An Act of Redemption (28 page)

“It wasn’t like that,” I start, but quiet when he holds his hand up.

“I know. Just let me finish. Yes, that bothered me, but I trusted Anna, I’ve always trusted her. What bothered me was that you made her feel safe when I couldn’t. I hated it. This might be hard for you to understand now, but someday when you have a daughter, Logan, you will understand how hard that is. She’s all I have. She was taken from me once, then twice when you came along. It’s a tough pill to swallow.”

“I don’t want to take her from you. I just want to love her,” I tell him honestly. “I know I’m not good enough for her. I’ve always known that, but the truth is I can’t stop loving her and I never will. I’ll protect her with everything I am. I would die for her.”

He nods. “I know. Jaxson and Susan have been telling me that since the beginning.”

I’m shocked to hear Jaxson has stood up for me from the beginning but I shouldn’t be, not after everything he’s done for my family and me. That thought has me remembering what Bill did, too. “Thank you for getting my sister into that community college and paying for her tuition.”

“Oh, I didn’t. I…” His words trail off at my expression, realizing there’s no use in lying about it. “Okay, I did. You’re welcome. She’s a very bright, young woman with a great future ahead of her, she deserves to be there.” I nod, agreeing with him. “Your mother, too.” I tense. “I know she’s made some mistakes but she’s a good woman, and I’m glad things are working out for her.”

The memory of the last time I saw my mother flashes through my mind, her face filled with agony and despair. It has a fresh wave of guilt running through me.

“Dad? What are you doing here?” Anna’s soft voice snaps me from my thoughts. She stands just outside my bedroom doorway, wearing my shirt and a pair of her tight shorts that always makes my dick hard. Not something I want to happen with her dad here.

“Hey, baby.” I hold my hand out to her and she walks over, eyeing her father hesitantly. Bill stares back at her in a way that has me feeling sorry for the guy. It’s clear he’s missed her as much as she has him. “It’s all good, your dad just came to talk,” I explain, tucking her in next to me.

“That’s right,” Bill says, cutting in. “I came to apologize to Logan for how I reacted last time I was here. It was wrong. I’m sorry to you, too.”

“You really hurt me,” she whispers sadly.

“I know I did, and I’m really sorry. I was caught off guard and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m even more sorry for how long it’s taken me to apologize. Jaxson just filled me in on what happened and it kills me to think those may have been the last words spoken to you.” His voice cracks, shredding his composure.

Anna leaves my side and runs into his arms, her own sob erupting as she hugs him. “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, too.”

I decide now is the time to make my exit. I walk in the bathroom to take a shower, leaving them with the privacy they deserve. I stay under the scalding-hot water for a long time, the billowing steam blanketing me, penetrating my senses and mixing with my inner turmoil. Thoughts of Lewis and my mom weigh heavily on me, but most of all the question of
what now
? Where do I go from here? What is my future now that this is done?

Conquer the world.

As Lewis’s last words plague me for the thousandth time, I wonder if the guilt will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Anna

A
fter my dad leaves I walk back into the bedroom and drop at the end of the bed, wiping my wet eyes. As emotionally drained as I am from these last few days I feel like the world has just been lifted from my shoulders. Even though I was angry with my dad, I missed him terribly. When I talked to my mom last night, to reassure her I was okay, I wanted to talk to him too but he was gone. She told me he left after they got the news from Jaxson about what had happened. I’m glad he came today and gave Logan the apology he deserved.

I hear the shower turn off and glance at the bathroom, my heart swelling painfully at the thought of Logan. He’s hurting so much, I can see it, feel it all the way to my soul and it guts me. I’m still having a hard time comprehending what happened, especially with Charity. How could I not know she was so crazy, so…vile? How stupid of me to think she was my friend. I’m thankful I never confided in her and told her about what Logan was really doing out of prison, though it was clear they figured it out anyway. Unfortunately we still can’t figure out how.

The bathroom door opens, pulling me from my tortured thoughts. My gaze meets Logan’s. We stare at each other for a long moment, his midnight eyes dark with the pain and guilt over Lewis’s death. It has my own guilt surfacing, knowing Lewis is dead for taking the bullet that was meant for me.

Does he blame me, too? Is that why he’s been distant, or is he just hurting?

“Hey,” he greets me quietly as he stands at the door with only a towel wrapped around his waist.

I muster up a smile for him. “Hey.”

“You okay?”

“Yes.”
No.
“Are you?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“I will be,” he answers honestly, before clearing his throat. “Is it okay if I drop you off at Jaxson and Julia’s a little early today? I’ll come back for the barbecue but there’s something I need to take care of beforehand.”

Curiosity instantly fills me, wondering where he’s going, but I don’t ask. “Yes, that’s fine, I can help them get ready.”

I’m happy to be spending the day at Jaxson and Julia’s with everyone. It’s exactly what we need after the hellish last few days, to be around friends and family who remind us of the good. I think it’s the reason why Julia planned for this barbecue with everyone. I’m hoping it will bring some peace for both Logan and me and close the distance I feel between us. I need him. I need him back.

Logan watches me carefully, trying to figure out my thoughts. I stand. “I’ll get in the shower so we can get going.” I begin to walk past him but he snags me around the waist before I leave the room and backs me up against the wall.

“You sure you’re okay, Anna?” he asks, bringing his face close to mine. “Tell me, baby, if you need something and I’ll give it to you.”

I think about lying, not wanting to make matters worse with my insecurity, but instead I ask him the one question I’ve been fearing. “Do you blame me?”

He rears back, a confused scowl taking over his face. “Blame you? For what?”

“For Lewis’s death,” I whisper, my voice thick with tears for the second time today.

“Jesus, no! I don’t blame you at all, why would you even think that?”

I shrug. “Because he wouldn’t be dead if he didn’t take that bullet for me. Instead it would have—”

“Don’t!” he grinds out, his breathing heavy as he drops his forehead on mine. “Don’t even fucking say it, just thinking of it being you rips me apart.”

The tears I’ve been desperately trying to hold at bay begin to fall. “I’m sorry. I just want to help you and I don’t know how. I want things back to how they were with us.”

A deep breath escapes him. “I’m sorry, baby. I know shit sucks right now and I’m trying to figure this out, but make no mistake, Anna,
we
are okay.
We
will always be okay, nothing or no one will ever fucking change that. Do you understand?”

I nod since my throat is too tight to speak, thankful for his answer.

He picks me up around the waist, my feet dangling off the floor as he crushes my body against his. “Tell me you love me.”

“I love you so much,” I whisper.

Leaning in, he presses a light kiss to my lips. “Tell me you’re my Anna forever.”

“I’m your Anna forever.”

“And nothing will ever change it.”

“Nothing,” I promise.

“Damn straight!” His mouth takes mine in a fevered hunger, his familiar flavor that I yearn for on a daily basis exploding through me. My fingers thread through his damp hair as we get swept up in a storm of passion. His cock grows hard against my stomach.

“Logan, I need you.” I moan, wiggling to get closer. “I need to feel you inside of me.”

With a groan he pulls back only long enough to rid me of my clothes and his towel, then we are back together, mouth to mouth, skin to skin. He lifts me once again, walking us over to the bed before laying me down. His eyes move over me, making me feel beautiful. “I could stare at you like this forever and never tire of it.”

With a smile I reach for his hand and he takes it, coming down on top of me and locking it above my head. After a brief kiss to my forehead, he gives me what I want. With one smooth thrust he enters me—completing me. I sob at the utter perfection we make together.

“God, Anna.” He groans, his voice hoarse. “There might be a lot of shit in my life I’m uncertain about right now, but not you, baby. As long as I have this, I will always have my place in the world.”

His heartfelt words cut me. “You’ll always have me. Forever.”

“Forever.”

His thrusts start moving at a delicious pace, filling my body and soul in the most beautiful way. Our pleasure penetrates the air around us as we soar to a place that’s ours alone, where nothing exists but us.

I vow to always be this place for him, to always be his solace as he has always been mine.

Logan

A
fter I drop Anna off at Jaxson and Julia’s, I make the two hour trip to my mom’s. The entire drive I fucking crave a cigarette so damn bad but I hold back, wanting to quit for not only Anna but myself, too. Even though she doesn’t say anything, I know she hates it, her eyes glazing over with sadness as if I’m going to die on the spot from that smoke alone. The last thing I want to do is cause her more heartache, and I no longer feel the need for the freedom I felt from it when I was locked up.

I’m pulled from my thoughts as I park across the street from my childhood home. I stare out at the place where I grew up, noticing again how different it looks. With no more holes in the siding, new windows and the lawn trimmed neatly, it looks nothing like the miserable home I grew up in. I know that’s thanks to Jaxson, Anna and her parents.

The front door opens and out steps my mom with a watering can. She makes her way down the stairs and begins watering the flowers decorating the front of the house. I wait for resentment to hit me like a tidal wave but it doesn’t happen. It’s still there, but not nearly as powerful as before. After what happened the other day, and seeing Anna with her dad this morning, my perspective has changed. I’ll always have regrets about the past, but I can’t change it, and in the end I love my mom. No matter how mad I was at her that never changed. I know she did the best that she could at the time. What’s important is she’s changed for the better, and I need to forgive her not only for myself but also for Anna and our future. Seeing how badly she was hurting today, because of all my harbored guilt and bullshit, made me realize it’s time to let go and make amends with things in my life I can control. The first one is my mother, next will be dealing with Lewis and making sure his death is not in vain.

Exhaling a deep breath, I get out of the truck and make my way across the street. My mom’s on her hands and knees in the dirt, pulling weeds from her flower bed as I approach. As if feeling my presence she glances behind her, her eyes wide with shock. “Logan.” She gasps in surprise, quickly standing.

“Hey, Ma,” I greet her easily.

“I’m sorry, but Janey isn’t here. She’s out with friends until later tonight, but I could call her if you want. I’m sure she would come back if she knew you were here.” She rambles, clearly nervous.

“No, that’s okay. I didn’t come to see her, I came to see you.”

“You did?” She looks downright terrified at the thought and it makes me feel like shit.

“I didn’t come to fight, I just want to talk. Do you have a minute?”

She nods, visibly relaxing. “Yes, I always have time for you.”

I gesture over to the stairs and we take a seat on the front steps. “I’m still in shock at how different the house looks,” I start, trying to lighten the awkwardness between us.

“It does look a lot different. I love it. I’ve found a new love of gardening.” She smiles, seeming genuinely proud.

“It looks really good.”

Her smile dims as she stares at me. “It finally looks how it always should have. It looks like the home you should have grown up in.”

I shrug, my gaze dropping to the steps. “Yeah, well, that wasn’t the case but it doesn’t matter any more. I’m glad things have changed, I’m glad both you and Janey are doing better.” I pause, taking a moment to find the right words. “I’m sorry for how things went down between us a few weeks ago. I was angry and not ready to let go, but I am now. I want things to be better for all of us, including Janey.”

At the sound of a sniffle my gaze snaps back to hers, and I see her crying. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” She hiccups, wiping her tears. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. It kills me every day that I wasn’t the mother you deserve and even more so that you were punished for my carelessness. You’ll never know how sorry I am for that, Logan. I love you so much. I’ve always loved you, even when I was too sick to show you. I think about you every day and I will live with this guilt for the rest of my life.” The last of her words fall off on a sob.

“Come on, Ma, don’t cry,” I say, my own voice hoarse as I pat her back awkwardly. “We can’t change the past but we can move forward, so let’s just focus on that. It will take some time but it’ll work out.”

Looking up, she gives me a sad smile before taking my face between her warm hands. “You are such a good boy, you always have been, and I can’t take any credit for it. On the nights when you would come home late from working so hard, and I’d be passed out on the couch from drinking my guilt away, you would pick me up and carry me to my bed. I would lie there all night wondering how you could be so honorable when you had no role models. After all this time I’ve realized it’s just who you are. God graced you with courage, strength and honor. I might not be able to take credit for it, but I want you to know how proud I am of you, Logan. I promise to show you every day how much I love you. I won’t ever take you for granted again.”