Amy's Advantage (36 page)

She narrowed her eyes and glared up at him, furious hurt
radiating through every word. “You are one seriously fucked-up bastard and you
should leave now or I swear I will—”

“I killed Scythra.”

Jordyn’s statement sliced through Amy’s rant and brought her
up short. “W-w-what?” There was no way she heard him correctly.

“Scythra. I killed her.” Sorrow and anger cut a fresh path
across his face.

“What? Kirry told me she was killed in a Sleht attack. The
same one that killed your daughter,” she whispered, feeling as if she were
balancing on the tip of a very high, very sharp precipice and starting to slip.

Turning from her, Jordyn walked over to the open window. His
hands gripped the side of the window’s frame, his long fingers curling around
the decorative molding as his low, haunted words floated back to her. “It was a
Sleht attack, but they weren’t dead when I got there like everyone thinks.
Scythra had panicked and run. It was dark. Houses were burning. People were
screaming. When I found her, she had fallen over the side of one of the cliffs
that ran along the side of the sea, west of our village.”

Shaken, Amy asked, “With Jirya?”

“Yes.”

The flat, hard answer tore through her. Instinctively, she
stepped close to him and reached out to comfort him, but yanked her hand back
when he violently flinched at her touch.

His knuckles turned white as he gripped the window casing
and the tendons in his neck stood out as he said, “After that, I swore I’d
never
¼
That I was done with the whole
idea of taking a mate.”

There was a long, tense silence and then Amy let out a
breath and stepped back. She rubbed her palms down the front of her skirt,
wishing she had some magic words to ease his pain. “You must have loved them
very much and you have every right not to want to get involved in a
relationship after something so tragic.” She bit her lower lip. “I’m sorry I
called you a seriously fucked-up bastard.”

Jordyn’s sigh dropped his shoulders and he let go of the
window to face her. Golden afternoon sunlight filtered into the room behind
him, backlighting his form and leaving his face shadowed. “I didn’t love
Scythra. I’m not sure if I ever truly did. But I loved our child. With every
breath and every thought. I still do.”

He stepped further into the room and the shadows shifted
away from his face and into his eyes. “Scythra was hanging on the side of the
cliff when I found her. Balancing on her toes on a thin outcropping of rock,
hanging onto a dead branch with one hand and Jirya with the other.

“I told Scythra to hold on. I could reach her.” Jordyn ran
his hand roughly over his face. “I had her. I had my hand around Scythra’s
wrist and was pulling her up when she—” The agony in his voice strangled his
words. He took a breath. “She let go—” Abruptly, his voice cut off as if the
breath he’d drawn in hadn’t provided the oxygen needed to continue.

Grief’s lines cut deep into his face as Amy’s heart ached
for the man she loved. Stepping forward, she gently rested her palm on his
chest. “It was a terrible tragedy, but it’s not your fault she died if she let
go.”

Jordyn’s eyes hardened, and where the grief had been, cold
fury rolled in. Under her hand, his body became rigid and his hands curled to
fists at his side. “She didn’t let go of me. She let go of Jirya.”

“Oh my god.” Horror washed over Amy. Rooted to the floor in
her utter disbelief, she couldn’t wrap her mind around what he had just said.

The malevolent emotion that had slashed across his face
disappeared back inside of him, pulled into control by the man’s sheer force of
will. “Scythra reached up to grab me with the hand she’d been holding Jirya
with. I let go of Scythra. I killed her.”

Amy’s hand slid off his chest. “On purpose?” Her question
was whispered, but in the heavy silence that followed his explanation, it held
the force a gunshot going off.

Jordyn’s eyes clouded and he looked away. “I don’t know. I
only remember seeing Jirya disappear into the darkness and then I was standing
on the rocks I had just been lying on. I don’t remember letting go or getting
to my feet. I just remember the shock and fury of seeing Scythra let go of our
child to save herself. I remember hearing Scythra’s scream. And the silence of
the world when it stopped.”

Jordyn looked back at Amy. He didn’t say anything else, just
waited for her response. Amy’s heart beat loudly in her ears as she considered
the man in front of her. He was one of the strongest, most caring and
trustworthy men she’d ever met. A tragic event in his past didn’t change that
for her.

“Surely no one blames you for what happened?” she asked.

“I’ve never told anyone else.”

“No one?”

Jordyn shook his head. “It wouldn’t have brought Jirya back
and no one would have held me guilty of a crime. As far as anyone else knows,
they are two of many who died in that Sleht attack.”

Until her tears splashed onto her chest, Amy didn’t realize
she was crying. Wiping away the next two that rolled down her cheeks with
gentle fingers, he said, “Please don’t.”

Amy reached up and pressed his hand against her face. “How
can I not?” A thought struck her and she looked up at him, daring him to deny.
“That’s the real reason you kept pushing me away, wasn’t it?” she whispered.
“Because I’ve asked about the Mystic thing and it’s not a law that applies to
all who have the Mystic bloodline. Generally, it’s more of a strongly accepted
tradition. My mother wasn’t mated to a Royal.”

“I know.”

“You’re afraid of being hurt again, aren’t you? Of trusting
a woman and having her fail you when it counts the most.”

Jordyn pulled his hand away from her. “Yes.”

“That’s not me. I wouldn’t do that.”

For the first time since she’d seen him today, his expression
softened into one of his
almost
smiles. “This is one thing I know.” He
shook his head in disbelief. “You threw yourself at a Slayer and over the side
of a mountain for your child. Made my heart stop beating.”

Amy nodded. “And I’d do it again.”

His expression turned solemn. “I know.”

She paused. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me
about Scythra and Jirya. It helps to know why you believe we were really doomed
from the start.”

“That’s one reason.”

Amy wrapped her arms around her waist, determined not to
push him. After all, the man had just revealed his deepest secret to her. But
when he just stood there looking at her with an expression she couldn’t
decipher, she asked, “Well?”

Jordyn drew a deep breath. “The second reason was to tell
you that after Scythra, I never thought I could—or would want to—trust another
woman. Then you…you…”

The coolness of the stone floor, normally welcomed during
the warm afternoons, seeped through the bottom of her thin sandals. As icy
tendrils snaked into her skin from the floor, nervous sparks prickled under her
rib cage, clashing hot and cold sensations through her body as her heart bucked
against her chest. “I what?” she asked, frightened to hear the answer, but more
frightened to
not
hear.

“Proved me wrong.”

Amy wasn’t sure what she had expected but it wasn’t that.
“Oh,” she said, slightly deflated when he didn’t add anything else. Feeling
ridiculous for reasons she didn’t care to evaluate, she tucked a loose curl
behind her ear. “Well, glad I could help,”she chirped out with a falsely
cheerful note in her voice. Turning toward the door with the intention of
pushing this man out of her life for good before he wrung her emotions out
completely, she said, “I should go check on Chloe—”

“Amy—”

Stopping just in front of the door, she steeled herself
against the tears that wanted to fall. “Look, I’m really, really sorry about
what happened and I promise I get it now and won’t bother you anymore.” She
reached for the door with the intention of swinging it open and hopefully he’d
take the hint, because she doubted she could physically push him out of her
quarters.

Life was so freaking unfair. It wasn’t her fault terrorists
planted IEDs in the middle of roads or that Sleht attacks happened. Just once,
she wished she could get a break in the whole relationship department. Her
fingers wrapped around the doorknob, but she froze when Jordyn said her name
again, nearly ripping her heart right out of her body.

Instead of opening the door, she leaned her forehead against
it and whispered, “What? What do you want?”

“You.”

Amy went totally still in shock. Not sure she had heard him
correctly. Not sure if she had, what it was he meant. Slowly, she straightened
and turned to face him, unshed tears trembling on her lower lashes and threatening
to fall. “What?”

“You asked me what I wanted. I want you.”

Amy crossed her arms tightly under her breasts, trying to
breathe as shallowly as possible. Too deeply and it might break open her tears.
Once they started, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop them. “I don’t
understand why you’re saying that. I know you want me. I want you. This hasn’t
changed for weeks, but it doesn’t make a difference if you’re going to leave me
again.”

“I believed I couldn’t have you. That because of what I’d
done, I wasn’t worthy of you or couldn’t love you like you deserved.”

“And now?”

Jordyn stepped close, gently cupping her cheek with his hand
as she tilted her head up to look at him. “Now I know walking away from you
doesn’t keep me from loving you, it just makes me miserable. I don’t know when
I started loving you, probably the moment I saw you in San Antonio, but I do
know that I’ll never stop. It would be easier to stop breathing.”

Amy jerked her head back and stared up at him with rounded
eyes. “What?”

“I do believe you deserve better than me, but I also know
that no one can love you more than I do.” Jordyn waited, but Amy said nothing
more. He smiled. “I’ve never seen you speechless before.”

“Why didn’t you just say all that to start with?” she asked,
her words shaky with the emotions wobbling around inside of her.

Slightly stiffening as if expecting her to take a swing at
him, he lowered his hand back to his side. “I needed you to know everything.
What I’ve done. What I’m capable of doing. I needed to make sure you understood
before I asked you to commit to me.”

Several of the wobbling emotions got knocked to their knees
and Amy tried to make sense out of the verbal leaps Jordyn was making. She
tried to keep up, but her mind and heart were still boomeranging. “Commit to
you? Is that like moving in together?”

“Closer to getting married in your world.”

“But I thought in Ilyria you could only take one mate in
your lifetime.”

“Scythra and I never took each other as mates.”

“Don’t you have to be mated before you have a child
together?”

“No. Like Earth, procreation only needs sex, not commitment,
love or any other eternal promise, unless you’ve been through a Matching
Ritual. But the Matching Ritual and Mating Rite are traditions normally
followed by the Royals in view of the prophecy.”

“Oh.” That was good. Wasn’t it?

Jordyn took her by the hand. “That doesn’t mean it isn’t an
option. Some traditions are just less restrictive if you aren’t of one of the
Five Houses.”

Amy nodded mechanically, not sure whether she was happy or
sad at that revelation.

The muscles along Jordyn’s jaw tightened. “You needed to
know all the reasons you should tell me no. But if you’ll still have me, we can
take this as slow as you want. I know you need time to process and back out if
you choose. I won’t pressure you. You and Chloe have been through a lot and are
making huge adjustments in your lives already. I don’t want to rush—”

Whatever else he was going to say was cut off as Amy
launched herself at him.

One second Jordyn was doing his damnedest not to scare Amy
off while keeping her from crying again and the next moment there was nothing
in his world but the soft woman pressed against him, her arms wrapped around
his neck and her mouth ravenous on his.

She might as well have thrown the switch on a national
electric grid the way her kiss sent fiery currents through his entire body,
lighting up every nerve ending with desire. With one hand splayed across her
lower back he held her firmly against him, her curves fitting perfectly along
his body. He slid his other hand through her hair, his fingers dislodging pins
and freeing curls. The pins continued to pop out and scatter onto the floor
with tinny
plinks
as he angled her head to deepen the kiss and pushed
his tongue in deep.

Amy held on to him as she tangled her tongue around his. Her
low, hungry moan had him edging on frantic to get her out of her dress. Still
holding her in place with one hand, a few deft moves with the other had the
laces up her back untied and the bodice loosened. Immediately, Amy wiggled her
arms out of the material and the top of her dress fell to her waist.

His free hand came around to cup her breast, squeezing the
soft mound as the nipple tightened in his palm. Amy squirmed against him,
trying to undo his pants without breaking the kiss. Everything inside of him
craved her, desperately wanted her. His body hardened and Amy’s insistent
fumbling around his cock made him ready to be buried deep inside of her
immediately.

Pulling back from the kiss as he slid his hands down to her
ass, he pressed her lower body tightly into his. “Amy—”

“Please,” she said, her eyes bright with desire and emotion.
“Please don’t say anything right now. We can do the sweet talk and foreplay
next time, but right now I really just want you inside me.” She licked her
lips. “Please?”

Jordyn swore under his breath and gave up any restraint he
was holding onto. Her plea freed him to take what he wanted—needed—from her and
to give her what she demanded. He claimed her mouth with a kiss again, letting
the taste of her sweep through him as a summer storm through a drought-ravaged
land.