An Orphan's Tale (18 page)

I said that I already said Charlie was OK but he just sighed and spoke very softly as if I wasn't there. I can still hear his voice! You're too young to understand, he said, but I'll tell you this: The hardest part of growing old is that your friends begin to die.

Charlie isn't old, I replied.

I wouldn't have thought it when I was his age, he went on. How much I would miss them. He leaned toward me then and said that sometimes he begins missing his friends before they're even gone! I wanted to keep him from speaking about Charlie anymore so I asked him what he thought of the Rabbi's sermon and he said he was very moved and that he liked the part about Murray's name. He laughed and said that when he worked with people more he used to call himself Mittleman the Middleman.

Then he stood and kissed me on the forehead just as if I was his own grandson and left!

This was what the Rabbi said in his sermon: that Murray's Hebrew name was Moshe, or Moses, and that it had been a fitting name for him for several reasons:

1. The original Moses was an orphan and a leader also.

2. Moses also stood for Moses Maimonides, for the name of the Home, and Maimonides was a great Jewish philosopher, Talmudist, and physician. He was called The Jewish Aristotle. “From Moses unto Moses,” the Rabbis said, “there arose none like Moses.”

3. Murray had the exact same full name as another great man in Jewish history, Moses Mendelssohn, who was a German Jew and a hunchback. Born into poverty, Moses Mendelssohn became a great philosopher and theologian and he fought for the emancipation of the Jews in Germany and Switzerland. He opened the 1st free Jewish school in Berlin in 1781.

When the Children of Israel were at the Red Sea and the Egyptians were pursuing them and they cried unto God, God said to Moses, “Wherefore criest thou unto me? Speak unto the Children of Israel, that they go forward.”

God didn't make any promises. The Rabbi said Murray was like Moses. He went forth without promises. Born poor and an orphan, he never relied on God's miracles, but took responsibility for his own life into his own hands and went forth and created a beautiful Jewish family and home and became head of an innovative school which influenced educators from all over the country.

WEDNESDAY

This morning Hannah asked if she could visit one of her friends and Anita said she could go if she promised not to stay more than 2 hours. People aren't coming as much as they did the 1st day. I heard Hannah on the phone and one of her girl friends was supposed to call some guys to meet them there. They're from Murray's school so they have off this week.

Charlie and Irving talked about Sol today. Irving said that Sol's father was a typical German Jew, but I didn't know what he meant. Charlie said he felt that if he could know more about Sol's father he'd know more about Sol. He said Sol said his father used to hate poor Jews but not orphans. Sol's father believed that even the meanest Jew can rise by his own bootstraps. Sol said he was a very great man and had endured great humiliation from non-Jews even though he was wealthy and educated.

After lunch Mr. Alfred came from the Board of Directors and said they wanted to name the school after Murray. Anita surprised me and turned him down and Irving took her side against Charlie.

This is why Anita turned him down: She doesn't want charity or a widow's retirement money. SHE WANTS TO TAKE MURRAY'S PLACE AND RUN THE SCHOOL!

She got angry with Charlie and Irving for trying to help her. She wants to help herself. She said she has it all figured out. None of the other teachers can take over because she said Murray hired weak sisters so he could be in control. It's the middle of the school year and parents will want reassurance. These were her words: How can they say no? I have as many damned degrees as Murray. I was a teacher and a guidance counselor before we started repopulating the world with Jews, remember?

Irving said he thought it was a terrific idea but Charlie asked her what she would do about having the baby. He was looking at her stomach a lot.

She laughed at him and stood in the doorway with her arms around Ephraim and Rivka, pulling them close to her like a real mother. She said if the baby didn't come during spring recess she might have to take a week off but that Charlie could run the school if she did. She said she heals quickly after 5 children.

Charlie asked what she was going to do about money and said she could refinance her house and told me to explain what refinancing was to her but this got her even angrier. You really mean to see me helpless, don't you? she said. You're just like him in that way. She let her children go and stood over Charlie and I saw him smile at her anger. Irving tried to put his arm around her but she pushed him away.

When she asked if there were any more questions Charlie asked her what she was going to do with her spare time but she didn't laugh. I got brave and I said this: You can use one of Murray's favorite words when you go to the Board. You can tell them you represent Continuity!

That's wonderful, she said, but she turned away so quickly and left the room that I couldn't see how she meant it.

This is what I was thinking while the scene was going on: If Charlie didn't want her before, he'll want her now!

The most peaceful part of the afternoon was when Anita was talking about what Murray was like when she first knew him and his great desire was to be a martyr. She asked Charlie and Irving if they remembered the summer she and Murray went to a camp in Ohio to prepare for going to teach in Alabama. She talked about how Murray used to imagine the headlines there would be if he was killed helping blacks. She said everybody knew the government wasn't going to do anything until whites were killed also and she imitated Murray. I'm the most qualified, he used to say. A family man with small children. An orphan…a Jew…

He changed, Irving said. He'd be angry if you brought it up now.

Morty and Herman came later in the afternoon and so did some of Anita's relatives and we had enough for a Minyan. We didn't have a Minyan in the morning. Then everybody reminisced some more about Murray and Herman told the story of how when they used to go to the movies away from the Home Murray would take a bag of warm oatmeal from the kitchen and he'd sit in the front of the balcony and yell suddenly that he was going to be sick. Then he'd open the bag and make believe he had to throw up and let the stuff plop down on guys under them.

When Murray was in college at Columbia, he took Charlie to visit him and Charlie was asked by the football coach to apply there. Charlie started to tell the story to show how good Murray was to him but when he got near the end he was depressed, as if he'd made a mistake.

Morty asked if Mr. Prentiss gave me to Charlie and I didn't know what he meant. He explained that at the Home, for summers and after school, they would be assigned to work for a Jewish businessman somewhere. Morty had worked for a children's dress manufacturer in the garment center and now he was a partner. He took out his wallet and showed me pictures of his family and his home on Long Island. In a separate envelope he had pictures of his swimming pool, his snowmobile, his snow blower, his electric barbecue, and his riding mower. What's money for if you don't use it? he asked.

Irving said he worked in a corner candy store for a husband and wife and that the brother of the wife had been a college teacher. He inspired me, Irving said. He was the only Jewish man I knew who wasn't rich but still had time to go to ball games and the beach!

Irving made more jokes again about what a racket college teaching is. He only teaches 6 hours a week and this gives him all the time he wants to read and do things with his family and friends. He talked about how angry he used to make Murray by telling him that if schools like Murray's multiplied and students came to college knowing how to read and write, it was going to make life impossible for professors. I used to love to tell him how popular the new film courses are, Irving said, and how we charge lab fees for them to pay for the pillows.

I didn't like to hear Irving make fun of education, so I left the room and went down to the cellar, where Hannah and I were. I didn't try to argue with Irving because I saw that he knew more than me, but I wanted to say to him that without our emphasis on education the Jews would never have survived and he would never have been born!

IF YOU'RE A JEW YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PRAISE LEARNING!

I started to masturbate, thinking of Hannah, but I stopped myself because of it still being the 7 days of mourning for Murray. I lay back on the couch with my hands folded on my chest and made believe I was dead and that Sandy was standing over me in my coffin and crying. Her heart was broken.

Going home tonight Charlie asked what I thought about Mr. Prentiss and I said, you meant apprentice didn't you?

He told me he wanted to invest in me. He believed in my brain, he said. Most people think money makes money, he said. They're wrong. Brains make money. He said he wanted to give me a stake of $25,000 and I would tell him what to do with it and after I was 21 I could start paying him back.

At how much interest? I asked.

He laughed and said he was serious. He would need incoming money in a few years because he would stop working by then. He said he told Anita that he was worth over a quarter of a million dollars in liquid cash and that he was telling me also.

What did she say when you told her? I asked.

Congratulations, he said.

The Jewish people who come to see Anita all kiss her. A lot of the non-Jews don't.

I think Irving admires me for my knowledge. When they talked about Sol's father founding the Home as the 3rd Jewish orphanage in America I said that the 1st orphanage in America was for children whose parents were massacred by Indians.

Before I came up here I went to see Mr. Mittleman in the office and I smiled at him but he acted like nothing ever happened yesterday. He was the old Mr. Mittleman. In a butcher shop in the 21st century, he said, they were selling human meat. The carcasses were hanging from hooks with prices on them. A Chinaman was $2.50 a pound. An Arab was 10¢ a pound. A Russian was $2 a pound, and a Chasidic Jew was $98 a pound. But why so much for a Chasidic Jew? a man asked. The butcher pointed to the frozen body of a Chasidic Jew which was still dressed in black coat and hat. Why? he asked. Tell me—have you ever tried to clean one of those?

From where I was I spat at him, but my saliva was too foamy and dry. It only went a foot or two. He didn't show me if he saw what I did. I prayed for God to put a curse on him. But if I had screamed at him about the sufferings that Jews have endured for centuries so that he could be born into the world he would only have found another joke.

I'm glad you never had a son, I said instead. He would have had to disown you.

Dogs copulate and have more dogs, he replied. Only man makes money.

I came up here and invented something to make Charlie smile. I asked him if he knew why the blue whale was probably a Jew.

Why is the blue whale probably a Jew? he asked, and he was smiling already.

Because he's the smartest animal next to man and he's the most endangered species.

Also: The mother can only give birth to 1 child every 2 years, which is the lowest rate of all animals.

This is what Murray believed: Prosperity is the enemy of the Jews because it leads to a declining birth rate.

I imagined Mr. Mittleman frozen and hanging from a hook with his eyes and mouth closed and his cigar stuck in where his penis used to be.

A question for Dr. Fogel: Even if you're a Rabbi, how can you ever
prove
to a Jew that he should care about being a Jew?

The answer is you can't.

But I would say this also: When they packed Jews into boxcars and ovens they didn't ask them how much they believed in being Jews!

This is what I imagine Dr. Fogel saying: The answer to the question is HISTORY but if you don't know HISTORY or feel HISTORY then it won't be the answer for you!

THURSDAY

SOL CAME TODAY!

I was sitting on the floor in Ephraim's room playing poker with him when he appeared at the door and I knew right away it was him, even before he spoke.

You must be Charlie's new boy, he said, and he smiled at me in a way that made me feel good. He was taller than I imagined him being and his face was shiny as if it had all been polished, especially the top of his head. He only had a little bit of gray hair left, over his ears, and he wore small round glasses pushed forward on his nose.

Hi Uncle Sol, Ephraim said, and as soon as he did and Sol picked him up and hugged him, Ephraim was crying. Sol told him not to be ashamed, to just let himself go. This is what Sol said to him: Life has mountains and life has valleys. He said it was something his father always said to him.

What I thought: He doesn't look like the kind of man who had ever been a boy to a father! He looked as if he had always been the age he was now.

He was dressed beautifully. I touched his suit and it felt softer than Hannah's sweater. His shoes were gleaming black. He was shaved so close I couldn't even see the little black spots of new hairs. His eyes were a pale gray color that made you relax, and his forehead had 3 lines running across it on top of each other.

You're the man of the family now, he said to Ephraim. You take care of your mother. She'll need you now.

I thought of Charlie waiting for us downstairs and I imagined him hugging Sol when Sol had walked through the door into the kitchen. I wanted to run away so instead I said, My name is Danny Ginsberg and I come from the Home. Then he smiled very warmly at me and took my hand in his and told me that Charlie was just telling him all about me and why I was here. I couldn't stop staring into his eyes, as if I was hypnotized.

Will you help save the Home? I asked, but he only laughed at that and said he could see why Charlie had picked me out. I like directness, he said. I like boys who look me in the eye.