All Things Beautiful (19 page)

Her words had the desired effect. The stern set of her husband’s features softened, his stance relaxed. “I am sorry to hear of your loss.”

Julia took her first complete breath since Brader had stepped into the room, certain the danger of a confrontation had passed. Peter stunned her when he declared, “Save your condolences, Wolf. I’ve asked your wife to go off with me.”

“Peter!” she burst out in shock, whirling on him.

Before she could say more, Brader said, in a voice as hard as flint, “And has she given you an answer?”

“No!” Julia turned so she could look at the two angry men, her hands coming up as if to keep them away from each other. “The answer is no!”

“She’s afraid of you,” Peter jeered.

Brader’s body tensed. Julia threw herself toward him, placing a hand on each of his arms. “He’s mad with grief and drink. Don’t listen to him.”

Brader looked from Peter, down to Julia, and back again. The set of his mouth grew grimmer. She understood him enough to know how hard he fought to control his temper.

“What, no response, Wolf?” Peter taunted, obviously believing he held the advantage by Brader’s silence. “She’s above your touch, you know. She’s fine silk to your dross and coarse wool. Let her free to be with her own kind.”

Brader’s eyes flared golden for a mere second before retreating behind a hard opaque shell. His expression
had changed so quickly, only Julia knew Peter’s barb had struck a nerve.

The unique timbre of Brader’s voice filled the room. “Leave, Carberry. Do so now or I shall be forced physically to remove you, a task I shall relish.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Peter challenged.

Oh, he’d dare, Julia thought wildly, and she wasn’t sure she shouldn’t let him. Instead, she pushed her back against Brader’s chest. “Stop it, both of you.” Turning wide eyes on Peter, she stated, “I have no intention of leaving with you. My life is here. I took a vow before God to honor this man, and I will not leave—with you or anyone else.”

“Julia, my angel, is that all that holds you here?” Peter asked. “Your honor does not demand you sacrifice yourself—”

“Peter, you fool!” she shouted in full voice. “He’s my husband!”

Shocked, Peter’s eyes lost their defiance. He stared at Brader’s hands, now resting on her shoulders. “You will not come with me?” His voice sounded bewildered, betrayed.

“No. Now please leave,” she spoke softly, realizing the battle was over. “You have created enough havoc in my life for one morning.”

“You heard my wife, Carberry. She’s asked you to leave.” Brader’s voice was emotionless.

Peter straightened his shoulders, looking past them and seeming to study the December landscape
outside the window, before giving a nod of his head, as if he’d come to an understanding. He focused on Julia. “I’m willing to give up everything for you, to leave the country and disgrace my name.”

Julia shook her head. “Peter, please.”

He did not like losing. She’d known him since childhood and he’d always been the same. Now she watched as he finally accepted that she would not leave Kimberwood with him—and braced herself.

Peter did not disappoint her. He drew himself up to his full height, hiding behind an aura of self-importance. “Next you’ll babble to me you are in love with this—” he raked Brader with his eyes disdainfully—“merchant. Well, I won’t stay to hear it,” he decided crisply.

Walking to the door, Peter paused to make his last grim pronouncement. “Good-bye, Julia. We shall not see each other again. I assure you of that fact.” He opened the door. “From this day forward, you are as one dead to me.” He slammed the door behind him with finality.

Brader’s body started as if he would spring after Peter and throttle him. Julia turned and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against the linen covering his chest. “Don’t, Brader. He’s not worth it. That’s just Peter’s way.”

Brader took her arms and moved her aside. “And it is my way to answer insult with like. Carberry
is a pompous puppy, and has never been anything more.”

“Yes, but he’s not worth having the constable set on you, and Peter would do that if you laid a hand on him. He’d use his position in the House of Lords to do every vindictive little thing he could.”

Brader stepped back from her and sneered. “He doesn’t have the power.”

Julia suddenly felt drained. “Whereas you do?”

“I could destroy him,” Brader acknowledged.

“You may have already.” She walked over to the window in time to watch Peter put spurs to his horse and charge down the drive. Silence stretched between them, broken only by the crackling of a log in the fireplace.

Julia spoke. “I did nothing to encourage him.”

“I did not think you did.”

He’d crossed to the fireplace and picked up the same piece of glass Peter had studied earlier. He turned the fine glass in his hands, as if contemplating the way the flames from the fire played against it.

She gave him a small, tight smile. “Yes, you did. You wondered, Brader. That’s why I want you to know. I’ve had nothing to do with Peter Jamison since the ball in London.”

Brader made no response at first but kept his attention on the heavy glass. Julia waited. “He’s in love with you.”

Julia raised her eyebrows in surprise, wondering if Brader had heard Peter’s wild declarations, and
then dismissed the possibility. The walls of Kimberwood were thick and solid. She corrected him. “Peter thought he was in love with me. His desire for me was merely his grief and guilt talking.”

Brader shook his head and stood up straight to face her. “No, Carberry loves you. I had him thoroughly checked out before I sent him to your parents with the marriage offer. What he did today is completely out of character, especially since—” He shook his head as if he changed his mind about what he was about to say.

Something weighed heavy on his mind. “Does it bother you if Peter believes he loves me?” she prompted.

“He does love you,” Brader shot back.

Julia rolled her eyes heavenward. “Fine. If you insist then I agree, Peter loves me. But my feelings toward him are unchanged. He is a friend, a childhood acquaintance really, nothing more—and even less now,” she amended.

When Brader made no response, she tried a different tack. “Brader, a person could almost imagine you are jealous.”

“And what if I were, Julia? Is it so hard to believe?” Brader didn’t look at her, again studying the glass intently, one long finger carefully tracing its contours.

Truly hurt that he would even doubt her, she answered, “I’ve given you no cause. I am not some dumb animal to be bought or traded, unable to know her own mind. I meant what I said to Peter.
I took a marriage vow before God, and I honor my vows. You never need fear I will cuckold you.”

Brader looked at her then, his eyes dark and enigmatic. “Is that all that binds us? Wedding vows?”

Julia held her hands out to him in exasperation. “Hello? Is this the same Brader Wolf I married not seven weeks ago?” She heaved a beleaguered sigh. “Brader, I don’t understand what you want. Are you angry I didn’t refuse to see Peter immediately? I would have if I’d known he was going to behave so foolishly.”

“Like he did in London.”

She let her arms fall to her side. “Yes,” she agreed. “He was out of line in London. I extended him a common courtesy today, and he abused it. It will not happen again. Even if he should come to the door, I will order Fisher to refuse him.”

His face set in strong, tense lines, Brader looked far from satisfied, but he did not answer.

Julia wished she understood what he wanted. She changed the subject. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I promised Nan I would read to her this afternoon.”

Brader stared at her as if trying to read her soul. She wanted to stamp her foot in vexation. Damn Peter for showing up with his theatrics and upsetting the perfect world she and Brader had created. And, damn Brader, she added, for behaving in such an odd manner. With a last frustrated glance in his direction, she walked to the door.
His voice stopped her just as her hand turned the handle.

“You know that it was Peter Jamison who hired Lawrence Alcorn to seduce you.”

Julia didn’t know how to answer his statement. Brader stood in brooding silence watching her. She wondered if this was behind his strange mood.

“Yes,” she said finally. “I knew Peter was one of the group of men who hired Lawrence.”

Brader’s lips parted, his eyes opening in surprise. “You knew? And yet you’ve treated him with kindness and friendship, even listened to my proposal through him?”

“And accepted it,” she acknowledged dryly.

“Why? Why did you even listen to him? He betrayed you.”

“He was one of a group of men who set me up and betrayed me,” she corrected. “Two members of that group had been fleeced by Geoffrey and wished revenge, with good cause. I had rejected the suit of several others—legitimate rejections,” she added. “But knowing Peter’s involvement, why did you use him?”

“My sources recommended Carberry because of his status in society and the longstanding relationship he had with your family.”

“I know Peter better than I know my brothers,” she agreed. “And I did listen to him when he spoke for you. I truly believe Peter regrets he played a part in my downfall.”

Brader snorted his disbelief.

“Peter gave me his coat and led me out of the room when all the others could do was laugh.” Laugh? She could still hear the catcalls, the crude words, the hands reaching for her. Taking a deep breath, she admitted, “I blame only myself for what happened that night. Lawrence Alcorn had very little to commend him besides good looks. The hardest moment of my life was when I realized
I made the choice
that led to my disgrace. Lawrence spoke of love, just as Peter did today, but I never should have entertained his suggestion to elope. It was bad
ton,
” she explained with a rueful smile. “In doing so, I betrayed my name. If I had listened to the rules of society years ago, I would not have become a scandal.”

Julia held her head higher.

“Today Peter offered me another choice—one that, for all his fine words of love, would have ruined me.” She flashed Brader a brilliant smile full of confidence as she turned the handle on the door. “But this time he didn’t succeed.”

There, she thought, with no small amount of pride. Let Brader mull over that! She started to open the door.

“Julia?” The baritone of his voice stopped her. She turned to him. He still stood by the mantel, his arms at his sides, the glass piece held loosely in one hand. In spite of his stance, he looked tense. His face was an emotionless mask.

“Yes, Brader?” She raised her eyebrows in askance.

“The only reason you didn’t leave today is because of our wedding vow?”

She smiled. “I will honor that vow until my death,” she assured him proudly. She opened the door. “Do you have much more to do before dinner? Perhaps we can try to go out for a quick ride, although the air is rather brisk.”

He shook his head but made no move to follow her out of the room.

“Are you returning to the study?”

“No, I think I will stay here a moment. Close the door for me, please.”

Julia blinked. Brader rarely spent any time alone in the sitting room, and his request was unusual. Still…“Of course, Brader. I’ll see you at dinner?”

“Yes.”

She gave him her famous smile, trying to divine his thoughts. His face was an inscrutable mask. “Well, I’ll see you at dinner,” she repeated and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

She’d climbed halfway up the staircase when she heard a crash from the sitting room. Instinctively, she knew the glass figurine existed no more.

Aware that Fisher and the footmen’s eyes must be on her regardless of their training, Julia pivoted on the step, debating her next move. The door to the sitting room opened.

Brader stopped in the doorway, his aura civilized and controlled. His expressionless gaze met hers. They studied each other, and then Brader broke eye contact and walked without a word to his study.

Waiting until his study door closed, a bewildered Julia turned to Fisher and the witnessing footmen. Proud of the steadiness in her voice, she said stiffly, “I believe, Fisher, there is a mess that needs to be tidied in the sitting room.”

On that understatement Julia continued up the stairs, aware that Peter had stolen something precious and special from her and Brader…and wondering what would she have to do to get it back.

T
hey gave the majority of the staff the holiday off, starting after the Christmas Eve meal, which they’d shared with Nan, Mrs. Brown, and Mrs. Elliott in Nan’s room. Mrs. Brown, a widow, had no family and would spend the holiday with Nan. Mrs. Elliott planned to leave two days after Christmas to visit her oldest daughter.

Weak but in a cheerful mood, Nan exclaimed over the soft fineness of the cashmere throw Julia gave her and over her Christmas presents from Brader. Then, Julia and Brader attended the vigil service at the small parish church with Mrs. Elliott.

Finally, they were alone.

“Brader, I am so sorry.” Never had she spoken more heartfelt words.

It was past midnight, the very first hour of Christmas Day.

Julia sat in the middle of their bed, her hands clasped in her lap. Dressed in her white lawn gown, her hair down and curling around her face
and shoulders the way he liked it, she blushed, suddenly aware of how contrived she must appear in her role of penitent.

She’d caught him off guard. He stopped in the doorway of their bedroom, frowning. He’d just made a tour of the house to ensure that all doors and windows were fastened for the evening.

Brader shut the door behind him. “You have no need to apologize.” He was dressed in the figured cashmere dressing gown she’d given him for Christmas, the loose trousers he wore for sleeping, and flat, heelless slippers.

“Yes, I do. For that silliness with Peter today.”

Brader looked embarrassed. “I know you didn’t encourage Carberry.” He kicked off the slippers under the bed but didn’t move toward her.

She rose up on her knees, pleading with him. “Then what is it? You’ve been so quiet, so contemplative ever since Peter came. You smashed that figurine in the sitting room, and tonight during the church service you held my hand as though you’re afraid I’ll run away. Even your mother asked me if you were feeling well. Brader, I swear to you, I had no idea Peter was going to appear with that ludicrous offer, and if I had I would never have let him past the front door.”

“Julia, that’s not it.” He stood at the end of the bed, the robe opened to reveal his bare chest in the lamplight. He looked like a Turkish pasha, virile, masculine, and just as distant.

“Something is bothering you,” she insisted.
“Please tell me. I want everything to be the way it was before Peter came.” She rocked back on her heels, begging him with her eyes.

His jaw tensed and Julia could feel his indecision. She sat very still, wishing she could guess what he was thinking. Finally, he turned, went to his wardrobe, and from a small drawer removed a wooden box no more than a few inches square. He turned it thoughtfully in his fingers before he returned his attention to her. He studied her a moment, appeared to brace himself by squaring his shoulders, and crossed over to her.

He sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. Julia slid closer to him, leaning on her right hand.

“I have a Christmas gift for you.”

“Another? The lovely sapphire necklace you gave me over dinner was more than enough.”

He smiled, a self-deprecating smile she’d never thought to see on his face. “Well, that was insurance.”

“Insurance?”

“In case you don’t admire what I’m about to give you.”

The wind rattled the windowpanes and played with the lamplight. The flames from the fireplace flickered, dimming and brightening the room as was their wont. Julia leaned even closer to Brader, savoring his warmth and his unique male scent, mixed with sandalwood. “Whatever you give me I will cherish.”

“Will you?” He asked the question in dead
earnest. He was so serious, he made her nervous. She wanted to reach out, touch the corner of his mouth, and tease him out of whatever weighed heavy on his mind. But knowing Brader’s pride, she held her tongue.

Looking down at the wooden box, he flipped open the lid on its tiny hinges, turned the contents out into his palm, and held his hand out to Julia. The lamplight caught the glow of a thin gold wedding band.

It wasn’t expensive, perhaps not even solid gold. The light played on its burnished edges.

She raised her gaze from the band to meet his eyes. The intensity burning in their depths and the firm set of his mouth frightened her.

As if sensing her fear, he forced his mouth to curve into a tight smile. “This is the only legacy my father left me.”

The information took her breath away. Julia lowered her head and stared at the band.

“It’s not much, is it?” he said. “He should have given her his name. Instead, this ring was to serve as his promise. A promise there was no time to fulfill before—” Brader broke off his sentence, frowning. Finally he said, “Before they hanged him.”

Julia waited for him to say more. He didn’t. “Where did you get it?”

“From Mother. She gave it to me right before our wedding.”

Julia looked up at him sharply. A thought struck her, so surprising and wonderful she was afraid of
it. There had been no wedding ring in their ceremony. Nor had she looked for one, absorbed as she was in a wealth of tumbling emotions over her family and the animosity she felt coming from her husband. How far they’d traveled together since the moment of their wedding! But it was not so far that the wrong word could not destroy their fragile relationship. She remained quiet.

He continued speaking, his eyes focused not on her but on the thin band. “Mother wanted me to give it to you, but I didn’t. I had a difficult time explaining to Mother that our marriage was more of a business transaction than a—a marriage.”

Cold dread stole up her spine. Julia straightened. “Brader—”

“Listen to me, Julia, because I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to say this if I don’t do it this moment. I feel like the pauper boy in the fairy tale who has a chance to capture the beautiful princess.” She started to speak but he laid his finger against her mouth, silencing her. “No, don’t speak. This is for me to say.” Intently, he traced the curve of her bottom lip and the line of her cheekbone and twisted one curl from against her neck.

“And I
have
captured you, haven’t I, Princess? I know you will never disgrace me. Your sense of honor is such that I never need doubt you. You are all the wife any man could ask for.”

Those words gave her hope. Julia relaxed the tenseness in her shoulders, but her eyes did not leave his. She stared into them as if mesmerized.
There, in those deep, dark depths, she read something she had never thought to see in Brader: vulnerability.

She held her breath.

“I believe my father loved my mother very much, and if circumstances had been different he would have married her. Instead, he gave her this ring. I married my woman, but I have never given her the ring.”

She started to speak, to reassure him that what they had between them was more than enough.

Brader shook his head. “No, not a word. For tonight, Julia, listen.”

He lifted her hand then, holding it out palm down between them. “I could have destroyed you. I tried to abandon you…and I never trusted you. Yet you trusted me and expected me to honor our wedding vows, vows I made with no intention of fulfilling.”

Julia gave his fingers a squeeze, afraid even to take a breath.

“This ring isn’t very much,” he said. “I could have purchased something more worthy in London, but I didn’t realize how much you meant to me, or what my life would be like if you left me, until that idiot Carberry made his declaration today.”

Julia smiled at his description of Peter. Brader had not been angry with her, this afternoon, but jealous. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss that “idiot Carberry”!

“And I won’t let another moment pass between us until I do this right.” He held the ring out over her index finger. “I don’t know the right words, Julia, but I don’t ever want to lose you because I didn’t say them. You must believe that what I am about to say comes from my heart and is more binding than any vow repeated before a clergyman.”

He looked down at her hand,

“I promise to cherish”—he lightly touched the ring to her index finger—“to honor”—he moved the ring to her middle finger, touching it lightly—“and to love you”—he slipped the ring down and in place on her ring finger—“for all my living days…”—he raised his head, his Adam’s apple moving along the strong contour of his throat, his eyes dark and sincere, and finished—“until death us do part.”

The old gold on her hand winked at her in the lamplight. She closed her fingers around it, enjoying the alien feel of wearing a ring where she’d previously worn none.

“I love you, Julia.”

Julia caught her breath in stunned silence. Tears welled in her eyes. Never had she thought to hear those words. Brader loved her! He was hers. She brought her hands up on either side of his face and kissed him with all the longing, gratitude, and joy she felt in her soul. And he kissed her back, confirming his words. Brader was hers.

She broke the kiss. She didn’t know what to say. “Brader—”

“I know you don’t love me.” He lifted her fingers to his lips and kissed the tips. “I don’t ask it and I’ve accepted it. Don’t ever say anything to me you don’t mean. I value your honesty…and I do understand.”

Julia expelled all the air inside her at one time. She’d never thought about loving Brader. She admired him. He grew more handsome in her eyes every day they shared together. She certainly loved what he could make her body feel. Was that love?

Brader’s arms started to take her in their embrace but she stopped him, holding his arms at the wrist. Studying him, she drank in every nuance, every detail of his strong face with her eyes. He was hers. Suddenly, the realization made her feel powerful, wonderful, alive.

She pushed doubts from her mind. No doubts, not tonight. He’d given her a precious gift and she wasn’t going to question it. Instead, she wanted to give to him in return and she only knew of one gift he’d accept.

Slowly, Julia leaned toward Brader until her lips barely touched his. Her heart hammering in her chest, she traced his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue.

Brader reacted exactly as she’d anticipated. Ticklish, he gave a chuckle and moved to wrap his arms around her again, but Julia pulled away slightly while pushing his arms away from her body. “No. Now it is my turn to give.”

He frowned, a frown she canceled with a devastating
smile, but she refused to let go of his wrists. When his expression turned to one of wariness, she leaned forward again and brushed the firm, hard nipples of her swelling breasts in slow circles against his bare chest.

Brader drew his breath in sharply, as if the body contact, even through the material of her nightdress, seared his skin. She dipped her head down to kiss and nuzzle the hollow of his shoulder, licking his warm skin. She nipped gently from where his pulse beat wildly at the base of his throat, along the curve of his neck, and up to his ear, a move she knew threw Brader over the edge.

His body tensed. She stopped, a hair’s breath away from his sensitive lobe, until she felt his lips curl into a smile of anticipation, before she whispered in it the way he liked. Only tonight the words were not soft and meaningless but very specific promises.

The glow in Brader’s eyes turned predatory. His weight shifted, and he lifted her up into his lap before she knew what to expect. When he moved to take the initiative, Julia pressed her palms against his shoulders.

Brader’s expression changed to one of sensual appraisal. He smiled slowly, and in that slow smile Julia could feel the growing strength of his arousal against her.

She slid one leg around his hip on one side, until she could cradle his body with her legs. Her nightgown rode up around her hips. Used to being the
hunter, Brader reached for her once more, but Julia stopped him, recapturing his wrists and holding them out to his side. She kissed him with all her heart and soul.

Brader moved beneath her hips, a slow dance, touching, teasing, coaxing her, but Julia wasn’t about to give in easily. He loved her. A man as unique and marvelous as Brader Wolf loved her!
Her.

And she was going to repay that love with a night he’d never forget.

Pressing him back onto the bed, Julia proceeded to kiss every muscle, every hair, every stretch of flesh. Her lips teased, cajoled, and honored while her hands slid the clothing from his body. Slipping her palms underneath the waistband of his loose trousers, she slid them down his thighs and over his calves. Her hands caressed the heavy muscles; her tongue tickled the bend of his knee.

Julia worshiped him with hands and mouth. He shivered, his skin burnished by the golden glow of lamp and hearth. Julia warmed him, rubbing her hands, arms, and legs against his gorgeous male flesh.

He was hers.

Reaching his lips, her tongue entered his mouth, exploring, begging, discovering. Brader moaned. He wrapped his hands around her breasts and begged her for more with his mouth.

Julia had never felt so aroused. He’d reach to
embrace her or take over the lead, but she would slip from his hands.

She traveled down his body pressing tiny kisses, her full, tight breasts brushing against him. She kissed down his rib cage, her hands stroking the indentations of his buttocks.

Raising himself on his elbows, he watched her journey. Her lips hovered over his body, the silk of her hair brushing either side of his hips. Brader became very still. Putting her lips together, Julia gently blew against his aroused flesh, smiling when she heard him gasp her name.

He was hers.

Ever so slowly, she lowered her lips until they touched the petal softness of steel hard male. His body quivered beneath her touch. She wanted to possess him, to love him completely and fully, as she bent her head to take this, the very essence of him. Her name was torn from his lips in a hoarse cry.

Strong hands came down to her shoulders, pulling her up his body to his face. He kissed her, a deep soul-satisfying kiss, and Julia was surprised to discover she trembled with a need as strong and vibrant as Brader’s.

Rising and straddling his body with her knees, she lifted the hem of her nightdress and pulled it up over her head. Pride surged through her as his eyes turned to the midnight black of desire.