Almost Always: A Love Unexpected Novel (5 page)

I went back to the engagement announcement. The contrast was striking. Elsa looked like Jenn, or any number of pretty all-American girls I had known in college. The women Kason appeared with in New York were far more like Victoria's Secret models or Hollywood types.

There were a thousand questions I wanted to ask Kason. But just how does someone start a conversation with "I researched your background on the internet for hours after I learned your fiancé had been killed. Let's talk about it."?

***

Jenn and I had a great picnic. I caught her up on the 'situation' with Kason. She seemed impressed that I would even have the courage to get as far as I had with him. She knew me pretty well, maybe better than anyone. She knew how out of my element I was.

I filled her in on the things I had learned about him—both the gossip from Tom and the internet research.

"You've got yourself a complicated man on your hands."

I chuckled. "I wouldn't go so far as to say 'on my hands', Jenn. But I do agree that he's complicated."

"You better keep me posted. This ships-passing-in-the-night
thing of ours is keeping me too much in the dark."

"It's only going to get worse, too. Tom called and said that Brian is having an early cast party to celebrate the christening of the set tomorrow night."

"I know how
that
goes. Get ready for some heavy partying and late nights."

"So I've been told. I sure would like to get Kason alone. But I don't see much chance of that happening tomorrow."

"Annalise," Jenn took my hand and squeezed it. "Be careful, will ya? This guy is a lot of things. And now I'm wondering if he's not just a rich playboy, but maybe a dangerous man, too."

"No one has said anything like that! I didn't uncover even a hint of scandal."

"But you didn't find answers, either. Just keep your distance until you know him better."

"Umm…it's a little too late for that."

"You know what I mean. You don't have to take this any further and you can certainly reign in the emotions until you know more."

"You're right, Jenn," I agreed. But was she? I felt like a virgin teenager who goes to third base and can't get her mind off of what a home run would feel like. The thought of
really having
Kason was pretty much running in a continuous playback in my mind.

And the emotional part? There was so much more to him than I originally imagined. I wanted to know more. I
had
to know more.

Six

Rehearsal couldn't have been better. Somehow having the set nearly complete made the actors really kick their performances up. It was the first run through for Act 2. The men all had their lines pretty much down pat and Tom blocked it quickly with me furiously taking notes of every move the five players would make.

I didn't have any opportunity to talk to Kason at all. Once in a while we'd make eye contact—enough to raise my pulse a notch or two—and then it was back to work. It was quite amazing to see the ensemble evolve. Every time they took the stage the roles crystallized a little more.

Brian wasn't wasting any time giving his party a kick start. Single malt scotch played very prominently in the script. It was the drink of choice for all the characters and copious amounts were consumed during the action of the play. Brian had decided to liven up rehearsal by replacing the iced tea I always stocked in the decanter with the real deal.

The guys had given me lots of grief about my lousy iced tea. I had been setting up the 'bar' on a couple of saw horses. The 'glasses' were Styrofoam cups and the decanter was a plastic pitcher. With the real bar from Suze's grandmother in place, we had graduated to a nice cut glass decanter and tumblers, also courtesy of Brian who seemed to know his way around a whiskey bottle.

By the time rehearsal broke up, the actors had loosened up and were having a great time with the script. I was glad that that the weekend had dispelled the moodiness caused by Roger's visit to Friday's rehearsal. Now that I knew the cause of all the darkness, I wasn't anxious to see it return.

Brian had an old house right in town, only a couple of blocks from the theater. I left my car in the theater parking lot as did Cole, Tom and Kason. There wasn't much parking at Brian's and to my disappointment, 'the girls' including Suze and Nicky plus a few other crew members were already at his house getting the food ready.

I have to admit the spread was divine. There was a beautiful ham and little finger rolls from the bakery in town, several different salads, cheeses, little pastries with all sorts of savory fillings and an entire table of luscious looking desserts. It was way more than it seemed a group maybe fifteen people could consume.

Tom and I kind of hung around in the kitchen, nibbling at this and that, listening to the gang carrying on in the living room. I very much wanted to maneuver myself near Kason, but he seemed content to hang out with the group in the living room. I didn't feel like I quite fit in. I think Tom felt the same.

Suze was quite accomplished on the piano. She was plunking out show tunes while a few of the others belted out the words. Kason had taken a turn and had everyone in stitches with his excellent rendition of "If I Were a Rich Man" from
Fiddler on the Roof
. He threw in a convincing accent and even managed a little dance to go along with it.

I was beginning to feel a little sad and neglected when I noticed over Tom's shoulder that Kason had started up the narrow spiral stairs at the back of the kitchen. Kason put a finger to his lips and then crooked it around indicating I should follow him. I waited a few minutes until Tom went out into the living room to get another plate. I quickly ascended the stairs and disappeared before anyone returned to the kitchen.

Brian had converted the attic above his house to a loft. There wasn't much head room in parts and there were lots of huge cushions strewn around. In one corner there was a Jacuzzi tub and in another I saw a huge television screen.

"Welcome to Brian's loft o' porn," Kason greeted me. He was leaning back against a pile of pillows and patted the carpet beside him, inviting me to sit down. "In this room, there is a library of smut so vast that it would take more than a lifetime to view it all."

"Oh? Really?" What could I say to that?

"He's a collector. Little men often have issues, you know."

"What about big men? Do big men have issues?"

"None worth discussing tonight."

Kason pulled my face toward his and claimed my mouth with a crushing kiss. There was an element of something dark in the way he took me into his arms. He held me hard against him and breathed into my hair. "It's time now, Annalise. I want you now . . . here."

"Kason, I think there are things we need to talk about first."

He pulled me on top of him and roughly positioned me so that I couldn't help but feel his erection against me. My traitorous body reacted immediately.

"Annalise, there's only one kind of communication I'm interested in tonight. If that's not why you came up here, maybe we should go downstairs for some milk and cookies with the rest of the children." There was an edge to his words. It was the same edge I had heard from the stage when I corrected him. It was the hiss that I had heard when he held my face in his at practice that first night when I went back to his house.

If I backed away I'd probably never know what it was like to have Kason Royce inside me. He made it clear that it was going to be his way or not at all. I wasn't going to get any answers 'before'. The only kind of knowledge I had to look forward to at that moment was the carnal kind.

His eyes had narrowed slightly and his nostrils flared. He wasn't going to try to convince me. He had made it a challenge. It was my choice, but the stakes were high. I leaned down toward his face as if I was going to kiss him. Instead I put my mouth very close to his ear.

"No cookies just milk," I whispered.

He rolled me over onto my back against the pillows. He got up and closed the loft door, sliding the bolt in place to lock it. He kneeled in front of me and pulled my light cotton sweater over my head. The rest of my clothes followed in quick succession.

All the while he punctuated this disrobing with "beautiful", "perfect", "succulent", "gorgeous" and it excited me beyond measure to hear his desire for me. This man . . . this complex, shadowed, beautiful, talented man
wanted me
. I wanted nothing else but all of him. Any inhibition or hesitancy had been erased.

When he slid into me, my body arched up to receive him. He filled me in a way so complete that I knew in that moment that no man had ever really touched me before. In Kason's embrace, I was newly made. I was a vessel. Nothing was asked of me except to take what he offered. The only response he required was my pleasure.

The power of our mating was overwhelming. Afterward, he rested his body against me, spent and panting. I found myself wishing that I could stay there beside him forever.

He rolled away slightly and gave a great satisfied sigh as he relaxed against the cushions.

"Aren't you glad we didn't waste all that time talking?"

"It was perfect," I agreed. But even as I said it I wondered when or
if
the time was ever going to be right to ask about Elsa. All at once, her face filled room—innocent and pure—looking at her husband-to-be with eyes full of devotion. I wanted to tell him that I knew about her, about his loss. I wanted to somehow assure myself that, although he had loved her, he could love again.

"Kason?"

"Yes, lovely Annalise?" I loved the sound of that. I loved the smile that went with the words.

"I know it isn't the right time…" I blundered.

"If you know it isn't the right time, then why try to make it so?" His mood turned instantly cold. "You and I…can we just let it be? No analysis. No expectations." He began to casually put his clothes back on but I could see the conflict on his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spoil the moment."

He put his hands on my face and kissed me gently. "You didn't. Maybe I shouldn't have pursued you knowing…what I know about myself."

"What do you know?"

He took a deep breath. "I know I wanted you as much as I have ever wanted a woman."

I wanted him to stop right there.
Don't say anything else, please. Let me live on that.

"I also know my limits. Respect them and we can enjoy one another . . . we can enjoy
this
for what it is."

"I can't respect your limits if I don't know what they are." I sounded whiny.

"I've told you. No expectations. No analysis. Don't make it hard when it should be so easy."

"Maybe I'm the one who should have thought about
my
limits."

"Perhaps you should have. But, considering what just happened here—and it was extraordinary—aren't you willing to take what I have to offer?"

"And what is that?" Petulance joined 'needy' and 'whiny' on my list of sins.

"Apart from the mind-blowing pleasure? Pleasure that will only get better and better? Have you considered the fun we could have? I can take you anywhere. I can provide you with any material thing you could desire; any experience you ever imagined and wanted to try."

"That's not what I want from you."

"It's what I have to give." He opened his hands, offering them to me. I felt compelled to take them in my own. He pulled me into his arms and held me tight for a moment. Then he put me at arm's length and looked my still naked body over from head to toe. He shook his head and breathed deeply. "Your body is stunning. I wish I could keep you naked forever."

He picked up my clothes and handed them to me. "Unfortunately, we're in Brian's loft and there's a party in full swing downstairs. Get dressed and let's go give them something to talk about."

Seven

Kason wasn't exaggerating when he said we'd give 'them' something to talk about. By the end of Brian's party it was obvious to all in attendance that we had something going on. If coming down the spiral staircase together after a long absence from the group wasn't enough, his proprietary body language told the tale.

I only wish that I could have captured the look on Suze and Nicky's faces as they watched Kason bring me a drink, guide me with a hand at the small of my back, stand behind me with an arm around my waist and whisper in my ear . . . there were a dozen little things he did that night that said 'mine'. I ate it up, I admit that much. Never mind the questions I might never get answers to. Kason was claiming me publicly and that mattered more than anything to me at that moment.

The men's reactions weren't nearly as amusing—or satisfying—as the women's. In fact, other than Tom, there didn't seem to be much of a reaction at all. I don't know why I expected any but there had been some innocent flirtation going on with all of them from the beginning. It was a natural by-product of being the lone female in a group of six males.

I had a newly acquired appreciation for my desirability. After all, if Kason Royce wanted me I had to at least be in league with Blondie and Blondie. Maybe I expected the other guys to express some regret that they hadn't won the prize.

Thankfully Tom had the sense and enough concern to pull me down from the clouds. He sidled up to me when Kason stepped up to the piano to sing "Some Enchanted Evening". I was spellbound by his talent and the way he seemed to have chosen the song just for me. I couldn't take my eyes from him as he sang. But Tom managed to wrest at least one ear away.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Annalise."

"I think I do."

"Kason's a playboy and a user. I think the world of his talent and admire his success but I'd jerk any daughter of mine up short if she ever gave him a second glance."

"I'm not your daughter, Tom," I shot back and then softened. "I appreciate the warning. But, has it occurred to you that maybe I'm using him?"

"You don't strike me as the type," he said, a little sadly. "In fact you don't strike me as
his
type."

I looked at Suze's perfectly manicured hands plunking away at the keyboard. She had several tasteful, elegant and expensive rings on as well as a diamond bracelet. And that was her
casual
jewelry. Nicky leaned over the side of the baby grand opposite Kason and beamed a model-white perfect smile at him. I suddenly felt my slightly large front teeth grow to beaver-like proportions.

Kason sang out the last line of the song: "Once you have found her, never let her gooooooo." He swept his hand toward me and held my eyes. It was corny, it was theatrical and it made me feel like queen of the world. His audience applauded enthusiastically and he took an exaggerated bow before returning to my side.

The party wound down quickly after Suze closed the lid on the baby grand. Kason and I walked back to our cars in the theater parking lot. It was a beautiful moonless night and the stars were brilliant in the warm night sky. He led me over to my car.

"Don't you think it's time you had a new 'Eep'?"

I laughed at how observant he was. The 'J' had fallen off the word 'Jeep' on the rear door many months before. It wasn't worth trying to replace it. Jenn and I often joked about riding in my 'Eep'. 

"I'm kind of attached to my old Eep. Besides, when summer is over and I go back to New York I won't really need a car." I ran a hand fondly over the oxidized red paint on the driver's side door. "This has been a good vehicle. She's never let me down."

"Well, I think she deserves to be put out to pasture. Let me get you a new car."

"Kason, you're crazy. I wouldn't accept a new car from you. I don't need one and I certainly wouldn't be able to explain something like that to my parents."

"You could tell them a wealthy patron of the arts appreciated your brilliant assistance with his acting over the summer and gave it to you. That would be pretty much the truth."

"No, it wouldn't. Please drop it. It makes me uncomfortable."

"Very well, little one. I'll drop it for now." He brought me into his arms and kissed me long enough and deeply enough to make me try to get as much of my body against him as possible. There wasn't a quarter inch of space between us. It was all so new that it spun my head. Here I was, standing in a parking lot kissing this gorgeous, sexy and fabulously wealthy man. A man I wouldn't allow to buy me a new car. I giggled at the absurdity of it all.

Kason gave me a puzzled look. "That wasn't the reaction I expected when I kissed you."

"I'm sorry. I guess there's a surreal quality about me standing here with you that just struck me as . . . I don't know . . . a little on the bizarre side." I got on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for tonight, it was . . . you were fantastic."

"
We
were fantastic. But we're both tired so I guess it's time to say adieu for tonight." He opened the car door for me. "I'll follow you home."

"It's hardly necessary. I only live a few blocks from here."

"Please don't argue with me Annalise. I
said
I'll see you home."

It was one of those moments that should have come up as a red flag, or at least a yellow one. Instead, it was the first of many times that I would simply accept his terms because the alternative wasn't important enough to me to warrant my dissent. A little thing, after all. Only a little thing.

***

He watched me go up the path and get my key in the lock. It wasn't until he saw that I had the door open that he waved and drove off. I switched on the hall light and had just put my purse and keys on the table next to the door when the phone rang. It was my mother's number. I felt a wave of guilt because I hadn't called her in a couple of weeks. That was followed by the grip of cold fear as I realized my mother was calling me at nearly one in the morning.

"Mom?"

"Annalise, sweetheart."

"What's up, Mom?" I tried to keep steady. My mother never, ever called this late.

"I waited to call you until I knew everything was going to be all right. But I'm sure it's going to make the news, so I wanted to warn you. Your dad got into it today with some union thugs. He was hurt."

"Daddy? Where is he? I want to talk to him."

"He's still in the hospital. But the doctors will send him home in a couple of days. He's fine, really. A few stitches and a broken rib or two." Her voice shook even though she was trying to put a brave front on for me. "It was a scuffle over the courthouse building. Some of the workers still aren't satisfied with the contract terms."

"So it got ugly again." My father's firm was one of the biggest contractors in Brooklyn. But Dad wasn't a big supporter of unions. He did all that he could to see that the city struck a hard bargain. Sometimes it seemed he was the only one concerned with the people who ultimately paid the bills—taxpayers like him. I had been frustrated more than once with what I saw as my father's refusal to just do his job and mind his own business. If the unions wanted the city to buy a fifty-dollar hinge where a ten-dollar one would do and the city didn't mind, then why should my Dad?

"It's like this Angelcakes,' he'd tell me. "It's 'cause me, and Bob and Vito and all the rest of our neighbors here are the ones who eat all that padding. Frankly, I'd rather have steak."

I told Mom I'd drive home that instant.

"Don't you dare," she ordered. "It is way too late for that. You don't need to come. He'll be out Wednesday at the latest. You can talk to him tomorrow." I knew my mother too well to buy her story. Okay, maybe it was too late to drive to New York, but with both my sisters on the West Coast, I was the only child available for moral support. She was frightened, and with good reason. We'd had bricks thrown through our living room window and phone threats before. Until Dad was home, she'd be scared shitless. Not that I could do much, but I could be company.

"I'll leave at the ass-crack of dawn, Mom."

"Annalise, your language."

I laughed hard at that one. "Mom, I am Donald Harding's daughter. 'Ass-crack' doesn't even merit honorable mention on Dad's list of cuss words."

"You're also my daughter . . . "

"I love you, Mom. See ya tomorrow."

"I love you too, sweetie, but you really don't have to . . . "

"Bye, Mom."

"Bye."