Amish Passion (Erotic Romance) (Amish Heart Trilogy) (2 page)

“She’ll look like you,” Ezekiel offered.

No, she’ll look like her father
.  She sat, implacable.  She may be Ezekiel’s property.  She may be sworn to cook, clean and tidy up after him and his four disorderly children—n
ot to mention his lazy sister and malicious mother who think since I’m here that they have an extended holiday! 
She may have to lie under his grunting, sweaty body at night while he enjoyed himself at her expense, but she was not going to pretend she liked it, or him.  Hidden deep within, Rebekah had another reason for not wanting to let Ezekiel near.  She felt it would be committing emotional adultery to the man she still loved whose precious child she held within her arms. 

She didn’t want to relinquish the tiny warm bundle, but exhaustion was fast overtaking her.   Her mother gingerly took the baby within her own arms.

“You get some sleep.  I’ll bring her back to you when she is hungry.” With that, she took the swaddled baby and walked out of the bedroom, cooing as she went.

Rebekah finished tying baby Rachel’s shoes as she sat in her baby seat. 
Shoes for a baby: how extravagant!
  The sun was already climbing fast in the mid-summer sky, promising to be a sweltering day.  Rebekah stroked Rachel’s unruly dark curls in place before placing on her a tiny white bonnet.  She was dressed to be a miniature of her mother. 

Since becoming Ezekiel’s wife, she had put her proficiency with a needle to work, clothing all of the children, and her husband well, if plainly
according to Amish customs.  As far as Mother Yoder and Polly went, she let fend for themselves, although at the price of harsh verbal scourging.  She also ensured the house was clean if not tidy and won the three younger children over one by one, the youngest child Sarah, now five, being first.  She was the first to want to be hugged and read to out of the Book of the Martyrs.  She was the first to call Rebekah “Mama.”  The ten year old boy was next.  His younger brother, age seven, while happy to have her attentions in terms of order put to the household and good food to eat, yet shrank from her affection. Jakob, the oldest just turned sixteen, had a flinty cold streak in him that at times unnerved Rebekah.
He takes after his grandmother
, Rebekah often thought, observing Mother Yoder cruelly tease little Sarah most nights during dinner, until the child would be in tears
.  Stop it,
she would want to scream at Mother Yoder
.  Make her stop,
she
wanted to shout at Ezekiel,
but didn’t dare.  She felt part of the price she had to pay for God keeping Leah alive was to bear the brunt of her afflictions without complaint. 

She also had put her sense of industry to work
. Not only would she sell eggs to her parents to resell in their store, she made jams, breads, and pies which she would sell the only gas station just out of town, on Highway Six.  Often the English would stop and buy from her.  Most of them were repeat customers.

Today upon arriving at her parents’ store she
was met by her younger sister Hannah, who helped bring the eggs into the store while Rebekah brought in Rachel and some loaves of fresh bread for sale.  Hannah was not as adept with figures as Rebekah was so while Hannah completed some chores inside the house, Rebekah went over the store’s books. Rachel sat in her baby seat on the counter beside her mother.

She heard the screen door slam.  “There are many errors here,” she said to Hannah,
without lifting her eyes from the numbers.

“Hello
, Becca.”  She did not need to look up to know who spoke.  If she lived to be one hundred, she would never forget that voice.  It was the voice that haunted her dreams.  It was the voice that played in her fantasies at night. 

She swallowed hard.  For some reason, she
hadn’t expected to ever see him again, especially when she had Rachel in tow.

“Hello, Nick.”

His face was a combination of bruised emotions and adoration.

Even now, he can’t hide it. 
Oh, God, give me strength
.

It took Nick a moment to
notice Rachel.  She had pulled at her bonnet, freeing it from her head and was now clutching it in her tiny hands. Her curly dark hair was now exposed.  Nick approached her and stoked a curl with one finger.  Rachel looked up at him and gurgled. 

Rebekah
’s heart thundered like a runaway horse. 
Oh dear God, he’s going to know, he’s going to know!
She had never told Nick about the baby.  The covenant she made with God required her to say goodbye to this man that she loved.  If Nick had known about Rachel, he never would have let her go. Her plan to stay with Leah would have failed because she would have been shunned from her people.

“Aren’t you adorable?” he said to Rachel.  Then to
Rebekah, “How old is she?”

“Six months.”  She could see him doing mental math.

“Born in February . . . ”  His face darkened.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”  He was clearly wounded.  Angry.

“Nick, I
—” 
Oh, this is bad.

“Then you go and marry this other guy
—”

“Nick
—” 
No, this is beyond bad.

“Does he know the baby is mine?”  He was
irate.  “When were you going to let me know?  Ever?  Don’t you think I deserve to know about my own . . .” He stopped castigating her.  “Daughter?”  Amish babies were all dressed like little girls until potty trained, when the boys got trousers for the first time. 

Rebekah could only nod. 

Nick touched
the baby’s check, which brought the two pairs of soft brown eyes to meet each other. 

“What is her name?”

“Rachel.”

“She’s beautiful.”

Rebekah felt like all the oxygen had been squeezed out of her.  “She looks like you.”

“We need to talk.”

Oh no.
  “No, we don’t.”

“Oh, yes, we do.”

“Nick, I don’t want to talk—”

“I have a legal right to see my
daughter—” 

Holy shit
,
as he would say
, she thought. Would he really threaten her with English law?

“You can’t prove
—”

“Yes, Becca, there are blood tests that will prove
exactly
who she is.”

She gasped, “You wouldn’t.”

“I want to see you.”

“I can’t
—”

“Does Ezekiel know that he’s not her father?”  He examined the disturbed
cast that clouded Rebekah’s face.  “I thought not.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I might.”

“Nick, please,” she begged
.  Just please go now.  Don’t tell Ezekiel.

“We have to talk.”
 

Rebekah sighed.  He wasn’t going away. 
“I will be at the gas station tomorrow morning at eight o’clock.  I sell baked goods there.”

Then
, with his eyes still starkly serious, his mouth upturned in its characteristic slight smile.  He took her hand and kissed it.  “Till tomorrow, then.”

He left, apparently forgetting why he came into the store to begin with.

The next morning, upon setting up her table and wares at th
e gas station outside of town, Rebekah saw Nick’s van pull up behind her.  As usual, she had little Rachel with her, in her baby seat, fast asleep.             

“Hello, Beautiful!”

Rebekah couldn’t help it; she flushed. 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why not? It is true.  You are beautiful, now more than ever.  Motherhood looks good on you.”

“Thank you.”

She took in Nick’s fine, long features, his tightly muscled, lean frame and the inescapable dark pools of his eyes.  As if none of the past year had occurred at all, her breath hitched when meeting his eyes. 
Damnable hell.  Why does he have to be so handsome?
 

Feeling
unable to trust herself, she snatched up Rachel’s chair and headed toward the store. 

“Hey! Where are you going?”  Nick was right along beside her.

“I have to feed Rachel, she’s hungry.”

“She’s asleep!  Talk to me!”

“Er- well, I have to use the bathroom, then.”

“Well, good, so do I!”

“Whaa—”

He followed her inside to the back of the store and
, just as he had in the hospital, he swept behind her into the women’s bathroom, locking the door behind him. 

“Get out!”

“You,” he slid a finger under her chin, “don’t want anybody hearing you.  So, I suggest you be quiet.”             

Again, in
Rebekah’s head, Nick’s expletives sounded off
.  Holy fuck!  What is he going to do?

She was thinking of the last time they made love in a hospital bathroom.  She
now half expected Nick to pull off her bloomers and bend her over the sink, taking her without her permission but with all her desire
.  Stop it!
  She screamed inwardly
, stop it!  You are married now to Ezekiel.  You said goodbye to Nick. Goodbye.  Not, ‘okay, I’ll fuck you later
.’  God expected her to repent, to be obedient, to keep up her side of the bargain
.  Nick, please don’t touch me, because I don’t know if I can hold out if you do
. One thing she was certain of: whatever he did to her, with her permission or not, she would like it—no, she would love it, and love it a lot.

“What are you going to do?” she
said in a small voice.

A smile twitched on his lips as
his eyes ran over her.  She remembered that look when standing naked before him and could remember the feel of his hands on her bare skin.

“
I’m just going to talk to you.”

“What do you want?”

“To see you.  To see her.”  He indicated the sleeping baby.  “She’s mine and I want to be there with her growing up.”

“That’s impossible!”

The twitch at the end of his lips deepened into a curve.  Was that amusement she was seeing?  “Should Ezekiel be part of this conversation?”

That stopped her protests.  “You wouldn’t.”

“We’ve already gone over this.”

Rebekah bit her lip.  “Let’s say it was possible—which it isn’t.  How often?”

“At least twice a week.”

“Not—”

“Just say yes,” he gently suggested.  “It’s easier that way.”

Her mind was awhirl, unable to sort out details.  “How would this work?”

Nick had the answers. 
He quite obviously had thought this through.  “You go to your parents’ store most mornings.  Do you drive the buggy or walk mostly?” 
How does he know I go to the store every morning?
  She gathered that he already knew the answer to his own question.

“Walk most of the time.  Ezekiel needs the horses.” 

“Great, that’s an hour walk to and from.  I will pick you up a little bit from your house and drive you there and back.  That gives us about two hours.”  He took a step forward and took her hand.  “I want more.”

“You can’t.”

“But I can.”  His words stabbed at her heart.  He wasn’t threatening.  He wasn’t asking.  He was making a statement of fact.

“What more do you want?”

“I want to see you for three hours straight one day during the week—”

“I can’t
—”

“One day a week, when you are supposed to be here, I’ll pick you up and we will go someplace.”

Say no!
Her inner Amish perfectionist hissed.  Then, just as strongly came another voice:
Say yes!

“It won’t work,” she pointed out.  “I’ve got baked goods, I make money
—”

“We can figure that out.  That’s easy.  I’ll eat what you bake and pay you.”

“This is crazy.”

“And I want more.”

Exasperated, she jerked back her hand.  “What more could you possibly want?”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.”

Would this make him go away?  If I tell him I don’t love him, will he just go and leave me alone?

She honestly tried.  She clenched her jaw and swallowed hard
. Crossing her arms across her chest, Rebekah steeled herself.  She was ready to lie to him
.  No, Nick, I don’t love you
.  Then she made her fatal mistake: she did what he asked and looked him in the eyes.  It was her undoing.  Suddenly her chin began to quiver and her eyes—
Damned them!
—began to fill with hot, stinging tears.

Shit!  I can’t talk!

She couldn’t meet his eyes be deceptive.  Her tears had already betrayed her, spilling over onto her cheeks.  Nick reached out and wiped her tears away, still awaiting her answer.

Threatening a breakdown, she tried to steady herself.  “Nick, I-I never stopped loving you.”  With that, a deluge of tears began that, now started, there might be no stopping.  Nick wrapped her in his arms, pressing her head into his chest while she sobbed ou
t the trauma of the past year: fear of Leah dying, fear of being discovered of being pregnant by a man who was not her husband, disgust at being subject to the whim and sexual appetite of Ezekiel, and grief at not being able to share with Nick the everyday joys of being a parent to their child had brought her.  Most of all, she cried for how very much she had missed Nick and the love that they shared. 

Cradled in Nick’s arms she suddenly felt safe again, something she had not felt since the night he proposed to her in his van, so long ago. 
As her weeping subsided, Nick rocked her back and forth, swaying. 
Like I was a baby.
  He lifted her chin and slowly smoothed her lower lip with his thumb.  Her heart threatened to stop.  With a slight smile, he leaned to her uplifted face and brushed his slightly open mouth against her lower lip.  Then he softly swept both lips with his mouth.  Unable to restrain herself, she kissed him back. Very gently he traced her lower lip with his tongue, opening her mouth slightly.  She felt a jolt as their tongues briefly met and caressed, followed up by several soft kisses.

“I thought so.  I have felt the same way about you.”

Unexpectedly, she was a little shy.  “How is that?”

“I tried to be interested in other women, but I just couldn’t do it.  There hasn’t been anyone else but you.”
  The heated intensity in his eyes seemed ready to devour her.

He still loves me!
  Inside her voices collided. 
Stop it!  You are going to get caught or worse.  But, he LOVES me!

Suddenly a coo brought them back to reality.  Rachel’s dark eyes were fixed upon them. 

Rebekah started to pull away.

“No.”  Nick held her fast.  “I think it is good for her to see her parents loving each other.”  She started to
object and got absorbed by another kiss, achingly sweet and slow.

Then Nick turned his attention to Rachel.

“Well, little one, let’s take a look at you, shall we?”  He lifted her up and held her in his arms, mesmerized by her.  “You’re as gorgeous as your mother.”  He handled her delicately, as if she were a piece of fine glass.  “She looks like you.”

“I think she looks exactly like you.”

“She’s got my coloring.  But her shape, her nose, and mouth—it’s all her beautiful mama.”

Rebekah flushed again.  Would there ever be a time when this man would not have a hold over her?

Placing Rachel back in her seat, he once again turned to
Rebekah. 

“I want to see you tomorrow.  I’ll pick you up from here and we will drive down to Leisure Lake.”  He spoke of a large lake in Jamesport, where the English went.  She had never been there.

Yes!—
and
—No!
  The inner battle continued.  Despite herself, Rebekah could not hide her elation
.  He loves me!  He still loves me.
“Yes,” she said.

He carried Rachel back out to where
Rebekah was set up to sell her goods.  After making sure she had all that she could need (“Food, water, money, a ride back?”) he squeezed her hand.  “Until tomorrow, then.”  She watched the tail end of his van until it disappeared down Highway Six.

You should have told him no
, her inner Amish perfectionist scolded her.

But he would have gone to Ezekiel
.

No, he wouldn’t.

He might.
She tried to convince herself that she was indeed being blackmailed.  But even within her mind, it was a pretty frail excuse. 

Truth be told
, you want him.

Truth be told, she did
want him
.  But I will be good.  I won’t kiss him again.  He caught me with my guard down.  If I hadn’t been crying, if I hadn’t been so vulnerable, I wouldn’t have fallen.

She knew that it was a lie.  Given any chance, she’d be back in his arms for any reason or excuse. And once there, she would never want to leave.