Almost (30 page)

“Don't quit. Don't do this…Jess.” He's lowered his voice into
that voice
, and he moves toward me.

Butterflies whisper down my spine and flood my head.

I'm ready. Every step he takes, I make sure to back away one.

He stops when he realizes what I'm doing. My next step will have me exiting his room. I murder the butterflies, and take on his green-gold gaze as though I'm suddenly at war with him. Because I am. I layer on my coldest glare. “Back the hell off. I'm serious.”

“You won't mean any of this tomorrow. You're still wrapped up in your nightmare. You could try.
We
…could try? C'mon. So what? So you had a bad dream in front of me. Jess we are friends…”

I shrug, but his earnest expression almost crumbles me. I allow my gaze to travel over him, memorizing each line of his face. I'm thankful he can't see inside my mind right now. The terrible images of him inside my nightmare still float there, threatening to resurface. That alone is strengthening my resolve. If he's in my nightmare again, it will completely destroy me. I need to make him understand this is life or death. If only Gray Porter had never wandered into my dreams.

Including the good, waking ones.

I want to let him hold me again—to fling myself at his chest and cry in his arms. Try to explain. But none of that was real. And he knows it too.

My heart wrenches as a new round of shivers return. The goose bumps increase and I wonder if I'll ever be warm again. “I will not change my mind,” I say, finally swallowing the huge lump in the back of my throat. “Can't you see…I did try, and…” I bore my gaze into his and tell him the truth. “It's hurting me. Inside and out…please. You don't understand how much.”

He sighs heavily, and he looks at me like what I've been saying has finally sunk in. “I—yeah. Okay. Okay. Hurting you in any way—it's the last thing I want.” He runs a hand through his hair and meets my gaze dead on. “Tell me exactly what you expect, and I'll deliver. What do you want? Need. Just say it.”

I want you. I want it all to be real. I want to be someone else.

Somehow, I answer in a steady voice. “I want to complete the contract. I know you're honorable enough not to blow that off as long as the paychecks keep coming. I want us—
I want you
—to stay away from me unless we're out in public.”

“You're seriously not going to ever let me talk to you about this—about what happened here tonight?”

I shake my head. His eyes grow dark and he looks away. I continue to press it home. “This is not about you. It's for my personal survival. Despite what you witnessed, I still think I deserve the chance to follow my dreams for college, and so do you. The contract will get us both what we want. Let's just stay focused on that. Everything else muddies our goals. You have to admit that's true.”

“Okay. I'll do anything.” He looks lost. Deflated. Resigned. But it seems he's not angry at me anymore. That's something, at least.

I answer sincerely, “If you mean that,
truly
, then take me home so I don't get in trouble with my parents for being late. If I'm grounded from
my boyfriend
then I'll miss more
normal teen activity
and that will delay my progress. Okay?”

“Fine,” he says.

“Fine.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Gray

I throw LightStick number five thousand and
save-me-from-this-plastic-crap
into the box with complete disgust, drawing a look from
Percy-from-Shipping
.

Percy-from-Shipping
is my newly assigned work partner. He's twenty-two and a high school drop out. He's been filling in for Jess since Monday.

Monday. The day Jess officially ditched me. Monday was a bad day.

It's been three days since I've seen Jess. Of course the girl hasn't returned even one of my texts or phone calls. Not one. Because Jess is
sick and tired
.

Sick and tired
. That's what I'd told Michelle and Corey to explain her absence at the rink. That's what I told my Grandmother when she caught me moping around.

I, of course, left off the part where she's sick and tired of me.

“Eff-ing three days with eff-ing
Percy-from-Shipping
,” I mutter as I assemble the next LightStick, remembering just how easily Jess had shut me down and pushed me away on all levels.

She'd also fully abandoned me here in Geekstuff.com's plastic sweatshop. Alone.

Percy starts whistling, “This old man…he played one…he played knick-knack on my thumb.”

Worse than alone.

Apparently, Jess had begged Mr. Foley to have a week on the
back end of things
.

He told me the whole story. Said he just couldn't deny such a
motivated and heart-felt request
. He'd sent her straight to study the order fulfillment and call center processes without question. He asked me if I minded first. I told Mr. Foley what he wanted to hear.

That
I didn't mind at all.

I about cracked a molar faking that answer and keeping my face straight. I have no idea how Jess has any teeth left in her mouth after the manipulation acts she puts on every day. The girl didn't lie about one fact, though.

Faking that you're happy and everything is ‘super-awesome’ takes way too much energy. I've never felt more exhausted in my whole life.

I glare at Percy's back. We're each assembling our own tables of LightStick parts. “At least
you
don't have to stop for
narcoleptic naps
,” I say.

“What? Narcoleptic? What's that?” Percy looks up.

“Nothing. I was saying that we will probably be done with these by Friday? Don't you think?”

“If we're being optimistic. It's a possibility.” Percy eyes the piles of yet to be assembled toy parts and shakes his head. “I'm sort of regretting my trade out. I never thought I'd admit to missing my cardboard boxes and computer after only three days away from shipping.”

“Three days! F-ing three days! GOD!” I throw another LightStick, green this time, into the box. “At least you didn't have to do the ladybugs and frogs.”

I jam the next topper, blue this time, on so hard it almost cracks. To test it, I push the
on
button once, and pause a moment to study the completed product. When lit, the blue version has the exact same hue of Jess's eyes. “The stupid blue ones piss me off.”

I toss it away from me into the box near
Percy-from-Shipping
.

“I refuse to do any more of that color. Are you okay with that, dude?” I shout. “I'm off the blues.”

Percy shoots me an alarmed look. “No problem. I suppose I hate the red ones. You do the reds, I'll do the blues?” His voice sounds cautious, like he's humoring me.

“Deal,” I say, trying to calm down. Percy isn't such a bad guy.

Tuesday, he'd actually been kind of fun. Tuesday had been the day I'd convinced myself to stop being pissed off and agree that Jess's plan to totally ignore me was the only plan that made sense. I'd actually made myself believe that too. It is
her contract
. They're
her nightmares.
Tuesday I told myself I should simply be grateful and walk away. I know for a fact, that after the interviews had taken place, this would have been
her internship
, not mine. Tuesday, I'd told myself I was lucky to still be getting paid.

“Stupid Tuesday,” I mutter, throwing another LightStick. “But today is suck-ass Wednesday, isn't it?
Percy-from-Shipping
. It's Wednesday today, isn't it?” I'm shouting louder now.

Percy darts me another look. “Dude. Maybe you should take a break.”

“I'm just fed up. Fed up! What about what
I
want?” I yell again, hardly registering what Percy just said. I fling another completed LightStick into the box like it's a missile, wishing it would explode.

“Porter. You're freaking me out. Are you some sort of mental case?” Percy backs away from the workspace.

“Sorry.” I shake my head as I pick up another LightStick. I decide to just tell him my deal. Percy-from-Shipping
likes
it when I want to
talk.
“I know I'm acting crazy but, I'm in love with this girl. Major love. And I have no idea what to do about it, so it's messing with my sanity.”

Percy lets out a long breath as he walks back to his table. “Ah. That explains it. You've been sketching me out all morning. Love, huh? Poor bastard. Have you told her?”

“No. I'm planning to, though. That's why I'm all agitated. I have no idea how to do it.”

“Just man up. We all have to put our hearts in the fire to get the ladies. No danger—no dates.”

“We're already dating. Sort of dating. Only, I think she broke up with me last week.”

“Ah. Was it the
let's-be-friends
scenario? Brutal. Like anyone wants a friend over a girlfriend. Girls suck with that line.”

“I don't even rate the
friend
option. She's just done with me. Won't even try.”

“Sorry kid. But on the flip side, if she's on that trip, then there's nothing left for you to lose. Play the wild card and make a fool out of yourself. See what happens. It's not like she can double-un-friend you.”

“It's not that simple. I've got so much shit I need to come clean about. Once she knows my deal, there's the chance she might never talk to me again.”

“Holy shit. Did you sleep with her best friend or cousin or something?”

“Hell no! Nothing like that.” I laugh.

He shrugs. “Then you're good.” Percy tosses his next LightStick into the box extra hard along with me. “Women. They mess us all up.”

I spin one of the LightSticks in the air. “The girl is going to cost me a ton of money too.”

“Money? Don't they all cost money?”

“I'm going to lose out on four thousand dollars. I'll possibly have to delay my college start date to make things right too.”

Percy lets out a long, low whistle. “And if she still rejects you? Is she worth risking that much?”

“More. So much more.”

“Dude, you're pathetic. And you're toast. You know that, right?”

“Yeah. I know.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jess

I snap open my eyes when the tapping starts on my side window. I haven't been able to sleep anyhow. That's mostly because when I pulled in, Gray had been parked nearby, reading in his car. Pretending to read, that is.

All this time, I've been pretending to sleep, so there! I can't believe he waited this long.

I grab my bag and open the door, trying to ignore him. But ignoring Gray Porter is like ignoring an elephant in a tutu. A really hot elephant—in a very manly tutu.

Of course I have to look. Especially when I've denied myself the sight of him for days. He's perfect in his brown cargo shorts, sporting the black Star Wars tee Mr. Foley gave us last week as a bonus. I pull my cardigan tightly closed over my middle. No need for him to notice that we're wearing matching shirts.

The sexy smell of limes is coming off his damp hair in waves right now. I never noticed limes before Gray Porter. And now, when we're in the supermarket I sniff them like a psycho and then put them back. It's a shock how often limes are on TV too. They're everywhere. My favorite burrito shop even uses fresh lime juice to make the salt stick to their hand fried tortilla chips. UGH. I used to be able to resist eating more than a few, but lately, I've become a lime-chip-aholic.

“Did you get enough sleep?” he asks.

“Because it's easy to nap when I'm being stared at?” I snap. “Why are you here?”

“Jess…”

I meet his hurt, way too intense gaze. I'm unable to hold it for long. It's been only seconds and he's already got my defenses malfunctioning on every level.

I solidify my expression to flat. Bored. Dead.

He sighs. “I wouldn't have to hunt you down if you'd text me back. I've called every night at seven. And left messages, every other hour. Why won't you talk to me?”

“The contract states you must text and call
me
. There's nothing in there about reciprocating.”

“That's
why
?”

I stare at him unblinking.

“God. You're serious.” He crosses his arms and glares. He's standing so close I feel heat radiating off him. Heat I've craved like an addict after being wrapped in his arms the other night. I pull a Red Bull out of my bag and pop the top right under his nose. Thankfully, he takes the hint and steps back.

“I can't believe you're sulking around the parking lot like this,” I cover. My heart rushes into my throat because I've made the mistake of looking into his eyes. I chase it away by gulping down the remainder of the Red Bull. No matter how fast he makes my heart race, I'm not going to fall for his magic this time. “I—you—said we were late. I need to get inside.”