Amelia's Journey (31 page)

The front door closed, and he heard voices. Amelia said something about going upstairs to take care of writing a letter. Her voice sounded much lighter and happier than it had in weeks. Perhaps his mother had been able to talk Amelia out of her feelings for Benjamin. That wasn't likely, but something had happened.

He returned to his books when he heard a knock on his door. Lenora stood there with a very determined look on her face. “Come in, dear,” he said. “How was your luncheon with Mother?”

“Very nice.” She strode across the room and stood before his desk. “Isaac, we have to talk about Amelia and Benjamin Haynes.”

“What is there to talk about? That's over and done with. I thought you realized that.” Why was she bringing this up now? He'd made his wishes known, and he expected them to be followed.

“Well, it's not over, and it's not going to be over.” She leaned her palms on his desk. “I want to know exactly what it is that you have against Benjamin Haynes. He's a fine young man and would take very good care of our daughter.”

He pressed his fingertips together. She didn't understand his reasons at all. “My dear, I don't disagree with that. Any son of Matthew Haynes would be a fine young man. It's not him I object to. It's the fact that he lives in Kansas, and that's too far away from Boston for Amelia to live. You'd miss her too much.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Isaac Carlyle, is that the only reason for your objections?”

“If he lived here, I probably wouldn't object to a marriage between the two of them.”

Lenora pulled a chair up and sat down hard, her eyes blazing. What had he done to arouse her anger? He'd done all this because he didn't want to see her hurt.

“I can't believe you. Of course I'd miss Amelia if she moved to Kansas, but the more important thing is that she'd be happy with a man she loves with all her heart.” Then her eyes narrowed. “Is that what you asked him to do? Move here? I'd rather see her in Kansas, married to Benjamin and happy, than to see both of them miserable here in Boston.”

“What makes you think they would be miserable here? If Ben is with her, Amelia should be happy.”

Lenora pounded the arm of the chair. “But what about Ben? What if he is called to a life of ranching? Would you ask him to sacrifice his dreams for our daughter?” She leaned forward, the fire still raging in her eyes. “Look at Elizabeth and Matthew. They let Mary Beth stay here in Boston for the social season, and now she's going to marry and stay here. They aren't doing all they can to prevent it. They welcome Andrew as a son.”

“That's different. She's making a good marriage, and they have four other children at home to occupy their time.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why this sudden disagreement? You've never argued with me before about our children.”

“I think it's about time.” She stood and planted her fists on her hips. “You and I married because we loved each other, and I still love you, but sometimes you can be so stubborn. You've always been one to advocate following God's will for one's life, and here you are refusing to let Amelia and Ben discover and follow His will for their lives. You can't play God. Now I suggest you do a little praying and turn complete control of Amelia over to the Lord.” She turned and marched from the room, her back straight as an arrow. The door closed with a thud after her.

Isaac leaned his head on his hands. He only wanted what was best for all concerned, but had he been too busy with what he wanted to see that he had missed what really mattered? Had he put himself in control as Lenora said?

Lord, I'm going to need some guidance here. It looks like what I want and what I believe is right isn't what others see and believe. Show me what You want me to do. Lead me to make the right decisions for my daughter. I love her with all my heart, but like Lenora, I do want her to be happy.

He laid his head back and rested it on the back of his chair. Why did bringing up daughters have to be so difficult?

Chapter 30

N
othing had really changed in the weeks since Mama had talked with Papa except that he no longer scowled every time she mentioned Kansas. A few times at dinner or breakfast, Amelia had said a few things about their trip, and Papa had not changed the subject. That was a step in the right direction, but they still had a long way to go.

Amelia followed Grandma's advice, and every morning now she prayed for her father, for Ben, and for the situation between them. She even offered up random prayers during the day as she thought of Ben.

Disappointment had come when he didn't accompany his mother back to Boston this week. He had work to do in Kansas and would not arrive until the rest of the family did in August. Mrs. Haynes, along with Mary Beth, Mrs. Farnsworth, and Isabella, were due any minute for a planning session and a luncheon.

Lettie had resumed teaching Amelia a few things about cooking, and she had learned to sew on buttons and repair seams. Doing those things gave her hope that the rift with her father and Ben would be resolved in a positive way. Mama continued to say to be patient and wait on God to work. That patience, which was not strong for Amelia anyway, had stretched way beyond what seemed to be logical. Sometimes she wondered if God had forgotten her.

She headed downstairs and was greeted by Mary Beth and her mother entering the foyer downstairs. Mrs. Farnsworth and Isabella followed close behind. Amelia hugged Mary Beth. “I'm so glad to see you. I only wish Ben was here in Boston.”

“I know you do, but he'll be here in a few weeks, and you'll be with him at the wedding.” Mary Beth turned away to greet Mama.

Mrs. Haynes handed Mama an envelope. “This is for Isaac. Ben asked me to give it to him.”

“Thank you, Elizabeth.” She handed it to Murphy. “Will you take this in to Mr. Carlyle's office and place it on his desk?”

Murphy nodded and strode away with the envelope in hand.

Amelia's heart leaped to her throat. Why was Ben writing Papa a letter? Was this what Papa had been waiting for? She wanted to race after Murphy and grab the letter from him, but she willed herself to stay with her guests.

Amelia led them to the library where they could visit while the older women talked. She had just learned that Mama, Mrs. Haynes, and Mrs. Farnsworth had all been close friends in school. Their involvement in the wedding brought them together today, and from the sounds of laughter and animated conversation from the parlor, they were enjoying their reunion.

Amelia sat down across from Mary Beth and Isabella, who had chosen the sofa. “I had no idea that Mama and Mrs. Farnsworth had been friends at school.”

“Ma told me as soon as I started seeing Andrew that the three of them had been very close, almost like sisters. I think that's why they were both so excited about our betrothal.” Mary Beth giggled. “Sometimes when they're together, it's almost like seeing them as young schoolgirls again the way they carry on and have such a good time.”

Isabella smoothed out her skirt and brushed away at imaginary lint. “I think you're the luckiest girl around to have Andrew. I've seen the way he dotes on you, and the stars in your eyes say you feel the same for him. I wish I had someone to look at me like that.”

Mary Beth glanced over at Amelia. “I would think one of the young men from our coming out would show some interest.”

“Well, Philip Barlow did ask my father for permission to call on me. I hope you don't mind, Amelia.”

“Of course I don't mind.” Amelia didn't have anything against Isabella, but so many times she'd observed Isabella with other young men, and her interests were always the same, what Isabella wanted and what would be beneficial for her. Philip would be a good match for her friend.

Later, after the luncheon, they gathered again in the parlor to discuss the wedding plans. Mrs. Haynes consulted a list she had drawn up. “All right, girls, you are to go for your final fitting of the dresses on Thursday of next week. Mrs. Barnes will have them ready for any last-minute adjustments.”

Amelia looked forward to that time. The pattern and color chosen by Mary Beth suited the coloring of both girls. The green of each dress reminded her of the new leaves of spring, fresh and light. The several fittings they'd had thus far had been fun.

Several other events were mentioned, but Amelia didn't pay much attention. Mama would fill her in with the details later. She could think only of Ben and the envelope now resting on her father's desk. Would the contents make a difference in Papa's feelings? She'd know this evening if she could keep her patience. How she wished it was her wedding to Ben that they were planning.

Before she realized it, the time had gone, and her guests prepared to leave. After they departed, Mama decided to go upstairs for a rest, but Amelia didn't want to spend any more time in her room. She passed her father's study and fought the urge to go in and confiscate the letter.

Instead, she retreated to the drawing room and proceeded to play the piano. So many times when her heart was troubled or her mind filled with unrest, the soothing notes of Mozart's
Piano Concerto 21
or Beethoven's
Fur Elise
, always seemed to calm her spirits and bring peace.

When the last notes of
Fur Elise
faded, someone behind her clapped his hands. She whirled around to find Papa in the doorway applauding.

“Beautiful, my dear. Your playing has grown better each year.”

“Thank you, Papa. I didn't know I had an audience.”

“I know, and that's what gave your music even more beauty and meaning.” He turned to go, but paused and peered at her as though making a decision. “Come into my study. I must have a talk with you.”

Fear knotted her stomach and sent a lump to her throat, but a ray of hope wiggled its way into her heart. Perhaps Papa wanted to tell her he'd changed his feelings. Whatever he might have to say couldn't be worse than what happened in Kansas.

Isaac sat down behind his desk. Listening to Amelia play the classical pieces she loved reinforced his belief that she belonged here in Boston and not in Kansas. Lenora would be angry, but she'd get over it and realize it was for the best. He'd prayed about the situation, and the music he'd just heard gave him the answer.

Amelia entered the room and approached his desk. At his nod, she sat in the chair nearby. He cleared his throat, seeking words to say what he believed for her. “Amelia, your mother and I talked about your relationship with Benjamin Haynes. I have to say I cannot agree with her. I have prayed about the situation and have my answer. I cannot allow you to marry him. You may disagree and be angry at the moment, but you'll see in time that I'm right.”

Her face blanched, and she sat perfectly still. Then her eyes smoldered with anger, and her lips pressed together in a firm line. She stood and looked him straight in the eye. “I'm sorry, Father, but you can no longer tell me what to do.”

How dare she question his authority. “I can, and I will.”

“No, you won't. I'll move in with Grandma Carlyle tonight, and then when Ben comes with his family for the wedding, we can be married too, and I'll go off to Kansas with him.”

Her voice remained steady with a deadly calm that sent fear to his heart, but he had to stand his ground. “I will not allow you to move. I'll fight you every step of the way.”

“You cannot and will not control my future. The only one in control of that is God, and if He gave you the answer you just used, then maybe we aren't praying to the same God.”

“Amelia, sit down, and don't talk such nonsense.” What had come over Amelia? She'd been rebellious before, but never this outright refusal to follow his orders.

Her face grew red, and she took deep breaths to control her anger. Then she exploded and hit her hand on his desk. “You are not God, and I will follow my heart. I cannot just stand here and let you ruin my life and destroy my future. I'm going to leave and I'm going to marry Ben, and you can't do anything to stop us. If you try, then you'll be out of my life forever.” She whirled around and stormed from the room, her feet pounding with each step.

Isaac fell back in his chair, his heart deflated and hurting. Had he just lost the one daughter he wanted to protect? He cried out in anguish, “God, what just happened here? I believed I had the right answer, but I ruined everything. How can I make her see what is best?”

Is it the best?

Isaac jerked his head around. Where had those words come from? He buried his face in his hands. “God, what do You want me to do? How can I make this right?”

Again a voice whispered in the air.
Let her go.

That couldn't be the answer. Surely God didn't want that. The longer he sat, the darker the shadows grew, not only in the room but also across his heart.

The aroma from the dining room signaled dinner would be served soon. He pressed his fingers to his eyes. He'd do whatever it took to regain Amelia's trust. He'd wounded her deeply, or she would never have lashed out as she had. It may take some time, but he had to figure it all out before it was too late. “God, I can't let her go.”