Authors: Leslie Gould
Tags: #FIC053000, #FIC042040, #FIC042000, #Amish—Fiction, #Lancaster County (Pa.)—Fiction
Joel shook his head. “You should go straight home. You know how Zane hates to be by himself.”
“He'll be fine.”
Joel shook his head. “Could he go to the neighbors'?”
She pursed her lips but then said, “I can ask.” She wasn't worried about Zane's safetyâjust his sanity. He did hate being alone. He was too social for that. “It will work out,” she said in a lighthearted voice. She didn't want Joel to worry, but she didn't feel as confident about all of it as she tried to sound. For things to work out for them, nothing more could go wrong.
She squeezed his handâthree quick squeezes. Their way to communicate quickly and quietlyâ
I. Love. You.
He didn't squeeze her hand back.
What if it didn't all work out? The move. Joel's emotional health. She shivered. In some ways it felt as if he hadn't come home from Iraq at all. Not the Joel she knew anyway.
It was late afternoon by the time Shani pulled up alongside the Lehmans' house. She'd stopped by the market for a roasted chicken and a bag of salad, and then drove home on the main road closest to Zane's school. She didn't want any surprises in the morning.
Eve started out the back door with the box of smoothie ingredients in her hands before Shani had turned off the van's motor, so she left it on. By the time Eve climbed into the van, Lila was standing on the top step with the baby on her hip. Eve rolled down the window. “I'll be back soon,” she called out to the girl. “Set the table and dish up the applesauce. I'll mash the potatoes when I get back.”
Lila nodded and disappeared back into the house.
“How's Joel?” Eve asked.
Shani wanted to answer
“Depressed,”
but instead she said, “About the same. How's Simon?”
“Ornery,” Eve replied. “So nearly back to normal.” She smiled.
Shani was quiet for a moment and then said, “I have something to ask you.”
“Go ahead,” Eve answered.
“I was wondering if Zane could come to your house after school this week, you know, before he starts helping with the chores. I have my orientation at the hospital and won't be done until after he gets off the bus.”
Eve frowned.
Shani felt awkward for having asked. She rushed on, speaking quickly. “If not, he can stay at the house until it's time to do the chores. He just doesn't like to be by himself.”
Eve shook her head. “No, that would be fine. He's welcome at our place.”
Shani exhaled and blinked back the tears threatening her eyes. “Thanks.”
Eve nodded and then commented on the bright colors of the leaves. “This is my favorite time of year.”
“Mine too,” Shani answered as they reached the house.
Zane and Charlie both had work belts on and were pounding away with their hammers. The planks along the ramp were three quarters of the way done.
When Zane saw Eve, he called out, “Did Daniel come with you?”
Eve shook her head. “He's doing the chores.”
“Why aren't you helping?” Shani asked her son.
“Tim told me not to this afternoon. Or in the mornings.” He seemed disappointed.
Shani turned toward Eve.
“He can still help after school, though,” she said. “I'll talk to Tim.”
Shani grabbed the bags of groceries from the back and then
led the way. Charlie hurried to take the bags from Shani and, as he did, said to Zane, “Grab Eve's box.” But the boy had already started to do it.
Charlie had his sleeves pushed up above his elbows. Shani couldn't help but notice Eve staring at the scars on his right forearm for just a moment before he dashed into the house.
After hanging up her coat and purse, Shani followed the rest into the kitchen. Charlie and Eve were chatting but stopped when she entered. She looked from one to the other. Charlie grinned, and Eve smiled back. Shani tilted her head, surprised at the rapport between the two. Eve turned and began pulling items from her boxâa large pitcher, juice, greens, two bananas.
“I have protein mix,” Shani said, stepping toward the pantry.
“I have some,” Eve replied, taking the container from the box. “It's leftover from when Abra was ill.”
Shani cocked her head. “You made her smoothies?”
Eve nodded.
“Where?”
Eve smiled. “Here.”
“My grandfather had a blender?”
“Jah,” Eve answered. “He bought it because of Abra.”
Shani couldn't imagine her grandfather being so generous. Or Eve coming over to his house to make smoothies.
“He died the month after Abra did.” Eve took a raggedy breath. “He said . . . ” Her eyes filled with tears. “He said when he knew he didn't have long left that he'd hug Abra for me when he got to heaven.”
“Ahh,” Shani said. “He said that?” That was hard for her to imagine too.
Eve nodded.
Shani and Zane had been in Texas with Joel when her grandfather passed away unexpectedly. There had been a service, but she'd missed it. “Did you go to his service?” she asked Eve.
The woman nodded. “Jah.”
Tears stung Shani's eyes. It had been a hard yearâfor all of
them. There was no way she could have made it to her grandfather's funeral. She and Joel had arrived in Texas the week before. Her father had just driven her vanâand Zaneâdown. He had to catch a flight to Philly and then rent a car to get back to Lancaster to make all the arrangements for the service.
“So all of you were friends with Grandpa?”
Eve nodded slightly. “He was the closest to Abra.” She lowered her voice, a twinkle in her eye. “He and Tim butted heads.”
Shani smiled. “I can imagine.” Her grandfather had been an opinionated man. She could see he and Tim wouldn't have always seen eye to eye. “It appears Tim took good care of the field.”
“Jah,” Eve said. “All organic. That was one of the things that drove your grandfather nuts. He thought it was going to be overtaken with weeds. But the dairy's organic, so the field had to be too. But Tim wasn't very gentle in his explanations.”
Shani shook her head. That figured. She turned toward her son and Charlie. “How was church?”
“Good,” Charlie answered.
”Some of the women wore bonnets,” Zane added, “like Eve and Lila's.”
“Kapps,” Eve said. “Bonnets are like my black oneâthat we wear outside with our capes, usually when it's cold.”
“Got it,” Zane said, as if he were happy for the information. “But a lot of the women were dressed normal.”
Eve laughed at that. “Normal,” she said, “is relative.”
Zane blushed. “Sorry.”
“No need to apologize.” Eve turned toward Shani. “Could I use some ice?”
Charlie opened the freezer compartment and took out a tray. As he handed it to Eve their hands touched. Neither jerked away.
Then Eve turned to release the ice into the blender.
That was one thing that would never happen. Eve falling for Charlie. She was Amish, after all. And her brother was Tim Lehman. Sure, Charlie was a nice guy, but they existed in two different worlds.
Monday morning Zane was up and sitting at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cold cereal with Charlie, when Shani shuffled into the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee from the pot Charlie had made. “I can make a hot breakfast,” she said, leaning against the counter.
“With the Lucky Charms?” Charlie grinned. “Or the Wheaties?”
She sighed. “I'll make a run to the grocery after work.”
Zane glanced up at the clock. “We should get going.”
It was seven thirty. Surely the principal and secretary would be in the school office. She'd called last week to let them know Zane would be enrolling.
“I'll work for a couple of hours and then head out too,” Charlie said, stepping to the sink with his bowl. “I'll stop by the hospital and see Joel before I head back.”
Shani thanked him for all of his help.
“I'll be back Friday morning.” He patted Zane's shoulder.
The boy stood and wrapped an arm around Charlie in a quick hug.
Charlie spoke to Shani but looked down at Zane as he said, “Call me sooner if you need anything.”
“Denki,” Shani said, and then all three of them laughed.
“Yeah, well, run over to the neighbors and then call me, if your landline isn't connected yet.” Charlie headed out of the kitchen, already whistling a tune.
Zane had his nose pressed to the window as they drove up to the school. The brick elementary school, middle school, and high school were all on the same property, with the sports fields out front. Manicured lawns and tended flower beds surrounded the compound.
“This is really cool,” he said.
Shani agreed. She could imagine Zane going all the way through
his senior year at the school. Playing sports. Going to plays. Joining the debate team. Whatever he fancied. She couldn't imagine a better place for him.
Once she parked, he ran ahead of her into the building and was already talking to the secretary by the time she entered the office. It didn't take long to enroll him and for Shani to be on her way to the hospital.
When she arrived, she pulled a protein bar from her bag and headed toward the entrance, hoping they'd have coffee available during the orientation.
W
hen Eve and the children arrived home after school, she sent Daniel to the highway to meet Zane while she unharnessed the horse and Lila held the baby. “May I go with Daniel?” Lila asked. “I'll take Rose and the baby.”
Rose frowned. “I want to stay with Aenti.” She was usually cranky after school and ready for a snack.
“Go along, Lila,” Eve said. “But come right back. No dawdling.” Tim had been out dragging the field all afternoon while she'd finished up the wash. She hadn't told him Zane was coming by after school. She hoped Tim would stay out in the field until it was time to do the chores.
After she put the horse in the barn, Eve and Rose headed into the house. Eve checked on Simon, who was still asleep, and then poured Rose a glass of milk and gave her a snickerdoodle. She turned to the counter to cut a couple of apples for more of a snack and then slice some cheese.
Until Abra fell ill, Tim had worked part-time at the lumberyard. After she died, he'd asked Bishop Byler for his job back, but Gideon had told him to wait until the children were settled again. A week or so ago, he had told her he planned to ask Gideon if he could
return, but then the horse kicked Simon. She hoped it had been long enough and Tim would go back soon. The family could use the extra income, but more importantly, it would do all of them good to have him gone a few days a week.
Tim and Eve's Dat had worked construction, besides keeping sheep and growing alfalfa. It was always a relief when he was gone to a worksite. Eve knew quite a few gentle Amish men, but her father hadn't been one of them. Neither was her brother.
After the eighth grade, when their schooling ended, Abra had started to work in her Mamm's quilt shop, but it wasn't until Eve was sixteen and had started her Rumschpringe that she found a job in a bakery in town. Having a good reason to leave the house each day brought Eve some relief.
She'd met Patrick that first morning. He lived in an apartment complex nearby, attended the college on the Old Philadelphia Pike, and stopped at the bakery each morning for a cup of coffee.
He was kind and interested in Eve. She'd simply smile, serve him, and tell him to have a good day. Little by little, he lingered more and more. After a while he asked her out. She declined.
But he persisted and finally she agreed. She'd only planned to enjoy Patrick's attention, but his warmth won her over. She soon moved into her own apartment against her parents' wishes, with a Mennonite roommate, and saw Patrick more and more. Once she moved out her parents didn't contact her, but Tim came by the bakery once and confronted her. He told her their parents' health was failing because of her sin, and she'd surely be going to hell.
Eve spun around at the thud of a glass hitting the table. Milk spread across the top, and Rose jumped to her feet. Eve grabbed two dish towels and hurried to the table, handing one to Rose. “It's all right,” Eve said as the two soaked up the milk.
How many times had her father yelled at her for a similar accident?
She sighed. She'd been thinking about Charlie on and off throughout the day, which had made her think of Patrick. She swiped at her brow with the back of her hand. She needed to do a better job of controlling her thoughts.
As she wiped the table down, the other children returnedâwithout Zane.
“He wasn't on the bus,” Lila said, bouncing the baby on her hip.
A wave of panic swept through Eve. She needed to phone the hospital and have Shani paged. And the school. Maybe Zane had gotten on the wrong bus. Or thought Shani was picking him up.
The baby began to cry. “Fix a bottle,” Eve said to Lila. “I'll go make some calls.” But as she hurried down the back steps, Tim came through the gate, followed by Zane.
The boy called out, “I got off at the wrong stop and came through the fields.”
Relief flooded over Eve, until she registered the expression on her brother's face. He rolled up his sleeves as he marched toward her.
“Go on in and get a snack,” Eve said to Zane. “Do you have homework?”
“Not much. I can do it tonight,” Zane responded as he hurried toward the house.
Eve spoke up quickly to Tim. “Did you work on their ramp?”
He shook his head. “The cow finally had her calf.” Tim pulled off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. “Why is the boy here?”
“Shh,” Eve said, glancing at Zane. He'd reached the porch.
Tim yanked his hat back on his head.
The back door opened, and Lila stood with the baby in her arms, smiling.
Once they'd all scampered into the house, Eve said, in a low voice, “I told Shani he could come by after school until it was time to do the chores.”
“Where is she?”
“At the hospital.”
“She could've come home in time.”
Eve shook her head. “She's orienting for her new job.”
“What?”
“She works as a nurse, remember? That's how she knew what to doâwith Simon.”
“She shouldn't be working,” Tim said. “She should be taking
care of her family.” He stepped back toward the gate but then stopped. “No good's going to come from having that boy around.”
“You're the one who insisted he help with the chores.”
“Jah, I know,” Tim said. “I should have thought it through. Tell him I don't need his help anymore.”
Eve crossed her arms. “He likes helping with the chores. And it's good for Daniel to work with Zane. It's teaching him to be a leader.”
“If the boy keeps coming over, Daniel will soon be learning more than management skills. Lila too.”
“You're not going to be able to keep Zane away. Not when we're neighbors.”
“Believe me, I'll do my best.” Tim tugged on his beard. “Make sure and tell him what I said, about not needing his help anymore.”
Eve shook her head. “You tell him,” she said, turning toward the house. She'd been gentle with Tim since Abra had died. Before that, she'd been furious with him for his harshness, but the death of his wife had broken him and he'd been numb.
But the numbness seemed to be wearing offâexcept for the other night when Simon had been injured. Then it was worse than ever.
Eve marched toward the back door, ignoring Tim as he called her name. She felt like a fifteen-year-old again, tired of being bossed around. Back then she used to beg God to provide a wife for her brother. She never dreamt it would be Abra.
She never would have wished that on her best friend. She sighed as she trudged up the steps. Tim wasn't abusiveânot on purpose, anyway. But he was controlling. Lots of Amish kids called their fathers Dadâhe insisted on Dat. Other families simply said thank you. He insisted on the old-fashioned denki.
Those were little things he did. Others were harsh and overbearing. He put down Danielâand favored Simon. He never hugged his children or told them that he loved them. He expected absolute obedience and agreement.
Her mother used to say that was just the way God made Tim and to let him be. But Eve didn't trust her mother's judgmentâafter all she'd married Eve's Dat. Most likely the six babies their
mother had lost between Tim and Eve, her only two children, had something to do with her mother's feeling toward Tim too.
Eve stopped on the mud porch to collect herself before joining the children, chiding herself for thinking ill of the dead. Her father had died from a stroke four years ago, and her mother passed away from congestive heart failure just before Abra had been diagnosed with cancer. Tim and her nieces and nephews were the closest family Eve had left. Turning, she made sure Tim hadn't followed her. He was nowhere in sight.
Her nieces and nephews were the best that life had given her. She'd do anything for them, including giving up her own hopes and dreams.
That was what she liked about Charlie. He was safe. He posed no threat to her commitment to the children.
His presence also reminded her that, years ago, she'd been her own person, willing to marry Patrick and leave her Amish life behind. Now she knew she'd never marry, never have a family of her own. She'd gotten exactly what she deserved.
If there was any chance of maintaining a relationship with the Becks, she needed to ignore their friendâand her feelings for him. The last thing she wanted was for Tim to turn on the new neighbors.
They were good people, just as Shani's grandfather had been. At one time Tim was ready to break his lease, he was so fed up with the old man. Abra had reminded Tim they needed the field to feed the cows, and then she had patched things up with Mr. Williams. That had all happened a year ago, soon after Abra had been diagnosed with cancer. She was sick and pregnant and still cleaning up Tim's mess.
Eve breathed in deeply, opened the door, and stepped into the kitchen. The baby was in her high chair, and the other children sat around the table, eating apples, cheese slices, and snickerdoodles.
Zane sat in Tim's place, at the head of the table, while all the other children were in their usual chairs, except Lila walked around the table, serving the others.
“How do you say apple?” Zane asked.
“
Opple
,” Rose replied.
Zane took a bite of the snickerdoodle. “Cookie?”
“
Cookie
,” Lila said, handing him another one.
All the children laughed.
“Cheese?” Zane held up a slice.
“
Kais
,” Daniel replied. As he did Trudy clapped her hands together, and all the children laughed again.
“Do you say that too, when you take a picture?” Zane asked.
Lila shook her head and said matter-of-factly, “We don't take pictures.”
Eve thought about Patrick again. Of the photo he took of her and Abra, of him calling out “Say cheese.” They'd both burst out laughing, having no idea what he was talking about.
She couldn't help but wonder where the photo was now. She wished she had it but guessed it had been with Abra's things. Tim had probably burned it by now.
Daniel and Zane headed outside while Lila cleaned up from the snack and Eve took the smoothie pitcher out of the refrigerator and poured a glass for Simon. She grabbed a dose syringe from the drawer and headed down the hall to the boys' room. If he was still asleep, she'd wake him. She didn't want him to be awake all night.
But he sat up in bed when she entered. She placed the glass on the bedside table with the syringe so she could adjust his pillows.
“Aenti.” It was unnerving to have him speak without opening his mouth. “Did the boy come over?” Simon asked.
“Zane?”
He nodded.
“Jah. But he and Daniel have gone outside.” She doubted Tim was telling Zane not to come around anymore. For all his harshness, her brother avoided conflict when he could.
“I wish they'd come in and play a game with me.”
Eve handed him the syringe. “You know the doctor said you have to stay quiet.”
“I've been staring at the ceiling all day.”
She smiled. “You were sleeping.”
His eyes sparkled. “
Mostly
staring at the ceiling.” That wasn't
entirely true either. She'd read to him while the baby napped, in between the loads of wash. Eve would send Lila in later, to read to him while Eve cooked dinner.
“Dawdi and Mammi played a game with me in the hospital,” Simon said.
“They did?”
“Well, not really. They said it wasn't allowed, so instead we talked about games. They told me my Mamm loved to play games.”
“She did,” Eve said. Abra loved to have fun, whether it was playing a game, pulling a prank, or telling a joke. Her Dat was like that too. A loving, generous man, and her Mamm, although she didn't come by it naturally, was happy to play along.
“Do you want me to feed you?”
He shook his head. “I can do it.” He put the syringe into the smoothie, drew the mixture into it, squirted the smoothie into his mouth, swallowed, and then said, “How come Dat doesn't like that Englisch kid?”