Always in My Heart (12 page)

The Japanese invaders seemed to be unstoppable as they continued their onslaught through the peninsula with a shocking speed and ferocity that didn’t allow the Allied forces to regroup. It soon became clear that their mode of transport, the humble bicycle, was ideal for manoeuvrability through the jungles and swamps, and by the twenty-second of December, the three main arteries of the invasion had reached Kuala Kangsar in the west, Kuala Dungun in the east and, from Kota
Bharu, they had headed deep into the very heartland of the peninsula, towards Kuala Lipis.

With all the big guns pointed out to sea, this land invasion had the Allied forces in disarray and retreat. As stories of Japanese brutality, and the torture and murder of the injured and those who’d surrendered or helped the Allies, filtered down through the peninsula, the trickle of terrified refugees racing for the safety of Singapore became a flood.

Sarah was in the estate office with her father, who now always wore a pistol in his belt and had a rifle close to hand. Since Philip had driven north to bring his father down from the Cameron Highlands and away from the fighting, Sarah had found it hard to concentrate on anything, and the sight of that pistol didn’t make it any easier.

She eyed the pile of paperwork that had yet to be dealt with, and the long list of coolies, servants and tappers which had been heavily scored through. ‘Another twenty disappeared last night,’ she said, ‘and I suspect it won’t be long before the rest follow.’

‘One can’t really blame them, especially if the rumours of torture and murder are true – which I suspect they are.’ He pushed back from his desk, blew the dust from a glass and filled it with whisky. ‘I think it’s time for us to think about leaving for Singapore as well.’

‘But we can’t go before Philip gets back,’ she protested.

‘Knowing your mother, it will take at least a week to
pack, and by that time he’ll probably be back anyway.’ He took a hefty gulp of whisky and stared through the wire screens to the dappled light beneath the rows of rubber trees. ‘I’ve already made arrangements to take over the Bristows’ bungalow – Elsa and her daughters sailed for Sydney last week, and the Brigadier has sold the horses to the military and moved into army accommodation for the duration. Once we’re there, then I’ll see about getting you all on a boat to England.’

She stared at him. ‘But you’ve said constantly that Singapore is an impregnable fortress – surely you don’t think the Japs …?’

‘I don’t know anything any more,’ he said with a deep sigh. ‘But with the situation the way it is, I’d prefer to have you and your mother and sister safely shipped out of here.’

‘But Mother can’t travel all that way – not in her condition.’

‘She’s tougher than you think,’ he muttered. ‘And I’m sure there will be doctors on board should she need one.’

Sarah bit her lip. ‘The ships leaving Singapore are troopships, Pops, not luxury cruise liners. I really don’t think Mother—’

‘Your mother will do as I tell her, and so will you,’ he barked. ‘I can’t possibly risk you staying here.’

Sarah eyed him warily. It was rare for him to snap at her – but then she could understand that he was deeply worried, not only for the safety of his family, but for the future of Malaya and his lifetime’s work.
‘I didn’t realise we had any relatives still in Scotland,’ she said.

‘We don’t,’ he said brusquely. ‘My mother was an only child, and apart from a couple of very distant cousins who I’ve never met or corresponded with, there’s no one to take you in.’

‘So, why England and not Australia? At least there we’d be with our grandparents.’

‘The Japs are too close to Australia and I have two aunts in England,’ he explained, slumping into his chair. ‘Amelia and Cordelia – they were a lot younger than Dad, so hopefully they’re still alive.’

‘And what if they aren’t?’ she dared ask.

Jock gave an impatient grunt before finishing his whisky. ‘Questions, questions,’ he grumbled. ‘It may never come to that, but if it does, I will send a telegram to the last addresses I had for them, asking for an immediate reply. Should there be no response, then I will have to think of something else – but you will leave here, Sarah, I’m determined about that.’

Sarah shivered as a sudden thought chilled her. ‘You’ll be coming with us, though, won’t you, Pops?’

‘To Singapore, yes, but I have responsibilities here, so I won’t be able to be with you all the time – and certainly won’t be travelling to England. One must do one’s duty at a time like this, Sarah. Mine is to help defend Malaya, and yours is to watch over your mother and sister should you have to leave.’

Sarah could see the logic in his plans, but the thought of travelling so far to a strange country with a
pregnant mother and an immature sister, made Sarah’s pulse flutter. ‘But,’ she ventured carefully, ‘England is being bombed, and Hitler is threatening to invade. How can it possibly be any safer there?’

Jock reached for the jar of pipe tobacco that always stood on his desk. But his hand was shaking, and he almost knocked it over. ‘Damn and blast it,’ he muttered, his voice breaking with raw emotion. ‘I don’t know, Sarah. I can’t answer all your questions.’ He sat there, tears glistening in his eyes, his jaw working as he fought to keep calm. ‘I just know that I have to make sure you’re all out of harm’s way,’ he finally managed.

Sarah felt a great swell of love for him as she rounded the desk and put her arms about his neck. She adored her father, and to see him like this was agony, for it was clear that he was torn between the need to keep everyone safe, and the knowledge that they might be parted for months before the situation here was resolved.

She rested her cheek against his and felt the bristles where he’d forgotten to shave that morning. ‘I’ll look after them, Pops,’ she murmured.

He patted her hand and nodded before he turned to filling his pipe. ‘I know you will,’ he said eventually.

‘Let’s go up to the house and have some tea,’ she suggested. ‘With so many plans to make, we need to discuss things as a family.’

‘I still have a great many things to deal with here before I can sit about drinking tea,’ he said gruffly. ‘And I have already spoken to your mother, and she
agrees with me that Jane shouldn’t be told too much. We don’t wish to frighten her, so we’ve decided to tell her that Sybil needs to be near her doctor in Singapore until the birth.’

‘Jane and I had a long talk yesterday,’ Sarah said quietly, ‘and she knows there’s a war on, and that the Japanese are fighting our soldiers in the north. She can see for herself that the country club is almost deserted, that the school has closed down and a good many of her friends have gone down to Singapore or taken boats to Australia or England.’

Jock’s fist hit the desk, making everything shudder. ‘You had no right to talk to her about any of it without my express permission,’ he barked, his eyes now sparking with fury.

Sarah flinched, but knew she had to make her father understand that he was making a terrible mistake by not being honest with Jane. ‘She asked me question after question – and they were very telling. She knows far more than you think, Pops, because she hears things, sees things, and can put two and two together. I can’t see how not being honest with her would help. She needs to know what’s happening, Pops,’ she said firmly, ‘especially if we have to leave for England.’

He looked at her squarely for a long moment, and then his shoulders slumped in defeat. ‘It seems you know her better than I,’ he said. ‘Perhaps your mother and I have made the mistake of thinking of her as a child, and treating her as such. But we are only trying to protect her.’

‘I know, Pops,’ she replied softly. ‘But surely she’s better protected if she knows exactly what’s happening and can be prepared?’

‘You’re right,’ he conceded. He looked back at her then and smiled. ‘Thank you, Sarah – for everything.’

‘Let’s lock the office and have that tea,’ she coaxed. ‘Then we can all sit down and make plans.’

Jane hadn’t been at all fazed about the reason for their move south. In fact she’d been delighted that she wouldn’t have any more schoolwork, and had got quite excited at the prospect of seeing some of her friends again. She had her bedroom in disarray as she pulled things from her wardrobe and chests of drawers for Amah to pack, and badgered her mother and sister constantly with questions about England.

Neither of them had been any help, as they’d never been there, but Sarah managed to find an old school primer which had pictures of country cottages with thatched roofs, of narrow lanes and rolling hills, and sheep and cattle grazing amid patchwork fields. There were pictures of the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben, one of Buckingham Palace, and others of Westminster Cathedral, Piccadilly Circus and St Paul’s. But as there was very little information alongside these black-and -white photographs, Sarah couldn’t answer many of Jane’s questions – and Jane had made it quite clear that she felt rather short-changed.

As there had only been one minor air raid on Singapore since the beginning of the month, and the
Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders seemed to be holding back the Japanese north of Kuala Kangsar, it was decided they would celebrate Christmas at home and start their journey south the day after Boxing Day.

Christmas was a strange affair, for the Chinese cook had fled along with his countrymen, and they were left only with Pan the Burmese driver, an elderly houseboy and gardener, and Amah, who’d vowed to stay with them for as long as she was needed.

There was quite a bit of laughter as Sybil and Sarah struggled to decipher recipes from a book and cook dinner in the bamboo-roofed kitchen which was set apart from the house. Neither had even boiled an egg before, and they didn’t know the first thing, but with Amah giving advice and Jane chattering non-stop as she chopped fresh vegetables from the garden, it turned into quite a jolly affair.

After a supper of stir-fried vegetables with noodles and a slightly charred spit-roasted chicken, there were presents to be opened and admired, and glasses of imported champagne to raise in a toast to the King and to the end of the war. But underlying the laughter was the fear for Philip who had not yet returned – and the dread of the unknown, for the future looked very bleak.

They had planned to leave two days before, but it was agreed it would be best to wait, for Sybil had gone down with flu-like symptoms, and she wasn’t well enough to travel. Luckily it was only a forty-eight-hour bug, and on
the third day Sybil declared that she was absolutely fine and didn’t want to waste any more time.

It was now the twenty-ninth of December, and Sarah closed and locked the shutters over her window before turning to regard the room she’d slept in since she’d left Amah’s nursery. The linen and soft furnishings had been carefully laundered and packed away in a large cedar box. The wardrobe and chest of drawers were empty, and her silver-backed brushes and dressing-table set had been stowed away with her clothes in one of the trunks that her father had strapped into the back of the plantation lorry. Apart from the ornately carved bed, the room was bare of everything familiar, and Sarah felt a pang of sorrow.

She picked up her broad-brimmed hat, tucked her handbag under her arm and took advantage of having the house to herself for a while to walk through the silent rooms.

As Jock would be returning here on his own to keep an eye on things, the dining-room furniture had been covered in dust sheets, and the expensive glass, silver and china all packed away in yet another trunk along with Sybil’s collection of delicate ornaments. There were no more family photographs on display and the gaps on the shelves showed where favourite books had been taken away to be packed. The Christmas tree was gone, the tinsel and baubles boxed and stowed in a cupboard for next year. But the patches of damp were visible now, for the gardener had shifted all the house plants out to the veranda where they could be watered
by the monsoon rains and the humid mists that floated down from the nearby mountains.

Sarah’s footsteps disturbed the silence, but each empty room echoed with memories, images of happy times, of laughter and tears and love. She blinked back the tears as she moved out onto the veranda. Breathing in the smell of the jungle, she listened to the sounds she’d heard since birth and tried to absorb them so she could carry them with her until she returned.

She would have to be strong – have to justify her father’s faith in her to look after her mother and sister, no matter what they might have to face. But oh, how she ached to see Philip, to be in his arms again knowing he’d made it safely through with his father.

She turned on her heel as the treacherous tears threatened again, locked the doors and headed to the front of the house. Without hope she was already defeated – and she had to keep believing that they would all come through this nightmare and return to this home that they all loved so dearly.

On reaching the front veranda, Sarah looked down to the clearing. Sybil was organising their smaller cases in the boot of the big car, while Jock and the two elderly servants strapped down the trunks and boxes and spare petrol cans in the flatbed of the plantation truck. Sarah’s own car was parked beneath the veranda, for it wouldn’t be needed in Singapore.

Amah stood with a small bag at her feet, her bright blue sari stirring in the warm wind and her silvery hair glinting in the early sun. She was trying to coax a
mutinous Jane into leaving her favourite bright green lizard behind. ‘You must leave Azirah here,’ she said quietly but firmly. ‘She would not like it in Singapore, and you will be taking her away from her family.’

Jane held fast to the little cage. ‘But she’s my pet, and I don’t want her getting killed.’

‘Better to be killed with her family, than all alone in Singapore,’ said Amah. ‘Let us find them a nice cool spot to hide.’

Sarah came down the steps and watched as the gentle Malay woman coaxed Jane into opening the cage and releasing the lizard and her babies. The lizard family shot off into the undergrowth and out of sight, and Jane burst into tears.

‘Come on, Jane,’ Sarah called. ‘You can help me cover my car with the tarpaulin so it doesn’t get too dirty while we’re away.’