Allison's Journey (18 page)

“You look surprised. Didn’t you figure if I was declaring my love for you that a proposal would be next?”

She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. “Well, I—”

“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to marry me?”

“It’s not that.” She paused and drew in a quick breath.

“What’s the problem?”

“The thing is. . .” How could she say this without hurting Joseph’s feelings?

“The thing is what?”

“Well, we’re so young, and—”

“We both know what we want, and we love each other. I don’t see why our age should matter.”

“Do you think our folks will agree with that?”

A light danced in Joseph’s eyes as he looked at Katie. “When we tell ’em how much we love each other, I’m sure they’ll understand and give us their blessing. After all, they were young and in love once, too.”

She nodded. “I guess that’s true.”

“If our folks have no objections, will you agree to be my wife?”

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “Jah, Joseph. I’d be honored to marry you.”

T
hroughout the next several weeks, Allison kept busy helping her aunt and cousins in the garden, practicing her cooking skills, and making potholders and faceless dolls. Yet despite her busy days, thoughts of Aaron occupied her mind. She kept comparing him to James, wondering if Aaron might be right for her. She knew from the things James had said that he was interested in her. She wasn’t sure about Aaron, though. Did he enjoy her company as much as she did his? It had seemed so when he’d brought her home from the last young people’s gathering, but she didn’t want to get her hopes up.

“Your sewing abilities have improved,” Aunt Mary commented as she stepped up to the treadle machine where Allison worked on a dark green dress for a faceless doll.

Allison looked up and smiled. “I’d never be able to sew a straight seam if you hadn’t been willing to work with me.”

Aunt Mary placed a gentle hand on Allison’s shoulder. “You’ve been a good student.”

“Do you think I’m ready to sell some of these at the farmers’ market?” Allison motioned to the two dolls lying on the end of the sewing table.

“I believe so. Sarah and I plan to take some fresh produce to the market this Saturday. Would you like to share our table?”

“I think I would.” Allison picked up one of the dolls and studied its faceless form. Every time she looked at one of these dolls, it reminded her that she felt faceless and would continue to feel that way until she figured out some way to get closer to God.

As though sensing Allison’s troubled spirit, Aunt Mary pulled a chair over and sat down. “Is something bothering you? You look kind of sad today.”

Tears welled in Allison’s eyes, and she blinked, trying to dispel them. “Being with you and your family has made me realize there’s something absent in my life.”

“Are you missing your mamm? Is that the problem?”

“I don’t remember her well enough to miss her, but I do miss
having
a mother.”

“That’s understandable. You’ve had your aunt Catherine through most of your growing-up years, and now you have me.” Aunt Mary patted Allison’s hand affectionately. “I’m here for you whenever you need anything or just want to talk. I hope you won’t be too shy to ask.”

Allison’s throat clogged, making it difficult for her to speak. There were so many things she wanted to say—questions she wished to ask, things she would never feel comfortable discussing with Aunt Catherine. “I–I’ve never said this to anyone before,” she began shakily, “but I feel faceless, just like these dolls.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand. Why would you feel faceless?”

“I—I don’t know God personally, the way you seem to.” Allison swallowed hard. “Sometimes I feel so empty inside, like I’m all alone. It’s as if my life has no real purpose.”

“We’re never alone, Allison. God is always there if we just look for Him. Jeremiah 29:13 says: ‘And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.’ ”

Allison pursed her lips. “How can I seek God when I don’t feel as if He knows me?”

“Jeremiah 1:5 says: ‘Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee.’ ” Aunt Mary smiled. “Isn’t it wonderful to know that God knew us even before we were born?”

Allison could only nod in reply, wondering why no one had ever told her this before. Had she not been listening during the times she’d been in church?

“God not only knew us before we were born,” Aunt Mary went on to say, “but He loved us so much that He sent Jesus to die for our sins. By Christ’s blood, God made a way for us to get to heaven. All we need to do is ask Him to forgive our sins and yield our lives to Him.”

Allison had heard some of those things in church. She knew that Jesus was God’s Son and had come to earth as a baby. When He grew up and became a man, He traveled around the country, teaching, preaching, and healing people of their diseases. Some men were jealous and plotted to have Jesus killed. She also knew the Bible made it clear that Jesus had died on a cross and was raised to life after three days. What she hadn’t realized was that He had done it for the sins of the world—hers included.

She swallowed and drew in a shaky breath. “I. . .I sin every
time I think or say something bad about Aunt Catherine. Even my anger toward God for taking my mamm away is a sin. He must be disappointed in me.”

Aunt Mary shook her head. “God loves you, Allison. You’re His child, and He wants you to come to Him.” She took Allison’s hand and gently squeezed her fingers. “Would you like to pray and ask God to forgive your sins? Would you like to invite Jesus into your heart right now?”

A shuddering sob escaped Allison’s lips. “Jah, I surely would.”

When Aaron’s mother stepped into the harness shop, he looked up from the riveting machine. A strand of brown hair had come loose from her bun, and dark circles shadowed her eyes. She looked tired. Probably had spent another night helping Grandma Raber take care of Grandpa, whose arthritis seemed to be getting worse all the time.

“What brings you to the harness shop?” he asked. “Paul’s not here. He went to town for some supplies.”

“I know he did.” Aaron’s mother moved closer. “I was supposed to go over to Leah Swartz’s this morning to work on a quilt with her and a couple other women. But since neither Grandma nor Grandpa are feeling well, I didn’t want to leave Bessie alone to care for them and Emma, too.”

“But Emma’s doing better, isn’t she?” Aaron knew his mother didn’t get away much anymore, and he figured it would do her good to spend the day with Gabe’s mother and whoever else would attend the quilting bee.

“Jah, but Emma still tires easily, and I don’t want her overdoing.”

“Can’t you take her with you?”

“I don’t think she’s up to a whole day out yet.” Mom glanced around the room. “Since you have no customers at the moment, I was hoping you’d be free to run over to Leah’s and let her know I won’t be coming after all.”

Aaron chewed on the inside of his cheek as he contemplated his mother’s request. “Paul won’t like it if he gets back from Seymour and finds the shop closed.”

Mom pursed her lips. “I wish you’d quit calling him
Paul
. Ever since he and I got married, you’ve been calling him
Papa
. Why the change now?”

“Just doesn’t feel right to be calling him
Papa
anymore. Especially since he’s not my real daed.”

“But he’s been like a real daed to you, Aaron. I think it’s rude and unkind of you to call him by his first name.”

Aaron shrugged. “He doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Maybe he does and he’s just not saying so.”

“Can’t we talk about something else?”

She nodded. “Let’s get back to our discussion about you delivering my message to Leah.”

“Can’t you send Davey or Zachary?”

“I could, but they aren’t home. Zachary’s helping Joseph at the tree farm today, and Davey went fishing with Samuel Esh.”

The mention of the name
Esh
set Aaron’s teeth on edge. Samuel was James’s younger brother, and Aaron was concerned that the boy might follow in his unruly brother’s footsteps. “Might not be a good idea for Davey to hang around Samuel,” he said.

Mom’s dark eyebrows drew together. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Samuel’s brother James is nothing but trouble. If Samuel goes down the same path, he could lead Davey astray.”

“For a boy of only fourteen, your youngest brother has a good head on his shoulders. I don’t think he would be easily swayed, even if Samuel were to suggest they do something wrong.”

“I hope you’re right, but no one, not even my levelheaded little bruder, is exempt from trouble if it comes knocking at the right moment.” Aaron felt so upset over the thought of Davey hanging around Samuel that he was tempted to chomp off the end of a fingernail. Instead, he reached for another hunk of leather and positioned it under the riveter.

Mom frowned. “You seem distressed, and I have a feeling it goes deeper than your concern for Davey.”

“Maybe so.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

He shrugged.

“Does it involve Allison Troyer?”

“What?” Aaron nearly dropped the piece of leather, but he rescued it before it hit the floor. “Why would you think that?”

Mom pulled a wooden stool over to the machine and took a seat. “I heard that you escorted Allison home from the last young people’s gathering.”

“Joseph’s a
blappermaul
,” Aaron grumbled. “He ought to keep quiet about things that are none of his business.”

“Your brother did mention what happened at the gathering, but that’s no reason for you to call him a blabbermouth.” She touched Aaron’s shoulder. “You’ve been acting strange ever since Allison arrived in Webster County.”

Aaron grunted.

“Are you planning to court Allison?”

“No way!” Aaron wasn’t about to admit that the thought of courting Allison had crossed his mind.

“She seems like a nice girl, and since you’ve never had a steady girlfriend—”

“There wouldn’t be much point in me courting Allison.”

“Why not?”

“She’ll be leaving at the end of summer.”

“Maybe she will decide to stay.”

He shrugged. “Even if she were to stay, I can’t court her.”

“Why not?”

“She might expect me to marry her someday.” He shook his head. “I’m never getting married. Plain and simple.”

Mom clucked her tongue. “You’ve been saying that ever since you were little, but I figured once you found the right girl you’d decide to settle down and start a family of your own.”

“Nope.”

“Mind if I ask why?”

Aaron did mind. He didn’t want to talk about the one thing that had troubled him ever since his real dad had been killed. But he knew if he didn’t offer some sort of explanation, Mom would keep plying him with questions.

“I. . .uh. . .haven’t found anyone who’d be willing to work in the harness shop with me,” he mumbled.

“There’s a lot more to marriage than working side by side on harnesses.” Mom’s lips compressed. “Paul and I still have a good marriage, and I’m not helping in the shop anymore.”

Aaron tried to focus on the piece of leather he’d been punching holes in, but it was hard to concentrate when Mom sat beside him, saying things he’d rather not hear.

“Does the idea of marriage scare you, Aaron? Is that why
you’re shying from it?”

He looked up and met his mother’s penetrating gaze. Did she know what he was thinking? Could she sense his fear?

“Aaron, please share your thoughts with me.”

His mouth went dry, and he swallowed a couple of times. “I. . .I’m scared of falling in love, getting married, and having my wife snatched away from me the way Dad was from you!”

Mom’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, Aaron, I’m sorry we’ve never talked about this before. I can see by your pained expression that you’re deeply disturbed.”

Aaron was about to respond, but she rushed on. “Life is full of disappointments, but we have to take some risks. None of us can predict the future, for only God knows what’s to come.”

“If you had known Dad’s buggy would be hit by a car and that you’d be left to raise four boys on your own, would you have married him?”

She nodded as tears filled her dark eyes. “I wouldn’t give up a single moment of the time I had with your daed.”

“You really mean that?”

“I do. And look how God has blessed me, despite my loss. I found a wonderful husband in Paul, and now besides my four terrific sons, I have two sweet daughters. As much as it hurt when I lost your daed, I’ve had the joy and privilege of finding love again.”

“I. . .I see what you mean.” Aaron gulped in a quick breath. “But how can I pursue a relationship with Allison when she’s going home at the end of summer?”

“If you’re meant to be together, then the distance between here and Pennsylvania won’t keep you apart.” Mom squeezed Aaron’s shoulder. “As I said before, Allison might decide to
remain here, or you may decide to relocate there. It’s something you need to pray about, don’t you think?”

Aaron nodded. Was it possible that he could set his fears aside and find the same kind of happiness Mom had found? Was Allison the woman he might find it with?