Always Tried and Proven (15 page)

      Sadie was alarmed.  Something was indeed,  very wrong.  Sam was not, had never been like this.  Not to anyone.  She’d thought that he had infinite patience; infinite love.

      “Guess he’s being tested to his limit, isn’t he?” she wondered aloud.  She went back into the apartment, and sighed.  She gathered her will, and then she knocked on Callie’s door. 

      “Honey, are you all right?” she asked gently.

      “Dandy.”  Came a clipped, sarcastic reply.

      “Can I make you something to eat?”

      “No, thank you.  Sam took care of that, if he did
nothing
else.”  Callie sneered.  Her anger was quite forceful.

      Sadie bit her lip.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

      “No, thank you.”  Callie assured her heartily.

      “Okay.  I’ll be in my room if you need me.”  She said.

      It was hard.  Hard to see two people whom she loved, hurting one another.  Hard to see it all happen and not know what was going on or what to do about it.  Still, she knew it was none of her business and she knew she’d pushed the limits already with both of them.  So, she went to her room and got down on her knees.  She prayed for Sam and Callie for an hour, and then finally, she heard Callie weeping.  It went on, and on, and on.

      She went in without knocking, and found Callie with her face buried in a pillow, crying her heart out.  Sadie sat on her bed,  and stroked her hair, praying fervently.  After a long time, Callie put her head in Sadie’s lap and accepted a Kleenex.

     “Sadie, how could he?” she gasped painfully.

     “How could he what, sweetheart?”

     “He … he
refused
me.”  Callie gasped.  “He made me fall in love with him, he drove me mad, he made me agree to give up everything, made me willing to
do anything;
and then. he refused me!”

      Sadie raised her eyebrows in shock. “I don’t understand.  What did he refuse to do?  Marry you?  Kiss you?  See you again?”

      Callie growled in frustration.  “I invited him in.  Fool! 
Fool
!  I should have known he’d be too puritanical and uptight to make love to me!”

      Sadie closed her eyes.  “Callie.  Honey, he had to.  He has no choice.  He wasn’t refusing you, he was just refusing to … have sex out of wedlock.”

      “He humiliated me!  There's no power in a stupid piece of paper!”

      “Callie, listen to me.  Sam knows that.  But he can’t just do whatever he wants. People expect him to be perfect.  He can't do anything to violate their trust.  And, he’s made promises to God.  His life is not his own."

       “Spare me the Bible yack, would ya?”  Callie snarled.

       “I can’t!  Callie, Sam is a preacher of the Gospel.  He can’t ignore the Bible just because he’s tempted to indulge himself.  He would come under intense judgment.  Now, I can’t believe he rejected you, Callie.  Sam’s been chasing you too hard.  I know he didn’t dump you on your head.  Now what exactly caused this argument?”

      Callie sighed.  “We were talking about the tent, and how it’s suddenly changing my life, and I started crying.  And Sam was so ... so
tender
, and
gentle
.” She said, with a hard, sarcastic edge in her voice.  “He just took me in his arms and held me, and told me how everything would work out.  I know he was just trying to comfort me, but then, all of a sudden, everything was different.  Everything just exploded between us.  I know he wanted me.  I know he did!  But he wouldn’t and suddenly I just got so angry!”

      “Callie.”  Sadie interrupted gently.  “I believe that Sam is very serious about you.  But you’ve got to understand his position, and be patient with him.    I‘ve been watching, I’ve seen the desire in his eyes when he looks at you.  He’s a passionate man, and he’s on fire for you.  But two things have to happen before he can make his move.”

      “What?”  Callie asked suspiciously.

      “You would have to accept Jesus, and you’d have to be willing to marry him.  And with that comes an understanding of what your life would be like.  Callie, if you weren’t behind Sam’s ministry one hundred percent, it would be destroyed.  And so, I think he’s been walking a very delicate path, praying that you’ll come to know the Lord and be willing to come along with him.  I hate to be so blunt and I hope I’m not interfering, but honestly, Callie, Sam’s hands are tied until that happens.”

      Sadie shrugged, feeling helpless.  “He’s -- oh, Callie.  I don’t think you know how far he’s gone out on a limb for you.  He wants you desperately.  The Sam I know would never be alone with a single woman.  He’d never give a woman any idea that he thought she was beautiful, or that he desired her.  He’d never even be caught alone in a car with a single woman, if he could help it.  Much less, do what I saw him doing through the kitchen window tonight.  I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it for myself.”

      Callie’s eyes narrowed.  “How dare you spy on us?”

      “I wasn’t trying to spy, Callie.  I was just getting worried about you!  It was so late!  And then I saw Sam’s car and wondered what in the world was going on.  When I saw you both in the car and … Well, I closed the curtain immediately.”  She insisted vigorously.

      “I made a fool of myself.”  Callie moaned.

      “No, you didn’t, Callie.”  Sadie argued.  “You got your answer.  Sam is wild about you.”

       “Well, what am I supposed to do, then?”  Callie roared.  “I already told him I’d do anything.  Accept his Jesus, or whatever.”

      “Did you mean it, Callie?”

      “Well; yeah.”  Callie grumbled.

      “But you’re just doing it because you think you have to, to be with Sam?”

      Callie shrugged and sighed.  “I can’t say I’d do it, without Sam in the picture.”  She admitted.

      Sadie put a hand on Callie’s arm.  “Callie, don’t do it until it’s what you want to do.  Sam is no fool.  He knows you don’t want Jesus for His own sake, and he can’t set himself up for failure by pretending it’s real.  Just give it some time, and I really think that you’ll come to really know Jesus.  And, when Sam sees that, it will be a green light for him to move ahead in his relationship with you.”

      "You know, it was a close call tonight.  Sam almost fell down.  It would have been a disaster.  If Sam lost his ministry because you tempted him, he’d be unhappy and it would undermine your relationship.  In just the same way, if you pretend to believe for the sake of having Sam, it would poison your relationship, too.  And I know you don’t want to be responsible for the fall of Sam’s ministry.”

      “No.  I’d never do that.”  Callie denied, paling.

      “It was a narrow escape, tonight.”  Sadie insisted.  “Sam can’t make love to you one night and preach repentance the next.  He can’t indulge himself.  He has to be able to stand before those people clean, walking in the light.”

      “But Sadie, what’s the difference?”  Callie grumbled.  “If Sam loves me, there’s nothing wrong with us having a relationship!”

       “If Sam loves you, Callie, he will make you his wife.  And you’ll lose nothing by waiting until he does.”

      Callie made a sound of frustration in her throat.  “So I have to give up my entire life, accept Jesus and travel with the tent if I want Sam.  And to top it all,
wait
until Jesus says it's
okay
for us to be together.”

      Sadie shrugged.  “Being man and wife is a spiritual thing, Callie.  Sam knows that.  But people wouldn't understand;  he's in the ministry, and conventions would demand that he marry you formally before that kind of intimacy.  As for traveling with the tent, Sam’s gone a lot.  But I don’t think he’d insist that you travel with the tent all the time.  You’d have to accept Jesus, though, and I think that if you continued working in the bars, Sam would suffer persecution for it.”

      “I’m no fool, Sadie.  I know darn well I’d have to give it up.  And as for the tent, Sam has already made it clear to me that he wants me there.”

      “Explain.”  Sadie drawled with intense interest.

      “He’s asked me already to travel with the tent.  I’ve got twenty-five days to make up my mind, fire my band, cancel my contracts, move out of my apartment, get rid of everything I own, and start living for Jesus.”

      “Oh, Callie.  He must love you very much.”  Sadie said, blinking back tears.  She put a hand on her throat, alarmed by the risk Sam had taken.  Callie obviously didn’t understand very much yet.

      “What do you mean?”  Callie snapped.

      “He’s offered you his world on a silver platter.  He’s asking you to come unconditionally, just to keep you close to him; just so he can be near you.  He wants you singing in the tent, yes.  But the real reason is because he loves you.  He’s trying to buy more time with you.  Keep you with him.”

      Looking into Sadie’s eyes, Callie felt something akin to shame wash over her.  It caused her pain.  “But Sadie, to do that, I have to give up my whole life, everything that is important to me.   And I don’t really
fit
in the tent, I don’t belong.”

       Sadie closed her eyes.  “I understand, Callie.  I really do.  It’s either got to be you, or Sam who gives up everything else, if you want to be together.”

      “And I don’t want to!   I’m not even close to being ready to give up my band.”  She sighed heavily.  “I don’t want to be in love, I don’t want to change one thing.  Except it’s all changed already, whether I like it or not.”

      Sadie shook her head.  “I know.  And anything less than total commitment would undermine Sam’s ministry.”  She sighed heavily.  “Callie, Sam walks in so much.  He heals the sick.  He saves the lost.  He is offering you the life and love of a living, powerful Jesus Christ.  He’s not in a position to sacrifice all that.

      "Can you just hang out a bit more, and see if Jesus doesn’t become real to you?  Callie, I have to believe there’s a plan in this for you.  God won’t hang you and the beautiful voice he gave you, out to dry.  But He does seem to close one door before the next one opens.  You’d have to have faith that it would all work out … beautifully, I imagine.”

      Callie sighed wearily.  “When I see the sick healed, I’ll take a good hard look at what you’re saying.”

      “It is happening now at the tent, Callie.  Come on your day off, and see.”

      Callie gave her a suspicious look, but she nodded her assent.

      Sadie could see that she’d reached the saturation point.  “All right.  You get some rest, and tomorrow things won’t look so bleak.  Just you know this, Callie.  It almost killed Sam to let you go tonight.  I tried to talk to him, to see if I could help in any way.  He was so upset that he couldn't even speak to me!  He loves you all right, and he’s worth waiting for.  Callie; with God there is
always
a plan, and
always
a way.  I promise.”

      Sadie hugged Callie soundly, and went back to her room.  She sank to her knees and wept silently, and prayed for Sam.  She prayed for Callie’s salvation.

      Sam had an almost irresistible urge to get good and drunk.  The pain in his heart was making him sick.  He'd never had such feelings of anguish and fear before, in his life.  He couldn't stand to lose Callie.  He simply couldn't bear it!

      He should have just gone inside with her.  He could have stayed dressed.  He could have stayed in the living room on the couch, and talked it out with her.  He should have held her when she begged him to.  He was going to lose her, and he deserved to!

      He made it home, somehow.  His hands shook as he opened the door and went into the foyer. Ripping his shirt off, he stumbled.  He roared at the top of his lungs, and fell onto his knees, in abject misery.  Tears seeped out of his eyes.

      He was so angry!  King David himself took the woman he wanted, when he wanted – even killed her husband to get her!  God didn't strike
him
dead!

      “Oh, no.  Not you!  Too
afraid
.  Too pure.  Too
gutless
!  You didn't even have to
convince
her! 
She
knew it was right!  She sees you for what you are, now.  She knows what a blow hard you are!  Where was your precious faith?  Don't you think your God would have given you the strength to do what was right?  Don't you believe He'd have 'made a way'?  Isn't that what you always say?  'God will make a way!'

      “Not you!  You wouldn't even go in her apartment.  Too weak!  You were too spineless and self-righteous to even talk it out with her.  You just let her go in alone, to cry and think the worst of you, and become bitter.  You
Loser
!”

     “Shut up!” Sam seethed.  “Shut the hell up!”

     “She's used to men of the world!  Men who know what they want, and don't run away when the natural laws of nature open a pathway for what's right.  Men who have the nerve to stay with a woman and love her when she begs them!”

      He couldn't erase the words, the thoughts that had been screaming in his  head so relentlessly.  They worked their way deeper, entrenching themselves in his mind, heart and spirit.  He couldn't seem to help it.  No matter how hard he tried to 'un-think' them, they just kept flitting around in his mind.  And, they did their work well.  He actually cried in desperation, emptiness and defeat.