Always with You (WIth You Trilogy) (36 page)

“Very interesting,” Ian interrupted again. He sounded almost bored. “But, you see, there’s a slight problem.”

“Oh?” Gregory snarled. “And what’s that.”

“When Jason called me and told me my sister was still in danger, I hopped on the helicopter to
Derby. One of the perks of being an excellent file clerk,” he smirked again. “But I had the time to get one of these.” He lifted the front of his shirt to show the small wire that was taped to the front of his chest.

I’d felt it when I was patting him down but it wasn’t a weapon so I’d not felt the need to reveal it. Ian had slowly been edging forwards, closer to Gregory
, as he talked. There was only about a meter and a half remaining between them.

“So, you see, even if you kill us all. You’re still going away for a very long time,” Ian explained.

“You stupid fucker,” Gregory snarled, aiming the gun at Ian’s forehead. All traces of the smug expression he’d been wearing were wiped from his face and the monster within came to the forefront.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Ian shook his head, seemingly unperturbed by the gun aimed at his head. “You wouldn’t want to add to your sentence and my team are standing by right outside that door.
My team of file clerks that is.”

“You,” Gregory growled, turning to Jason. “This is all your fucking fault.”

Jason just stood there, stone still as his own father moved his finger to the trigger on his gun. The image of a life without Jason flashed before me and I knew I could never survive that. Jason was the survivor; he’d come from a hellish life and made something of himself. He deserved to live.

As the scene in front of me
played out in slow motion, I remembered the day I’d gone climbing with Matt and Karl. They told me never to let fear stop me. Considering I was more scared then I’d ever been before, their advice seemed relevant. My biggest fear was of losing Jason and it was this fear that propelled me forwards as Gregory’s finger tightened.

I saw
only love and acceptance in Jason’s eyes as he focussed on me, not on the weapon that was about to take his life.

I flung my own body in front of his, tackling him to the floor just as the loud bang resonated in my
eardrums. The sound vibrated so loudly that it left my ears ringing, or maybe that was just residue from being backhanded so many times.

As my body landed on top of Jason’s on the floor behind us, his arms flew up to protect me from the fall. His warmth enveloped me and an intense feeling of security surrounded me. In Jason’s arms
, I felt untouchable, despite everything happening around us.

It took a few seconds for me to realise that the warmth didn’t quite feel right. It was damp. I could see blood soaking our clothes in the small space between us and my eyes widened in horror
. I was too late. He’d been shot. Jason had been shot.

“Jamie! Jamie? Are you okay?” Jason asked in panic. He showe
d remarkable agility for somebody with a hole blown through them as he lifted me onto the floor beside him.

“Oh my God. My little squirrel. I’m so sorry, Jamie. So, so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you so much.”

I tried to tell him I was fine and order him to get to safety but the words wouldn’t come out. Jason may have been covered in blood but he wasn’t the one bleeding. I was surprised that nothing really hurt. I just felt sort of numb and tingly.

Jason’s hands pressed to my chest, placing all his weight just above my right breast. I was vaguely aware of a lot of people being in the room but they were sort of blurry.

I could hear Ian’s voice amongst the ruckus. I could hear him telling me he loved me. I loved him too. I loved all of them. I tried to tell Jason and Ian how much they meant to me but it felt like I was choking.

I love you,
I thought. I hoped they knew. I needed them to know. I couldn’t die without letting them know.

2 years later

I stared at the cold edging of the letters on her tombstone. The pain never seemed to get any easier. I knew it never would. I missed what we would have had every day. I tried to ignore the resentment I still felt. I knew it wasn’t her fault; she hadn’t meant for this. She was trying to protect me. She put my life before hers. It was the last thing she’d done. She never understood that I needed her alive more than I needed anything else at the time.

I’m a grown man, I’m not going to fucking cry.
Despite telling myself to sack the hell up, a single tear still burned down my cheek. Ashamed, I wiped it away with the cuff off my suit jacket.

Unpleasant memories of the day my life had changed
still plagued me. I could still hear that shot bouncing around in my head. It had been the sole focus of every nightmare since. I forced the unpleasant memories out of my head and concentrated on the grave in front of me. I hated the idea that her body was beneath me. I really hoped that souls existed in some way. Scratch that. I didn’t hope, I knew. My soul had found its mate that night in the SU. The night my little squirrel fell into my arms.

I traced the etched letters with one finger. The idea that her soul was freed was much more comforting than the idea of a decomposing corpse, stripped free in death of the beauty it had held during life. The lettering was cold under my fingers. We’d agonised for too long over what
would be permanently engraved in the polished marble. I knew there was one word that had to be there.
Brave
. That word was made for women like her.

As much as I resented the choice
she made to risk her life for mine, I couldn’t help but admire the strength it must have taken. I would live every day of my life making sure that her sacrifice wasn’t in vain.

The knowledge that
the bastard was rotting in jail was barely compensation. Nothing could ever be enough punishment for that sick fucker. Knowing what happened to men who hurt women in prison did sweeten the pot a bit.
I hope he spends the rest of his life being made as miserable as he made me.

Not only had he shot the love of my life, t
he man had also taken my mother from me. He’d let me believe a world of ugly lies about an inherently beautiful woman. She’d made mistakes but nobody’s perfect, I knew that better than anyone, and I couldn’t deny that she’d tried to save me. I knew she’d tried now. When Jamie had encouraged me to look for my Mum it had pissed me off.
Why the fuck would I have wanted to see her?
But she was right. That was a wound that had never had chance to close. I didn’t think it ever would have now that I knew I’d never see her again.

The resounding
gunshot broke through my thoughts again. I didn’t think any amount of counselling would ever rid me of it. It was a reminder that being alive was something that should never be taken for granted and, for that reason alone, I cherished it. What I didn’t cherish was the memory of Jamie-Lea bleeding out in front of me. With ever molecule that seeped from her, my own life force dwindled in sympathy.

Since the day we met, we were always t
wo halves of a whole. Two beings linked on a deeper level that most would never comprehend. The pain of that day would never leave me. Ian had tackled my father to the floor and disarmed him but he’d been a fraction of a second too late and I knew he’d never forgive himself for that. Hell, I probably wouldn’t either.

Another fucking tear scorched my skin as I let the unpleasant memories afflict my mind. I took a deep breath and wiped the offending liquid away. It w
as a cruel coincidence that the anniversary of her death should fall on this day. This should have been a day of happiness for me and the family I’d been made a part of.
Perhaps this is a happy day. Perhaps this is closure.

As my fingers traced over the text on the gravestone once more, I felt the wind whisper against my cheek. I could almost taste the word goodbye on my tongue. This was my goodbye. My life was moving forwards and
, although I’d always love her, there needed to be closure. I needed to move on and accept the people I hadn’t lost. The people I would cherish forever.

“Are you okay?” The voice that still made my heart beat ten times faster and cock pulse with heat whispered from behind me. “I… I know I said I’d wait over there but… I just thought…” She broke off, obvious uncertainty on her melodic voice.

I opened my arms to her and pulled her against me. I immediately relaxed as her tiny frame merged against mine like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle. We just fit together. We always had.

“Little squirrel, you’re exactly what I needed,” I breathed against her vanilla scented, silken hair.

“I hate seeing you sad,” she whispered into my chest.

I smiled despite myself. I could feel her shivering and knew she was cold in the early morning chill. We
’d had to be here early in order to make it to her graduation ceremony in time. It killed me in the best possible way every time I realised she was too worried about me to think about herself.

Shrugging my suit jacket off my shoulders, I wrapped it around her before pulling her back into my arms
, my chin on the top of her head as I stared down at my mother’s grave.

Louisa Karlsson

1967 – 1996

Brave and beloved mother.

Ben and I had eventually agreed on the epitaph. He barely remembered her, which I regretted on his behalf, but we were both agreed on the fact that there needed to be no mention of her role as wife. She never got to see how a wife should be treated, so in our minds she’d never been one.

“Did you say what you needed to say?” Jami
e asked cautiously, her arms around my waist and underneath my formal shirt.

I think I loved skin on skin more than she did. My whole body burned for this woman and that intensified to the point of distraction when her delicate skin made contact with mine.

“I didn’t say anything,” I replied, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Turned out I didn’t have anything to say.”

“I could never talk to
my parents like that either,” she whispered into the nook of my neck. Her favourite spot. I had to admit, I liked having her there as well.

She’d come a lo
ng way since the scared, timid, but beautiful girl I’d met almost four years previously but talking about her loss was still painful for her and I knew she was doing it for me.

“I like to thin
k they know what I need them to without me having to say it out loud. I bet she’d be proud of you Jason. I am.”

I nodded because if I spoke
, I’d sound like a pathetic pussy because my voice would break. Instead, I pulled her closer to me and tilted her chin up to lose myself in her lips.

With one final look at the grave, I tucked my little squirrel under my arm and walked her towards my Nissan GT
-R. Despite my sombre mood, my new car brought a slight smile to my face. Jamie obviously noticed because I felt her relax against me and roll her eyes whilst muttering something about boys and their toys.

She could pretend all she
liked; I knew she got turned on watching me drive it. Christening the hood was priority number one as soon as I drove my baby out of the showroom.

Once Jamie graduated from Leeds with her degree in English and I got my doctorate, we made the joint decision to move to Derby to be close to her family and mine. Jamie started at the local university to get her PGCE
and become a teacher and I kicked my plan into gear.

Whilst it wa
s cute that Jamie always showed interest in my doctoral thesis, I knew she never really understood it. It was fine. I loved her passion for books and language but I barely even knew the difference between an adverb and an adjective.

My doctorate focussed on the concept of a new type of battery technology with specific focus on renewable energy. I got the idea when I was a teenager watching Ben warm his hands in his pockets when
‘the Bastard’ was too cheap to turn the central heating on. Ben wrapped his hands around the mobile phone I’d bought him with my winnings from fighting because it was holding the residual heat from his body.

Almost everybody has their phones in their pockets these days and we’re almost constantly moving, always generating
thermal energy. I put every penny I had into it and the technology I developed allows for a mobile phone, watch, or other small digital device to charge through whichever combination of kinetic, thermal, or solar energy offers the best potential charge at the time. Ben created the code that allows the device to identify this combination.

Basically, we developed a mobile phone batte
ry that meant you would never have to think about charging your phone. Benji bought into the idea straight away and helped me develop the product last year. Jake caught wind and he came to work with us a few months ago. It was a year of living on next to nothing. We ate at the Carter household more times than I care to count. It killed me that I couldn’t provide for Jamie in the way she deserved during that time but I hoped to hell it would be worth it. I wanted to give that girl every single thing she could ever dream of.

We went public two weeks ago. One week later, I bought the Nissan and
every time I looked at my bank balance, it felt like my brain was malfunctioning. It was hard to believe it was real but it was, and knowing that I could give Jamie and Benji everything they needed was worth every sleepless night, every soldering burn, every blister, and every cut.

Jamie-Lea, of course,
was none the wiser. Well, she knew I went live, but seeing as I was the one in the relationship that actually had a poker face, she didn’t know anything that I hadn’t told her, and I hadn’t told her much.

She’d
stood by me through everything over the past year. On the nights where we sat huddled on the sofa under a hundred blankets because we couldn’t afford to turn the heating on, she giggled and saw it as an excuse to press skin on skin and warm each other up through some very enjoyable and inventive under the cover exploration.

She never once complained when I was too exhausted to explore as much as I would have liked. Nor when I passed out before cleaning up my mess. She just gave me a back massage and took care of
it. Now I’d be able to take care of her for the rest of my life.
If she’ll let me
.

As I sat with the Carter boys watching my girl receive the certificate that would let her find her dream job, I knew what I was planning was perfect. She’d never need to work a day in her life if she was so inclined but I knew that wasn’t what she wanted.
She was going to be an amazing teacher. The sort I’d have had wet dreams about as a teenager.
Fuck, who am I kidding? She’s still my wet dream up and dressed.

The pride in her brothers
’ eyes was obvious but they had nothing on me. Jamie-Lea was my world, my reason to be, the motivation my heart needed to beat. She was my little squirrel and I would always love her.

Always and forever. Those two words stuck in my throat as I watched her step away from the stage and make her way back to sit with Adam in the crowd. Those two were inseparable and it was a no brainer for him to move back to Derby with Jamie and start his teacher training with her.

Always and forever. That’s what I want with Jamie
. It was what I’d wanted since the words ‘I love you’ started trying to break out without my permission. I knew that was what she wanted too. I knew her down to the deepest depths of her soul. Still, the niggling doubt lingered.
She’s only twenty-two, what if she thinks she’s too young?
In my mind, we’d waited long enough. She’d been mine for almost four years and, if those four years were anything to go by, I was going to be a very happy man for the rest of my life. I only hoped Jamie would give me the chance to make her twice as happy every day for the rest of our lives.

Asking Ian for Jamie’s hand in marriage was the most terrifying fucking thing I
had ever done.
If looks could kill
. Evil fucker made me sweat at least ten minutes before he even spoke. If he’d have said no, I’d have done it anyway, and he knew that, but Jamie would have hated it. Her brothers meant the world to her and what was important to her was important to me.

He eventually said yes and it only took agreeing to let him castrate me with a rusty knife if I hurt her for us to shake on it.
That’s fine by me. I’d die before I hurt her.

“You look beautiful, baby. I’m so proud of you
,” I beamed at her when we met her outside the large room where the ceremony was held.

“Thanks,” she blushed.

Fuck if my dick didn’t almost ache with the need to take her every time she blushed. Four years in and she still blushed. I loved it. Part of me couldn’t help wondering if she was blushing because she’d had to accept a compliment and she was thinking about getting a spanking if she hadn’t.

Fuck me.
I had to stop thinking like that or the ache in my balls was going to kill me. At the very least, it was going to have me dragging her off into the nearest bathroom caveman style and she deserved better than that. She deserved Egyptian cotton, penthouse suites, diamonds, pearls, caviar… or whatever the hell the vegetarian alternative was. She deserved the moon and I’d get it for her if she asked.