Aloha Love (18 page)
A sense of possessiveness rose in Jane, but if Austin confessed something, should she? This inner sense of honesty was getting to be a nuisance. “You wouldn’t be talking about the person you and I have discussed for the past few years, would you?”
Austin shook his head as he had other times when they simply let the subject of Rebecca go by the wayside. He stared into her eyes. “She said you don’t want to marry me; you just don’t want to let me go. That I deserved better than being strung along for years.”
It flashed through Jane’s mind that Matilda had said something similar. More than once. “Do you feel strung along, Austin?”
“Maybe. . .kept waiting. But I wanted you to be sure. I’d never thought of it quite the way Rebecca said it.” He paused, then blurted out, “She kissed me.”
It looked like the two of them might be in the same boat. She couldn’t help the ironic laugh that escaped her throat. “You kissed her back. I mean her lips?”
He scoffed. “Jane, how can you sit there and act like this is some child’s prank? This amounts to disrespect for you. I’ve struggled with this. And about telling you.” He paused. “Don’t you care?”
“Well, yes. Describe it.”
“Describe what?”
“The kiss.”
His poor Adam’s apple seemed to be getting a lot of exercise. “She is. . .was. . .very passionate.”
“Were you?”
He took a step away and gazed at the ground. “I. . .surprised myself.”
She could hardly believe it. “You were passionate?”
“Well, I was. . .tempted. Although I never told you details, I was honest about not living the way the Lord intended during my college years. But I’ve tried to since recommitting myself to the Lord. That’s why I have to tell you this. I—I did return the kiss, but then I broke away and I turned and marched right out of the office.”
“You left her standing there?”
“Yes, but she ran after me and made me talk. Or rather, listen.”
“What did she say?”
“She said that she and I were made for each other. That she’d been in love with me for years. She thought I should know it. She said that your leaving for Hawaii made her decide to speak up. She thinks you don’t love me the way she does.”
Jane stood from the swing, still holding onto the rope. She wasn’t really surprised, yet she felt jealous. She and Rebecca had been rivals since school days. She supposed that challenged them both to be their best. But this was not a game. Where was this leading?
Austin looked at the diamond ring he still held. He looked at Jane with a troubled expression. “Well,” he said. “Do you? Love me that way? You’ve never. . .kissed me.”
“What? Austin! I’ve kissed you all my life.”
“I mean not like that. With your heart in it.”
“Oh. You mean. . .that passionately.”
His face tilted slightly, and the lift of his eyebrows indicated that was it.
“Well, we weren’t supposed to.”
“Rebecca and I weren’t supposed to, either.”
She nodded.
“Jane. I don’t want some momentary indiscretion of mine to get in the way of what you and I mean to each other. But are you sure that you and I belong together. . .forever?”
She took a deep breath. All this needed to be faced, to be talked about, because what she had thought, she now said. “Austin, all of my life, I’ve believed that you and I were part of each other. Our families, even after my mother died, were like one family. I’ve always believed we were best friends, were going to be married, and live happily ever after.”
“It’s a beautiful dream,” he said. “But I think you may have a different one now.”
She grasped the rope tightly.
“Today, you risked your life for that man. You love his child. They’re in your heart.”
“So are you, Austin. You’ve always been there. You always will be. You’ve been my dearest friend.”
“Yes,” Austin said. “I made this trip because I knew we had to get this settled once and for all. Seeing that race, you on that horse, it was like seeing you as you really are for the first time. Riding toward another goal, away from me.” He looked at the ring. “Mak is your equal, not I.”
“He doesn’t want me.”
A wan smile touched Austin’s lips. “That’s for him to say.” He returned the ring to his pocket, and Jane didn’t know if she could stand it. “Oh, Austin. You’re wonderful. I’ve loved you as long as I can remember.” She rushed to him.
He lifted a hand to still her words. “I didn’t say he’s better than I. Just your equal in many ways.”
“You and I could have made a good life together.”
“Yes, I think we could have.”
Could have.
Those words changed the thinking of a lifetime. With eyes that blurred, she fell against his chest. He held her tight. The sound coming from him sounded like the kind of sobs she felt in her own throat.
“I do love you, Jane,” he said, when they could let go.
She took the handkerchief he offered. “I’ve always loved you. Always will.”
Strange. This felt like. . .salt in a wound. It hurt. But it would heal.
Like the night, a calm seemed to settle over them.
“Jane, on the voyage over, I had a lot of time to think. I wonder. Maybe we’ve been more like a very close brother and sister.”
She was shaking her head. “No. More like cousins.”
He laughed, tears again forming in his eyes. “Kissing cousins.”
She nodded. “But not. . .passionately enough.”
He took his handkerchief from her and wiped her tears away, then swiped at his own. “You don’t have to tell me, but I wonder. Do you know what it means to kiss someone passionately?”
She thought of the teenage kiss she had given the boy behind the barn. That was as passionate as she could get at the time. She thought of the nearness of Mak, his face, his lips, just his nearness that sped up her heartbeat and made her long to be in his arms. “In my dreams and in my weak moments, yes, Austin. I do. I haven’t experienced it like you and Rebecca, but yes. I know.”
He took a deep breath. “I thought so.”
After Mak walked away from his family and friends, he went to the area where the king and others stood with Akim. The king shook his hand. “Congratulations, Mak. I can imagine what this means to you. And if Akim had to be beaten, I’m glad it was by Panai.”
The king held his hand a moment longer than necessary, with a strong grip as his gaze held Mak’s. Yes, the king knew the story. All the island knew about the tragedy that had become front-page news. It had been repeated when the king bought Akim, and again during the following years when Akim had won the cup.
“Who would have thought that lovely lady I met at the party was a fine jockey?” He chuckled and let go of Mak’s hand.
Mak turned his lips into a polite smile. He didn’t need to respond to that rhetorical question. But he knew the answer. Jane’s fiancé knew.
As Akim was being led away, Mak walked over. “Just a moment, please.” He stared at Akim while examining his own mind and heart. The horse had his eyes on Mak, who laid his hand on Akim’s warm, moist neck and whispered. “I forgive you.”
❧
Mak was kneeling at the front of the church the following morning when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking back, he saw Rev. Russell. Mak stood.
“For a long time,” Mak said, “coming in here and getting things right between me and God has been in the back of my mind, and even more so since Jane has spoken her mind to me—more than once.”
The reverend’s face relaxed into a knowing expression, but he made no comment, apparently sensing that Mak had to make his peace.
“I’ve been coming to the conclusion that I needed to forgive God for letting Maylea and my baby die.” He shook his head. “I don’t think that anymore. I think I needed to ask God to forgive me.”
“He understands, Mak. God still loves you, and He’s still as close as you let Him be.”
Mak nodded. “I know that. But it’s easier to accept when things are going well.”
“Is it?” the reverend said. “Or do we tend to take God for granted when things are going well?”
Mak stood and looked at the wooden cross on the wall behind the pulpit. The reverend had a point. He’d taken a lot of his blessings for granted. “In the past three years, I’ve talked about, thought about, questioned, and tried to reason things about life that didn’t suit me more than in the rest of my life combined.”
“It’s a maturing process, Mak.”
A defining moment
, Mak thought.
“Do you remember the verse I quoted to you before the race?”
“I can’t quote it,” Mak said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Something about winning the race.”
“That was about winning the physical race, Mak. Here, look at the ending of that sentence.” He turned the pages of his Bible and read: “ ‘I press toward the mark for the prize. . .’ ” He paused, then read the rest. “ ‘The prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.’ ” He closed the Bible. “We have our human races, Mak. But the one that makes the biggest difference is the one we race daily. The spiritual one.”
❧
“Well, Jane,” Matilda scolded a few days after the race. “You had enough courage to ride the most powerful horse on the island, and you can’t face the likes of Mak MacCauley? Is this my niece talking?”
Jane tried to explain it to herself. Finally, it hit her. “It’s like I told you before. Austin would never hurt me. But Mak can.”
“Then maybe you should book the next ship back to Texas.”
Jane stared into Matilda’s challenging eyes. Then she promptly went into her bedroom, changed into her riding clothes, marched out the door, and rode Anise to the ranch.
Big Brown stood in the corral. Mak was brushing Panai. Across from Panai in a niche she hadn’t noticed before was the Big Island Cup. Mak had what he wanted. His revenge, his big win. He wasn’t talking to Panai, and his face did not have the look of someone who had lost his grief and misery.
Panai gave a low whinny. Jane walked over to the horse and rubbed his face. The horse wasn’t angry with her. She heard Mak’s quick intake of breath when he saw her.
“How is Chico?”
Mak looked behind her as if expecting someone else. He again focused on the horse. “It’s not appendicitis.” If he wasn’t careful, he might brush a hole in that horse.
“Chico’s wife remembered that his dad had a bad reaction to taking salicin. Chico had been taking it for a while for a headache he had after pulling a muscle in his neck.”
He laid the brush aside, and she stepped back so he could swing the door open and come out. Again he looked toward the doorway. “The last I heard, they were planning to test further, but they suspect he has an ulcerated stomach from the salicin.” He added, with relief in his voice, “That is treatable.”
She gestured at the cup. “I see you’ve given the cup to the one who deserves it—Panai.”
“You deserve it, too.” He began walking toward the doorway, and she followed.
“I’m not sorry. Chico said I might not win, but I could ride him.” While Mak washed his hands at the water pump, she felt her words coming out like a tumbleweed. “He was right. I couldn’t win. But Panai could. He did the work. I was just along for the ride. It was the ride of my life, and I won’t apologize for it. I just wish you hadn’t been so angry about it.” She gave him a hard look. “After all, I didn’t throw up on him.”
He shook the water from his hands and wiped them on the sides of his shirt. She thought he grinned. “Why do you think I was angry?”
She took a deep breath. But it didn’t stop the tumbleweed. “Because you didn’t really want Panai to win. You wouldn’t have anything to hold onto without your grief and misery.”
“Jane,” he said. “That might be true if you hadn’t come into my life. You’ve changed me. I didn’t know just how much until you determined to get on that horse. I knew then you were more important to me than the horse, than the race.”
Jane knew that was saying a lot. But did he mean the value of a human being in general. . .or. . . ?
“During the race, I didn’t care if Panai came in last or didn’t come in at all.” He reached out and took hold of her hands. “I wanted you to be safe. For your sake and. . .I did not want Austin to feel the pain of losing someone he loves. Since I’m being honest, I kept thinking that you made me realize that I could love again. God might bring into my life a lovely young woman whom I could come to love, yet. . .I worried that she might not be available—”
His words stopped, and he focused on her left hand, the ring finger. His glance moved to her face and back again, questioning.
“Austin felt that my riding that horse was my racing away from him. He didn’t return the ring.”
Mak looked pained. “I’m sorry if I caused that. Ruined that for you.”
“You are. . .sorry?”
“Yes. No. I mean—”
“Mak, I couldn’t accept that ring again. Austin and I both realized we’re the best friends in the world. We love each other. But we’re not in love. My being your friend has saved me from the prospect of a friendly, boring, good life.”
“No. You would make each day exciting just by being in it.”
“Well, as I said, I feel like you saved my life.”
He stepped closer, and his hand came around her waist. “There’s a Chinese saying—”
“Finally,” she interrupted. “Why do you think I kept repeating that you saved my life? But go ahead and finish the proverb.”
A loving look came into his eyes. “There’s a Chinese saying that if you save someone’s life, you’re responsible for them for the rest of your life.”
“Do you mean. . . ?”
“I mean I love you, Jane. I would like nothing better than for you to become my wife. Is there a chance?”
“There is. And I want you to know this, Mak. I want to plan a marriage with you every day of my life. That’s where I want to focus. I want to be a wife you can respect and cherish and love.”
He put his fingers against her lips. “Let me ask you this. Can you ever forget Austin?”
“No.” Her heart began to hammer, anticipating what he was about to say.
“I can’t forget Maylea, either. And you’re the one who has made me realize I don’t have to. But the amazing thing about these hearts of ours is there’s room for more love than we can ever realize. I love you completely. You, as you are. There’s no competing. I may think of her at times, like when Leia graduates from a class, is baptized. And when she marries, I may think that her mother is watching. But here, you are her mother.”
“I know,” Jane said. “And I will probably always remember Austin’s wealth and think he could probably buy the entire island of Hawaii, and I’ll remember his sweet kisses.”
“Aarrgh,” Mak growled.
“But yours,” she teased, “if we ever get that far, could probably make me forget everything else in the world.”
“I can live with that,” he said. “There’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, without feeling guilty. . .or miserable.”
He brought his hand up from her waist and gently touched her lips. Hers parted to take in a breath. “Don’t say any more,” she said. “Show me.”
So he did.
His lips were only a breath away. She closed her eyes to experience her own personal, passionate adventure in paradise.
