All the Wrong Reasons (16 page)

“Are you listening to me, Irelyn?” Dustin asked.

“Huh?” I said and he chuckled and fumbled for my hand.

“I said, are you excited about Christmas?”

“Oh, no, not really,” I admitted. “I haven’t even started shopping yet.”

“Well, it’s close – you’d better hurry.” I smiled at him as we passed under a streetlight. “I’ll help you out and let you know what I’d like for Christmas.”

I suppressed my frustrated groan, hoping he wouldn’t ask for another weekend with me. I wasn’t exactly sure that I wanted to go away again, much less…

What the hell was I thinking? I don’t want to sleep with my own boyfriend anymore? What was wrong with me?

“Do you want to know?” he persisted.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” I said with faux enthusiasm. “Lay it on me.”

Chuckling, he kissed the back of my hand. “I’d like for you to honestly consider marrying me soon.”

My heart stopped and my breath came out in little wheezes. I scrambled to come up with the right thing to say – something that would appease him but not give him the wrong impression. “Um, Dustin – don’t you think we’re a little young?”

“No,” he snorted. “Not at all. I figure we can marry in a year or so and live off my trust fund. You can finish college if you want but you won’t have to work. You can stay home and engage in your little writing hobby.”

“It’s more than a hobby, Dustin,” I said through clenched teeth. “It’s what I love to do most. I want to be a writer, you know.”

“I know,” he sighed. “I know. But you do realize how hard it is to be published? You have to be extremely good.”

“How do you know I’m not?” I asked, tears prickling my eyes. “Huh?”

“I’m sure you are, sweetheart,” he said in a patronizing tone. It riled me up more, making me totally speechless. How could he love me but not know me?

“Dustin, please take me home,” I whispered, too afraid if I put any more effort into speaking I’d explode.

“Irelyn, come on,” he pleaded. “I’m sorry I upset you, okay? Let’s forget I said anything about writing or marriage or anything.”

But my festive mood was spoiled – and not just by his words. I just couldn’t muster the energy to fake any enthusiasm for anything tonight. I just needed to get home to think.

***

The week before finals crashed upon me so suddenly. I crammed all the studying I could in while enduring pleading phone calls from Dustin and dreams of Lucas. I accepted Dustin’s apology just to find a little peace but deep inside, I knew things were changing. I just didn’t know how much and what I would do about it. Like the good little procrastinator that I was, I put off thinking about it so I could focus on my studies.

I wasn’t too concerned with finals because my classes were fairly easy. Still, I didn’t want to become too smug and over confident so every night, I cracked the books. I even told my mother I wouldn’t be home that weekend so I could remain on campus and utilize the library if needed. She understood seeing as once finals were finished, I’d be home for three whole weeks.

After I finished my only class Friday morning, I lounged in the dorm, toying with another story, when Bailey smashed the silence with her presence.

“Good, you’re here,” she said and sank on the corner of my bed. “You’re not going home this weekend, right?” I shook my head. “Pack a bag, woman. Lucas is sick and Collin is pulling his hair out.”

I dropped my pen and scrambled closer to her. “What? What’s wrong with him? Is he in the hospital? Does he need a kidney?”

“Don’t get all girly and dramatic,” she smirked. “It’s just the flu and he’s home in bed. They sent him home early from work yesterday and he stayed home today. They’re not even playing at Rusty’s tonight. He’s just being a whiny baby and driving Collin crazy – that’s what Spencer told me. I thought that you could go over there and take care of him and all that crap.”

I nodded as I bit the inside of my cheek. I was pretty prepared for my finals but I could take my books over there anyway. I wanted to go – was burning to go. He was probably miserable and needed someone to look after him. His parents were all the way in Chicago and I was sure that even though Collin loved his brother, he was probably at the end of his rope. Poor Lucas.

“Okay, let me get some stuff together,” I said. “And I better stop at the store.”

Bailey dug in her purse and grabbed a wad of cash. She crammed it in my bag with a grin. “Here, the food is on me.” I didn’t say anything as I was torn between grateful and embarrassed. But she knew I had been dipping into my laptop money to finish my Christmas shopping.

“Don’t say a word, Irelyn,” she warned, her eyes dark. “You know my parents send me enough money every month to feed a small country. Just take it – it’s for the boys, not you.”

“Fine,” I sighed and gave her a quick hug. “Thanks.”

***

Collin’s huge grin took up most of his face as he ushered me into the house. He relieved me of the grocery bags and I dropped my bag of clothes and books on the floor. I followed him into the kitchen as he set the bags on the table.

“You are an angel, Irelyn,” he gushed. “What’s all this?”

“Um,” I blushed. “Stuff to make soup. My mom makes a killer vegetable soup and I thought I’d make it for Lucas. Plus there’s other stuff in there like orange juice and cold medicine and things.”

After hugging me again, Collin kissed the top of my head. “My brother is a lucky man. He’s sleeping right now – I gave him some Tylenol a little while ago because he was burning up with fever.”

“Is he all right?” I asked as the blood drained from my face. “Did he see a doctor?”

Collin shook his head in amusement. “He’s a man, Irelyn – he doesn’t go to the doctor unless he’s bleeding profusely or dying.”

“Damn, stubborn men,” I muttered as I helped Collin unpack the groceries. “And I suppose neither of you got a flu shot, huh?”

Collin grinned. “Lucas is afraid of needles.”

I gawked at him. “Really?”

“Yep,” Collin said, smug.

“Did you get a flu shot?” I asked.

The smug smile slipped into a sheepish frown. “Um, no. I don’t care for needles, either.”

I shook my head at their idiocy and started preparing the soup. “That’s stupid. Just don’t look when they give you the injection.”

He chuckled and squeezed my arm. “Hey, um, we’re not playing at Rusty’s tonight, obviously, so do you mind if I get out of here? I’d rather not be exposed to anymore of Luke’s nasty germs.”

“Sure, go,” I said with a giggle. He kissed the top of my head as someone knocked on the door.

“I’ll get that,” he announced.

Shrugging carelessly, I continued chopping vegetables. But my ears perked when I heard a female voice. I dropped the knife, good thing, too, and crept closer to the kitchen door. My gut twisted as I heard Amber ask Collin about Lucas.

“He’s not up for visitors right now,” Collin explained. “But I’ll tell him you stopped by.”

“Can you give him this?” she asked. I couldn’t see what she wanted Lucas to have and was sorely tempted to peek. “It’s soup. I made it for him. I hope it helps him to feel better.”

“Sure,” Collin said, amusement evident in his voice. “No problem.”

“Sorry you guys aren’t playing at Rusty’s tonight. Do you think you will next week?”

“If none of us are sick,” he said. “Thanks again, Amber, but I have to go. I have to um, check on Luke. See you around.”

As soon as I heard the door shut, I returned to the vegetables but my hands were trembling, making it rather difficult to chop food and not fingers.

“Soup. Good. I’m hungry,” I heard Luke’s hoarse voice say. He followed Collin into the kitchen wrapped in his bedspread. His eyes were red with dark circles underneath, his hair messy, and his face scruffy with whiskers. My heart went out to him as I longed to just take him in my arms and hold him until he was better.

“Want me to heat it up?” Collin offered.

But Lucas didn’t hear him. His eyes fell on me and a tiny smile started in the corners of his mouth. “Irelyn, what are you doing here? Don’t you have finals?”

“Not until next week,” I said. I dropped the knife so I could hurry around the table to him. “You should be in bed,” I fussed as I held my hand to his hot forehead.

“But I’m hungry,” he whined. “Someone brought soup.”

Collin asked for my cell phone and I handed it to him as I tried to urge Lucas back to bed. “I’ll heat the soup up and make you a sandwich, if you want,” I said. He nodded but plopped into a chair, refusing to leave the kitchen. I sighed and poured him a glass of juice.

“Okay,” Collin said as he handed me my phone. “My cell and Spencer’s cell are in there. Call me if you need me. You have everything under control so I’m out of here.” He stopped in front of Lucas to place a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You’re in good hands, bro, but call me if you need me. I’m going to hang out with Spencer tonight. I’ll check on you later.”

“Yeah, yeah, get out of here wuss,” Lucas teased. Collin squeezed his shoulder and left.

I heated up the soup Amber brought and fixed a grilled cheese sandwich. I placed it in front of Lucas but he just kept staring at me.

“Eat,” I ordered as I returned to the vegetables. His gaze was heavy, weighing me down, and I couldn’t look at it anymore.

“What are you making?”

“My mom’s vegetable soup. It’s really good when she makes it but I can do an okay job,” I said, my back to him.

“I bet it’s great,” he said. I heard him pick up his spoon and stir his soup. “Did you make this?”

“No,” I snorted. “Amber dropped it off.”

“You’re kidding,” he groaned. I turned around to shake my head at him. He tried to smile. “I wonder if it’s poisoned.”

“I doubt it,” I said. “She’s feeding it to you, not me.”

“Thank you for coming, Irelyn,” he said as he set his spoon down. “I wanted you here but I didn’t want to call and ask. I know you have to study.”

“I’m ready for my finals, don’t worry.”

When I finished chopping the vegetables, I dumped them into the huge pot on the stove. I added the other ingredients and stirred, watching the concoction bubble.

“You know, this is sort of what I imagined it would be like if you would have been pregnant,” he said. The wooden spoon in my hand fell in the soup and I cursed as the hot liquid scorched my skin when I tried to dig the spoon out. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” I said with a tight smile. My heart was hammering while my brain tried to process what he’d said.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said as he took a bite of the sandwich. “But I did think about it. It didn’t seem too bad, either – you and the baby living here with me. I tried to figure what it would cost to hire a nanny to look after the tyke while you were in school and I was at work – that is until you finally got published and could stay home and write all day.” I didn’t have to glance over my shoulder to know he was smiling. “I imagine it would have been hard trying to write between feedings and diaper changes but I didn’t see you as the type to hire full-time help. I figured you’d want to take care of our child by yourself.”

My heart melted as tears collected behind my eyes. While I’d been trying to figure out how to pass a possible pregnancy off on Dustin, Lucas had been making financial arrangements for me and the baby.

“Luke, we don’t have to worry about that now,” I whispered, unable to face him. “It didn’t happen.”

“Come here,” he said. I shut off the fire under the soup, set the spoon on the stove, and nearly ran to his arms. He pulled me on his lap and wrapped me in the blanket he still wore around his shoulders. He kissed my hair as I rested my cheek on his wheezy chest. “I know it didn’t happen and I’m relieved, actually – it would have been tough. But, it would have been a little nice, too.”

I closed my eyes, imagining the scene he must have been imagining and I had to agree – it would have been a little nice.

Chapter 12

Lucas raved over my soup that evening, making me blush, and ate two bowls before declaring he was full. His fever was down – thanks to the Tylenol – and he was in a bit of a playful mood.

I coaxed him back to bed by promising I’d stay with him while he watched a movie. Once I settled him under the blankets, he directed me to a stack of DVDs in a rack near his dresser. I glanced at the titles and groaned.

“Are you serious, Lucas?” I complained as I yanked one out of the rack and held it up for his inspection. “’Good Will Humping’? Is this all porn?”

His laughter turned into a coughing fit. I dropped the DVD and retrieved a cold glass of water. He took it from me once his coughing stopped and drained it. Once he set the glass on the nightstand, he yanked me on the bed next to him.

“I have not watched a single second of porn since you entered my life,” he whispered, his voice scratchy. “I haven’t needed to watch it.”

My cheeks blazed as I buried my face in his chest. He chuckled cautiously and rubbed my back.

“I suppose there are porn magazines under your mattress?” I asked as I recovered from embarrassment.

“Nah,” he smirked, his face still too pale for my liking. “I don’t live at home with my mother anymore, love, no need to hide it. It’s in the nightstand. Check for yourself.”