Amish Promises (27 page)

An hour later, Joel wheeled into the bathroom. Shani hoped he took his pain meds—that would mean he'd be asleep soon. Sure enough, fifteen minutes later he started to doze in his chair. Once he was sound asleep, Charlie slipped the .45 from his grasp.

Charlie's eyes glistened as he looked up at Shani.

She swallowed hard.

Joel stirred but didn't wake. Charlie grabbed his coat and started out the door. Shani followed.

“He's going to be furious,” Charlie said.

“I know.” Shani wrapped her arms around herself.

“If he gets volatile, call for help.”

“I will,” she answered. And she'd make an appointment with a therapist first thing Monday morning.

“I'll call him tomorrow,” Charlie said. “Hopefully we can talk things through.”

“Thank you,” Shani said, fighting back her tears. “For everything.”

She told him good-bye and headed back in the house, fearing they would soon be losing his friendship too. She'd been so sure her grandfather's farm would be the answer to their problems. Instead they were becoming more isolated than ever.

She checked on Zane again. He'd crawled under the covers and seemed genuinely asleep now. She sat on the edge of his bed and ran her fingers through his bangs, sweeping them from his forehead. He turned away from her, toward the wall.

Joel didn't wake as she rolled him down the hallway to their bedroom. But when she started to transfer him to the bed, he asked, “Did you put the gun away?”

“It's safe,” she answered.

The next morning, while Zane was doing the chores, she asked Joel if he remembered what had happened. He nodded.

“Charlie took the gun,” she said.

He cursed. “Why'd you let him?”

“Because we need help,” she said. “I was scared last night. I'm going to find a therapist on Monday.”

Joel shook his head and wheeled into the living room. That afternoon Charlie called, but Joel refused to talk with him.

On Sunday the Lehmans had church at their house. Shani couldn't imagine what a big job it was for Eve—all the cleaning and setup and food preparation. The thought overwhelmed her. A constant parade of buggies came down the lane in the morning and then left in the early afternoon. Shani stood on her porch and watched them go, feeling lonelier than she ever had in her entire life.

On Monday she made several phone calls. By Wednesday, she
had a therapist in Lancaster lined up through the VA and made an appointment for Friday. But Joel refused to go. She went alone. She left with a list of mental health emergency numbers to call and pamphlets about PTSD. The therapist suggested getting his platoon sergeant involved, but Shani wasn't sure that was a good idea. Joel would be absolutely humiliated.

During the next couple of weeks, probably because he didn't want to talk with a therapist, Joel stabilized again. His cast came off, and though he still relied on the wheelchair, he sometimes walked with a cane when he felt strong enough. He started physical therapy, which meant Shani helped him with his exercises and took him to more appointments, trying to coordinate them with her own prenatal appointments. She didn't have the energy to keep nagging him about seeing a counselor.

The second week of December Shani stopped by to see Eve again, this time with a plate of brownies, made from a mix, of course. Even at that they were dry.

Lila came to the door. The girl brightened up when she saw it was Shani but still had a forlorn look about her. “How's Zane?” she asked.

Shani said he was lonely.

Lila teared up. “Us too.”

Just as Shani reached to give Lila a hug, Tim's booming voice stopped her. “Who's there?”

“Go,” Lila said.

Shani shook her head. “I want to say hello to your dad.”

Lila stepped back. “Please go.”

Shani hesitated but gave girl the brownies and then walked slowly back to her van. She wasn't going to make things worse for Lila. She climbed into the van and sat back a moment. The curtains fluttered. The baby shifted inside of her, kicking toward the steering wheel. Her own eyes filled with tears.

Zane had refused to go to the school dance, even though Shani had actually encouraged him to attend. He needed some friends. He needed to spend time with people his own age. “The kids at
school are all lame,” he'd said. “I'd rather hang out with Daniel and Simon. And Lila and Rose. Even Trudy.”

Shani hadn't responded. She preferred he hang out with the Lehman kids too.

Three days before Christmas, Shani's father came out from Seattle. The early afternoon of his first full day with them, he said he was going to walk up the lane to talk with Mr. Lehman about whether he wanted to lease the land again the next year.

Joel leaned against his cane. “Good luck with that.”

“Want to come along?” he asked.

Joel shook his head.

“I do,” Zane replied.

Shani looked at Joel to get his opinion. “It's fine,” he said. “Tim's not going to say anything in front of your dad.”

Shani had an extra tin of butter cookies for Zane and her dad to take with them. She was tempted to go herself, but Joel seemed anxious, and she needed to leave for work in an hour.

Joel settled into the recliner they'd bought the week before and turned on the TV while Shani finished up the dishes. After that she made a lunch for herself and stared into the fridge trying to think what the rest of them could have for dinner. She decided her dad could make eggs, bacon, and hash browns. That was his specialty.

Shani had been drinking a lot of smoothies lately, following Eve's recipe. At least she was doing better as far as nutrition for the baby. If only she could get Joel and Zane to drink them too. Coming up with meals was the task she hated the most.

She closed the fridge, thinking through Christmas dinner. She'd need to go to the store the next day. She'd get a ham—that was easy. A bag of potatoes, a couple of jars of gravy, rolls, frozen beans, and a ready-made salad. Oh, and a pie.

The phone rang. It was Charlie, asking for Joel. Shani took the phone into the living room and handed it to her husband without saying anything. He said hello, but as soon as he heard Charlie's voice he handed it back to her.

Shani held it like a hot potato. “Come on, Joel. It's Christmas.”

Joel's eyes narrowed, and he shook his head.

Shani waited until she was back in the kitchen before she said she was sorry.

“It's all right,” Charlie said. “I just thought I'd try.”

“How have you been?” she asked.

“All right.”

“Have you heard from Eve?”

“Nope,” he answered. “Have you talked with her?”

“No,” Shani said, the word catching in her throat. She changed the subject. “How about Karina and Samantha?”

“Good. Karina's looking at going back to work part-time. She has a lead at a good day-care center.”

“Tell her hello,” Shani said.

“How's Zane?” Charlie asked.

“My dad's here, so that helps.”

Charlie asked about her and the baby, and Shani answered everything was fine. Then she said, “Joel's better than he was that night. We haven't had anything like that again.”

“Good,” Charlie answered. “I should let you go.”

Shani wanted to say how much they missed him, but that wouldn't go over well with Joel. Instead she said, “Merry Christmas,” and then told him good-bye.

A few minutes later, as Shani put on her coat, her father and Zane came up the front steps. She opened the door. “How did it go?”

“It was weird.” Zane stepped around her and kicked off his boots.

“It was fine,” her father said, taking off his hat. “Tim's going to lease the land for another year.”

“Did you see Eve?” Shani asked.

Zane shook his head. “Lila told us Tim was in the barn. We went out there to talk.”

“How's Lila?” Shani wound her scarf around her neck.

Zane shrugged. “She said Simon got his jaw unwired a couple weeks ago. That's a good thing.”

She agreed.

Her father pressed his hands together. Weeks ago she'd told
him about the troubles with Tim. He'd told her it was the man's duty to protect his family, and they shouldn't take it personally.

“I didn't grow up with Amish neighbors,” her father had said over the phone. “But I did grow up in Lancaster County. Some Plain people are okay with the influence of outsiders. Others aren't. Let it be.”

That was easy for him to say. He hadn't grown close to Eve and fond of the children. He hadn't seen Zane make the best friendships of his life. And he hadn't witnessed the attraction between Eve and Charlie. Shani had pondered that one a lot. She, selfishly, hadn't wanted them to have a relationship. She didn't want Eve to leave Juneberry Lane. Instead her family had lost both of them.

Now her father looked at her with a serious expression as he stood with his coat still on and his stocking cap pulled over his gray hair. “Tim Lehman is a good man. He has his own struggles. You'll just have to see how this all works out. There's not anything you can do to make it better.”

Her dad walked her out to the van, and when she stopped at the driver's side, he cleared his throat.

“What is it?” she asked. “More about the Lehmans?”

He shook his head. “I'm worried about you and Joel.”

“We're fine,” Shani said, opening the door. She hadn't told him about the gun incident.

Her dad narrowed his eyes at her, the way he had when she was a teenager, lowering his bushy eyebrows as he did. “Tell me the truth.”

Shani shrugged. “He's stressed. No doubt he has PTSD.” Her eyes filled with tears, and her father wrapped his arms around her. “Yeah,” she admitted, “things aren't so great. I tried to get him to see a counselor, but he refused.”

“What are you going to do?”

She shook her head. “Wait it out, I guess.”

Her dad shook his head. “Zane told me about the gun.”

“I wondered,” Shani said. “I'm sorry. I should have . . . I didn't want you to worry.”

“I just want to make sure you and Zane and the baby are safe.”

“We are,” she said, climbing into the van. At least she thought they were. As long as Joel wasn't driving, he couldn't get another gun. She slammed the door but then rolled down the window. “There's breakfast stuff in the fridge. Do you mind making dinner?”

Her dad smiled. “Drive carefully.”

It started to snow as Shani drove down the lane. She slowed and glanced up the Lehmans' driveway, just as she did every time she drove by. Eve was grabbing sheets off the line. Shani stopped. Eve waved and smiled. Shani rolled down the passenger-side window and waved back, shouting, “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas to all of you too,” Eve yelled back, her black cape open. Snow swirled around her, and a white sheet flapped in the wind.

Shani drove on, her stomach sinking. Nothing felt right. She'd felt so hopeful when they'd moved to Lancaster, but with each passing day that hope diminished more and more.

The Beck family managed to get through Christmas and the days after. Shani's father chopped wood every day, helped Zane with the chores, shoveled the ramp, and made sure the pipes were all well insulated.

Shani was sure Joel could have helped with some of it—or at least thanked her father—but he didn't. He watched TV, mostly
SportsCenter
, while the rest of them worked.

On New Year's Eve, after they all went to bed, a few fireworks went off. Shani felt Joel stiffen. “You okay?” she asked

“Yeah, I'm fine,” he answered, rolling away from her. “I just wish tonight that all of our neighbors were Amish.”

Shani dozed, but at midnight more fireworks exploded, waking her. A dog howled in the distance. Another barked. Joel swung his feet over the side of the bed.

“Where are you going?” Shani asked.