Always Been Mine (9 page)

He looked away then and picked up his beer. “She doesn’t have me Joes.” He took a big gulp. “You do. I've always been yours.”

The last words were so quiet, I almost missed them. I didn’t understand. He must mean because he was here, in a bar with me on a weekday night when we both had to work in the morning, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the reality of my life alone. “I know." I sat up, moving back into my own chair. "I'm drunk and being..." I couldn't think of the word. I shook my head again. "You are a great friend.” I smiled. “I’d be lost without you. I love you. I hate her. Very simple. And, she really doesn’t deserve you.”

He shook his head, looking back at me. “No, Jo. She doesn’t have me. We broke up.”

The words took a few seconds to sink in. I was shocked. “What? When? Why?”

“Earlier this week.” I was staring at him, willing him to explain. He motioned to the bar with his beer bottle. “Because of this. Because of Friday.” He took another drink. “Because I want something I can’t have.” He put the bottle down. “Because of you.” Before I could think about what he was saying, his hands were in my hair and his lips were on mine. It was sweet and soft. I leaned into him, moving my lips against his. His tongue pushed at my bottom lip and I opened my mouth, letting it in. He was taking over my senses. I could taste his beer mixed with the alcohol from the shot, all I could smell was his cologne, and the only thing I heard was the pounding of my heart loud in my ears. My hands balled into fists in his shirt as I pulled him closer. It wasn’t close enough. I wanted more. Much more.

He moved slightly, pulling back. He was as out of breath as I was and for a minute he rested his forehead on mine. Suddenly he sat up, pulling the fabric out of my hands. “Joes? We can’t do this. Y
ou’re drunk off your ass and…” he trailed off. He picked up his bottle and took a long drink.

I was suddenly pissed. “And what? I’m not the girl you want to be making out with in a bar? Afraid someone, like maybe short shorts, might see you?"

“No!” He snapped at me, obviously as irritated as I was. “But I can tell you that you will thank me tomorrow morning.”

I was suddenly ashamed. "I get it. I'm the friend, not the hot blonde."

Matt made a weird face. "Now, you're being melodramatic and ridiculous."

I was not being dramatic! "Listen, we both know you're here because I'm the burdensome best friend that you have to make sure gets home ok." I stood up and downed the rest of my drink, just for flare. I cringed at the thoughtless act. “Whatever,
Matt.” He was smirking at me. “Take me home.”

The walk back to my hotel was quiet and slow. I wouldn’t let him help me walk and my feet did not want to cooperate. I was surprised when we made it back without me falling. I debated sitting down once we were on the elevator, but was sure I wouldn’t be able to stand up once I was down. And I’d be damned if I’d let Matty help me. Instead, I leaned against the wall and silently begged the world to stop whirling as the elevator climbed. As soon as we reached my floor, I realized I hadn’t brought my purse and didn’t have my key. Seeing my face, he pulled his out of his back pocket and waved it at me. I’d forgotten that he had one, too. I let him get off the elevator first and open my door. I went in my room ahead of him, throwing my phone on the table next to me, and kicked off my heels.

I turned to look at him then, knowing he was probably angry with me. He could be pissed off all he wanted, I was mad at him, too. One look at him, though, and I was completely distracted. He was leaning against the closed door with his hands in the pockets of the jeans that fit him just right, watching me as if he expected me to keel over where I stood. He was so sexy, all dark and brooding, that I had to have him. Now.

Looking him in the eye, I unbuttoned my shirt, slowly, and pushed it off my shoulders and onto the floor. His eyes strayed from mine, watching as my hands trailed down my breasts and belly and I unbuttoned my jeans. “Jo?” The voice was confused, unsure of why I was stripping in front of him. Before I could push the denim over my hips in what was supposed to be a super sexy move, the world started to spin. Laughing I stumbled back. “Jo!” A hand grabbed my arm, steadying me. “You are beyond drunk.” There was no humor in his voice.

“I’m not drunk!” I narrowed my eyes at the chest in front of me, following it up until I met his eyes. “Oh, there you are. Hi!” I smiled, giggling again.

“Of course you’re not. Can I help get you into bed?”

“Only if you’re naked and getting into bed with me.” Oh, no! Filter, you’re supposed to engage! I giggled again. “What I meant to say,” I reached out and grabbed the top of his jeans under his white tee shirt, “is that you can help by getting naked and getting into bed.”

“Jo, stop.” He moved my hands but didn’t let them go. “You need to sleep this off.”

I stepped into him, closing the small gap, and slid my hands under his shirt. Oh, my god. My fingers slid upward over hard-as-rock muscle, and I could feel his flesh pimple into goose bumps. “I’m going to bed, but sleep is the last thing I need.”

Matty grabbed my arms and pulled them out. “You don’t want to do this. Come on, Joes, you know you don’t.”

I didn’t know that at all. I knew I didn’t need to sleep it off. I knew I needed sex. I needed his arms around me, and him to fuck me three ways from Sunday. Then it hit me. “You’re not attracted to me.” I shook my head. “I really don’t turn you on, do I?”

His face softened a little. “Joes,” He sighed. "I’m trying to save you from making a mistake. I'm not the kind of guy you want in your bed.”

I glared at him. What? Yes he was, but he was doing that stupid Matty trick that made me feel better about an awful situation. I had totally read him all wrong. He’d had such an urgency when he kissed me, like he’d been waiting to do it all night. “Why’d you kiss me then?”

He sighed again, but this time he was annoyed. “You are so drunk.” He shook his head as if I was a naughty child and he, as my parent, couldn’t believe my unsightly behavior. “Let’s talk about this later.”

But I wanted to talk about it now. “What it is about me that disgusts you so much? I may not be tall and blonde and perfect, but I’m not a fucking troll.”

“I didn’t say you were.”

“Yeah, you kinda just did. Nice try, with the whole 'I'm not the kinda man you want in your bed.' It's not you, it's me, right Matty? Whatever. You think I’m not good enough for you, the Greek God of… of…” I waved my arm, searching for the right term but the words never came. “Whatever.” I bent over and grabbed my shirt shoving one arm in and then the other, sidestepping him as I struggled to button it.

“What are you doing?” He was clearly annoyed.

I had almost reached the door. “I’m leaving. Going back to the bar.” I turned and faced him. “I’m horny as hell. I haven’t had sex in months. Since I’m not good enough for you to fuck, I’m gonna find someone that will.” I reached for my purse.

“The hell you are!” His hand wrapped around my arm and he jerked hard, catching me off guard. He pushed me back into the door and his lips came down on mine. Alarm bells started ringing. This wasn’t a soft sweet kiss like before. This was raw, unrestrained, dangerous.

He pulled back and I was surprised to see his sneer. “See? You can’t even fucking kiss me back! You’re playing with fire here, Jo, and you know it. Make me the bad guy if you want, 'cause that's what I am. If knowing that I'm dangerous helps you walk away, then I'll show you how fucking scary I am!"

He pushed my hands above my head, holding them with one hand while his other roamed over my body, settling on my chest. His mouth descended again, lips rough, demanding. He didn't give me time to kiss him back, moving his mouth to my ear, sucking in the bottom of my lobe and closing his teeth around it. Hard. I hissed. He moved, grinning at me in sinister triumph. "By the time I get started, you'll be begging me to save you!"

I glared at him. “I don't need you to save me! You don't scare me. I know that you're trying to save yourself from making the mistake of fucking me!” I was shouting and didn’t care. “How awful it would be to have to look yourself in the mirror and know that you got turned on by the fat girl.”

His eyes widened before they narrowed, his jaw clenching, and he looked truly dangerous for a second. “Really?” He laughed, humorlessly. “I’m the idiot arguing with the drunk moron, but for the record, I have to look myself in mirror every morning knowing that I want you, knowing that you aren’t mine to want, and knowing I would never have this chance. Now that I have it, all I want to do is throw your drunk ass over my shoulder, strip you naked and make you scream my name until you forget everyone and everything else. If you remember anything from tonight, remember I had to use every ounce of will power because I don’t want you to hate me tomorrow.”

I wanted to yell at him, tell him I didn’t believe a word. But, I didn’t. His face was so sincere it cut through the little bit of a buzz I had left. His arms were boxing me in, but I could duck under them and hide in the bathroom until he left and then we could pretend this didn’t happen. That is probably exactly what he expected me to do. Or, I could just take the chance and make him love me tonight. Fuck the safe route.

His face was inches away from mine. I reached up, grabbing him behind the neck, and pulled him down again. My lips touched his and he started to pull back, then suddenly he groaned and pulled my body against his, deepening the kiss. This time, I kissed him back. His hands traced my body, coming up to my half-open shirt. He grabbed the sides and gave it a quick tug. Buttons flew off as it came open, his hands moved inside, and he pushed the shirt the rest of the way off. His lips moved down my neck, to the top of my breasts and back up, making me shiver. He pulled back.

“Joes, I'm not...,” he broke off, his voice full of need. “This isn’t a good idea, but I want you in my bed, your body asking me for more. I want to watch you come apart, hear you beg me to let you come, screaming my name when you lose control. Fucking Christ, Jo, it's taking every ounce I've got to...,” he groaned. "This isn't a good idea."

I smiled up at him as I tugged his shirt up and over his head, trying to get to skin so I could kiss him. “Yes it is.” I leaned forward, kissing the tattoo on his chest. He sucked in his breath. “It’s a great fucking idea.” My lips trailed down the anchor, kissing the middle of his belly, stopping right above his pants. “Years in the making.” I reached for the button of his jeans but he moved just out of reach. I ached to touch him. All of him.

“Jo. Once we cross that line, we can’t take it back. I don't want to go there with you.” Right now, I hated him and his mixed signals. I stood up straight and met his eyes. I wiggled my hips as I pushed my jeans down and kicked them out of my way, and then I reached behind me, unbuckled my bra and threw it in the same direction. He groaned. “Jesus Jo.”

I smiled. “Whoops. Line crossed.”

He looked down at me. “I want to touch you.” He sighed. “Being the sober one fucking sucks.”

“If you don’t stop talking and start touching, I’m going to explode.” I grabbed him by the jeans, pulling him hard. He fell against me. “I’m not that drunk,” I tried to assure him as I pushed off his jeans. “I know what we’re doing, and I want to do it.” I kissed him. “Don't worry about this.”

He kicked off his jeans, leaning in to kiss me softly, calling my name.

"Matty, please just make me forget everything." His teeth nipped my bottom lip, fingernails digging into my bare hips as he picked me up and carried me to the bed.

And he did what I asked.

My alarm went off, bringing me out of the half sleep state I’d been in for what seemed forever. I groggily grabbed my phone and poked at the screen hoping to shut off the buzzing before it got any louder. I sighed in relief when the noise stopped and wondered if I could squeak in fifteen more minutes of sleep. Falling back onto my pillow I stared at the ceiling. My head had a dull pound and I tried to remember where I put my Tylenol.

Then I remembered where I was, and whom I was with.

I rolled over slightly, just enough to see him. We had left the shades open earlier and the early morning sun was just starting to shine on his side of the bed. It gave his bare back a bronze glow, causing a slight shadow in the valley that ran down the middle of his back. I fought the urge to reach out and trace it. He was beautiful on any given day; right now, he was breathtaking.

Lying on his stomach with his arms folded under his pillow, his head was tilted toward me, his chin touching his right shoulder. His dark hair, with the slightest tinge of grey, clumped together in what had been professional spikes just a few hours earlier. A few wisps had escaped and were tickling his forehead. I could just make out the black lines of the tattoos he had on his back, a few of the indents where his ribs were, and the bulge of his shoulder blade. A small corner of the sheet, flung over his waist, kept him covered just enough to be decent. He looked like an erotic painting or the cover of a steamy smut novel. The bastard looked both youthful and innocent, as well as the sexy as hell bad boy.

His face was emotionless in sleep but his lips pouted slightly. Part of me wanted to kiss the pout away. I started to lean forward, but stopped suddenly. I didn’t want to wake him up. That awkward conversation was not one I wanted to have right now. Ok. I didn’t want to have it at all. I frowned at him as reality crept back in. For the first time today, I was seeing my friend and not the sex-god I’d been admiring five seconds ago. What in the hell was I going to do? There was no way in hell we could forget the last few hours; we’d crossed a line that he knew we shouldn’t have crossed. There was no way to go back, but was there any way to move forward?

Well, obviously you didn’t think that through well enough
, I chastised myself silently. Would he ever forgive me? Shit, shit, shit.

I leaned back to my side of the bed as quietly as I could. I couldn’t think about it, the idea of talking to him right now terrified me. My heart was pounding so loud that I was sure he would hear it, and I knew that I was breathing heavy. I’m going to laugh about this tomorrow, really. Maybe it won’t be as awful as I think.
Ha! It will be.
I was back on my side and turning over to slide out of bed when a muscular arm wrapped around my belly and held me in place. I hadn’t heard him move and jumped, barely keeping a yelp from escaping.

“Leaving so soon?” a groggy voice asked as the body that belonged to it moved in behind me, his chin resting on my shoulder.

“Hey you,” I smiled, willing my heart to stop pounding. “I’ve gotta get ready for work.”

The arm didn’t release me as I attempted to get up again, instead it pulled me back into the solid wall that was his chest. “I thought we had all morning.” The voice was low and husky. I shivered as his lips made a trail down my neck onto my back.

“We did. Time’s up.” I wasn’t sure if he could sense my urgent need to get away from him, but his arm only tightened. In one fluid move, he pulled me into the middle of the bed and rolled on top of me, one of his legs nestled between mine. I knew he was watching me but I couldn’t look at him. Instead I stared at the Claddagh he had over his heart, reaching up to trace the lines lightly with my finger. He didn’t move, just stayed propped on his hands looking down at me until I had gone around the tattoo twice.

“Fine. I need twenty more minutes, though.” There was humor in his voice, but I still couldn’t meet his eyes. “‘Cause twenty minutes is all it’ll take.” No explanation was needed as he pressed into me and I could feel how hard he was. His arms were tight, with all his muscles straining as he held his weight off me. My hand moved from his tattoo to his arm. I loved these arms. I loved to look at them and I loved touching them. He wasn’t small, but he also wasn't a huge guy. At first glance you wouldn’t know that his arms were this big. But, here they were, big, strong, and solid under my fingers, and I couldn’t stop myself from reaching my left hand out, too. I ran my fingertips down both arms, amazed at how hard they really were. He shivered, giving me an impatient sigh, and pushed himself into my leg again. “Look at me,” he growled.

I met his eyes and knew mine must reflect his. I wanted him to fuck me as much as he wanted to do it. His eyes were the brightest blue that I’d ever seen. When we’d first met I thought that they were contacts because there was no way that color was natural. I was wrong. Now, the color had changed slightly, the blue had grown darker—more dangerous, as if a warning sign. Too late, I thought as I arched toward him, remembering that I was just as naked as he was. The eyes narrowed and grew even darker. “Ok. It’ll only take five minutes.”

I’ve never been good at holding my laughter. I giggle when I’m nervous and laugh at the most inappropriate times. This was one of those times. A laugh burst out before I could even try to stifle it. He chuckled back, smiling as his mouth descended on mine. He wasn’t forceful, but he wasn’t gentle, demanding a response. I heard a moan and didn’t know if it came from him or me. I moved my hands to his hair, curling my fingers in the strands and pulling him down. I wanted him closer to me and I didn’t want him to stop. I’d think about the rest later.

He shifted, moving his lips to my neck. He trailed kisses up each side and back down again while his hands traced the lines of my body. He was heavy, all of his weight pushing me into the soft mattress. Each kiss he left was more urgent than the last, and I struggled to hold him still so I could kiss him back. I slid down a little and was able to reach his neck, mimicking the trail his mouth had just taken on mine. When I got to his ear, I closed my teeth around the bottom of the lobe. He moved fast, giving me no time to think, and pinned both my hands above my head with one of his own. His other hand and mouth were everywhere. Every few seconds his teeth would find skin and he’d bite me softly.

I pulled my hands free, finding his hair once again, this time pulling at it every time he bit me. I was out of breath and panting, and I didn’t want him to stop. I moved my hips against his legs trying to show him I wanted more. His hand moved to my left breast, fingers squeezing my nipple tightly while his mouth closed over my right nipple and bit down.

Oh, my God. My entire body was on fire. I moved my hips against him again, silently begging him to give me what I wanted. His only response was to suck on my nipple and bite me again. I grabbed handfuls of hair, twisting it, and pulling. There was no question who was moaning now. I was so loud the people in the next room could probably hear me. His eyes shot up to mine and he released my nipple long enough to give me his ‘up to something’ smile as he moved his mouth to my left breast.

“Like that?” His voice was husky and he didn’t wait for an answer, clamping his teeth down harder than he had a second ago. I cried out. That must have been the answer he was looking for. His hands grabbed my hips and circled around me. He shift
ed again,                                                                       and I opened my legs to let him in. As he moved between them, his mouth found mine, kissing me gently. I wasn’t expecting it. It was such a stark contrast to the kisses he’d just given me. I let go of his hair and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I didn’t want him to do anything but lay there and kiss me like that again. His hips moved against me; I was beyond ready. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been this turned on. He pushed himself up onto his knees forcing me to let go of him as a wave of cold air hit my naked body. His hands found my upper thighs and he moved close enough for me to feel his heat.

He stopped moving, eyes traveling over my body. He wasn’t seeing me naked for the first time. He’d kissed or touched almost every inch of my body last night or this morning, but for one brief second I panicked. He was perfect; I was not. Rejection on a normal scale I could handle. I’d done it many times before and would again. Having my best friend decide not to fuck me and leaving me this horny was something I could not handle. I moved my hands over my stomach, trying to hide what I could.

His beautiful face turned into a frown and his eyes narrowed angrily. Grabbing my arms, he pushed both up over my head. His mouth was on mine, all tenderness gone. He pulled his mouth off mine and growled “Don’t!” before biting my lip and pushing himself into me. I didn’t have a chance to rise up to meet him and gasped—both at the surprise and the hardness that was filling me.

The sound was lost when his mouth covered mine. He let my arms go and suddenly his hands were in my hair, pulling my head back roughly, making my eyes meet his once again. I couldn’t look away as he thrust into me harder than I expected and didn’t pull back. “Don’t do that, not now.” And he kissed me again.

My body was very aware that it had a hard intruder, and my muscles flexed around him. “Christ!” came out as a groan; he shuddered and closed his eyes leaning his head back. Oh, no. He was not getting off that easy. I squeezed his dick again. His eyes flew open and his head snapped up. He smirked down at me. “You wanna play that way, huh?” His voice was barley a whisper, but held a note of serious threat. I leaned up, as far as I could without his hands pulling my hair, and bit his chin. He groaned and let go of my hair.

His hands found my thighs again, sliding up onto my ass cheeks. He pulled out of me, lifting my body toward him, and slammed back in. Again, this time slamming harder. Again and again, each timed harder than the last. His hands squeezed at the flesh on my butt hard enough to be painful. I didn’t think he could get any deeper, yet each time he did. He was moving so fast I couldn’t even attempt to match him. My hands were on his back, digging in each time he pushed into me. He pinched my flesh between his fingers, making me push into the air trying to get away. He wasn’t going to let me though, and only picked up the pace even more. I cried out, my body on sensory overload couldn’t handle much more.

I felt him shift his weight slightly, never missing a beat as he plummeted my tender flesh, his teeth finding my right nipple. He bit me hard, harder than earlier. I screamed out, raking my nails up his back into his hair. He hissed and for a brief second I was afraid I had drawn blood. His mouth moved to the left breast, not biting but sucking and nibbling, and I couldn’t help moaning. Then his fingers dug into my ass even harder, pulling me further into the air and driving his dick harder and harder. Teeth closed on the left nipple—soft at first, then a little harder. I had just gotten used to the pressure from both his fingers and his teeth when he let go of my nipple, dug his fingers even further into my flesh, his fingernails cutting into my skin and bit my right nipple.

My legs jerked around his body as his mouth found mine, covering the cries I made as I came around him. His thrusts got softer and he let go of my tender flesh, moving his hands back to my hair. I convulsed around him, my muscles squeezing and milking him. I was so wet I knew he must be having a hard time, but he didn’t stop.

I didn’t realize that I was still moaning until he moved his mouth. He had slowed even more, but kept a steady pace, and each pump sent ripples of pleasure through my entire body. He pulled my head back and I looked at his beautiful face, surprised to see concern.

“Do you want me to stop?” I couldn’t talk. I didn’t have enough energy. Instead, I played with his hair and pulled him down to kiss me, trying my best to show him it was his turn. He smiled as he pulled his head back. “I want to watch you come this time,” he whispered. I didn’t understand. My mind was foggy, and I couldn’t begin to form words with his steady rhythm. I shook my head, and he smiled a slow, knowing smile.

As quickly as he had slowed, he regained the mind-numbing pace from earlier. His hand found my hips and he leaned down to kiss me slowly and deeply. The man never strayed from his rhythm and I was out of breath in seconds. I felt it—fucking Christ. I was going to do it again. He must have seen the look on my face. His eyes got dangerously dark again and the smile widened. He leaned his forehead against mine and he grabbed both of my hands with his, twining his fingers around mine, holding them just above my head. “Come on baby. Come with me. I want to hear you scream my name.”

Suddenly there were fireworks and my body was exploding. Good Christ. Fuck. My body was convulsing in places that didn’t convulse. I was shaking and my back arched me off the bed. I wanted him out of me. I wanted him in me deeper. I wanted him to kiss me. His eyes never left mine, not even when I closed them and his hands held mine tight. I didn’t scream, but I was close. He kissed me, his noises mingling with mine as he finally found his release.

I don’t know how long we were laying there, completely entwined, before I realized that I wasn’t sure which of us was the one shaking. We were both soaked and the room was fairly chilly, maybe one of us was shivering. Or maybe it was nerves, because it really was time to face reality.

“That was a big sigh.” He backed out of me slowly, dragging me with him as he rolled onto his back and managing to throw a sheet over us. He kissed the top of my head and his fingertips started drawing on my back. I snuggled closer to him. “I would stay right here with you all day if we could. You know that, right?”