All We See or Seem

ALL WE SEE OR SEEM

Copyright © 2012 LEAH SANDERS

ISBN
978-1-62135-035-4

Cover Art Designed by Elaina Lee

Edited by
Paula Buck
endorf

 

To Rachel, I would never have written any of this if it hadn't been for your encouragement.

 

 

Gryff's orders lay unopened on the table.

The silent tension caused Gem to bite her lip. She tucked a loose strand of auburn hair behind her ear and shifted uneasily in the chair. Wide-eyed, Gryff sat stiffly beside her, regarding the envelope. He was like a statue — hands on his knees — staring interminably at the table.

Finally, Gem cleared her throat. Gryff jolted as if in a daze and turned to her. A look of uncertainty hung in his eyes. She swallowed the dry, sticky taste in her mouth and reached for his hand. It felt cold… clammy. Gem could feel the faint tremor of his fear radiating through his fingers. She took Gryff's hand between her own and squeezed, trying to infuse heat and reassurance at the same time.

“Sometimes they come back,” Gem's voice was barely a whisper. It was a feeble attempt, but she was grasping at straws here.

Everyone knows.

They don't come back. Never whole, anyway. Most likely, this was goodbye. Gem knew it. Gryff knew it.

“Yeah. Sometimes they come back.” She knew it was his effort to reassure her, but there was a storm behind his green eyes, betraying his fear. He smiled weakly at her and pulled his hand away reluctantly to reach for the envelope instead. With a heavy sigh, he leaned back again in his chair, staring for just a moment at the sealed envelope in his trembling hands. Then in one gust of determination, he tore open his orders and read them.

“When?” Gem couldn't wait any longer. She hated how badly she wanted to know. Her eyes scoured Gryff's face for the answer. When he met her gaze, he was pale. Gem's heart fell into her stomach, but she waited for Gryff to swallow the emotion she knew was caught in his throat.

“Tomorrow.”

“Code Green.” It was a statement rather than a question, but Gem whispered it hoarsely. Green, a tremendous honor. The only thing higher was an immediate mandate — a Code Violet. 
An honor. 
An honor.
 She repeated it in her mind — enough times and she might start to believe it.

“Code Green,” Gryff affirmed. He turned his gaze back to the crisp white paper and the neat, black print, which Gem knew was blurring through the barrage of moisture she saw welling up in his eyes. He seemed suddenly so far away, and a strange emptiness swelled in the pit of her stomach. In that moment she needed… she couldn't put her finger on what, but somehow she felt as if Gryff was the only one who could fill the void. She reached out uncertainly, but he stood abruptly, leaving her without an antidote for the pain. “What time is your appointment? You do have benchmarks today, right?”

“Yeah. Um…” Gem put her hand down quickly and shook her head slightly to clear the haze. “It's at ten. It's a level three, so I'll be a couple hours.”

“Level three? You won't be eating lunch then… I'll meet you at the gym for the afternoon session. You'd better get going. Don't want to be late again.” Gryff still hadn't looked at her. She knew he was struggling for control.

“Gryff? I…” She hesitated and changed her mind.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Then he turned his back on Gem and walked out.

Gem looked at the wall clock. Yeah, she had better get going. It was a good ten minutes to the repository clinic. If she was late again there would be disciplinary action. Her record was bad enough as it was.

****

“Gemini — Stem 6418C.” The attendant was distant, cold, as usual. “Exam Room Seven. Level Three Testing. When did you last eat?”

“Oh-six-hundred hours.” Gem's voice was equally emotionless. No one at the clinic appreciated any sign of personality. They expected dry, mechanical responses. Anything else raised eyebrows and, more often than not, earned comments in the permanent record like
Uncooperative
,
Troublesome
, and
Aggressive Tendencies
.
Too many of those and you could guarantee a disciplinary action. Gem was determined to meet expectations today.

“Fine. The chart says you were tardy for your last appointment. I remind you another offense will earn you a referral to the disciplinary clinic.”

No answer was expected.

Gem followed the attendant down the hallway to the exam room. It was a long, silent walk. The only sound was the rhythmic clatter of the attendant's heels echoing off the white tiled walls. When they reached Exam Room Seven, Gem stood quietly and awaited further instruction.

“Change into the gown. Sit on the table.” The attendant gestured toward the folded gown sitting there then promptly left the room, closing the door behind her.

Gem knew she had very little time to do what was asked. The staff at the repository clinic was nothing if not efficient, so she changed quickly and sat in the designated place, folding her hands neatly in her lap. As if on cue, the door opened again and through it strode three attendants and a clinician. Each had a specific task that they set about doing immediately. One worked on her right side to draw blood; another worked on the left to insert an I.V.; the third took saliva swabs and checked vitals, while the clinician reviewed Gem's chart for a moment and asked her periodic questions without looking at her. “Any pain or discomfort lately? Any body changes? Physical traumas?”

Gem answered curtly as was expected, though in her mind she had to laugh at the timing of some of the questions. “Any pain or discomfort lately?” and the attendant on the left jabbed the I.V. needle into her arm. “Physical traumas?” and the third attendant banged a metal cart into her kneecap. Nevertheless, Gem answered “No” on all counts. Everything was normal as far as the clinic was concerned.

Gem's mind began to edge toward Gryff. He was leaving. Probably for good. But if she thought about that now, she wouldn't pass the tests, so Gem forced it out of her mind and focused back on the clinician.

“Brain activity nodes. Logic. Physiological Response. R.E.M. Requested procedure 11B via 7217. Alter consciousness for that one. We'll do it last. No Chem Response today. Confirm schedule changes in the database.” He was talking to the attendants now. Each one input a note on her board then scurried off in a different direction to prepare the tests.

Gem knew the drill. Monthly appointments at the Repository were by the book. Rarely a change in the agenda. Sure, Level Three was usually more strenuous, often left her exhausted, always made her lose her appetite. But it was nothing she hadn't done before. It was easy to let her mind wander while the clinician spouted instructions to the attendants. But what was that he just said? Something different. Gem's heart rate increased ever so slightly. One of the attendants looked up at the heart monitor then at Gem.
Breathe, Gem. Calm down. It
'
s nothing. You
'
re fine.
She attempted to control her own heart rate, to bring it back down to normal.

“Sir.” The attendant watching the heart monitor drew the clinician's attention to the change.

“Hmm... Static therapy, maybe. This one is observant. I'll make a note.” He keyed something into Gem's chart. The beep on the monitor increased frequency again, causing the clinician to look up suddenly. “Wow. That is amazing.” Then he nodded at the attendant and indicated Gem with a dart of his eyes. The attendant quickly retrieved a pair of earphones from the cart and fitted them firmly in Gem's ears then set the volume and station. Immediately Gem was flooded with soothing musical tones. She relaxed and allowed the music to wash over her. Around her the attendants went about their duties briskly. The clinician returned to his work in Gem's chart. The heart monitor registered a steadily stabilizing rate.

****

When Gem walked out of the clinic three hours later, she had only a vague recollection of going through the tests. She felt like she was walking out of a cloud, and her mind still swam in the remnants of the fog.

Robotically, Gem somehow found her way to the gym and to her afternoon calisthenics. She scanned her wrist and entered the room, panning the group for Gryff. She did remember he was going to meet her. She did remember — with clarity — he had received his orders, and he was leaving… tomorrow.

She spotted Gryff in the back row and made her way to him. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her elbow. With a start, Gem spun around to find herself face to face with a uniformed staff person.

“Gemini?” Recreational staff were less formal than the clinical staff.

“Yes?”

“Your exercise assignment has been changed today. You'll be joining a different group. Will you follow me?”

Gem glanced at Gryff. He stared back questioningly. Gem shrugged helplessly and followed the attendant out the door and down the hall.

This has happened before, so it wasn't cause for alarm, but Gem couldn't help but feel disappointed about the timing. Next week would have been better — tomorrow even. She needed to spend every moment possible with Gryff, and this unexpected change truncated the precious time she had left.

In spite of her emotional turmoil, her desperation for control in a situation that was out of her control, she followed obediently. Because
that
was what was expected.

 

E.R.O.M.I.

MEMO

TO: Dr. Izanagi

FROM: Dr. Admatha

DATE: June 17, 20xx

RE: STEM 6392C Replacement Order

 

Patient has suffered irreparable trauma and remains in a comatose state. Please prepare for mnemonic transfer. Living Will replacement request must be completed within three days to minimize disruption.

Update my office on stem readiness by tomorrow morning.

****

It had been an agonizing night for both Gem and Gryff. Nevertheless, time had quickly slipped away, and now Gryff stood in front of the EROMI building, steeling himself against the unknown. Regulation required he come alone, so his goodbyes had been said at the dormitory.

He closed his eyes momentarily and recalled Gem's tear-stained face desperately trying to smile for his sake. The way the dark sadness in her brown eyes had pierced him when he said goodbye. There was simply no word in his vocabulary to describe the gut-wrenching pain he had experienced as he had walked away from her this morning. Somehow with Gem it was different than with any of the others — Teo, Callem, Aria, even Tavon, who was a biological relative according to the records. With Gem it felt more like he was leaving one of his own organs behind.

Gryff opened his eyes. It wasn't just a nightmare.

Before him loomed the impressive structure of the EROMI headquarters. Most of the community buildings were of simple and functional architecture, but the EROMI building consisted of ornate pillars reminiscent of an ancient Greek style. It was carved of white marble, and the lettering was etched in black across the top arch. Above that, a gleaming dome sparkled in the morning light. The mere sight was enough to strip away Gryff's resolve. Though he had seen the building often enough at the center of the community while going about his normal daily schedule, he had never had cause to really see it.

He swallowed the lump that seemed lodged in his throat and trudged intrepidly toward his uncertain fate.

****

“Gryffon — Stem 6392C, reporting as directed.” Gryff said it flatly, without emotion. He expected a similar response from the check-in attendant, though he had actually never been inside the EROMI main facility. There is only one reason anyone from the Endfield community would ever come here.

“Ah! Mr. Gryffon, we've been looking forward to your visit.” The attendant smiled warmly and extended her hand in greeting as she stood to welcome him. Gryff retreated a step and regarded her warmth with confusion. The attendant quickly dropped her offered hand but smiled again and indicated a comfortable-looking chair. “Please, sit down. May I bring you something to drink? Perhaps a freshly baked muffin?” She seemed to notice his hesitation, then offered again, “Please, make yourself comfortable, sir. You have nothing to fear here. Today you are an honored guest.”

Gryff sat cautiously. Her friendly manner was unsettling. None of the EROMI staff had ever been this indulgent. But then again, he had never experienced a Code Green status. This must be what was meant when they said it was a great honor to be selected. His analysis allowed him to relax into the over-stuffed velvet chair.

The attendant handed Gryff a mug of hot, creamy liquid. “Try this. It's divine!” She then lifted a tray full of pastries, most he had never seen before. “Go ahead, choose whatever you like. My favorites are the ones sprinkled with cinnamon. I think I would eat them all day, if I were allowed.” She laughed softly at her own joke, setting him at ease. He reached for a pastry and set it on the small plate she held out.

“Thank you.” He bit into the pastry. His eyes widened in surprise. There was nothing like this on the menu at the commissary. Taking another bite, he closed his eyes to savor the sweetness. Once, he had read the definition of the word
ambrosia
in the dictionary. But he hadn't truly understood it until this moment. Before he could prevent it, a quiet moan escaped his throat. It startled him, and he opened his eyes and glanced at the attendant. She laughed.

“I know! Right? They're so good, I could just die!” Her voice held a hypnotizing drawl he hadn't noticed before, and her easy manner soothed his misgivings.

He smiled back at her contentedly and brought the mug to his lips for a deep draught of the creamy liquid.

Oh. Sweet. Joseph.

The soothing, hot potion washed through him, and suddenly Gryff felt like he was floating. A deep, contented exhaustion flooded his whole body, relaxing him further into the chair.
Gem.
His last tangible thought echoed in his mind, then the calming gray haze engulfed him, and his consciousness dissolved into the mist.

Just beyond the reach of the fog, echoes of vaguely familiar voices hovered around him.

“
He
'
s all yours
, d
octor
.
”

“
Fatina, my dear,
you
are a magician!
”

“
Oh, please, h
oney
. Like taking pastry from a baby.
”