Almost Lovers (6 page)

"What are you doing here, playboy?" asked
Lydia, her anger was seething.

But when it came down to it, it was the one
thing I could always depend on Lydia to do in a predictable manner
- be pissed off all the way or not at all. She was an all or
nothing kind of woman in that way and so many others.

"I could ask you the same thing," I tried to
be as quiet as possible but I was sure my panting was louder than
my words, "I was serious. Coming after Prussia is a death wish. How
stupid are you?"

My breathing was labored. Lydia was really
thrashing at me now and fending off the bulk of her attacks was
taxing. I tried to fling her off me again but failed. I tried to
keep blocking her stabbing with my forearms. The blood from my arms
was starting to make a mess of the floor.

"Humans are fair game," said Lydia, "The
bitch dies tonight,"

Lydia went for my face and when I blocked
she used the opportunity to knee me in the stomach. Then that was
followed by yet another knee to the stomach and another after that.
I wasn't weak. I was delaying what I didn't want to do but had to.
I had to kill the only woman I had ever loved.

I had to kill her for disobeying the Queen
or die myself. I felt like retching my soul out of my body so I
wouldn't be judged for what I was about to do. Somehow, maybe if I
didn't have a soul what I was about to do wouldn't haunt me as I
knew it would. How could our eternal lives ended up in this
way?

Her thrashing was violent, more violent than
I had ever remembered even during our hunts in the middle of the
night out of bloodlust. I shared the best of myself, the most
vulnerable of myself with her. And she used it against me. Taking
her razor sharp nails, she went for my chest with a burst of
renewed vigor. I could see it in her eyes. She had come to terms
with going threw me if she had to.

"After all this time?" I asked, “Over a
human?”

I held her at arms length. I had her held
out in front of me by her elbows and she had her hands dug into my
arms. We were entwined in pain and blood, mostly my pain and blood
but I did squeeze very hard.

"You’re the one protecting her instead of
helping me. I saw an opportunity," she said, her breathing matching
mine. I was wearing her down a bit, "I'm taking it. Let me go. I
don't want to have to go through you. Let me go and we'll be
together. I just need to kill her,"

She sounded crazy and looked equally crazy.
Her eyes were wild and her hair was everywhere from our tussling. I
squeezed her arms even harder and saw her wince in pain. It was the
face I hated to see. I stopped squeezing and tried to reason, to
plead.

"You know that I have to kill you now, the
Queen's orders!" I said, "Why didn't you listen to me?"

I wanted to shake her, shake reason into her
but I knew it wouldn't work. Her face was bewilderment and
confusion and I wanted to shake it right off her face. It would at
least make me feel better. I gritted my teeth and started to
tremble with the urge to shake her.

"I am following the Queen's orders," she
said, her face lighting up suddenly, "Just tonight, the Queen told
me to kill Prussia. Help me and then we can be together,
finally,"

She was a masterful liar and it cut me
deeply that she would lie to me, that she would be so cruel to try
to get me to do something that would end with not only her death
but the both of us.

"Stop your lies!" I said, "They will not
save you!"

And then it dawned on me. She looked scared
all of a sudden. Not sure of what was happening.

"It won't save you," I said, "But maybe it
will give you a moment to seek mercy," I was quiet for a
moment.

"What are you going to do?" she asked. She
looked hesitant and untrusting. Not sure if she should continue to
fight or attempt to flee.

"I have to take you to the Queen," I said
softly.

"NO," said Lydia, "I have to kill Prussia
first!"

She fought against my tight grip on her arms
and I let her loose. As she turned away from me to sprint toward
Prussia's apartment I let one swift blow land on top of Lydia's
head. Her next step was the last she took before falling to the
ground unconscious.

“I don’t understand,” I said, “We were
dating but now we’re not?”

“Exactly,” said Robert, “I’m glad now that
it’s just in the open, you know, and we’re adults and not upset
about it and can still be roomies….roomy!”

He came around the kitchen counter and gave
me a gentle nudge on the arm. The entire world had flipped
upside-down when I had gone to sleep. I thought I was going to wake
up to explain the entire horrible thing to Robert but somehow Lydia
had completely convinced him of her own version of things. Damn
Lydia. I wanted to poke her with something sharp right about now. I
thought she would just tell him I was cheating.

“Wait, that’s not what I wanted,” I said, “I
don’t want any type of open relationship, that’s just crazy
talk,”

I put my hands on my head as if I could
block all the noise that didn’t make sense, meaning all of it.
Robert was quiet for a moment.

“Well, I thought we needed a sort of
transition period but if that’s how you feel then I understand,” he
was a little sad looking all of a sudden.

I had no idea what was going on but all of
it was wrong. I go to sleep, wake up and my entire morning was a
nightmare. Maybe I was still sleeping. I started pinching myself. I
pinched myself over and over. It hurt a lot which wasn’t
promising.

“I guess that is the best way to really deal
with the end of a relationship then,” said Robert, “I am not used
to such out and dry breaks though. You’re really amazing and
honest, woman. You know that, Prussia? I think I even
underestimated you a little. I didn’t think you were going to tell
me at all cause, you know, I had no idea you were dating some
one,”

I had fish-face. My mouth hung open and I
gaped at the air waiting for the words to fall out. I had no idea
what to say or where to even start. And to make matters worse,
Robert looked like he was going somewhere.

“Are you leaving?” I asked.

I looked for my cup of coffee and saw it was
sitting on the kitchen counter, poured but sitting. He had his
coffee in his hand and was getting ready to walk out the door.

“Yeah, I’m going to meet up with Lydia
tonight and wanted to go let the club know that I need the night
off,” he said.

And the bricks just kept on falling. My face
fell like the Berlin wall.

“You have never taken a night off from
working at the club, not the entire time we were dating,” I
said.

Robert paused a moment. It didn’t look like
he knew if he was in trouble or if I was just stating random
observations.

“Sometimes you turn over new leaves!” he
said, opening the door to the apartment. How had I dated someone so
very stupid?

“It’s ‘turn over a new leaf,’ not leaves,” I
said to his back.

As the door opened, Robert found that he
couldn’t actually leave. He was face to face with someone who had
apparently been just about to knock on our door.

“Did I come at a bad time?” the voice of the
man carried and I knew it was Sebastian before I could even see his
face. Complete mortification. If the floor would open up this exact
moment and swallow me whole I would only be too grateful.

“This cannot be happening,” I muttered, my
face in my hands.

Sebastian looked at Robert, fairly chipper,
and then to me, and then he looked back and forth between the two
of us several times.

“Prussia is this your …” he looked at Robert
unsure and raised an eyebrow which made one of Robert’s eyebrow
raise in response, “Boyfriend?” Sebastian asked.

“Ye-” and with that I was cut off by the
all-too chipper Robert and his all-too chipper response, “Not at
all, we’re roommates,” and he stuck his hand out there like a
schmuck waiting for a hand shake.

My irritation with Robert and his
thirty-levels of stupid this morning was alleviated for a moment
when I saw the confusion on Robert’s face when Sebastian looked at
his hand as if it had the plague and wouldn’t touch it for a
kingship over an entire country.

“If this is a bad time, I can come back,”
said Sebastian, peering around Robert and outright ignoring his
outstretched hand, “I know we said we would have coffee but it
looks like you’re busy,”

“Nope,” said Robert, looking past Sebastian,
“I was just leaving,”

Sebastian moved slightly to see what Robert
was looking at and the moment of crushing defeat was the slinky and
insufferable Lydia brushing right past Sebastian, and on him as she
moved past him, to get to Robert.

I felt a real moment of gratitude as I saw
Sebastian’s facial expression change from mild confusion to anger
when he saw Lydia. That was a nice change of pace. For once a man
was mad that an immoral vixen had rubbed herself all over his nice
suit instead of apologizing that it wasn’t softer for her to rub
on.

If he wasn’t into the vixens, I wonder what
it was he saw in me…but my train of thought was cut short as I
caught Lydia’s hateful gaze on me.

“Is there anything left for you here?” Lydia
asked Robert.

“Not at all,” said Robert, unaware of the
undertone of her vicious and sniping comment, “I’m ready to leave
when you are. I just have to stop by the club,”

The two of them left, their bodies somehow
entwined but managing to walk the distance of the hall with ease.
It made my blood boil, my stomach turn and my heart hurt all at
once. I looked after Robert with painful longing and the last thing
I thought as I saw Lydia’s waft of hair pass around the corner was
finding a way to exact revenge, whatever revenge I could find.

“Coffee?” asked Sebastian from behind me,
watching me as I stood looking at an empty hallway, “I think we
need to talk,”

It was a bit judgmental but it was deserved.
I felt like a cat that had just accidentally fallen into a lake –
wet and near drowned. I didn’t want coffee. I wanted to go back to
bed. I pinched myself one more time and it hurt. It hurt a lot. I
gave a sigh.

“Yes,” I said to Sebastian, not even trying
to keep up the charade any longer, “You deserve an explanation at
least,”

“Honesty sounds like a good idea,” said
Sebastian.

I think he had a look of pity for me in
there somewhere but if it had been there it had only been a
flicker. His eyes were still captivating and that made it all the
more painful. I was captivated by beautiful eyes full of
disappointment. I grabbed my purse and we headed to the coffee
shop.

“I never intended any of this,” I said.

“Neither did I,” said Sebastian, “but here
we are…”

The morning air was crisp. We both headed
for the sitting area outside. I didn’t feel like I deserved to sit
inside where it was warmer. I had been a terrible person. That and
all the chairs were taken.

Sebastian followed me to a small bistro
table that looked out over the park across the street. I had
frequented this coffee shop on more than one occasion. It was out
of my way but a nice place to people-watch when I had a day off of
work. I wished we were there to people watch. But the only people
being watched were Sebastian and I.

I think the others could sense our tension.
Or it was just me being self conscious because I had been lying to
this kind man since the moment I had met him. And I had been using
him, can't forget that part now can I?

The table wobbled as I set down my coffee. I
tried to steady it and Sebastian helped me, the coffee threatening
to splash over the rim of the paper cup. His hand brushed mine,
just barely, and our eyes met.

I felt an overwhelming amount of shame as I
looked at him. I always told myself that I would live as if my
parents, wherever they were in heaven, were watching. I think if
they could have seen me, what I had done, they would have be
disappointed. I hadn’t been a very good person and Sebastian
deserved better, even from a friend let alone a girlfriend. Which I
was
not,
I reminded myself. I’m still dating Robert even if
he didn't realize it. Lydia had clouded things but Robert still had
my heart and I was certain I had his.

"Do you want to just stand here looking at
each other or shall we sit?" Sebastian asked, quiet and calm.

He didn’t sound angry but he wasn’t the
easiest person to read.

"Right," I said, "Of course,"

I pulled out a chair for him and he looked
at me like I was an idiot. I was nervous. I giggled and my nerves
rolled out in funny little bursts of awkward giggles. I put my hand
to my forehead and wished I had just closed the door on Sebastian
this morning, shouting through the door that I never wanted to see
him again and refused to offer an explanation. That was the
coward’s way. It seemed like a great plan, in hindsight. I wish I
had done it.