Amber to Ashes (The Torn Heart #1) (49 page)

Derick’s half-skeletal-tattooed face swallows the screen, his countenance every bit the rabid animal he is—foam flowing from his mouth, his words nothing but mere growls, none of which I can decipher as he continues to scream out a list of threats. However, before the camera fades to black, I’m able to make out one sentence—one sentence that has my heart tripping: “I plan on startin’ with that brunette Barbie of yours first.”

Anger, hatred, and fear pound through my muscles with every uneven breath I take. “Bet I’ve
really
got your attention now, Cunningham, eh? Ah yes.
Yes
.
I
.
Fucking
.
Do
.” A fit of laughter rockets from his mouth, his hollow stare clamped to mine as he continues to verbally rape my universe. “She’ll be the first to go, the first to feel what the tip of my blade is gonna do to her slender neck. The way it’s gonna expose her delicate veins. The first to beg for her life when I drag my magical steel wand down her chest and slowly rip her open, her tears hardening my cock as I slide it into her ass, fucking her better than you
ever
have.”

Licking his lips, his eyes drift closed, a sigh of contentment following the movement as he releases a groan. “I’m gonna fuck each and every single one of her holes until she’s so crazed, she’s not gonna know which pain to concentrate on more: my cock brutalizing her inner flesh, or my blade sawing through her outer. And
right
about the same time she’s strugglin’ through her last breath, I’m gonna shoot my load all over that pretty little face of hers. Mind ya, this’ll take place
after
I’ve whispered your name into her ear, letting her know
you’re
the reason why she’s dying. I figure it’ll add a bit more torture to her final experience on this here earth. Can’t deny I’m one creative bastard.”

His smile slips away as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his desk. “I’ll tell ya what, Brockster. Though your girl’s death will be anything
but
slow, when I cut off her perky nipples, I’ll make sure to send ya one, gift-wrapped and all.” Folding his arms over his chest, he palms his chin and scratches at his stubble, his gaze squinting in
mock thought. “You know what? Considering the circumstances, I’m gonna be a nice guy. I’ll pay the extra few bucks to ship it overnight, so as to ensure its freshness for you before it starts to rot away.” He rises, takes a bow, and steps in front of the camera, his face covering up the entire screen as he shakes his head. “Please, please. No need to thank me, bud. I figured it’s the least I can do. Besides, what are enemies for? I want ya to have
something
to remember her by before I zip through my list of your loved ones.” He sucks in a slow breath, his eyes hardening before he screams out, “Until then, no one, not a single soul around ya, can be too safe! Keep your eyes and ears open, fucker, because I’m comin’ your way. If not today, next week, next month, or next year, you’re gonna feel my wrath! One way or another, I’m ’bout to make the rest of your living days hell on earth!”

The screen fuzzes out, all traces of Derick disappearing as I try to breathe, try to think. Head fucked sideways, I swallow what feels like a bucket of nails, revenge roped around my muscles as a familiar voice whispers, “You know we have to kill him first, right?”

I spin and catch Ryder’s eyes, his filled with as much venom as mine as he approaches, cautiously taking the shotgun from my grip. He sets it on the coffee table, his face hardened into stone as he meets my stare. Though he’s on my shit list, his presence is welcomed, his visible need to take Derick down a filter of light to the darkness shrouding my entire being as I nod in response.

“How much of the video did you . . . see?” I ask.

“All of it,” he answers as he lifts his weary gaze to the television. “And it’s
my
fault that kid’s dead, not yours. The cocksucker was right. Had I let you get rid of the girl like you wanted, he’d still be alive.”

“
Motherless
,” I point out. “Don’t let what that asshole said
or
did fuck with you, Ashcroft. You hear me?
Neither
of us is responsible for that kid’s death. Derick is, got it?”

Though he nods in agreement, I can tell it’s eating at him as much as it is me, our stares locked on each other as we share a moment of
grief for the kid. The kid whom we’ve never met, his face a mystery to us, but whose death is linked to my sins, the temporary moment of insanity that’ll forever change my world.

Lost as to why he would just show up out of nowhere, especially after the way we left off—not having spoken a word to each other on the way back home—I cock my head in question, already knowing the answer. “Amber called you, didn’t she?”

“Yeah.” A pause, hesitancy slowing his words. “She was a mess, bro, in absolute hysterics. I could barely make out what she was sayin’.”

Figures
.

Still, I can’t blame her. The fear in her eyes when I told her to wait in my ride was unlike anything I’ve ever seen . . . unlike anything I ever want to see again. Set on making sure she’s never afraid like that another day in her life, I head into the kitchen, my brain exploding with thoughts of my next move to ensure her safety as Ryder leans his hip against the kitchen island.

“Madeline and Lee are downstairs with her,” he adds, placing his gun on the counter. “I was in the shower when Amber’s calls came in. By the time I got out, she’d hit my phone close to ten times. They knew something was up, so they insisted on taking a ride over here with me. I told them to wait with her until I knew everything was cool.”

I shoot him a look. “Did you—”

“No,” he interrupts, his hands held up in mock surrender. “I didn’t say shit to him,
boss
. Though he keeps prodding around, asking me tons of questions every goddamn chance he gets, he still has no clue what’s up.”

I nod, my gut churning with confusion. After I killed Dom and Bobby, Ryder and I discussed whether or not we should let Lee in on what happened. Though it was a tough decision, I’d decided it was a no-go. I didn’t want anyone knowing what I’d done, how I’d killed two men in an instant, not even Lee. Still, this shit changes everything.
Not telling Lee what happened, keeping him from what’s sure to go down, can put him and Madeline in danger, their lives at risk from this second forward.

Either way I’m screwed, royally fucked with no easy way out of this mess. If I tell him about Dom, I have a potential loose cannon on my hands, someone who can turn around and use that shit against me somewhere down the road. Not that I think Lee would ever do that to me—the thought a vague, annoying whisper at best. But time and life’s brutal hand can change a person, their loyalty to friends and family tossed out the window when shit hits the fan. In the same breath, if I don’t let Lee in on every detail, I have a potential dead friend on my conscience, a buddy who’s risked his life for me chilling in the morgue as his, and possibly Madeline’s, demise rests on my shoulders.

Again, royally fucked.

As I contemplate what to do, footsteps sound down the hall outside of my place. Alert, Ryder and I reach for our guns as the footsteps become heavier, closer. With our attentions pinned on the entryway, we aim our weapons at the front door, silent, ready, as the hinge creaks open.

“Whoa!” Lee’s arms shoot heavenward as he cautiously steps through the doorway. “What the
fuck
?”

“Speak of the devil,” I mumble, setting my shotgun back down.

“Ever hear of
knocking
,
asshole?” Ryder pockets his weapon as he approaches Lee, yanking him into my condo by the collar of his sweatshirt. “You know shit’s hot right now. You should’ve called before you came up.”

“Fuck you, bro,” Lee spits. “I didn’t
call
because I have no idea
how
hot shit is. No one tells me
dick
. All I was told was to wait downstairs with the girls. So let me repeat it for you in case you missed it the first time: fuck you, Ashcroft.” He straightens his collar, his expression no less heated as he pushes past Ryder, making himself comfortable on the bar stool next to me.

Ryder grits his teeth, but I shake my head, warning him not to take it any further. “You left the girls alone downstairs?”

“No, I told them to take your Hummer back to their dorm and stay put until one of us says otherwise.” A pause followed by an agitated sigh as his attention shifts between me and Ryder. “Now, would either of you douchebags like to let me know what the fuck’s going on?” He concentrates his attention on me, something akin to begging in his tone. “I’m being serious, man. You might think I’m some dumbass surfer from the West Coast, but I’m not. I’ve been in this game as long as you have, and I knew, just
knew
, something was up from the second you two got back from your last pickup. If I’m in this with you guys,
really
in it, then I need to be told everything. Not be the asshole you hide serious shit from. It’s not right.”

I contemplate his words. Still, I can’t bring myself to tell him. If I do, I leave him wide open to fuck me down the road. I decide to tell him the bare minimum, enough to let him know to stay alert, enough to keep him and Madeline out of danger.

“All I can say is some crazy shit went down,” I start, feeling somewhat bad for not telling him the whole truth, but not bad enough to let him in on everything. “And because of it, heat’s about to come our way. Bad heat, the worst kind. We need to keep our eyes open, watch our backs. More importantly, the girls’.” I take a breath, my demeanor collected though I’m anything but. I hate doing this, keeping him in the dark, but trust can only go so far under circumstances such as this. “Don’t ask me anything more about what happened, because I have no intention of telling you about it. You know all you need to know, bro. Ryder and I will take care of the rest. I need you to trust me on that. Cool?”

Lee stares blankly at me, the fight in his eyes flickering out as he rises. Expression a bed of betrayal, he nods, his shoulders slumped as he nears my front door. He grabs the knob, the fire in his eyes making a resurgence as he casts me a glare from over his shoulder. “I’ll
trust you for now, Cunningham. Even though you’ve always treated me second-best to Ryder, you’ve never failed at taking care of me when shit’s gotten crazy, always made sure I was okay. But I’m warning you, if
anything
happens to Madeline because of some stupid shit you fucked up playing this game, I swear to my fucking life, I’ll . . .” He trails off, his words dying on his tongue as he shakes his head in defeat and walks out of my condo.

He doesn’t need to finish his sentence. I get him, hear him loud and clear. No matter how any of this ends, everyone’s blood is on my hands, my split-second decision to kill a man coming back to haunt me in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined. Feeling emotionally vacant, a sellout at his finest, I pull in a deep breath, my main concern transitioning to the most important person in my life.

Amber.

I lift my chin to Ryder, looking to get out of here and over to her dorm as soon as possible. “Can you give me a ride to the girls’ place?”

• • •

The lie I told the maintenance man about losing my keys and having to jimmy my door open was easy. However, the ride over to the girls’ dorm has been the exact opposite. Ryder and I have barely talked, the unrelenting awkwardness between us a jackhammer to my head. I take that back. We’ve talked, having gone over our plan of attack concerning Derick and what measures we’re going to take as far as making sure Amber’s out of harm’s way. We even agreed to keep what’s really going on from her in an effort to keep her from bugging the fuck out with worry.

But we haven’t tackled what’s really hanging in the air above us—the elephant in the room, if you will.

Last night. The way he stepped over invisible boundaries. Boundaries I should’ve set but didn’t. I shake my head, pissed off for letting it go as far as I did, for not stopping it the second it started. Not know
ing who to blame, I turn to him, my eyes trained on his as he kills the engine in front of Hadley’s main building. He knows where I’m about to go, can see the anger on my face.

“Just say it,” Ryder lets out through a heavy sigh. “There’s more bothering you than what went down today. Obviously it has to do with me and Amber, so just get it the fuck over with.”

“You’re correct,” I answer, my tone matching his aggravation. “It
is
about you and Amber. It’s not happening again, bro. Ever. I should have never let it happen in the first place.”

“But you did.” Ryder chuckles, though there’s not a shred of happiness behind it. Only sarcasm and, almost imperceptibly . . . jealousy? “We all did!” He looks out the driver’s-side window, his shoulders stiff as he shakes his head. “So now what? Is your plan to bury your head in the sand like a fucking ostrich and hide from it?” He whips his eyes to mine, fury igniting them. “Huh? Is that your fucking game plan, Cunningham? Got what ya wanted, didn’t like what you saw, and now you’re just gonna run from it?”

I take a deep breath, slowly letting it out in an effort to contain the growing anger his accusation triggered. “What I’m saying is I
love
her. I loved her last night, the day before that, and the month before that. I just got . . . Fuck, bro, I got lost in the moment the same way you and Amber did. My vision’s clearer today and I know what needs to be done, and allowing you two to be together again
isn’t
it.”

Another chuckle, this one as he sparks up a cigarette. “Ah, you see
clearer
today. Of course. Why the fuck didn’t I think about that?” He takes a long drag off his cancer stick, a grunt pushing from his mouth as the smoke skates through the car. “How does Amber feel about your
epiphany
? And do you even
care
what she thinks about it? ’Cause right about now, I’m thinking
all
you care about is that
you
couldn’t deal as you watched her and me—like
you
wanted to, mind ya—together. Couldn’t handle seeing her in my arms, wrapped around my dick. Couldn’t stand watching me bring her the same pleasure you do,
if not more. In case you were curious,
that’s
what I’m thinking is the problem right now. You couldn’t give a fuck less how anyone else here feels because, let’s face it, you were the one calling the shots from the beginning. Kudos to you, man. You got your cake and ate the fuck out of it too.”