Aminadab 0803213131 (4 page)

BOOK: Aminadab 0803213131
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someone so wretched, so degraded? He was overcome with a feeling of solitude and by the anguish of his own destitution. "Are you the porter?" he asked the man. He answered yes with a nod. That was all. The response was definite, but it said nothing. Seeing what meager help he was receiving from the guardian, he took a step back and realized that he was right up against the door. This was a surprise. The door did not look the same as before. The sculptures and designs, which appeared to be set in wood, were made up of the heads of extremely long nails whose threatening points stuck out several inches on the other side. On the side of the door facing the hallway, these designs were rather pleasing. They were not visible right away; it was necessary to give up trying to discover anything by looking too intently and to wait pa tiently to receive the emerging patterns, almost by force. Thomas looked at the other side as well. Was there any order in this crisscrossing of points and metal rods? He stared for a long time at the panel, but the craftsman must have neglected the backside of his work; the arrangement was com pletely random. But there was one detail at least that rendered the artist's thought: above the latch was a small sliding window, painted bright red, which a twisted and monstrous iron hinge seemed to bury in the thick ness of the wood. The small piece of metal serving as a shutter had recently been covered with a thick layer of paint that stood out brilliantly from its pathetic and dilapidated surroundings; it seemed to promise a new sensa tion to anyone inclined to stoop to the level of the opening. Thomas pre pared to find out how it would be. He tried to lift the iron slat from its wooden frame but was met with heavy resistance: the window opened only from the outside, and the opening was meant for the visitor who wished to look into the house from outside without opening the door. There was yet another oddity: by opening the window, one also bolted the door; when the metal rod reached the end of its slot, it slid into two metal hooks that held it in place, so that whoever wanted to look into the house had also to give up entering it for the moment. Although such details as these no longer held much interest for Thomas, he lingered over them for a long time. He would have liked to reverse his steps and peek through the little window into this dark vestibule at the first stairs he had to walk down. He thought that in this way he would have understood many things. But now it was too late; he had to keep moving forward. In itself the stairway was 6

not very pleasant. Its steps had been washed, and the stone, though worn down and marked in certain spots by deep imprints, was so shiny that it appeared to be new. On each side, and at a considerable distance, stood two walls between which the stairway passed like a ridiculously narrow path. This path was very short, six steps, perhaps ten, for the last ones were lost in obscurity, and it was impossible to tell if they led to another ves tibule or if everything ended there. Thomas set off toward his goal with such enthusiasm that he did not at first hear the guardian call to him and did not stop until he was on the second step. And yet the voice he heard was extraordinary. It was marked by a gravity and sadness that made it difficult to believe everything it said. Certainly it was because of his voice that the guardian had been chosen to fulfill his function. Thomas remained motionless when he heard it. The guardian had to repeat what he had said; this time his voice was not so gentle. "Where are you going?" he asked. "Are you looking for someone?" Thomas did not answer. Although he was not surprised by this ques tion, and although he was in fact rather relieved to notice that he was not being ignored, he suffered from a painful impression. Indeed, where was he going? How could he explain his presence here? He looked over at the wall from whrch he was separated by a veritable abyss. He was there, that was all he could say. "Why are you questioning me?" he asked. "Is it forbidden to come and go in this house?" The porter lifted his head in surprise. He was still a young man, and there was in his youth an inexplicable reflection of grandeur and dejection, oflife and cruel endings, something that made one think of another world, but one that is wretched and inferior. "Naturally," he answered in his grave voice, "anyone can enter here, if he has a reason for coming. Whoever is a tenant here can do what he wants and need not answer to anyone, on the condition, of course, that the rules be respected." Thomas replied energetically: "I could become a tenant." "Well then," said the guardian, "you're on the right track, for I'm the one in charge of tenancy." So this porter was not so unimportant after all. At that moment, he pushed the door to and it gently closed. It was hard to see anything in the stairway now. It seemed that the steps were even narrower than be7

fore and that night had suddenly filled the vestibule, transforming it into a gloomy prison. What was the weather like outside? Thomas could hardly remember the impressions of his arrival at dawn; it all seemed so far away. The only thing he remembered - and it was as if he had lost everything he had -was the woman lying in the middle of the shop, her face turned toward the wall, calm and distant from everything. He felt lightheaded. The guardian, as though aware of his discomfort, slipped up to him and took his arm in a benevolent gesture. "First of all," he said, "you must tell me your name." He spoke politely-what kindness in his manners! Thomas leaned heavily on the arm offered to him and took a step forward. His compan ion gave him support; the steps came quickly to an end. They came to a circular room connecting several hallways and lit from above by a half concealed lamp. Seats draped with dust cloths had been placed around an empty space so carefully and with such geometric precision that they seemed rather a mockery of order and propriety and human cares. No one was there. Thomas even had the impression that no one had ever been there before him, and even though he saw on one of the chairs a cap decorated with beautiful golden braids, this did nothing to change his conviction. The room was small and round, and the dim lamp, which emitted more shadow than light, revealed its rigorously designed shape. Thomas now thought that the house seemed more luxurious and com fortable than was apparent from its exterior; everything was clean and elegantly adorned. But this did not make one want to stay there. Pictures hung on the walls. They had been painted with such meticulous care that, although each one of them seemed rather large in such a small room, it was necessary to look very closely not only to distinguish the details but also to have a sense of the whole. It was difficult to see the images clearly, but they did not offer a subject of great interest. Although the precision of the exe cution suggested a certain skill, it was tedious always to find the same fea tures over and over, the same tricks and inventions, the laborious effort of an incoherent, unsatisfied, obstinate mind. Thomas went from one to the other. They were all similar to one another, and if their confused charac ter had not made it impossible to grasp anything more than fragments, he would have thought them all identical. It was very odd. He made an effort to understand what they represented, and once he managed to disregard the useless ornamentation - especially the acanthus leaves that were scat8

tered profusely throughout - he discovered, amidst the disorder of these too carefully traced lines and figures, the image of a bedroom with its vari ous pieces of furniture and its particular layout. Each picture represented a room or an apartment. In his naIvete, whoever had executed the drawing had substituted a vague and crude symbol for the direct representation of an object. In place of a lamp meant to burn during the night, there was a sun; there was no window, but everything visible through the window the street, the shops across the way, and, farther in the distance, the trees of the public square - had been faithfully drawn on the wall. Because of the repugnance that had prevented the painter from showing certain fig ures in their true forms, the beds and couches had been replaced in all the rooms by whimsical constructions, such as a mattress laid on top of three chairs, or an alcove with no way in or out. Thomas looked patiently at these details. How childish it all was ! "I see," said the guardian, "that you are interested in our rooms. Go ahead and choose the one you want." So these were the rooms of the house. Out of politeness, Thomas pre tended to examine the images with greater pleasure, now that he under stood their significance. But either because he directed his curiosity to de tails without importance, and therefore seemed stupid and intolerable to someone more informed, or else because he ignored things worthy of ad miration, and so gave away his lack of inclination to take the matter seri ously, his goodwill did not seem to satisfy the guardian who approached certain paintings and abruptly turned them against the wall. Thomas was vexed and astonished. It was precisely the pictures he could no longer see that he would have liked to examine more closely. "I believe," he said, "that you are pressing me unduly." And, pointing to the forbidden images, he added, "I have not yet decided against taking one of those rooms." The incident did not stop there. As though to show how casually he re garded all these grave and formal proceedings, Thomas himself tried to turn one of the pictures around, and he would have done so if the guardian had not stopped him with a rapid gesture, yelling: "That one is rented! " Did he mean the picture or the apartment represented in the picture? There was no way to clarify this right now; Thomas barely had time to jump back to avoid a brutal blow. The shock, the sudden movements, and the bizarre emotion invading him now compelled him to sit down, with9

out watching what he was doing, on a large armchair. He settled into it with a real sense of well-being. He rested his hands on the arms of the chair, sat up straight, put his legs squarely in front of him, and it seemed then that he was a powerful judge, that he had suddenly regained an authority that, however, he had never possessed. The guardian himself humbly ap proached, as if he wanted to ask for pardon, stopping and bowing a few steps in front of him so that he might receive from such a magnificent client the right to treat him as befitted his rank. Thomas glanced at him dis tractedly: "I have no use," he thought, "for this subordinate." Finally, the guardian turned around, and after picking up the cap with gold braids and putting it on, he walked toward a small wooden desk, opened it, and pulled out a notebook with a white label on it. "Now it's clear enough," thought Thomas. "All I have to do is sign my name and everything will be in order." The guardian opened the notebook with its blank pages and slowly leafed through it, though he more than anyone knew that he would find nothing there. He stopped occasionally on a certain page and followed unwritten lines with his finger, or else he went back to a page he had already read and seemed to compare it with a new passage that it clarified or contradicted. Thomas intended at first to let the guardian believe that he was taken in by this playacting and to do nothing to put a stop to it. Was not everything here playacting? So he remained where he was and sat back comfortably. It was out of sheer politeness that he said, addressing his words not to his present interlocutor but to others with whom he would have liked to make contact: "I will wait as long as it takes." The wait, however, was very short. The little room soon seemed much less pleasant, and the lack of air, the absence of space, the painful impres sion made by the walls pressing in on all sides rapidly dissipated all the charm one might find in this neat but cramped room. Thomas had to un button his jacket. He tore off his collar. He slid down on the armchair, and despite some efforts to maintain a measure of dignity, he gave himself over to an attitude of misery. The guardian rushed to help him, but he was so clumsy that in trying to prevent Thomas from falling, he lost his balance and had to cling to him, half crushing him and, with his arm now wrapped around his neck, on the verge of suffocating him completely. Never had Thomas felt his guard ian so close to him, and the contact was in no way pleasant. The odor was especially unbearable; it gave the impression that his body was discharging 10

itself, in a fit of humility, with effluvia that made one doubt its reality. After pushing away this suffocating presence -he did not know how he had come to this and had the impression of having struggled against an adver sary who had latched onto him, who stubbornly refused to go away -he remained paralyzed and numb, not caring to straighten out his suit, which had been almost entirely stripped away during the struggle. At some point, he must have woken up. When he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see that one of the walls of the small room was the door of a cabinet, which the guardian had just opened and entered. Inside it there was a meticulously ordered row of suits of all colors hanging down to the floor. The guardian examined several pieces of clothing- he looked especially at the cut of the back - and he settled on a well-cut black suit, a little old fashioned but of good quality. The jacket - which was much longer than necessary- and the gray-striped pants were placed on a chair next to Thomas, who quickly took off all his clothes. Seeing how poor and worn out they were, he was pleased by the attention of the guardian, who was providing for him at little cost an extra suit that was almost new. First he put on the pants. The style was not current. All sorts of pockets and buttons, whose use escaped him, transformed these formal clothes into work clothes. Three crude-looking belts with efiormous buckles closed around the waist. Folds ran here and there along the legs. The whole suit fit Thomas quite well; he appreciated the elegance of the jacket and was hardly bothered by the ungenerous arm holes that felt too tight. Immediately afterward, he made his way to the door, through which he entered a large room lit by a bright light. This room was completely different from the one he had just left. The light emitted by a spotlight attached to the ceiling shone with such brilliance that everything it illu minated seemed truly precious. A divan with beautifully reflective velvet was directly lit, but, with the exception of a chair and a small table that received their share of light, the rest of the room was almost completely dark. Nevertheless, a feeling of luxury and wealth permeated everything. An enormous painter's easel with a large canvas on it divided the room in two, and anyone entering had to wonder how he could ever cross through the network of ropes, the heap of stools, and various other random ob jects that formed the great central barricade. Thomas thought that this odd structure had been hastily put together so that the painter could execute an important commission, perhaps a grand historical scene. From one of 11

BOOK: Aminadab 0803213131
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