AllTangledUp (7 page)

Chapter Six

After she’d showered and washed away the evidence of
sex—except for the occasional ache from her spanked backside—Lola felt like she
could face Jesse and say their last goodbyes before they went back to the real
world.

She didn’t want to. God, she didn’t. It took everything in
her to pack her things and carry them out to her car. Jesse was already
outside, doing a final check on the repair she’d done on his ride. Of course.
She would have done the same. A giggle escaped her, but it sounded more like a
sob.

His big body stiffened when she came near, but he didn’t
look at her, just continued to inspect his engine. She walked slowly to the
back of her car and put her bag in the trunk. Then there was no putting it off
anymore. It was time to get the awkward, awful ending over with.

Pain throbbed inside her and she wanted to kick herself. Why
had she thought she could have a simple affair with this man and walk away
unscathed? Too many hormones interfering with her good judgment. It was a
mistake she’d have to live with until the end of the show season. She didn’t
know if she could make herself stay on after that, not if this horrible,
crushing weight on her chest didn’t ease up. She shook her head. That was a
problem for another time.

She pulled in a deep breath and forced a smile to her face,
one bright enough to make her Southern Belle mama proud. “So.”

“So,” he grunted. Straightening, he closed the hood of his
car and wiped his hands off on a rag. When he finally looked at her, his
expression was carefully blank.

She wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or not. Would she rather
he show her his pain, or his anger because she’d insisted they stick to their
bargain? Maybe. At least it would have been real rather than this false
blankness he had on his handsome face.

Making a production out of fishing her keys from her purse,
she let them jangle musically in her hand. “So, I’ll see you at the garage
tomorrow. I think the Shelby Cobra roadster you’re doing next is going to shape
into a great project. The before and after will be dramatic.”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “Yeah, I think so too.”

He tossed the dirty rag onto the toolbox at his feet, then
stowed it in his trunk. Striding past her, he went up to the cabin and locked
the door. Then he walked around the building, checking the windows to make sure
everything was secure.

Should she wait until he was done or was he hoping she’d
leave now? She wavered, uncertain, unable to leave yet. She didn’t want to walk
away without saying goodbye. It seemed rude. The excuse was empty, but she
clung to it. Of course she’d stay and be polite.

A flash of surprise sparked in his brilliant green eyes when
he came back around the house. Ah. He
had
expected her to leave.
Awkward. She swallowed hard and lifted her chin.

“Everything locked up tight?” She smiled again, but doubted
it reached her eyes. She slid her sunglasses on for a little bit of protection.
Her chest felt so constricted, she wasn’t sure how she was managing to breathe
through it.

“Yeah, the cabin is closed.” He didn’t offer her a smile in
return, barely glanced at her. “Nothing more to do here. This visit is
officially over.”

A pang went through her. Over. It was over. Why did that
hurt so much? “Okay. Bye then.”

“I’ll see you at work tomorrow. Goodbye, Lola.” He nodded,
turned, climbed into his car and drove away.

She stood there for a long time, watching his taillights
disappear. Then she slid into the driver’s seat of her Mustang, gripping the
wheel so tightly her knuckles hurt.

Her cell phone blared and she jolted. It took her a moment
to react, to dig out the phone and answer the call. She had to clear her throat
twice before she could squeeze words out. She kept her tone as light as she
could. “Hey, baby sister.”

“What’s wrong?” The question was sharp, and Lola sighed. She
should have known better than to try to fool her family. They knew her too
well.

She swallowed, pressed trembling lips together. “Man
trouble.”

Her sister hummed sympathetically. “Were you stupid, was he,
or a little of both? So I know if you need nice mommy or mean mommy.”

“It was all me.” That weight in her chest, the huge iceberg,
seemed to crack, breaking open her heart. “Oh, Casey, I fucked up big this
time. I fell in love with him.” And then she laid her forehead against the
wheel and sobbed.

* * * * *

Jesus, he felt like a zombie in one of those bad horror
movies. Dragging through the motions, half-dead. Jesse stood in the break room
of Kasen’s Kustom Automotive and sucked down his fourth cup of coffee for the
day. It wasn’t even noon yet. His eyes felt gritty and he’d slept like shit the
night before. His bed had felt empty without Lola in it. Funny how quickly he’d
gotten used to her soft curves pressed against his side at night.

Pathetic. Just like his dad had been after his mom bailed.
But Dad had managed to survive and so would Jesse.

“You all right?” Dean came in the room, shutting the door
behind him. Concern shone in his gaze.

Jesse didn’t even have the fortitude left to lie. His cousin
would have seen through it anyway. “No.”

Nodding, Dean poured himself a cup of coffee. His voice was
far too casual when he spoke again. “Lola looks worse than you do.”

“And why would I care about that?” Jesse snapped, then
winced. Way to play it cool, Kasen. He clenched his jaw. “Look, this time it’s
not my fault. I didn’t do anything to hurt her.”

No, it was Jesse who’d been hurt, and he suddenly had a lot
more sympathy for the women he’d walked away from over the years.

His cousin didn’t ask for details of what had happened, and
Jesse was grateful. Dean set his mug down on the counter. “You going to be all
right working with her? We can talk to the network if it’s going to be a
problem.”

Jesse thought about it, he really did. But he couldn’t do
it. He knew Lola had worked hard to be the producer of
Revved Up
, and
she was more than qualified for the position. It would hurt her, when she
hadn’t done anything other than keep up her end of their deal. It wouldn’t be
right or fair. While the knee-jerk reaction for him was to shove her out of his
life, or hurt her the way he was hurting, he just…couldn’t. That was the bottom
line—he’d rather slit his own throat than cause her pain.

“No, I can handle it.” He met his cousin’s eyes, so the
other man would know he was serious.

The empathy in Dean’s gaze was almost more than he could
deal with. Dean had had a rough time of it before he and Andi had finally
gotten together. Jesse somehow doubted that kind of happy ending was in his
future, and it still floored him that he even wanted such a thing. But Lola had
knocked him on his ass from day one.

“I’m here if you need me, brother. You know that.” Dean
clapped him on the shoulder and walked out.

Yeah, he did know that his family always had his back. It
had gotten him through the rough times when his mother left and his father
died. His cousin, aunt and uncle had been a bedrock of support. Always had
been, always would be. He’d tried to make sure the family business flourished
in return. He just needed to keep his focus on the garage until this thing with
Lola got easier. He hoped it would, and soon.

But he had his doubts.

The door opened again and Lola stepped into the room. She
froze when she saw him, her eyes going wide, and vulnerability flashed across
her face before she hid it. He made himself really look at her for the first
time that day. He’d been avoiding it. “You look like hell.”

She did. Despite her flawless makeup, she couldn’t hide that
her eyes were red-rimmed and had dark circles under them. She’d been crying and
she hadn’t slept. The realization made his heart fist in his chest. She looked
about as miserable as he felt, and that said a lot, didn’t it? It made him
hope. Such a dangerous emotion, but he couldn’t stop it.

“Thanks, Kasen.” She huffed out a laugh and came in to pour
herself some coffee. But now it was her turn to avoid his gaze.

“I’m not giving up on you, Lola. On us.” The words were out
of his mouth before he could stop them, but he didn’t regret them. “You’re no
happier than I am that we stuck to our weekend bargain, and eventually you’re
going to get over whatever’s stopping you from being with me.”

“And you know me so well after a couple of days of sexing it
up.” Her tone had dropped into a subarctic chill, but he ignored that.

“I know you. I know every curve of your body and what makes
you scream, but it’s not just the sex. Hell, at this point I wish it were. I’ve
seen how you love your sister, how you swing a wrench, how you do a little
dance when you’re happy.” That got a laugh out of her, as he’d known it would.
“I don’t know everything, not yet. But I’d like to, if you gave me a chance.”
He reached out and stroked a thumb down her cheek. Her breath hitched and she
quivered, her eyes sliding closed. “I’ll wait as long as you need me to. We’ve
both tried fighting this for months, and it didn’t work. I’m betting you won’t
be able to escape wanting more. I couldn’t.”

“Why won’t you let this go?” Her voice shook when she spoke,
a small note of pleading threading through the question.

“Because I love you.” The words fell into dead silence, and
he wasn’t sure whom he’d shocked more—himself or her. But it didn’t feel wrong
to say it. It felt…exactly right. “I love you and I can’t pretend I don’t. I’m
not going to push or force you, or turn into one of those assholes who acts
like he owns you.” No, it had to be her choice. He couldn’t live like his
father had all those years, holding on to a woman who had one foot out the
door, just waiting for her to leave. “We both want this, I know that, but we
have to want it enough to make it work. I’m in. You come to me when you’re
ready. You know where to find me.”

Letting that gauntlet fall, he forced himself to put one
foot in front of the other and walk to his office. How long it might take her
to give in, he didn’t know. Days, weeks, months. He just hoped her resistance
didn’t last. In the meantime, he had to focus on something else, and work was
as good as anything. Dean could deal with the show today. Jesse would handle
the day-to-day paperwork that came with running a business. Settling into his
chair, he threw himself into the distraction.

* * * * *

He loved her. It was a litany that repeated in her head all
day. He
loved
her. Jesse Kasen, the man no woman had ever kept for more
than a couple of months. He was a heartbreaker, as she’d been told within a few
days of meeting him. She’d bet every penny she had that he’d never said those three
little words to any woman outside his family before.

He wouldn’t say them lightly. He wouldn’t say them unless he
meant them. Those words were serious, and he didn’t do serious.

But he sure as hell seemed serious now. He wanted a
relationship. With her. After a sleepless night and hours spent sobbing on the
phone with her sister, she couldn’t dismiss it as easily as she had the day
before. It was too big a risk. It was too complicated. If it ended, it would be
too messy. She was too busy building her career, and there was no guarantee
she’d always be in Reno for work. They were excuses, and flimsy ones. She could
make it work, if she wanted to, if she was willing to do whatever it took. Just
as he’d said.

Giddiness and fear twisted together within her. She clenched
her fists to keep her fingers from shaking.

“You okay, Lola?” Her cameraman glanced at her out of the
corner of his eye. The concern in his tone made her wince a bit. So much for
acting normal and behaving like a professional.

She let a breath ease out of her lungs. She’d been way off
her game today, but luckily her crew had covered for her. She owed them one.
“I’ll be okay, but thanks for asking.”

How
was she going to be okay? She was so tangled up
inside, she didn’t even know which way was up. What should she do? Play it safe
or take a gamble? She’d already fallen for him, and that was bad enough, but if
she let herself rely on him…she’d be utterly devastated when she lost him.

Just like she had been when—

Her heart seized, her eyes closing as agony tore through
her.

Just like she had been when her parents died.

Was that what was holding her back? She wasn’t afraid of
working hard for something important to her. She’d done it when she’d helped
Uncle Bud raise Casey. She did it every day with the show. The hours were long,
but she welcomed the challenge. But she’d never relied on anything or anyone
the way she’d relied on her parents. Since their death ripped a hole in her
world, she’d only depended on herself. And that was what terrified her most
about Jesse, wasn’t it? He wasn’t like the other men she’d dated. He was the
kind of man who took care of those who mattered to him. She saw it every day in
the way he acted with his employees and cousin. He was the kind of man she
could depend on, and that meant if she got attached to him she could someday
suffer that utter agony again, that horrifying, life-changing loss.

She swallowed, blinking back a wave of tears. But…he loved
her. Fierce joy whipped inside her. He loved her and she loved him. When was
something that wonderful ever going to happen to her again? There’d never been
another guy who’d respected her, given her room to be herself and lit her body
on fire the way he did. Could she really run from that?

No.

It didn’t matter how terrified she was of losing something
so vital to her again, because if she denied herself a shot at the kind of love
her parents had shared, she wouldn’t really be living, would she? She’d just be
running scared from the good in order to avoid the bad, and that wasn’t the
kind of person she wanted to be.