKED INTO THE CHURCH just as it was starting. I took the same pew I had before, ending up right next to the same big lady with the same purple dress. I cast my eyes around the room until I found the people I’d been looking for. Leo and his grandmother were across the aisle again, both of them standing very close to one another.

The priest talked about community and brotherhood, about loving thy neighbor and cherishing our children, of love and loss and forgiveness. Jason and I held hands throughout the entire service and when it came time at the end to greet our neighbors, he held me close and inhaled deeply. “I love you, neighbor,” he said.

“I love you too, neighbor.”

Someone tapped me on the shoulder. “God loves you child,” the woman said, pulling me into a hug. She smelled of roses and soap.

“God loves you too,” I said.

“That he do, that he do,” she responded. She looked up and saw Jason and her eyes teared up a little. “Come over here and give me a hug, son.”

Jason and I switched places and I watched as they embraced. The woman didn’t want to let him go. She cried too.

Slowly the people around us started to notice. People whispered. Others who had started to file out of the church stopped and realized what was going on and came back.

Pretty soon the entire congregation was there, everyone wanting to give Jason and me a hug.

I couldn’t stop crying. I’d never actually physically felt forgiveness and love before like I did that day. Waves of warmth and joy and kindness enveloped me and surrounded everything around me.

“Thank you, Jason, thank you,” they said.

“Thank you, sweet girl, you are a blessing,” they said to me.

And then the crowd cleared and let Leo and his grandma through. She looked at Jason for a long time and then started crying. “You my angel,” she said, opening her left arm up for a hug. The right one she kept around Leo’s shoulders.

Leo tried to smile at Jason, but he couldn’t do it. All he could manage was to cry.

Jason hugged them both, crying himself by now. I joined them behind Jason and tried to get in on it. I wanted to heal the world with the power that congregation’s love had given me, even though I knew we were missing that one vital ingredient: time. Leo was going to need a lot of time to get past this.

“Thank you, baby girl,” Grandma said to me. “You my hero.”

“She’s fearless,” Leo said in a small voice. “Just like Jason.”

“Just like you,” I said, shifting so I could hug him alone. “Just like you, little man.”

Chapter Sixty-Six

JASON AND I GRADUATED FROM high school with decent enough grades. Neither of us were ready for college, though, even though for most of our lives that’s what our families had planned for us, and Jason still had several offers from really good football programs offering him a full ride.

Something about having our worlds turned upside down made it difficult for us to imagine continuing on with the old plans we’d made, and Jason had sworn off football for the rest of his life.