Alliance Forged (9 page)

“You might call me those names, but they don’t mean the same thing to you as they do to others.” Her mouth twisted into a rueful smile. “Do you realize how much of a blessing that is?”

He didn’t respond to her humor. As the silence between them lengthened, the aching hollow deep in her gut gnawed at her courage like a scurrier consumed carrion. Ducking her head, she withdrew her fingers from his hair and curled them in her lap.

Heat rushed to her cheeks and spread to the tips of her ears.
Merciful Mother
, had she just made a huge error in judgment?

“D
O
you realize how much of a blessing that is?”

Kymora’s bold declaration echoed in Varian’s mind. His breath caught. He should have expected it. She was every bit as forthright in her opinion as he tended to be; only she was much better at expressing herself than he was.

He’d never heard anyone describe him the way she just had. Sure, his people acquiesced to his orders and most respected the decisions he made because they knew their survival depended upon it. As their leader, it was his duty to ensure their well-being. But Kymora had recognized the lengths to which he’d gone to keep his people safe, and she’d made his actions sound worthy of admiration and acknowledgment. Her words warmed him, and the novelty of the sensation made his heart pound.

He licked his lips. Every instinct demanded he refute her words, deny her impression of him, deny that she could feel an attraction for him, deny he was a blessing to anyone, but he couldn’t ignore the
raw, earthy odor emanating from her, the truth of her claim underscored by the knowledge that a person’s scent never lied.

The prospect held him speechless for a long minute. He hated to admit just how deeply her belief in what she thought was the truth touched him. Calling her on a lie would have been so easy. He’d have cut her off without a qualm, but the scent lingering in his nostrils prevented him.

Yet he couldn’t let go of the thought that she was attracted to him. Something buried deeply inside him stirred to cautious life. A shiver prickled his neck.

He wanted to believe her.

He
needed
to believe her.

Instead, sourness flooded the back of his throat. He wished he could claim the man she described was him, but he knew better. She hadn’t felt the darkness inside him or seen the part of him he hated, and he prayed she never would.

It still didn’t stop him wondering though what it would be like to kiss her. How many times had he fantasized about placing his lips on hers? Of holding her face in his hands and angling his mouth over hers and tasting her with his tongue? What would it feel like? Taste like?

The images filling his mind exploded like a fireball and resurrected the erection he thought he had under control. Shuddering, he shifted away from her, hoping he’d relocated quickly enough.

Kymora moved within his arms. A heady combination of soured fruit and crushed spices filled his nostrils. Her head dipped and her fingers fisted so tightly in her lap her knuckles whitened. His continued silence was hurting her.

He grimaced, her scent effectively dampening some of his desire. Her honesty and courage were so much greater than his. It made what he was about to do more difficult. His hands curled into fists.

“Your perspective of me is flawed.” He kept his voice flat and hard. “You know nothing about me or what I’m like.”

Kymora might be worldly wise in her role as
Temple Elect—
she would have to be—but her experiences were so different from his. She had a gentle softness, an innocence he refused to spoil.

“And you have no intention of enlightening me, do you?” Varian closed his eyes. Her skill at reading others was nothing short of phenomenal. She poked him with her finger. “That’s the coward’s way out,
Na’Chi
.”

Her taunt sparked his temper, but a growing admiration for her bravery in confronting him replaced it. “Sharing my past with you is pointless.”

Strands of her hair brushed his chest as she gave a quick shake of her head, tiny caresses over already sensitive nerves.

“
Lady’s Breath
, Varian, you don’t have the marketplace of personal demons cornered, you know.” Her lips thinned, then pulled down at the corners a moment before she tensed, almost like she was bracing herself. “My fear of the water almost killed us both. Do you think I wanted you to see that side of me?”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

She ignored his protest. “Don’t you want our friendship to evolve into something more?”

Longing stabbed him hard in the gut, but a rush of panic quickly overwhelmed it. She had no idea what she was asking. How could anyone find something like him attractive?

“Kymora, friendship is the only thing I can offer you.” Even to his own ears, his voice sounded harsh.

“So I should count myself lucky and leave it at that?”

Her tongue was as sharp as Lisella’s, but the sight of her chin trembling stabbed at his gut like a blade. His jaw tightened. She deserved somebody better than him. “If that’s how you want to interpret it.”

When her head lifted, the resolute expression on her face was a familiar one. “Varian, lying doesn’t suit you.”

Her fingers trailed across his inner thigh, featherlight, and the back of them brushed against his erection. The fleeting touch seared him from head to toe. He jerked back from her, a hoarse curse ripping from his throat. Her brash action stained his cheeks and hers with color.

“You can claim that’s the result of seeing me naked if you want”—her voice shook but she forged on—“but I’m hoping you’ll be the man I know you’re capable of being.” Her sightless green gaze almost met his. “The one to whom honesty and honor mean something.”

Her words twisted the knife in his gut. Struggling to find an answer, he watched her confidence fade the longer he remained silent. But what could he say to her? His first duty was to his people, and with their alliance still on shaky ground, the possibility existed where the
Na’Chi
might have to leave.

Circumstances had already dictated he abandon one person he cared about. Hesia should have come with them when they’d fled
Na’Reish
territory, but she’d refused, claiming she’d only slow them down.

Disregarding the demon lurking inside him, if he and Kymora began some sort of relationship, he couldn’t see her giving up her responsibilities, nor would he ask her to, so that meant leaving her behind.

His heart clenched at the thought. He could rail at the unfairness of life all he wanted to, but in the end, he knew his place. And it wasn’t with a woman like Kymora. She deserved someone as decent and beautiful as she was, a man who could give her everything of himself—heart, body, and soul.

He wasn’t willing to risk a relationship with her. It was best if they remained friends. It was that simple.

Kymora ducked out from under his arms and inched her way to
the bed of forest needles. He didn’t stop her. Couldn’t. He hated that his actions had hurt her, but she had no idea what she was asking of him.

“Whatever your decision, I’ll still be your friend. Nothing will change that.” She burrowed deep, making herself comfortable among the heat-soaked layers. The smile on her face seemed strained. “
Lady
bless your sleep.”

Her soft words turned the blade again. Where was the anger for rejecting her? Why continue to offer him friendship when he’d hurt her?

Varian shook his head as he considered her words. The intimacy she offered him burned as brightly as the coals in the fire and combined with the desire feeding his erection. He wanted to hold her again, to feel her hands touching him skin to skin, to let her scent fill him and warm him from the inside out.

Kymora’s sad sigh made him flinch and glance her way. Her eyes closed, shutting him out as effectively as if she’d turned her back on him, and left him feeling more than just cold sitting alone in front of a dying fire.

Despite only being an arm’s length away, the space between them felt like the width of a gorge. Isolating and impossible to cross. An all too familiar ache settled in his chest. Rubbing it with the heel of his hand, he stared into the flames of the fire, knowing where the blame for his pain squarely lay.

He picked up a stick and stabbed it into the dirt at his feet, gouging out a deep furrow. Hadn’t the past taught him anything?

He didn’t
need
Kymora’s friendship.

He didn’t
want
a relationship.

He didn’t
like
the strange feelings she was stirring inside him.

Liar, liar, liar
…

He ignored the small voice in the back of his mind. Eventually Kymora was going to realize he had no place in her world and that
he was barely tolerated in his. He waited for the voice to argue and was rewarded with a resounding silence. He issued a silent grunt.

But the words to tell her
his
truth stuck in his throat, trapped there by the yearning to maintain the illusion that he was worthy of more than being just her friend.

Kymora was right; he was a coward, and weak. Flicking the stick into the fire, he watched the flames lick the edges, heating the bark until it ignited with a fury similar to the one burning inside of him.

His lip curled. It seemed he was also a slow learner.

“THEY’RE back!”

Arek glanced up from his meal at the child’s cry. In the firelight cast by the cooking fires, half a dozen
Na’Chi
emerged from the darkness between several houses. Two of them carried blanket-wrapped bundles over their shoulders. The woven wool bore ominous, dark stains. He swapped an uneasy look with the Light Blade beside him.

“Bodies.” Jole’s muttered comment carried a mournful edge. His blue gaze, normally sparkling and jovial, was somber. “But whose, Second? Human,
Na’Chi
, or renegades?”

Several
Na’Chi
adults rose from where they congregated with children and humans around the fires and converged on the returning group. Putting aside his bowl, Arek pushed to his feet as the scouts carefully placed their bundles on the ground.

The first to meet them, Lisella flicked her long braid over her shoulder and knelt beside one of the scouts. She placed a hand on his bowed head.

“Rystin?”

The scout shuddered at her quiet question.

“We found them….” His gravelly voice broke and he fisted a
wad of blanket in his hand. “Geanna and Eyan…” He flipped the edge open at the end of the bundle he’d carried.

Lisella’s gasp ended in a moan, sudden grief transforming her expression and she fell to her knees next to the dark-haired scout. Claws of ice raked Arek’s back as, beside him, Jole whispered a soft invocation for the
Lady’s
mercy. The two missing watchers had been found.

Another woman rushed forward, blocking his view of which young
Na’Chi
lay wrapped in the blanket. Her high-pitched wail broke the night air, the noise so eerily out of place within the village it sent a vicious chill tearing along his spine.

“Their throats were cut and I can’t even determine how many stab wounds were inflicted.” Rystin’s head lifted, his angular face etched with exhausted anguish. As his gaze latched onto Arek’s, color suffused his cheeks and his lips pulled back from his teeth in a furious grimace. “They were butchered by Light Blades!”

The roar that erupted from the scout’s throat was wild, raw. Every tendon and muscle in his throat bulged and flexed; his powerful body shook with rage. His black-flecked gaze locked with Arek’s again, all traces of civility gone. Arek shifted his stance to one of preparedness as the
Na’Chi
took a step toward him.

Lisella’s grip on his arm tightened. “This isn’t Arek’s fault, Rystin.” Tears tracked down her cheeks.

“Give us the renegades….” The growled demand barely sounded human.

The hairs on Arek’s arms lifted. Adrenaline surged through him as several people, human crafters and children, backed away from the scout.

“What? So you can kill them?”

“They slaughtered Eyan and Geanna like animals! They deserve to die!”

A rumble of agreement came from some of the members of
Rystin’s party. Arek sensed the other Light Blades drawing level with him, their tension radiating like a physical wave.

His gaze swept over the gathered humans. Half a dozen crafters and child apprentices were scattered around the campsite. Only three other Light Blades stood with him; another two guarded the renegades in one of the houses.

Not all the
Na’Chi
agreed with Rystin. Several wore anxious expressions and glanced toward Lisella for guidance. But those around the scout were as angry as him, and with their superior physical strength, there was no way he and the other Light Blades were going to be able to stop them if it came down to a fight.

Even though his heart thudded like a fist on a drum, he kept his tone calm. “Kalan will deal with them.”

“
Human
justice?” Rystin spat on the ground. “I think not.”

“Second?” The terse whisper came from his left.

“Be at ease, Jole,” he murmured, never taking his gaze from the
Na’Chi
scout.

“Varian wouldn’t advocate revenge, Rystin.” Lisella’s soft reasoning earned her a hiss as he shook off her hold.

“Varian’s decision to side with the
humans
was weak.” The
Na’Chi
warrior flipped open the blanket covering the body at his feet. “All of you, look at the consequences of his action and tell me I’m wrong!”

Arek looked and his breath caught.
“Mother of Mercy!”

He’d seen some horrific injuries in his time fighting the
Na’Reish
, but this turned his stomach. The teenage girl’s head was nearly decapitated, so deep was the gash on her bloody neck. He could see only the top half of her blood-soaked torso, but through the ragged remains of her shirt, multiple wounds scored her body, too numerous to identify individual entry sites.

How could any Light Blade have done this to a girl barely out of childhood? He took several deep breaths through his nose and swallowed hard to stop his recent meal from rising from his stomach.