All The Pieces (Pieces of Lies 3) (18 page)

No.

Just no.

I started shaking my head furiously as they tried to hold me up, but I only gripped them tighter.

“You have to do this Len. I already feel what you are thinking. But this can’t be about any of us. This is about you now. This is your chance. A real honest-to-goodness chance for you to be able to live your life.” Samuel tried to support my Father’s decision, but I knew he needed to tell himself the same thing.

“He is right Norah. I hate that he is, but he is right. Your Dad is right to do this.” Tess moaned in between sobs.

My eyes met Clint’s now. He was the hardest person for me to look at, but I needed his assurance too. Clint only nodded. “You deserve a happy and safe life Norah, even if it’s with...him.”

I continued to cry, holding on my friends like every second was the last. This was just too painful.

Suddenly, Josh yelled out, “It’s my fault Norah.”

His voice immediately silenced my cries. We all turned to look at him walking towards us, my Father’s letter in his hand. “This is all because I forced Samuel’s hand. Samuel went looking for answers from Arthur Wickburn because he knew that hit man, Devon Lockley. Arthur Wickburn is Hamilton’s best friend. When Samuel threatened and then shook up Arthur for answers about what I did, Hamilton took it personally, which is why he came after us. It’s why he came after you Norah. And it’s why your Dad made this decision. If I had never done what I did, you wouldn’t be saying good-bye.” Josh gulped, trying not to look at the guys. “It’s all my fault, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry Clint. I’m sorry Samuel. I should have never have done such a thing.”

“It’s bit fucking late for apologies Hollows.” Samuel’s angered voice was pointed in Josh’s direction.

“I know, I know. Apologies aren’t good enough. I agree. Which is why...I’ve decided something. I’ve decided that I’m not the one going with Norah.”

Wait...what? All of our eyes bugged out at that comment. Josh isn’t going with me? Did I hear correctly?

Josh’s eyes went back to the letter. “You are leaving on the 15th Norah. That’s this Saturday. It’s before you complete the Lappell initiation. You’ll have two nights left here and in those two nights, I want you to go on dates with Clint and Samuel.”

I had stopped crying now, feeling something different. Hurt, confusion and pain from Josh’s words. Why was he suggesting such things?

“What? I don’t understand what you are saying Josh.”

“Look Norah. I love that you want to disappear forever with me. But it’s not right. I wronged you, and I wronged them. They deserve this. So do you. You need to be sure I’m the one you want this forever with. If you don’t do this, I will never be sure it was me you wanted, and neither will you.”

“Josh, you are crazy. Not only do I not want to go on dates with Clint and Samuel, but I’m sure it’s the last thing they’ll want to do. It’s been six months. I’m sure they have both moved on. Right? Haven’t you both?” My head flicked back and forth between Clint and Samuel trying to gauge their feelings.

“I’m in,” said Clint, no hesitation in his voice.

“Me too,” said Samuel.

I stared at them both in disbelief. I knew they still cared about me, but they wanted a chance at forever. I honestly didn’t think they were still carrying that kind of torch. Or perhaps I did know, and was purposely being ignorant? I knew what would happen if I opened my heart up, and I couldn’t do that anymore. Not now, not that I was...

“Norah, I changed how you thought about them because I was afraid you would never pick me over them. I did it because I thought it was the only way you would want me. I need you to do this. You need to do this. If by some miracle, you do still want me after these dates, then our love, our future will have no more lies or regret. It will just be truth. We will fake our deaths and run off into the sunset together. But if you find after the next two nights, you realize that you don’t want to be with me anymore, I will understand. I will step aside and let you go with whomever you choose. I only want you to be happy. It’s all I ever wanted. I was just being selfish because I wanted to be the only one to make you happy.” Josh engaged Clint and Samuel’s face with his own. “They deserve a shot at being your forever, and your heart deserves to know real true love. Please Norah. Please do this. Please date Clint and Samuel for me.”

I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. I broke her heart. I could see it in her face. The way the color drained away from her skin. The cold and glassy look in her eyes. Her lips trying not to quiver. The way her shoulders sank. And then when I walked forward to take her hand, she took two steps away from me, pulling her hands away like she couldn’t bear to feel my touch.

What have I done?

I was standing in the rear alleyway outside the back door of the club. I needed to get away from what I just requested. What I just told her to do. I began pacing, going over what I said in my head. I had just told Norah to spend her last two nights in the public eye with her two ex-boyfriends, to decide if it was really me she wanted to spend her life with in secrecy. All I could see in my mind was the way Norah’s eyes screamed at me, “Why? Why are you doing this to us?”

She had picked me. Wanted me. And then I turn around and throw her back to them. I knew that I was trying to set things right. I wanted her to pick the path that wasn’t tainted. A love that she believed was pure and real. I wanted her to have a shot at the fairy tale. I wanted to be selfless and not selfish. To me, this was real love. I was giving her the choice I never allowed her to have because I made her feel and think things about Clint and Samuel which simply were not true. I was trying to right my wrongs. But it cut deep and far into my soul. And from what I just saw from Norah, I had hurt her in the exact same way. I felt tears in my eyes at the realization I had just made a dreadful mistake.

Just then, the back doors flew open, and Tess came marching out. She looked pissed, like her red hair was about to explode and burst into flames. “There you are,” she said, a hard distasteful edge to her voice. She stomped right up to me, pulled her left hand back, and then ploughed it forward, trying to connect with my face. With the angle her fist hit me, it only managed to graze my jaw and throw me off balance a bit. Her hand would have taken the brunt of that failed attempt of a punch. Tess yelped and then fell to her knees, clutching her fist with her other hand.

“Fuck that hurt!” she screamed out. “It looks so easy to do in the movies!” She began rubbing her sore fist with her hand. “Shit! God damn it!”

I held out my hand, offering to help her up. She looked at her hand, which was obviously hurt, knowing she would need my assistance to get back up on her feet. She groaned, and hesitantly took my hand with her good one. “You didn’t twist your fist correctly when you threw your weight behind it.” Tess was on her feet now, still rubbing her hand and glaring at me. “You’ll need to ice your hand,” I said, trying to help.

“Screw you Josh! What the hell was that in there? Huh? Tell me! Do you have any fucking idea what that girl has been through to get you back? Do you?  And then you pull this self-sacrificing shit because you’ve grown a fucking conscience!”

I stood back on my heels, distancing myself from Tess's body shaking in anger.  “I’m trying to do the right thing Tess,” I said, attempting to explain myself.

“No you’re not. You’re trying to appease your guilt. You don’t know what happened after you were kidnapped Josh. She lost it. Completely and utterly fucking lost it. She couldn’t bear to live without you. All that mattered to her was getting you back. And she did everything possible to make that happen. Nothing mattered except you. What you did to Clint and Samuel, joining the Lappell...nothing mattered. I don’t know why she has forgiven you so easily but she did. And you hurt her right now Josh. You completely belittled her forgiveness for you and everything she went through.”

“Tess, I’m not trying to hurt her. She deserves to have a chance to really know if her heart is still with those guys. She deserves the right to choose. Without any lies, without any manipulation. This is her forever. I want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me. She should take the opportunity to confirm with her head and her heart. I don’t want her to regret being with me when she wakes up one day and realizes what I did. How I changed her destiny. How I took away something real for her. Because if that happened, it would kill me Tess. Just kill me. I would never forgive myself.” I rubbed my eyes so Tess couldn’t see how red my eyes had become. “She deserves this, and she deserves the chance to know for sure.”

Tess took a few deep calming breaths as she processed my reasoning.  A minute passed before she yelled at me again.  “Damn it Josh! Damn you!” Tess flashed me a look like she now understood what I was doing, but still remained defiant in her stance. “Damn it. I’m not apologizing for punching you. You won’t hear it.”

I tried not to smile at Tess, but it was hard not to break into a grin.  I found it amusing how much I loved her protective side for Norah. “Well...technically, I really wouldn’t call that a punch...I mean it was probably closer to a slap...the way your hand was...”

Tess rolled her eyes.  “Shut up Josh. It was a punch, okay.”

“Sure...whatever you say Tess.”

We walked over to the wall of the club and leant up against the door. We stood there silently as Tess held her hand, and stared out into the dark.

“I know she is yours, but you might lose her Josh. After the little stunt you just pulled, there is a very real chance she won’t run back to you this time. I get why you are doing this, and it’s all so commendable on your behalf, but this is different Josh. There won’t be anymore chances this time round. This is fucking forever.”

I sighed as I slouched against the door knowing what she was saying was true.  I felt my heart aching and straining to beat in my chest.  “Yes, I know. But I owe her this, and I owe those guys too. I’ll have to live with whatever choice she makes, knowing that I had a hand in pushing her in that direction. But at least this choice will be hers, and hers alone.”

Tess turned her head, looking down into the alleyway, listening to me but avoiding my face.  Probably because she could hear the sadness in my voice.  Her next words were laced in both concern and compassion.  “Aren’t you scared Josh? I mean, she was going to marry you. She was in the dress and everything.”

I swallowed hard.  The realization was a bitter pill I could barely push down my throat.  “Yes Tess, I’m terrified. Absolutely, terrified.” I turned now, looking up at the stars, the night sky, thinking about the possibility of forever, knowing that since Norah’s very first day at McLaren, I had brought her to this moment. Me. It was my fault. My need to have her and have a life that I thought would give me everything. I should have known from the very start, that Norah never wanted anything but what was inside my heart. She didn’t need the power or money of the Lappell. She didn’t need its prestige or lifestyle. She only needed someone to really see her, embrace her, and love her. It was simple and I had been going about this all wrong from the beginning. I never figured it out. Me, the brain, the high IQ. Those guys in there knew that. They would have both given up everything for her. I wasn’t the same boy back in high school that understood Norah. I was someone different who had moved on from that innocence. Who became desperate in my need to have her. Who had to create our forever, because I never believed she would want me, for me.

I rubbed my eyes some more, trying to stop the tears wanting to come. “You want to know what the saddest part is Tess?” I said, sounding choked up.

“What’s that Josh?”

I felt my heart constricting as the brutal truth flowed from my lips. “You say she’s mine...but honestly, I don’t think she was ever mine to begin with.”

One month ago.

After being rejected at Norah’s art show, I retreated to Morewell with my tail between my legs. I needed to get away from the city. It just felt suffocating being in the same place as her. Knowing she had thought about me enough to send me an email, only to backtrack with her invitation at the last minute. I thought Norah had finally forgiven me and was opening the doors of communication, yet I was shut out. Why would she invite me to her show when Josh was going to stop me from getting in? It made no sense. I didn’t understand. Did she do it on purpose? Was it a sick and twisted joke? Were Norah and Josh laughing at me behind my back.
Yeah — throw the lovesick puppy a bone, tease him and then throw it away
. What gave her the right to toy with my emotions like that? Who the hell does she think she is anyway? God damn it Norah, what are you doing?