All We See & Seem (Timber Wolves) (5 page)

“Why do you care?”

“A name, Talley.”

“Walker,” she said. “Walker Helkamp.”

It took Jase a minute to realize why the name sounded familiar.

“The pup from that tiny pack down in Arizona? He’s still in town? And you’re going out with him?”

Talley’s fingers went to her hair. “Don’t have an aneurysm. It’s just coffee.”

“You were supposed to tell him to leave.”

She snagged a strand of shiny black hair and began twirling it around her finger. Jase had known Talley his entire life and could clearly remember her doing the exact same thing when she would get nervous as a five year old. It looked odd now, though, since she’d had nearly a foot of hair cut off at the beginning of the semester. The shorter style suited her, framing her face in a way that made it impossible not to notice how her red lips and blue eyes contrasted with its dark color.

“Was he mean to you?” Jase asked when the urge to dig his own hands into those silky tresses became too much. “Did he bully you into agreeing to have coffee with him?” The thought of someone forcing themselves on her made his hands curl into fists. “Damn it, Tal, I’ll take care of him. You don’t have to take this shit.”

He was already making a move to get up, although he didn’t actually have any clue where he was going. All he knew was he needed to punch someone in the face.

“The only person bullying anyone around here is you, Jase. I’m the one who made the date.” Talley gave a very un-Talley-like growl before continuing on. “And I don’t understand why we’re talking about my love life when there are more important things to discuss. Are you going to tell me about Sarvarna’s phone call or not?”

To hell with Sarvarna. Talley said “love life”. Did that mean she was planning on taking this further than coffee? Was she going to date him? Sleep with him?

No. Absolutely not. That couldn’t happen. Talley wasn’t allowed to have sex. He was probably going to go to hell for even thinking about taking advantage of her like that, and the thought of some other guy touching her…

Toby’s idea of Baptist nuns was sounding better and better all the time. He would volunteer his sisters and Talley to be part of the first convent.

“I won’t tell you about the call unless you cancel your date.”
Ha. That’s a check and a mate, Tal.

“What did you say?” Red crept up her neck and onto her face, and possibly for the first time in her life, it wasn’t from embarrassment.

Jase, however, didn’t care if she was pissed. He knew her well enough to know she would put her friends and duty above some stupid date. “Cancel your date, and I’ll tell you about my conversation with our queen. Go, and well…” He shrugged as if the consequences were beyond him.

“You’re not serious.” Jase crossed his hands behind his head and leaned against the wall. “Jase, you can’t possibly be serious. This is important.”

“You’re right. It is. So, I suggest you stay.”

Scout once said it was impossible to piss off Talley. She said you could throw mud in Talley’s face while questioning her parentage and Talley would wipe the grime from her face and ask if you’re having a bad day. Scout hadn’t meant it as a personal challenge, but Jase took it as one. He knew it was messed up, but he liked knowing he was the only person who could get under her skin. He supposed if they were still in grade school he would be pulling on her braids and throwing a frog down her shirt. It was pathetic and stupid, but it didn’t stop the feeling of satisfaction he got when her lips narrowed and her nostrils flared.

“Charlie is lying in a hospital bed he may never leave; Scout is God only knows where, on the run because the Alpha Pack wants to see her dead; and someone ratted out Toby’s location to Sarvarna. Our entire world has gone insane, and you’re going to freak out because I’m going on a date?” She was shaking so hard he could see it from across the room. “What is wrong with you?”

Somewhere during her speech, Jase stopped finding the situation funny. It was probably right around the time she started detailing the way the people he loved were royally screwed thanks to him.

“What’s wrong with
me
?” he asked, pulling himself off the wall. “What about you, Talley? What is your problem? Why are you going out on dates when Charlie is in the hospital, Scout is on the run, and Toby could be tried for treason at any moment? Huh?” He grabbed the edge of the mattress to keep himself from launching across the room to get in her face. “And don’t get all ‘I’m just going on a date’ with me. You and I both know it’s not a
real
date. He doesn’t really want you. The only reason he’s paying attention to you at all is because he thinks you’ll give him a power-boost.”     

  He realized it was the wrong thing to say even before the first tear slid down her cheek.

“Jesus, Tal, don’t cry. I’m s—”

She cut him off with a fierce shake of her head. “I’m going on my date now,” she said, and because he was starting to feel like a perfect ass, he didn’t argue the point. “I’ll be back here in an hour, and then we can discuss your call with Sarvarna.”

She didn’t say goodbye. She just turned on her pointy heel and walked out the door. Jase went and stood by the window, watching until she exited the front of the building and turned left onto the sidewalk. He considered following her, but quickly realized how little she would appreciate the act. Plus, it wasn’t exactly like he would go unnoticed with another Shifter around. So instead, he flopped back onto his bed, and wished, not for the first time, that he had a nice alcohol or drug habit to dull the aching in his chest.

Talley ducked into the bathroom as soon as she got to the coffee shop. The walk from Jase’s dorm to downtown had taken a little over ten minutes, which was just enough time for her to get herself back under control. She shouldn’t have stopped by his room in the first place. She knew how he was going to react. What had she been thinking?

Of course, she knew exactly what she was thinking. It was Jase, and he had asked her to come by at six with a pepperoni pizza, so she had.

And you wanted to see him flip out over you having a date
, the Scout voice in her head added.

“I am so stupid,” Talley said to her reflection as she used some lotion and tissues to tame the mascara now painting her cheeks instead of her eyelashes. She had wanted Jase to flip out when she announced she had a date, but not for the reason he actually did. The part of her that was still six years old and believed in white knights and ugly ducklings dreamed of him magically realizing what a wonderful person she was and being overcome with jealousy. Instead, he had pointed out just how undesirable she was and accused her of being selfishly focused on her own life instead of their mission and the lives of their friends. She could have cleared that right up by telling him the real reason she was meeting Walker tonight, but she didn’t want him interfering. No, Walker was her mystery to solve, and she wasn’t getting Jase involved. At least, not yet.

A tiny blond girl with pixie-like features came up to the sink next to Talley and caught her reflection in the mirror. “You okay?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah.” Talley plastered on a smile. “My allergies are horrible this time of year.”

Tinkerbell shut off the water and grabbed a handful of paper towels. “Yeah, I’m allergic to assholes, too.”

“He’s not an… an…” But the girl was gone before Talley could work up the nerve to say it. It was probably for the best anyway. Talley would have just been embarrassed when she only managed a small whisper. An eighteen-year-old who was living nearly four hours away from her mother should be able to cuss without fearing the hand of God would reach out of the heavens and smite her. At least, an eighteen-year-old with a backbone would be able to.

Talley felt ashamed for not being able to speak up and defend her friend. Jase really wasn’t what that girl said he was. Okay, so he had his moments, like tonight, but overall he was a good person. He truly cared about her, which was what made everything even harder. It would be easier to accept his actions if she thought they were out of spite or callousness, but she knew better. Jase was just trying to protect her. He didn’t mean to crush her soul into a million little pieces by telling her she was undatable. He was only trying to protect her from being used. It wasn’t his fault he couldn't think of her as a normal girl. In his head, she was the same non-gender he considered his sisters to be. He simply couldn’t imagine that she would want to be thought of as pretty, or that she would long for her first real kiss.

Eighteen years old and never kissed. Just the thing she needed to remember because she wasn’t feeling nearly pathetic enough already.

Speaking of pathetic, hiding in the bathroom so you don’t have to face your date qualifies.

After making a few more make-up adjustments, Talley squared her shoulders, steeled her nerve, and gave her hair one last comb through with her fingers before pushing open the bathroom door. The coffee shop was one of the most popular in town thanks to the homemade designer donuts they sold. It was why she chose it as their meeting place. Not the donuts - although the peanut butter and honey one was to die for - but the crowd. She trusted Walker… mostly. But since she couldn’t get a strong lock on his thoughts, she felt more comfortable meeting him somewhere public. She didn’t like being suspicious of people, but she was learning the world wasn’t always a nice place. Sometimes people tried to cut off your best friend’s head. After events like that, caution and skepticism were unavoidable.

At first Talley thought she had beaten him there, but then a couple with triplets moved closer to the counter and she saw him sitting at a corner table. He saw her about the same time and stood up, waiting for her to wind her way through the crowd like someone from once upon a time when the world was filled with chivalry and sexism.

“You came.”

“I did.” She wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette was. Did she just sit down? Was she supposed to initiate some sort of contact, like a handshake or a hug? Normally she wasn’t opposed to hugs, but it seemed a little presumptuous, not to mention, she really had no desire to hug Walker. “Ummm… I need coffee,” she said, halting a good four feet from the table.

“Of course!” A tremor was obvious in Walker’s voice. Talley wondered if it was always there. The strangled panic made a bit of sense when she was covered in soda or pointing a gun at him, but this was just coffee. Hundreds of people were probably doing the exact same thing at the exact same moment. There was really no reason for him to be nervous. Then again, there wasn’t really any reason for her to be nervous either, but the constriction around her chest and racing heart told her she most certainly was. “I should have already gotten you some, but I didn’t know what you liked.” He rounded the table and pulled out her chair. “Here. Please, sit and I’ll go grab you something.”

“No, I can—”

“Absolutely not,” Walker said, sounding sure of himself for the first time. “I offered to take you out for coffee. That offer included me buying, so just sit down, tell me what you want, and don’t even think about pulling out your money.”

Talley had technically asked him out for coffee, but since he seemed so intent on doing the gentlemanly thing, she took the offered seat and gave him her order. While he waited in the long line she watched the people around her. It was the normal college crowd. T-shirts abounded, most of them bearing the university’s logo or declaring in various and sometimes insulting ways that their basketball team was the best in the world.

Not for the first time, Talley marveled how the rest of the world was going along as normal when her entire life felt so off kilter. The room was filled with couples; some were flirting and laughing, others were simply enjoying one another’s company. There was even one couple on the other side of the room who seemed to be involved in some sort of argument based on the lines bracketing their mouths and the narrow slits of their eyes. Normal people having a normal evening out. They didn’t spend hours every day wondering where their best friend was and if she was still alive. They didn’t call the hospital three times every day to check and make sure another friend was still hanging on. They didn’t worry every minute of every day that someone was watching them. For those people, if the person sitting across from them was only there because they wanted to gain prestige and power it would have been one of the worse things imaginable. For Talley, it would be a relief.

By the time Walker returned, melancholy had replaced her nervousness.

She tried to listen as he rattled on about his favorite movies (the Jason Bourne series), favorite music (Mumford and Sons), and the reasons he preferred British TV. When he would ask about what she liked, she gave noncommittal answers before steering the conversation back to him. The truth was, if this had been a normal date she would have probably enjoyed the evening. Walker was interesting and kind, and he was just nerdy enough she felt comfortable around him. He wasn’t the most attractive guy she’d ever seen, but the more he talked, the cuter he got.

For a moment, Talley allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to believe this was real and could actually go somewhere. What would it be like? Would she let him walk her back to her dorm? Would she let him kiss her goodnight? Was he having a good time? Good enough that he would ask her out again? Would her mother like him? Would her friends? Would Jase?