Always My Girl (The Shaughnessy Brothers) (19 page)

These were their friends! There wasn’t anything for them to worry about. No one was going to make any snarky remarks like his brothers had, and no one was going to say anything stupid.

At least…she hoped they wouldn’t.

* * *

The mitt was in his truck and Quinn had no place to go. He just needed to get his head on straight. Normally the thought of going out on the field and playing the game was exciting, something he looked forward to.

And right now, he didn’t.

This was going to be one of those moments that was a game changer—no pun intended. Taking Anna to his father’s house for dinner and getting ribbed by his brothers was one thing. It was what they all did and it was normally done in good fun. But to face a bunch of their friends tonight and have everyone witness the change in his relationship with Anna scared the hell out of him. Why? Because he had a feeling he’d get a lot of the same comments and it wouldn’t all be said in fun.

It would be the truth.

He wasn’t good enough for Anna and she deserved better.

Slamming his hand on the steering wheel, he cursed. He was the most confident member of his entire family. Hell, he was probably one of the most confident people he even knew. Why was it then that this situation had him feeling so insecure?

Because Anna does deserve better.

Better than what? He was truly committed to her—and not just as her boyfriend, but as her best friend. Her happiness meant everything to him, and now that he knew all the ways he’d hurt her in the past, he was doing his damnedest to make up for it. Wasn’t everyone entitled to a second chance?

Yeah, but you’re pushing, like, your thirtieth chance where she’s concerned.

Okay, fine. This was still all kind of new to him. He didn’t do long-term relationships. He’d never seen the appeal of it, but now…now he did. Being with Anna had him thinking of his life differently. He used to enjoy his freedom, his independence. Now the thought of being alone wasn’t all that appealing. He liked going to sleep beside her and waking up with her in his arms.

He loved her.

And even saying the words to her hadn’t scared him. He’d never said them to anyone before—shouldn’t that count for something? And she’d said it back! So they were solid on that front, but…why couldn’t they just be…them? Just the two of them? Why did everyone else get to have an opinion and butt in?

He thought of how sad she looked when he’d suggested they take separate cars to the game. Yeah, he was pretty much scum.
You can’t be in love one minute and push her away the next,
he chided himself. A little too late for that now.

The field came into view, and he pulled into the parking lot. There weren’t any open spots near Anna’s car, and Quinn had no choice but to park on the other side of the lot. He climbed out and slowly made his way toward the dugout. Everyone was there already and talking strategy.

“Nice of you to join us,” Billy Harper called out. He was the team captain and could be a real pain in the ass, but the man had a pitching arm that was a thing of beauty.

Looking around, he saw Anna standing in the back of the group with a couple of people—mostly guys—and frowned. There were three other women on the team. Why did she have to be surrounded by men? Then he thought about it and realized she normally did hang out more with the guys and knew he was going to have to deal with it, no matter how much it peeved him.

When Billy finished his lengthy spiel about teamwork and kicking ass, the group broke apart and everyone finished getting their gear ready. Quinn walked over to Anna and felt a pang of regret when she merely gave him a cursory glance and went about her business.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Did you get your mitt?” she asked, not even bothering to look at him.

“Uh…yeah. Look, I’m sorry. I was a jerk and—”

“Anna!” someone yelled. “Come and toss a few with me!” Quinn looked over and saw Mark Brady standing on the first base line grinning. Quinn normally liked the guy, but right then, Mark’s grin was pissing him off.

“In a minute!” Quinn yelled back and then saw the look of irritation on Anna’s face. “What? What did I do?”

“I can answer for myself,” she said tartly as she straightened and faced him. “Say what you have to say because I have things to do.”

He sighed with frustration. There was no way he wanted to create a scene here. “I’m sorry, all right?” he snapped. “Sometimes this shit freaks me out. I’m not perfect, Anna, and you of all people should know that. So…are we good?”

She eyed him warily. And it seemed like there was a war going on inside of her. When her shoulders relaxed, his did too.

“Neither of us is perfect, Quinn,” she said quietly, “but at least we used to talk to each other when there was a problem. You know damn well I didn’t have a showing tonight, and I can guarantee you your mitt was in your truck.” She let out a growl of frustration. “Not so long ago, you accused me of shoveling bullshit, and that’s what I’m saying right now to you. You’re shoveling it. So when you can be honest with me and tell me the truth about what’s freaking you out, I’ll listen. Until then, just…leave me alone.”

And then she walked out of the dugout, and Quinn had a feeling that if he didn’t get his shit together, she’d walk out of his life just as easily.

* * *

It was the bottom of the ninth, and their team needed one more run to win. Anna was on third base and knew she could do it—she’d be the one to get the win. Suzi Hall was up at bat, and the woman was one of their best hitters.

With her heart threatening to pound out of her chest, Anna began to slowly inch off the base as the first pitch was thrown.

Strike one!

Inching back, her toe on the base, she waited for the second pitch.

Strike two!

Dammit
. She was so close to making this happen. Anna was never the one in this position, and it felt pretty freaking fantastic. If Suzi could just hit the ball out of the park, Anna could fly across home plate, and their team could officially claim the victory.

Another pitch and…

A hit!

At the crack of the bat, Anna took off and didn’t even bother to look and see where the ball went. All she knew was she had to run and run fast. People were cheering her on and as her foot touched home plate, she was immediately whisked up in Billy’s arms.

“You did it! You did it!” Everyone crowded around her as the rest of the team rounded the plates. When Suzi ran over home plate, she was hailed for her spectacular hit. Everyone was cheering and high-fiving one another.

Anna made her way through the crowd, and when she spotted Quinn, her smile grew. They lived for games like this. The victory, the celebrating. She was about to launch herself into his arms when he stopped her, his hands on her shoulders.

Then he high-fived her.

“Good job!” he said and then blended into the crowd, leaving her standing there dumbfounded.

Good job?
Good freaking job? That was it? It wasn’t as if Anna was expecting a make-out session, but seriously, a high five? With a snort of disgust, she allowed herself to get caught back up in the excitement of the win before she ended up punching Quinn in the face.
Jerk.

The usual routine after a win consisted of everyone going to the pub to celebrate, and while normally that was extremely appealing, Anna couldn’t help but feel a sudden lack of enthusiasm. Everyone started walking toward their cars, and she spotted Quinn standing near the dugout alone. She was tempted to just ignore him and keep walking, but that wasn’t their thing—sex or no sex. Anna wasn’t one to shy away from a fight with him.

“You going to the pub?” Quinn asked when she approached.

She noted that almost everyone was out of earshot and that made her frown. “I don’t think so. I’m probably just going to head home.”

“Why? You had the winning run. I would have thought you’d want to go and celebrate.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, it wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.” They stood there in awkward silence for a few moments before she couldn’t take it anymore. “What about you? Are you going?”

“I was thinking about it…”

She knew what he was doing and couldn’t decide if it was sweet or annoying. “You don’t need my permission to go to the damn pub, Quinn. If you want to go, then go. We don’t have to go everywhere together.”

“That wasn’t what I was saying—”

“No,” she interrupted. “You were probably making sure we both weren’t going to be there at the same time. We don’t want our friends to actually know we’re involved, right?”

“Anna, it’s not—”

“Hey!” Mark Brady came walking over with a big grin on his face. “Great game, Anna.” He looked between the two of them. “Am I interrupting a lovers’ spat or something?” Then he broke out laughing. “Sorry, couldn’t help that one.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Quinn snapped.

“The two of you looked like you were fighting, and I was being sarcastic about the lovers thing.” He laughed again. “As if the two of you would ever hook up.”

Anna felt her skin heat with embarrassment.

“And why the hell not?” Quinn demanded.

“Look, no offense, Anna,” he began, and then focused on Quinn, “but you’re more of the blond-bimbo type, and Anna’s…well…not.” He shrugged. “You guys coming?”

“Not me,” Anna mumbled, and reached for her duffel bag and slung it over her shoulder.

“Anna,” Mark said, “I didn’t mean it as an insult to you. Quite the opposite, really. You’re better than those girls. I know you wouldn’t be crazy enough to get involved with our resident playboy here. You’re smarter than that.” He pulled her into a bear hug and kissed her on the head. “I hope you change your mind and come to the pub. Drinks are on me!” Then he jogged away.

Well, if the silence was awkward before, it was downright painful now.

Anna couldn’t help but think of the way Quinn’s brothers had teased him at the family dinner, and now with the things Mark said…she suddenly understood some of his reluctance to go out places with her.

“Quinn—”

He held up his hands. “You know what? You should go to the pub with everyone. I think I’ll be the one to skip it.” He collected his gear and walked away.

Her first impulse was to go after him, but she didn’t have the first clue as to what to say. She knew the real Quinn—and that was really all that mattered. Unfortunately, she also knew what it was like to live with people’s preconceived impressions and opinions. Wasn’t that one of the reasons she had started to make changes in her own life, so other people would stop seeing her as nothing more than the tomboy they all grew up with?

They were going to have to talk about this.

And soon.

But for tonight, Anna knew it was probably for the best for them each to retreat to their own corners and be alone.

* * *

Quinn sat in the darkness. He’d been home for over an hour and didn’t see any point in turning on any of the lights. Hell, it had been a while since he’d spent more than a few minutes there. Almost every night for weeks, he’d been staying at Anna’s. He had loved coming home to this space—it was all his—but tonight, all he felt was loneliness.

For years, he’d been so busy just living life on his terms that he hadn’t given much thought to how it would look to others. Worse, he hadn’t really considered how his actions affected others.

Particularly Anna.

Well, it was becoming pretty damn clear now.

People thought he was a complete asshole.

Great.

It was one thing for his family to think it—they still had to love him—but he was slowly beginning to find out it was a more widespread opinion. He could have handled it if it just came from someone like Bobby—he’d always hated Quinn and he was Anna’s brother; of course he was going to have issues. But Mark? That one stung a little. Mark liked everyone. Hell, Quinn had never even heard the guy say a bad thing about anyone.

Until tonight.

There was a reason he’d been avoiding going out on dates with Anna to any local place, but it had been based on his own insecurities and what he thought
might
happen. It was completely different when it became a reality.

He loved Anna. Loved her more than he’d thought possible. But was he being selfish? Was he banking on their years of friendship and the way she’d always felt about him to keep her in a relationship that wasn’t good for her?

Not that she’d even complain—he knew that about her. She might have been pissed at him at that moment, but Quinn knew it wouldn’t take much for her to get over it. Hell, he could have probably gone over to her house right then and sweet-talked her into forgiving him for acting so stupidly.

And that’s when he knew he had a real problem.

There comes a time when you’re forced to take a look at your life and you have to decide if you like what you see.

And Quinn didn’t.

He now realized how, even though he and Anna were friends, he had manipulated her all those years. He knew exactly how to act and exactly what to say to get her to do whatever he wanted. It was usually stupid stuff, like cook for him or, back in school, do his homework for him, and it just made him feel sick inside.

Scrubbing a hand wearily over his face, an image of his mother came to mind. How many times had he sweet-talked her to try and get himself out of trouble? It had never worked, and she’d always called him out on it, but that had never stopped him from trying.

“But Aidan and Hugh are getting to stay up late! Why can’t I?”

Lillian smiled down at him. “Because they’re older than you and this is their reward for doing well in school today.”

Eight-year-old Quinn looked up at her, and even though he was mad, he gave her his sweetest smile. “I did good in school today too! I helped Mrs. McGrath wipe down all the chalkboards, and then I got to bring the TV and VCR back to the media center all by myself.”

“You did? Well, good for you, Quinn!” She ruffled his hair and then cupped his cheek. “And I am very proud of you for it.”