Always Enough (3 page)

Nodding in acknowledgement, I continued to look around. In the opposite corner of the rocking chair was a large incubator looking thing. I assumed that was what they put the baby in when it was first born so they could weigh and measure it. There was a rolling cart next to it that had a sheet over it. I had no idea what that was for or what was under it, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. There was a door leading to a bathroom, but the rest of the room was wide-open space.

“Oh god, here comes another one,” Em said as she began squeezing my hand.

I looked down at her, watching as her eyes squeezed shut and she breathed in and out.

“That monitor right there is what shows her contractions. When it spikes like that, it shows how strong it is. At least, that’s what they tell me,” Finn said. I had almost forgotten he was in the room. He was very quiet, and Em had held my attention from the moment I set foot in the room.

When Em’s contraction seemed to dissipate, I got up from the bed and walked around to the other side to hug Finn.

“Hey there, handsome. You hanging in there?”

His smile was meant for me, but he wouldn’t take his eyes off of Em. “I’m doing fine. I just wish I could take the pain away for her.”

Finn was so sweet. I adored him even more for for how much he loved my best friend. I wasn’t happy with him ten years ago when he’d dumped Em on graduation night. I was one of the unfortunate few that had witnessed how miserable she’d been without him. Almost two years ago, he grew his balls back and let her know how he felt, and told her he wasn’t leaving her ever again. As much as I’d wanted to keep his man sack in a mason jar in my closet, I knew she loved him and he was good for her. Em was a sensitive girl, and I only wanted to protect her.

The machine next to Finn started beeping and he leaned over the top of her, brushing her hair out of her face.

“You okay, baby?”

Another contraction must have hit her because she gritted her teeth and said, “Do I look like I’m okay, Finley Morgan?”

Finn stepped back, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. Em breathed heavily, before releasing a long deep sigh.

“Holy shit, that one was bad.”

The beeping was still going off in the room when a short nurse that looked smaller than Em walked in. She went over the machine that monitors the contractions, pushed a few buttons, then asked Em to roll over onto her left side. She placed an oxygen mask on Em’s face as well.

“Why does she need that?” Finn asked, concerned.

“There are a few decelerations in the baby’s heart rate when she’s having a contraction, so we are giving her some oxygen to give baby and mommy a boost.”

“Should we be concerned?” Finn asked.

Em looked at the nurse with anxious eyes.

“No. It happens sometimes, and it’s pretty standard procedure. We’ll just move you in different positions that suit the baby. It’s okay, momma, you can relax.” She smiled before she walked back out of the room.

Another contraction hit Em, and this one was apparently brutally painful. Tears streamed down her face, and she squeezed the bed sheets. When she came down from the pain, she looked over at Finn with red teary eyes and said, “Finn, I need that epidural. Call the nurse back here, now.”

Finn shook his head and said, “Em, you told me you’d do this. Remember, you said you wanted an unmedicated birth and to talk you out of any medical intervention if you asked for it?”

She reached over and grabbed him by the shirt, yanking him down to her level on the bed. “I don’t give a flying fuck what I said, you get me those drugs … NOW!”

She started panting through another contraction. Finn looked at me with mild humor and a little bit of apprehension.

“You heard the woman. Get her the drugs,” I laughed.

An hour later, Em was sitting up in her bed eating ice chips. She’d had to wait for the anesthesiologist to get out of surgery before he could administer her epidural, but now that she’d had it, she acted as though she hadn’t just spent the last few hours crying and yelling in pain. In fact, she was downright hilarious. The doctor had come in to check her progress not too long ago and she was almost ‘complete’ … whatever that meant.

As Em shoveled another spoonful of ice in her mouth, she looked over at the clock and said, “Uhhh, its two-thirty, why isn’t Dr. Phil on?”

Chuckling, Finn said, “Well, Dr. Phil wasn’t exactly your priority a few minutes ago. But if it’s Dr. Phil you want, then it’s Dr. Phil you’ll get.”

While he was flipping through the channels there was a knock on the door. Finn glanced over at me and gave me a weird look before telling whomever it was on the other side to come in.

Before I’d even turned around I felt him. His presence invaded my senses, and my whole body stiffened. I heard the door open and that familiar voice hit me in the gut. “So am I an uncle yet, or what?”

I turned and faced him. His eyes locked on mine and I was frozen.

“Hey, Ky,” Em and Finn both said.

He still didn’t remove his eyes from mine, and I began to feel like an idiot staring at him. Finn cleared his throat, which sounded quite loud over the television. Ky tore his eyes from mine and walked over to the bed. After giving Em a kiss on the cheek he hugged Finn, slapping him on the back.

“Hey back, Shorty.” He spoke to Em. “Aren’t you supposed to be in labor or something? Every movie I’ve ever seen the women are all sweaty, and act like they are dying and want to kill their husbands.” The three of them laughed.

I would have rolled my eyes at him but I felt leery about Ky being there. How come I hadn’t known he was coming? That must have been the reason why Finn had looked at me the way he did. Seeming relaxed and as though the situation wasn’t awkward for me at all, Em smiled and Finn smiled back at her.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that she hasn’t, just that she can’t really move because of the pain when she wants to do it,” Finn responded. “You just missed all the action.”

A brief moment of silence came over the room before Kyler looked me straight in the eyes. “Hey Harper, long time no talk.”

Straightening my shoulders I responded with a simple, “Hello, Kyler.”

What I really wanted to say to him was that I didn’t know how I was feeling. I hadn’t realized how strange it would feel being in the same room with him until I saw him and breathed in his scent. I wanted to know where those feelings were coming from. It had been my choice to step away from him. It was for the best, wasn’t it?

He gave me a brief nod and turned toward Finn. The two of them moved over to the other end of the room to talk.
What in the hell did that nod mean?
I stepped to the side of the Em’s bed, ready to have words with her for not telling me Kyler was coming. In labor or not, that woman had some explaining to do. How could she
not
tell me he was going to be there? She must have seen my agitation on my face as I approached because she held up her hand to halt my argument.

When I got close enough she said, “Before you say anything, I didn’t know he was going to be here.” I looked at her like she was full of it. “Well, I didn’t know until we were already here, and I was in too much pain to even remember Finn telling me he’d called him. My attention was elsewhere.” She rested her hands on her belly. I silently berated myself for making this about me.

“I guess I can’t fault you for that, since you’re playing the ‘I was in labor card’,” I sighed.

She giggled and her round stomach bounced with her laughter. “I knew you’d give me a pass. But seriously, why is it such a big deal that he’s here? I thought you two ended things mutually?”

I hadn’t exactly told Em the entire truth about how I ended things with him. I’d told her that we’d both decided we couldn’t find time for quick visits while he was out touring so we should put the relationship on hold. If she knew I had been the one to walk away, and that I hadn’t been responding to his emails and texts, she would go off the handle. She knew my past relationship pattern, including my habitual need to end things before I allowed it to get serious or even get a chance to see where it could go. Honestly though, it was my life, and if I wanted to walk away from a relationship—no matter the reason—that was
my
business. I reasoned that I just felt guilty about it this time because she loved Kyler. She still had hope that we’d work out and he would be the one to break my serial dating streak. Sorry, Charlie, I’ll settle down when I’m ready to.

Not wanting to lie to her, but not wanting to get into it either, I told her, “I was just surprised to see him, is all. Isn’t he supposed to be in New York City or something with the band?”

“Yeah, but they let him come here for the next two days. He wanted to come support us, and I’m happy he did. Finn needs a friend to share this with.”

She was right. Even though I may not have wanted him there, Kyler was Finn’s best friend, and Finn deserved to have another guy here to talk to. Peeking at Ky out of the corner of my eye, I saw him looking over at me before turning back to Finn. Asshole. Why did he have to look so good?

Several more hours passed and Em lay in comfortable silence, having dozed off shortly after our chat. At around seven in the evening, she woke up from nap number two feeling contractions again. Finn called the nurse in. After checking her, she told him that it was baby time.

“Now?” His face was pale.

The nurse smiled at him. “Yes, Daddy, right now. She’s ready to start pushing.”

“That’s my cue. I’m out!” Ky got up from the rocking chair he had planted himself in an hour previously and moved towards the door. “Push hard, Em.”

She yelled for Ky to “shut up” before he closed the door, grinning. As much as I’d hoped he would leave so I wouldn’t have to see him again, I’m sure he’d just go to the waiting room.

After a particularly painful contraction, Em blew out a long shaky breath. “Why am I feeling them again?” she asked the nurse.

“The doctor only wanted you to have a bolus of the medicine. If we put you on the pump, you might not be able to push effectively without feeling some of the contractions.”

Em was so pissed that she looked like lasers were coming from her eyes. “Lady, this isn’t feeling a little bit of pain. I feel every-fucking-thing!”

I covered my mouth to keep from laughing. My normally docile and complacent friend was actually speaking her mind. Hmph! Who knew it would take labor pains to get the girl to loosen up. Finn brushed a wet washcloth across her forehead to help cool her down. What a sweet, attentive husband he was being.

While watching Em going through the most excruciating pain in her life, I told myself that I was never going to do it. No man was worth it, no matter how much I loved him. Plus, I’d never actually considered having children. They were too clingy, took up too much time, and would want me to give more of myself than I’d ever want to give. And you never knew when a parent might want to walk away from that child just because they had their own issues and thought it was for the best that they weren’t around. That is what had happened to me, and I couldn’t imagine ever doing that to a child. My father only came around when it was convenient for him. A girl needs her dad, and I’d hated that he wasn’t who he should have been to me.

When Em gave her final push and baby Allie was brought into the world, she looked like a purple, slime covered creature that needed a good bath and a facial. I’d never seen a newborn before, but the look on Em’s and Finn’s faces when the doctor laid her on Em’s stomach was enough to make even
me
waver. I knew right there, in that moment, that Finn would never abandon his girls. The pride in his eyes caused a lump to form in my throat.

Deciding to give the new parents some time alone, I quietly snuck out of the waiting room, planning to grab a cup of coffee from the cafeteria. Rounding the corner, I saw Ky sitting in a chair, messing with his cell phone. He didn’t look up and I hoped he hadn’t seen me. Moving quickly, I crossed the hall in front of the waiting room chairs. Breathing out, I felt my shoulders slump forward, and I was thankful that I’d managed to avoid any confrontation. But just as I exhaled, a hand clamped around my elbow, stopping me in my tracks.

“Harper, is everything okay?” His deep voice spoke near my ear.

I turned my head slightly in his direction. “Um, yeah, everything is fine. Baby Allie is here.”

Ky’s eyes lit up and he smiled wide. “How’s Em?”

“So far, she seems good, and she doesn’t seem to be in pain anymore.”

“That’s good.”

His hand was still holding me in place, and he looked down to where he was still touching me. A long awkward silence passed before he asked, “How come you’re out here, and not in there with them?” He nodded his head towards the hall where Em’s room was.

Needing him to release my arm, I pulled out of his grasp and took a step back. He dropped his hand back to his side. “I wanted to give them some time alone. I figured I’d go grab a cup of coffee and stop back in later.”

“I could really go for a cup of coffee too. Mind if I join you?”

Kyler looked at me with hopeful eyes. I desperately wanted to tell him that I didn’t think it was a good idea. I knew that if he had the chance, he’d talk me into spending some time with him. He’d want to know why I hadn’t responded to his messages. Truthfully, I didn’t have the answers for that question, and after seeing Em’s and Finn’s display of love towards Allie, I was feeling particularly vulnerable.

“As much as I’d like to, Ky, I just don’t think it would be a good idea.”

“Why not?” He sounded angry.

Sighing loudly I started to say, “Because I—” but my cell phone rang. Reaching into my purse I pulled it out and saw Michael’s name on the screen. Kyler looked down and saw the name as well. His jaw tightened and his mouth made a thin line. Holding up my finger to tell Ky to wait a minute, I turned my back and answered the phone.

“Hi, Michael, how are you?”

“I’m fine, but I wanted to check on you to see if everything was going okay? Is the baby here yet?” He was so sweet.

“Actually, Allie just joined us a few minutes ago.” I smiled.