Amish Sweethearts (23 page)

“No, thank
you
,” Mammi said.

Lila shook her head. It was hard for her to explain, but staying with them had filled her up even though she was serving them. They loved her unconditionally, no matter how little or how hard she worked, something she didn’t often feel at home.

Mammi hugged her again and then whispered in her ear, “I think Reuben is a fine young man. He’ll make a good husband.”

Lila nodded, clutching the bag of fabric to her chest, as Reuben returned for her. She was certain her mother would agree.

It was the first warm day of spring. Forsythia and daffodils were blooming, and tulips were beginning to poke up through the ground. Soon the countryside would be full of blossoms. She’d start the church membership class tomorrow, just like she’d told Dat she would. In another couple of months she’d be able to join. Sometime after that, she’d marry Reuben.

She asked Reuben about his Dat and siblings. He said everyone was fine. She asked how the milking had been the last week.

“
Gut
,” he said.

He’d done so much for her. She thanked him again. Then they rode on in silence. She needed to talk, but perhaps that was what other women were for. She sighed.

“Everything all right?” Reuben asked.

She nodded. “I just sometimes wish—”

He glanced at her.

“—that we talked more.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“What our dreams are. How we feel about things.”

“I’m feeling good,” Reuben said, turning his attention back to the road.

She sighed again and then asked, “Could we stop by the library?” She had the Afghanistan book in the bottom of her bag to return—she’d renewed it once but wanted to return it before going home.

“Sure,” he answered. When they reached the parking lot of the library, an Amish man a couple of years older than Reuben called out to him.

“Go on in,” Reuben said.

Lila quickly put the Afghanistan book in with the returns and then wondered if she had time to send an e-mail. She could send one final message to Zane before she married Reuben, thanking him for his kind words on Christmas Eve. It would be her last correspondence ever with him.

A computer was available, and she sat down and logged on. Her heart raced. She had an e-mail.

Of course it was from Zane.

She inhaled as she clicked on it. It was dated February 1, over four weeks ago.

Dear Lila,

It is cold and muddy here. Lots of rain. We can see the snow on the mountains from where we are. We will soon be going into valleys past those mountains to start our work.

I think about your family and wonder how your grandmother is doing. How it will be for all of you when Simon leaves. I remember all of our afternoons playing down at our fort as the happiest in my life.

Please e-mail me back when you can.

Zane

“Lila?” Reuben stood across the table from her. She closed her account without looking up. “Are you all right?”

“Jah,” she answered. “I was just checking on something.”

He gave her a puzzled look but then said, “I’m going to go look at the carpentry books.”

“I’ll just be another minute,” she said, feeling guilty but quickly clicking back onto her e-mail account and Zane’s message anyway. She hit Print, logged off, grabbed the paper from the printer, and paid the librarian for the copy. As she strode toward the recipe books, she tucked his e-mail into the bottom of her bag.

Reuben found her ten minutes later, skimming a book of chicken recipes.

“Ready?” he asked.

She nodded and held up three books. “I just need to check these out.” She hoped the recipe books would inspire her to get back into cooking. She’d mostly made soups and stews at Mammi and Dawdi’s, along with muffins and scones and salads. Dat would never survive on meals like that.

When the librarian handed her back the books, Lila slipped them into the bag on top of the paper, and Reuben reached to take the bag from her. For a moment she hesitated, fearing to have the e-mail from Zane out of her possession. She hadn’t done anything wrong, had she? When another puzzled expression spread over Reuben’s face, she gave in, realizing how ridiculous she was being. He wasn’t going to search her bag.

As she followed him out to the buggy a wave of guilt swept
over her. Reuben was so trusting. So kind. So good to her. He’d made it possible for her to take care of her grandmother.

And here she was hiding an e-mail from another man. But Zane was her friend. That was all.
“Please e-mail me back when you can.”

It wasn’t wrong to receive an e-mail. And it wasn’t as if she’d e-mailed him back.

When they arrived at the farm, Beth was headed up the back stairs with a cardboard box in her hands. She smiled and called out, “Welcome home!”

Lila waved, pleased to see her.

“Do you want to come in?” Lila asked Reuben.

“I’ll carry your things,” he said. “But then I’ll go help your Dat with the milking so Rose doesn’t have to.”

By the time Lila and Reuben came through the back door, Beth had her box unpacked and was slipping a casserole into the oven. A loaf of bread, a salad, and a sheet cake sat on the counter. After Reuben told Beth hello, he turned to Lila and said, “I’ll pick you up for the singing tomorrow.”

“Won’t you stay for supper?” Beth asked.

He shook his head. “After the milking I need to finish cutting an order at the lumberyard.”

“Denki,” Lila said. She wanted to tell him to go on home and leave the milking to Rose, but she was afraid she’d sound bossy in front of Beth.

Reuben told both women good-bye, and then Lila carried her suitcase, book bag, fabric, and sewing basket to her bedroom. Rose was sprawled out on the double bed she shared with Trudy, staring at the ceiling.

“What are you doing?” Lila asked.

Rose turned her head slightly and said, “Oh, you’re back.”

“Where’s Trudy?”

“Playing with Adam. Shani came and got her.” Rose still didn’t move.

“Are you all right?” Lila asked her sister.

“Jah, why do you ask?”

“Because Dat’s getting ready to do the milking, and you’re on your bed.”

Rose sat up on the edge of her bed. “I didn’t realize it was that time already. Can’t you do it? You haven’t for so long.”

Lila frowned and shook her head. “You’re off the hook anyway. Reuben is helping.”

“Oh,” Rose said, her face brightening. “He’s here?”

“He brought me home.” Lila swung her suitcase onto her bed. “Beth’s here too.”

“Jah.” Rose yawned. “I knew she was coming.”

“Why did she bring supper?”

“She wanted to,” Rose answered.

“Because you were complaining about all the work you have to do?” Lila took the e-mail from her book bag and slipped it into her apron pocket.

“Stop,” Rose said. “You didn’t even say hello. You just rushed in here and started criticizing me when you’ve spent the past month resting with Mammi at her house.”

Lila shook her head. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

Rose sighed. “I’m not made for this.”

“For what?”

“Work.”

Lila rolled her eyes.

“Not work in general,” Rose continued. “But all the milking and cooking and taking care of Trudy. I don’t even have time to think!” Rose bounced on the edge of the bed. “What am I going to do when you marry Reuben and move away? He won’t come anymore to help after that.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

“No,” Rose said. “At least not how to make it all work here. I’m going to look for a mother’s helper job. Anything to get away from here.”

Lila bit her tongue from saying that a mother’s helper’s job wouldn’t be any easier than what Rose had been doing, and besides, Trudy needed one of them here as long as possible. Instead she said, “It’s not as if Reuben and I are getting married right away.”

She couldn’t imagine they’d get married before next fall, not even if she joined the church by June. Summer was such a busy time for Dat.

“You’re crazy for stringing him along,” Rose said. “If Reuben was interested in me, I’d join the church and get married as soon as I could. And I’d never have to milk another cow in my life.”

“Do I need to remind you that you’re sixteen?” Lila said. “You’re too young to marry.” Let alone Reuben.

“I happen to be mature for my age,” Rose responded.

Lila almost burst out laughing but then realized her sister was serious. She smiled instead.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Lila said. Obviously Rose had no idea of just how immature she was. It made Lila wonder what she was oblivious to in herself. She remembered a quote by Richard Wright from
Native Son
, that Zane read in his junior English class, saying that people could “. . . starve from a lack of self-realization as much as they can from a lack of bread.”

Rose flounced to her feet and then said, dramatically, “Guess I’ll go see if I can help Beth.”

“Has she been coming over much?”

Rose shrugged. “About once a week. Sometimes Dat goes over to her place.”

That was more than Lila had anticipated. “When is Trudy coming home?”

“How about if I go get her and you help Beth?”

“Sure,” Lila responded, sighing as she put her nightgown into her bureau. Sometimes she could understand what Rose was saying. She wasn’t entirely certain she was cut out for this either.

An hour later Reuben came back into the house. Rose hadn’t returned with Trudy yet.

“Your Dat is finishing up.” He smiled. “I just wanted to tell you good-bye again.”

Lila smiled back. “Denki for everything you’ve done today,” she said. “And for doing the milking so I could be with Mammi.”

Reuben nodded. “See you tomorrow.”

After he left, Beth stopped setting the table for a moment to look straight at Lila. “He seems like such a nice young man.”

“Jah,” Lila answered. “He is.”

“Your father certainly respects him,” Beth said.

“Jah . . .”

“Your Dat says the two of you will marry soon.”

Lila felt her face grow warm. She didn’t know Beth well enough to talk about personal matters. “Jah . . .” Lila said again.

“You don’t sound very sure,” Beth commented as she put the last fork in place. She turned her gaze back on Lila, her hazel eyes full of concern.

“I’m tired, that’s all,” Lila answered.

“Well,” Beth said, “I remember being your age and courting a young man that everyone thought I should marry.”

Lila smiled a little. Beth seemed to have a story for every occasion. “What happened?”

“We married.”

Lila met Beth’s gaze. No one had said anything about Beth being a widow. “How did he die?”

“He didn’t. He left me.”

Lila gasped. That was unheard of among the Amish.

Beth nodded. “We’d only been married a couple of months. At first I had no idea where he went, but finally word came through a cousin of mine that he’d moved to the Chicago area and was living Englisch. After about five years he filed for divorce so he could remarry.”

“Did you give it to him?”

Beth wrinkled her nose. “I didn’t have a choice.”

Lila lowered her voice. “Does Dat know?”

Beth smiled as she stepped to the fridge and took out a jar of pickles. “Jah. I told him soon after we met.”

Lila’s face grew even warmer. She couldn’t imagine the conversation Beth had with Dat—but obviously it had gone differently than Lila would have predicted.

After a long pause, Lila asked, “Is your ex-husband still alive?”

Beth nodded.

“Oh,” Lila responded, thinking it wasn’t like Dat to do something as unconventional as striking up a relationship with a divorced woman. Lila certainly didn’t know of anyone who was divorced in their district, and certainly not anyone who was divorced and who had remarried. It wasn’t allowed.

Then again, maybe that was what Dat wanted—companionship but not marriage.

Lila wasn’t sure why Beth had shared her story. Surely it wasn’t because she thought Reuben might leave Lila. She couldn’t think of a more ludicrous situation than that. “Did you love your husband?” Lila asked.