An Impossible Dilemma: A Psychological Thriller Novel (9 page)

Chapter 11

The house had an eerie stillness. Steph wasn’t home, thank God. I don’t know what I’d have told her if she had been.

I could hear Emily’s soft snores as I opened her bedroom door. Relief flooded my entire body as I slumped to the floor beside her bed, my breath coming out in pants.

“What have I done?” I whispered stroking her head. The sheer magnitude of my actions blew my mind. But if … if … I shook my head and inhaled deeply. I needed to pull myself together: this night wasn’t over yet.

Confident Emily was comfortable and not having any terrible reactions to Shane’s proteum, I left.

I grabbed the keys and the quad, and was back with Frank and Shane’s body within minutes.

Concerned about unbalancing the quad, we decided Frank would drive to the slaughterhouse with Shane on the back while I followed on foot.

When I arrived, Frank had already entered the building and a single light shone from the outer room.

Between us, we managed to heave Shane’s body onto the butcher’s block inside the cold store.

When I dropped Frank off at home afterwards he almost bounced up the path, as though he suddenly had a renewed zest for life.

I went back to the clinic to clean everything Then, I gave the house the once over, eliminating any signs of Shane ever being there, from the overturned rubbish bin and splintered walking stick, to pools of blood in the snug and up the hallway. I’d watched enough episodes of CSI to know the blood would still be visible with Luminol or a black light, but I hoped nobody would have the reason to look.

Surprisingly, the telephone wasn’t damaged, except for a black scrape along the side. I put it back onto the hall table.

Almost finished, I took the rubbish bag out to the wheelie bin, and almost screamed when I came across a push-bike leaning against the back of the house.

I hadn’t even thought about how Shane got here. I stashed the bike in the back of the shed.

Happy I’d done all I could for now, I locked myself in the bathroom. Standing under the high pressure shower jets, I scrubbed my skin until I thought it would bleed.

The gnarly puncture marks on my breast had already begun to weep, which didn’t surprise me. Shane must have had untold amounts of bacteria in his mouth considering his putrid yellow teeth. I dabbed the wounds with an antiseptic solution and covered the area with a sterile dressing.

The sun created an orange glow in the room as I dragged myself into bed, aching from head to toe.

A ring-necked dove began cook-a-looing outside the bedroom window. I groaned—I was so shattered my bones ached. I heard a car pull up and a door slam. Steph’s timing couldn’t be more perfect.

I lay staring at the ceiling, sleep evading me. I began going over and over the night’s events. Shane had raped me, and who knows what he’d have gone on to do. But had he deserved to die?

I’d thought so, as I impaled the walking stick into his back. I needed to stop him, come what may. Maybe if he’d died of his injuries after calling the police and ambulance, I wouldn’t feel so bad.

What we ended up doing to him instead was terrible, but Emily would die without this chance. She might still die if the Proteum didn’t work. Frank was right: Shane would have caused more trouble for us if we’d let him go. He was that sort. He never would have accepted defeat by a mere woman and an old man.

I was amazed I’d gone through with it. I’d managed to switch into professional mode, enabling me to perform the actual operation. It felt no different than if I’d been working on a dog, and if the said dog had died, I would feel immense sadness just like I did now.

I didn’t think the police would come looking for Shane. He wouldn’t have told anybody what he intended to do. There was nothing to connect him to us at all.

Almost asleep, I heard a tap on my bedroom door and Steph calling my name. I sat up as her head poked round the door. “Oh, hi, Steph, what’s wrong?” My voice sounded gritty and hoarse.

“Emily’s not well. She said her head hurts and she’s crying for you.”

I shot out of bed and down the hallway to her bedroom.

She was lying on her side and rocking, holding her head.

My heart was jumping out of my chest. I couldn’t think straight. This was obviously connected to what we’d done.

“Hey, baby, are you okay?” I said as I slumped beside her on the mattress.

“My head hurts,” she cried.

“I’ll get you some medicine. Wait there.” I ran into the bathroom and returned with a bottle of infant Paracetamol. I gave her a large dose and prayed it would have some effect.

Frank stood in the doorway. “What’s happening?” His eyebrows furrowed together.

“She has a headache,” I said. Our eyes met and held for a few seconds. “Try to get back to sleep, my baby. I’ll get in with you, if you like?”

Emily nodded and wriggled over, giving me room to slip in beside her. Frank and Steph crept from the room.

I snuggled in next to her tiny body and rocked her gently. Her whimpering continued for a few minutes and then began to subside as the medicine kicked in.

My thoughts raced. I must have been out of my mind. To murder a man, even a disgusting and worthless excuse of a man, and remove his Proteum had seemed reasonable in the thick of the situation. I hadn’t been thinking straight, obviously still in shock from being attacked and raped. But now I knew we’d made a huge mistake.

Although I’d researched all I could about the trials, the details were sketchy and I didn’t know if something should have been added to the hormone before being injected into the patient or if it had been diluted and given over a period of time. All these factors were relevant, but I never even considered them last night.

Now she was in a lot of pain. I couldn’t even call a doctor. What would I tell them?
Oh, by the way, I injected her with a rare hormone I stole from a guy I murdered, and now she’s sick.

Emily’s breathing steadied and I noticed she’d fallen asleep. I held her tightly and closed my eyes.

***

I stretched and yawned. Light poured in the window and I squinted, surprised not to see my bedroom, and the whole situation landed with a thud on my shoulders.

I reached to the side of me and found an empty space where Emily had been.

I shot upright.

I ran downstairs, my feet barely touching the ground, my mind in a frantic spin.

The sound of Emily’s giggles stopped me in my tracks.

She sat on the rug in front of the gas fire. Magazine cuttings and paper were strewn around her. A large piece of purple card had several pictures glued to it.

Making collages had been one of Emily’s favourite hobbies before she got sick, but she hadn’t been interested lately.

“Mummy!” Emily squealed as she got to her feet and launched herself at me, hugging my legs.

“What’s going on here then?” I ruffled Emily’s hair and raised my eyebrows looking at Frank and Stephanie. They both smiled and shook their heads.

“I’m making a surprise for you, Mummy,” she said, taking my hand and leading me back to the rug.

“So I see, and a beautiful job you’re doing too.” I was amazed. I tried to stay calm, not to jump to conclusions. It was early days yet. But she seemed totally different from a few hours ago. She even looked different.

Emily plopped back down and continued with her collage.

I poured myself a strong coffee, still feeling bog-eyed. I would have loved nothing more than to crawl back into my bed for a couple of hours, but it was ten o’clock already. Frank and I had an appointment with a dead body and a dozen pigs. I shuddered. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to do this.

I needed to speak to Alex, but by now he would have already done his rounds, and Saturday afternoon and Sunday were his days off. We’d have to work out an excuse to get him away for a few days next week. This would make the running of the farm quite difficult, but we’d have to make do.

My stomach was in knots and the blood surged through my veins. I took a deep breath trying to clear my thoughts and act, on the outside at least, as normal as possible.

“Where did you get to last night, Steph” I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows.

“Oh—umm—we had quite a lot to discuss.” She blushed, glancing from me to Frank and back again, and flashed me a
stop-it-right-now
look.

I grinned. “Is that what they call it?”

“What did you guys do?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I said, a little too quickly. “Tried to have an early night, but I couldn’t sleep.”

Frank nodded. “Me too.”

“Are you busy today, Steph?” I asked.

“Hector said he may come over this afternoon, if you don’t mind? He’s staying at a bed and breakfast in town.”

“Fine by me. Frank said he’d help me with a few things around the farm. Any chance you can look after Em for a couple of hours?”

“Course I will, but can’t Alex help you? Frank can stay here with me.”

“I’m actually looking forward to getting out on the farm again.” Frank jumped in.

“Oh,” Steph said. “Of course, if you’re sure.”

“We had a little chat last night, didn’t we, Frank? And he wants to start doing the odd thing about the place now he’s feeling a bit better,” I said.

“That’s a great idea. You don’t want to overdo things though. I’ve noticed you’re a bit unsteady on your pins today. Where’s your walking stick?” Steph asked.

I’d forgotten all about his walking stick.

“I want to try without it for a while,” Frank said. “I’ll never get any stronger if I don’t try.”

“I guess,” Steph replied. “Oh well, I’m glad you’re feeling up to it. Great to see the little miss is feeling a bit better too.” She nodded towards Emily, who was still busily cutting up different bits of paper.

“Yes, amazing really.” I flashed another glance at Frank and he shrugged.

“How about after lunch then, Frank?” I asked, eyebrows raised.

“How about now? I might be too tired later,” he said.

“You want to go now?” My stomach flipped.

Frank nodded. “May as well while I’m a box of birds.”

“Okay. Let me get a quick shower and I’ll be with you in ten.”

I raced up the stairs.

Frank met me at the front door less than ten minutes later. We walked slowly to the shed and I took two sets of disposable overalls and a box of surgical gloves from the storage shelves. The clinic storeroom wasn’t big enough to keep everything in there so we kept the bulk of the non-medicinal supplies out there.

“We’ll need to get you a new stick.” I looked around for something he could use for now. I found long metal pole that wasn’t ideal, but better than nothing. “I forgot all about it in the excitement. But Steph doesn’t miss a trick, does she?” I handed it to him.

“I know,” he said, trying the pole out for size.

It was too long and the way he held it reminded me of a shepherd.

“We’ll need to be a bit more careful around her, lass.”

I moved my car out, then helped Frank to climb into Jonathan’s truck. “Are you gonna be able to do this, Frank?”

“I’ll have to be. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but what we are about to do has been made so much easier seeing the way Emily’s bounced back today.”

“Could the Proteum be working already?”

“What other explanation is there?”

I shrugged, shaking my head.

***

I pulled up outside the converted stone barn, dreading going inside.

“Okay, Frank. The way I dealt with everything last night was by imagining Shane was an animal,” I said, more to myself than anything.

“He was an animal,” Frank growled. “I could have killed him with my bare hands for what he did to you. Would have done too, if this pathetic old body of mine hadn’t failed me.

I rubbed his arm. “You did well, Frank. We stopped him together, that’s the main thing. Anyway, let’s focus. If we’re gonna get through this, we can’t think of him as a person,” I said, trying to psych myself up, but I was already trembling and my breathing much heavier.

Frank had done this hundreds of times with a beast and didn’t seem at all fazed by the situation.

I, on the other hand, had always been squeamish around raw meat. As a girl, I’d come over all faint whilst standing in the queue of a butcher’s shop with my mother. I ended up staggering outside and flaking out on the pavement. I decided to be a vet that day, intending to save all the animals in the world. I also turned vegetarian, which lasted all of a week. I came home from school one day to the aroma of my mother’s Carne Guisada, a Puerto Rican beef stew, and that had been the end of that. 

Frank made his way to the butchery door and produced a large bunch of keys from his pocket.

I reluctantly stepped from the truck, took a deep breath, and followed him inside.