An Ever Fixéd Mark (55 page)

“No they aren’t,” he sat beside her.

“Then what are they?” she forced a
smile.

“Something else bit you. Or I should say
someone,” he took the wine glass and helped himself to a sip.

“There’s no such thing as vampires,” she
tried again to laugh. Maybe she said too much.

“How long have you been a source?”

“
I…” she tried to begin
but still felt trapped by the confusion between relief and fear.
“Are you a source?”

“I am,” he met her eyes. It wasn’t as
intimidating as Claire, but Lizzie did not feel in control of the
situation. She always felt she knew exactly how to identify Eric
and his confident surgeon personality. A vampire feeder was not
part of that. She looked at his neck exposed by his unbuttoned
shirt. “I go to the clinic.”

“Oh,” Lizzie heaved out a deep breath.

“That’s not where you got these,” he slid
his hand up her thigh. “Are you dating one?”

“I was,” Lizzie looked at the liquid in her
wide mouthed glass. She imagined the vampire world wasn’t that
large. If Eric went to the clinic, he knew Ben. She was tempted to
explain Claire, but stopped herself. He wasn’t moving his hand. She
knew that was deliberate, but she was too curious to indulge it.
“How did you find out about them?”

“I dated one while I was a student. But it
didn’t work out. It never does.”

“So you are still…” she didn’t finish her
question as he leaned in to kiss her. She felt his hand go the rim
of the stockings, but she wasn’t ready to stop the conversation.
Having someone in her normal day to day life who knew about
vampires, who knew about the clinic, who wasn’t Alec McCaffrey made
the dreams less surreal and everything of the past year more
believable. She pulled his hand away from her hip and slid away
from his kiss.

“
I am her source at the
clinic,” he pushed back Lizzie’s disheveled hair.

“
Does she bite
you?”

“Not these days,” he looked at her
thigh.

Lizzie studied him, wondering if it was
someone at the hospital. Someone ageless and beautiful and more
accomplished than her age would imply. “It’s Dr. Chiang, isn’t
it?”

He smiled briefly as his answer. Lizzie
thought of those brilliant blue eyes and tried to remember if there
was any hint of her hunger or what she really was. She glanced back
to Eric to see if there was any emotion in his revelation. He
leaned to kiss her again, stopping any question from escaping her
lips. She decided to let it go and gave in to the hands that slid
back up her thigh.

Chapter
Thirty-Four

“
If we sell coffee, we
could have a nice little shop for our baked goods,” Andrew mused
over his Starbucks cup.

Lizzie laughed, not sure they could compete
with the industry giant two blocks away. Hopefully the secret would
be Andrew’s pastries. She had to admit the space was growing on
her. With a decent clean up and a new stove, the kitchen would be a
good work space. “Nora’s aunt called me yesterday. She would like
to hire us for her book club tea.”

“I hope we get the loan so we have a
kitchen.”

“We can do that out of my kitchen…” Lizzie
faded, knowing Andrew was excited about the idea of renting a space
like this.

“Yes, but this is better,” Andrew repeated
again. She was glad to see him so excited and wasn’t going to argue
against him. She knew Davis was encouraging the idea of a
storefront. If they got the loan and the ability to pay for it, she
might be convinced.

The landlord returned from a phone call in
his office. Andrew immediately went to his side with another flurry
of questions. Lizzie wasn’t much interested in the ability to paint
the walls, knowing full well Andrew would have the final say to the
interior design. Lizzie didn’t much care as long as she had say
over the kitchen. She looked to the window and watched the foot
traffic, wondering how many passersby were the type to stop in a
cute little bakery for a cup of coffee or would solicit their
services for a party.

The April sun brightened the sidewalk,
exposing some of the dingy color of the urban street. There were a
lot of college students crossing back and forth. They weren’t
likely to want a caterer, but they would come in for coffee –
especially if the shop was open late at night. Granted, it was the
middle of the day. There were likely young professionals in the
neighborhood who might visit on the weekend or older couples like
the one across the street from Ben’s old apartment.

She took another sip from her coffee and
refocused on the passing foot traffic. Everyone seemed to enjoy the
burst of spring sunshine. A few pedestrians locked into the
concentration of an iPod or cell phone oblivious to the weather.
She liked the diversity, the vitality, the… she saw someone pass
the window and almost dropped her coffee. Will? No, it wasn’t Will.
She was sure when he came back and looked at her through the
window.

“
Hi Lizzie,” he let
himself in the door.

“Oliver,” Lizzie looked briefly at Andrew
who cast his eyes on the tall dark haired man. “What are you doing
here – in town?”

“I was invited to give another lecture at
UMASS. I put some more research together… so it seemed like a good
opportunity to see if my theories make sense to the general
public,” he smiled and nodded at Andrew.

“Andrew, this is Oliver,” Lizzie lowered her
voice, knowing Andrew understood who Oliver was.

“Nice to meet you,” Andrew’s appreciation of
Oliver’s physique was not subtle.

“Andrew and I are starting a business,”
Lizzie explained. “We’re hoping to rent this space.”

“Not a bad location. Not far from the
university,” Oliver nodded.

“We’re going to get lunch,” Andrew offered.
Lizzie could sense a bit of mischief in his voice. “Would you like
to join us?”

Oliver looked at Lizzie. He would have
welcomed the invitation if it was just her making it. “I just ate,”
Oliver wasn’t lying. She saw the color in his cheeks. Did that mean
he had a source in the neighborhood? Did that mean she would see
him in the neighborhood whenever he came to town?

“That’s a pity,” Andrew looked back at the
landlord as he hung up his phone again. “I will finish things up
and we can head out. Oliver, at least join us for a drink.”

Lizzie watched Andrew return to the other
side of the vacant shop. “You don’t have to.”

“I actually have to be somewhere,” Oliver
sighed. “A business, huh?”

“The hospital is boring,” Lizzie shrugged.
“I wanted to do something more interesting with my life.”

“
You’re running another
marathon.”

“Yup,” Lizzie realized he paid attention to
her Facebook. “Did the lecture go well?”

“I think so. I hope this research will
qualify me for a federal grant.”

“Wow. That’s great, Oliver. Really
great.”

“
I’m seeing
someone.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve known her for a few years,” he lowered
his voice so she was the only one who could hear. “She was actually
a source for Alison. She works at the university and is a big help
with my research.”

“You are going to meet her?”

“Yeah,” he pursed his lips. “What about you?
Are you seeing someone?”

“Nothing serious,” Lizzie glanced at Andrew
who started asking questions about paint again.

“
Are you happy?” Oliver
looked at her, almost unraveling her cool.

“I’m trying.”

“Do you see Ben at all?”

“I saw him a couple weeks ago,” Lizzie
forced the emotion to stay in her stomach. “He went to Chicago for
a little while. But now he’s back in Boston.”

“I knew he went to Chicago…” Oliver faded.
“I didn’t realize he came back.”

“He has a business here,” Lizzie shrugged
with the logic she repeated to herself over and over.

“Yes. Yes, he does.”

“It’s good to see you,” she said blankly as
she heard Andrew affirm the fact they would have a decision by the
end of the week.

“
Yes,” Oliver smiled. “I’m
glad I happened to walk by when you were here. I felt very badly
about how things ended when I last saw you. I’m glad that we were
able to… say hello.”

“Yes, it was nice,” Lizzie nodded as Andrew
returned to their side.

“So how about that drink, Oliver?”

“I’m afraid not,” Oliver shook his head. “It
was good to see you, Lizzie.”

Lizzie watched him walk out the door and
heaved a giant sigh of relief.

*****

Lizzie didn’t make it to the shower before
the contents of her stomach rose to her throat. She rinsed out her
mouth and washed her face as she determined to call into the
office. She froze at the look of her reflection when she thought
about the date. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. So stupid.

Meg was on the other side of the door when
Lizzie left the bathroom. “Are you okay?” Meg asked with genuine
concern. Lizzie didn’t want to answer. She had to go to her room
and calculate the weeks. She nodded hastily and left the bathroom.
“Are you pregnant?” Meg called down the hallway.

Lizzie turned. Why would she make that
assumption so rapidly? Was it on Lizzie’s face? “No,” she denied
too emphatically. “It was just something I ate.”

Lizzie went back up the stairs. She couldn’t
talk to Meg. The last thing she needed was Meg’s council about
options. She didn’t want to think about options. She didn’t want to
think about what this could mean. She knew she had been foolish.
Why didn’t she go back on the pill? She was too lazy. Too greedy.
Too stupid.

She made the call into Richard, using the
same excuse of bad food. She didn’t remember what she ate in the
past 48 hours. She stared at her phone, contemplating another
person to call. She thought about Nora. Nora would know… at least
how to stop the sick feeling in her stomach. She knew Eric was
probably in surgery. She couldn’t call him yet. He was a doctor.
She knew another doctor… no that wasn’t a possibility.

She put down the phone when the knock came
to her door. She opened it and saw Meg standing in a towel, with
wet hair dripping over her shoulders. “Here,” she handed Lizzie a
box. “I had a scare of my own a few weeks ago. I got a couple
extra.”

“Really?”

“Yeah really,” Meg looked hard.

“Thanks.”

“It doesn’t take too long. If you need
anything, I’ll be here,” Meg touched her arm.

Lizzie managed an expression of appreciation
and shut the door. She threw up a second time before taking the
test. Was she supposed to vomit that much? She needed to run. How
on earth was she going to get through this?

She left the stick on the back of her
toilet. She returned to the phone and opened up her contact list.
She saw Ben’s name. She ached, ached to talk to him. But… how could
she … if she was going to have another man’s baby? A baby that he
could never give her? It would be wicked – and some level of
satisfaction to hurt him with that fact – but she couldn’t do that
to him.

A baby. The panic ebbed away. She gave up
thoughts of ever having a child. She wasn’t going to have that
possibility with Ben. Now, she figured her child would be her
business. She didn’t think she would commit to someone as she had
with Ben. She didn’t think the one night reunion with Eric was more
than one night. Now there was a possibility for something
different. It wouldn’t be… she didn’t want him to give her a ring.
He would support her. At least she assumed he would. Maybe he
wouldn’t. Maybe a baby would erase the desirability quotient she
earned with fang marks on her thigh.

She really didn’t feel very good. Maybe it
was a fever. Maybe it was the fish she ate for dinner. The idea of
food made her stomach swim again. She went back to the bathroom,
but the nausea subsided. She picked up the stick resting on the
back of the toilet. It was negative. She felt the swift energy
drain of all her lost food. Her stomach wasn’t happy. She was very,
very tired. She tried to drink some water, but she only had the
ability to go back to her bed and fall asleep.

*****

Her head was a cloud when she went back to
the bathroom. She didn’t know how long she slept. The sun was
outside, but the light was so dull in her room. She looked at the
test again and readjusted her eyes. It wasn’t a minus sign. It was
a plus sign. She knew it was. She knew it was wrong. She knew that
truth for weeks. Now she had to tell Ben.

First she had to go back to the store.
Andrew was waiting to discuss paint colors. She didn’t want to
discuss paint. She didn’t want to talk with all the people who came
in looking for coffee. They weren’t ready. The store wasn’t open.
She saw Ben, but couldn’t talk to him there. Not amongst all the
people. Not when she had work to do. She left a note for him to
meet her at the end of the day, when her work was complete. He
watched as she hurried about filling cups of coffee, those green
eyes weakening her resolve to tell him the decision she had to
make.

She knew Oliver was waiting outside the
store. She felt badly for ignoring him. She couldn’t take time away
from the kitchen. She would go to him after… and tell him that he
was going to be a father.

She walked past the cars, down the hill
towards the river. She took her shoes off and put her feet in the
water, letting the grass wave over the tops of her toes. Her feet
ached from the long day. She hoped he would find the rose and come
to her. She knew if he didn’t come that night, her courage would
fail. She would leave without telling him.

She had the book he gave her. The book she
was going to give back. She opened it and read over the words she
wrote inside the front cover. They blurred together and didn’t
distract her from worry. A baby. She didn’t think she would ever
have a baby. She had to marry him. Thomas would do the right thing.
Even though she never did the right thing.