Always With You: Part One (2 page)

CHAPTER TWO

Cash

G
inger gives
me a thumb’s up when I pass her on the way to Olivia.  When I reach the bathroom door, I twist the knob and push. I feel resistance against it, so I push, slow and hard, until I can get it open enough to make it through. I’m a big guy. I can’t squeeze through a damn crack like Ginger.

Once inside, I look down into my wife’s pale face and my anger returns.  Damn Sophie and her unexpected appearance!

Without a word, I bend, scooping Olivia into my arms and then turning to sit against the door like she was, cradling her against my chest. I brush my lips over her forehead.

I think of the best way forward, taking into consideration the way Olivia’s mind works and what she needs most from me.  My guess is reassurance. I know this was a blow to her.  Probably not Sophie as much as the little girl.  But I want her to know where I stand with both of them.  If not for
her
peace of mind, then for
mine. 
This woman is more important to me than anything.  When she hurts, I hurt.

“When I was in junior high, Dad got us a dog. We’d wanted one for a while.  I guess he got tired of us asking him about it, so he broke over and got a hound dog.  Named him Stanley.  Nash and I were both into comics at the time.  We figured it was better to combine Stan and Lee rather than giving our dog two names, so we agreed on Stanley.  Stanley was a great dog.  Smart, fast.  Drooled all over the place, but the only one who cared about that was Mom.  It didn’t take long for him to become a member of the family.  Stanley Davenport. 

“About three years later, Stanley got the neighbor’s new dog pregnant.  She had pups and we got the pick of the litter since Stanley was the father.  We were into sports by then, so we named that dog Heisman.  He was cute as hell at eight weeks when we got him.  I loved him immediately.  Something about seeing him when he was born, about knowing that he was part Stanley’s, it’s like he was family from the first breath he took.  Seeing him grow up from just a pup, watching him through those gawky, all-legs months…he was almost human. Or at least it felt like it. I got so attached to him, he even slept on the end of my bed most nights. I loved Stanley. He was still a member of the family, but Heisman was
mine. 
He felt like mine more than Stanley did. I watched him grow up.  I taught him tricks and held him on the way to the vet for his shots.  We were part of each other’s life in a different way than Stanley.  We were all family, of course, but there was just something special about Heisman.”

I glance down at Olivia. She’s staring up at me, her bright green eyes shining.  If I’d given it more thought, I might not have used a couple of dogs as analogies for real children. I guess I just want to make her feel better so much that I’d say just about anything.  Including telling her some boring story about my childhood animals.

“I’d be able to love any kid of mine, but I won’t lie and say that a child
with you
wouldn’t be different.  Because it would. The love I have for you…watching
our baby
grow in your belly…seeing it come into the world…hearing it say ‘Daddy’ for the first time…there are few things in life I could love more than that.  But you’re one of them.  If we are blessed with a baby, I’ll love it like my own flesh.  If we’re not, it won’t make me love you any less. Or love another child any more.  There’s a place in me…way down here,” I tell her, thumping the center of my chest with my fist, “that’s reserved for you and our baby.  Nothing else can ever live there. Just you.  And our child.  If we don’t have a baby of our own, all of this will just be yours because you are my whole world. Nothing and
no one
will ever change that.  Do you hear me, Olivia Davenport?  Nothing.  And no one.  Ever.”

She nods, her big, glassy eyes filling with tears.  “I needed this. I needed
you.”

“I know.  That’s why I made her leave and came back here.  I could feel your heart breaking like an earthquake.  Once the shock wore off, I just wanted her out of here so I could get to you.  You’ll always be the most important person in any room.”

“I have to be adult about this, though.  I have to come to terms with the possibility that we might not be able to have children of our own.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy an unexpected child.”

“
If
she’s mine.”

“
If
she’s yours,” she agrees.

“You know I’ll do whatever you want, right?”

“I know. And I know that
you know
that I could never,
would never
ask you not to participate in your child’s life, no matter who the mother is.”

As much as I hate how hurtful this is for her, and how hard it will be for her, I never doubted that Olivia would do the right thing. Not once.

“I
do
know that.  Your compassion is one of the things I love most about you.  I know you would never hold a child’s birth circumstance against it.”

“No, I couldn’t do that. No matter how much I’d like to.”

“
Wanting to
makes you human. 
Refusing to
makes you Olivia.”

“Cash, please be patient with me. Knowing the right thing and doing the right thing still doesn’t make it easy to do the right thing.  And lately, I’ve been so…so…”

I can see by the line between her eyebrows that distress is setting back in.  “I know, baby. I know. I wish I could take it away. All of it. All of the stress and the disappointment and the doubt.  And I’m doing everything I can to make you feel loved, no matter what happens.”

“I know you are. It’s just…it’s just hard.”

“That doesn’t mean we’ll stop trying, though.  None of this changes anything. Not really.”

“I hope not.  I really, really hope not.”

The dejected note in her voice reminds me that no matter how brave and resolute her words, there is still a rough road ahead for my wife.  And there’s little I can do to change it.

CHAPTER THREE

Olivia

I
feel
somewhat better when I wake.  Cash is still asleep next to me and his body heat radiates toward me much like his love does, which has been hitting me full force since the moment he stepped into the bathroom last night.

We eventually made our way back to the Christmas celebration. Sophie and her surprise visit never made it back into the conversation, for which I was very thankful, but I could tell by the sympathetic looks and all the spontaneous hugs I got that everyone was feeling sorry for the fragile Olivia.  I guess it’s no secret to anyone now that I’m having difficulty conceiving.  At least everyone, including my mean and outspoken mother, had the good grace and common courtesy not to mention it.

I found a nice respite for my worries in watching Ginger.  I’ve never seen her engage in casual, cautious flirtation before. It was quite interesting. It was equally interesting to see Gavin turn on his full charm. Maybe he’d thought she wasn’t interested in him. Or maybe he was keeping a distance out of respect for Cash and me. I don’t know, but whatever his reasons for keeping that distance, they evaporated last night.  I make a mental note to call Ginger later and see if she slept alone last night.  She and Gavin were the last to leave and they walked out together, so it’s hard to tell.

Once we got back to the apartment that we’re still staying in behind the office, Cash undressed me sweetly, carried me to bed and spooned me until I was fast asleep.  I thought at first that we might make love, but another failed attempt to create a child wouldn’t have been a good fit for me today, so I have to give props to my intuitive husband for not pressing the matter.

The phone rings, shattering the early morning quiet.  Cash groggily reaches for his phone, his voice muffled by the pillow as he speaks into it.

“What?”

I listen to Cash’s end of the conversation, my curiosity rising with each word.

“She what?”

“In
this
parking lot?”

“Why the hell didn’t she tell me she had no money and nowhere to go?”

My heart sinks.  I don’t have to hear both voices to know who’s being discussed. And if this woman, who Cash obviously knew intimately some years ago, and her child, who she claims is Cash’s, don’t have a place to go, that can only mean that my life is about to get even harder. Even more complicated.

“Fine. I’ll take care of it.  Thanks for the head’s up, man.”

Cash tosses his phone back on the nightstand with a loud clatter and then rolls onto his back. He throws his arm over his eyes and I can see the muscle along his jawline twitching rhythmically.  When Cash grits his teeth, his temper is stirring to life.  And he’s definitely gritting his teeth.

“That was Gavin,” he says in a low growl.  “Evidently Sophie has no money and nowhere to go, so she and the little girl slept in her car in the parking lot last night.”

I say nothing. I don’t know what
to
say. 

“What the hell kind of mother makes her kid sleep in a car in the parking lot of a damn bar?”

I don’t answer because he already knows the answer.

A crappy one.

Angrily, Cash whips back the covers and leaps from the bed to stalk to the bathroom.  I lie quietly and patiently to await his return.  It’s only seconds later that the door reopens, though, and my husband walks back to the bed.  He perches one hip on the side of the mattress and leans over me, brushing his lips back and forth across mine before trailing them to my ear.

“Good morning, my beautiful wife,” he murmurs.

“Good morning, my handsome husband,” I reply, winding my arms around his neck.

“Can’t we just rewind to yesterday?”

“How I wish we could,” I tell him candidly.

He leans up to look down into my face, his gorgeous black eyes glinting like onyx in the soft wedge of light pouring from the bathroom.  “I wish I could skip every day that would hurt you. Make your life perfect.  All the time.”

“No one’s life is perfect, but as long as I have you, it’s as perfect as I need it to be.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that.  You’re never getting rid of me.”

“That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

“It’s only a little after seven.”

“Then tell me again tonight. I’ll say the same thing.”

“Gladly,” he says, giving me a hard peck before he moves away.  “I’m going to splash some water on my face and then go out and see what’s going on.  Do you wanna come with me?”

“No, I think I’ll stay here.”

“I won’t be long,” he promises.

I try to give him a bright smile when he comes out of the bathroom, dressed in last night’s clothes with his hair still sticking up at odd angles all over his head, but nothing in my heart feels bright.  Something tells me that there’s a sob story on its way.  And that that sob story is going to turn my life upside down.

Again.

CHAPTER FOUR

Cash

S
ophie is
watching me as I walk to the only car in the lot.  It’s a total piece of shit black hatchback that looks like it’s being held together with duct tape.  I don’t see a license tag in the front and I can’t help wondering if she drove that thing all the way down here from Canada. 

Or if she’s been living somewhere else all this time.  Like in the states.  Where she could reach me fairly easily.  To let me know she’s okay or, I don’t know, to tell me I have a damn kid that I’ve missed for nine years. Just thinking about it puts fire in my blood.

I walk to the driver’s side just as she’s rolling down the window.

“What are you doing here, Sophie?” I ask, my tone admittedly clipped.

I feel like a shitheel when her eyes fill with tears.  “I’m so sorry to be here, Cash.  This way. After all this time.  But…but I just have nowhere else to go and…and…I need help. 
We
need help.”

I glance in the back seat at the little girl curled up on her side, hands folded under one rosy cheek, a blanket pulled all the way up to her neck.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that last night?  Jesus Christ, Sophie! She’ll catch her death sleeping in a car!”

I move to yank open the back door and gently extricate the sleeping Isabella.  She curls toward me, snuggling against my chest.  A pang of paternal protectiveness mixed with fury at Sophie burn in my gut. 

I kick the door shut with my boot and speak to my ex as I pass.  “Let’s take this inside where it’s warm.”  I don’t wait to see if she follows me.

Within seconds, I hear the slam of another door and the scrambling of feet on gravel as Sophie rushes to catch up to my long, angry stride.

“You have every right to be upset with me, Cash, but at least let me explain.”

“Explain,” I reply, still walking.

“Wait,” Sophie says, tugging on my arm.  “Not in there.”

I stop and turn to look at her.  “Why not?”

Her blue eyes, eyes I used to think were quite beautiful, plead with mine.  “Because I…I doubt you’re alone.”

I frown.  “Of course I’m not alone.  My wife is in there, but why does that matter?”

Sophie casts her eyes downward and then left to right before she hesitantly drags them back up to mine.  “She…I…does she know about me?  About us?”

“She does now.”

“Does she know…
everything
?”

I let her squirm in the quiet, in the discomfort of my pointed stare for several long seconds before I answer.  “No, but she will.”

“Cash, please.  Please don’t tell her.  Can’t we just put all that behind us and find some way to move forward?  To start over?  Not for me, but for Isabella?”

I glance down at the bundle I’m carrying.  What if this really
is
my child? 

“Let’s just take this one step at a time.  Starting with going inside.  Olivia is part of my present…
the biggest
part of my present, so she
will
be involved.  Maybe we can let the past be the past, but if there’s any kind of future for us, she’ll be with me.”  

“I totally understand that,” Sophie says, nodding vigorously.  “And I’m happy for you, Cash.  Truly.  I don’t want to cause problems for you.  For either of you.”

“Good.  Then don’t.”

“I won’t, I won’t.  But…don’t let her be mean to my little girl.”

“Be mean to your little girl?”  Fury sweeps through me.  “Let me tell you something. Olivia is one of the kindest, most considerate people you could ever hope to meet.  She would never,
ever
be mean to a kid, for God’s sake.  And I can tell you one thing for damn sure:  If we had a daughter, she sure as shit wouldn’t be found asleep in the backseat of car.”

I stop myself before I get nasty.  I need to at least keep
some amount
of peace, just in case this woman is the mother of my child.

Sophie has the good grace to blush and the good sense to keep her mouth shut.  She nods once and releases my arm so that I can carry Isabella into the club where it’s warm.

Looks like it’s gonna be one helluva morning.