An Unyielding Desire (After The End Book 2) (10 page)

Mina collapsed to the floor, holding herself and rocking. An incessant droning filled her head, and she didn’t know how long she had tuned out before she heard
Emme calling out to her. Slowly, her vision expanded, and she could see Emme kneeling beside her, calling her name. She licked her dry lips. “I’m okay.”

Her sister looked frightened. “You’re not okay. What’s going on, Mina?”

“I’m okay.” She repeated it twice more before she had the strength to stand. “Gotta go,” she said, avoiding her sister’s gaze. When Emme tried to put a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off. “Don’t touch me.” She’d spoken sharply enough to make her sister recoil, and she softened her tone. “Please, just don’t. I’m okay. Just need the tea.” Without another word, she left Emme’s room and detoured into her own, spending several minutes calming down before she attempted to go about her daily chores.

*****

Emme had proven reliable, and Mina was pleased to see the canister refilled a couple of days later. She continued to drink her daily cup over the next seven weeks, as Shane visited her every night. During the few days she’d bled on her next cycle, he’d been content to cuddle with her, which she found worse than rape—though maybe not as horrifying as the times he expected her to satisfy him orally.

She hated that she was adapting to his visits. Mina didn’t bother to wear clothes to bed now, and she didn’t fight Shane when he came to her. Most of the time, she did what he wanted without question or disobedience. She
had learned what he liked, and what he liked to hear. When he fucked her, she knew when to moan and what to say to please him. The worst thing was, part of her wanted to please him. It made her life easier when he was happy with her.

Almost every night, she was still slipping out to sleep with Coop. He was a source of comfort, and being with him was about the only time when she felt happy at all. In his presence, she was also less likely to experience flashbacks or the disconnect
episodes that plagued her more frequently. Beside him at dinner, when his hand rested on her thigh sometimes, she found a bit of an appetite, and the food managed to stay down.

Lia must have noticed their friendship, because they were in the kitchen fixing food when she said, “So, you and Cooper, huh?”

Mina dropped the knife she’d been holding, all too aware of Shane and several others in the other room, gathered around the woodstove they’d returned with a few days ago. It was a cold day outside, and with the animals tended already, everyone was just resting for a change, besides the people alternating turns on watch in the tower they had constructed that was part of the fence surrounding the house. “What?”

“You and Coop. You’re together, aren’t you?”

Mina shook her head as she tried to take a deep breath. It was hard enough to act naturally around Lia, harboring the load of resentment she carried for her sister, but she couldn’t even attempt to fake her way through this conversation. “No.”

Lia grinned, clearly intent on teasing her. “Who do you think you’re fooling, sis? He’s clearly smitten, and you’re obviously getting a steady supply. Who else would it be?” Underneath the teasing was a slight note of accusation.

Mina’s mouth dropped open. “Why the hell would you think I’m ‘getting a steady supply’?”

Lia rolled her eyes. “’Cause you’re drinking
Emme’s tea, same as me. I’ve seen you just about every morning. There’s only one reason you drink contraceptive tea, baby girl.”

She flinched
, starting to shake. “Don’t call me that.”

Lia paused, looking closely at her. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” Mina was trembling, and she knew she was on the verge of losing control. She had to get out of the kitchen before she had an episode. She had no idea what else to call it. The first one had happened in Emme’s room, and the subsequent ones were all similar. Even knowing it had to be something like post traumatic stress disorder didn’t help her cope with it or stop it. She’d almost prefer a brain tumor or something fatal, so she could die and get away from everything.

“If you’re too embarrassed to admit you’re having sex, you shouldn’t be having it.” She had the disapproving air of Mina’
s Sex Ed teacher in high school.

Rage
coursed through her, and Mina slammed the knife into the chopping block forcefully enough to bend the blade and penetrate the solid chunk of oak. She was vaguely aware of Lia flinching away, but didn’t care if she was scaring her. “I wouldn’t even be having sex if it weren’t for you, you fucking slut.” Somehow, she’d managed not to scream the words.

Lia looked
offended as Mina shoved past her and headed for the stairs. She heard Emme entering the kitchen behind her, and her well-meaning sister counseling Lia to be patient with her. Lia’s snappish, “It’s been more than two months since the rape. I’m getting tired of her milking it,” followed her up to her room. She slammed the door and barely reined in the urge to kick it.

Her head spun, and she dropped to the floor, rocking. A soft keening cry slipped from her lips, but she eventually stopped hearing it as she rocked herself into oblivion. When she came out of the episode sometime later, her throat was raw, and her lip stung where she had bitten right through it. She wiped her chin, finding a stream of blood, but feeling nothing. As she got to her feet, she felt nothing at all, either physically or emotionally.

After cleaning up with the basin and pitcher of water on her dresser, she forced herself to leave the room. Everyone was in the living room, either on the furniture or on the floor, still hovering near the stove. Lia sat with Tony, and when they looked at each other, she deliberately looked away. Mina had to resist the urge to flip off her sister as she kept walking, going into the kitchen. She stood in front of the island, having no set task, and stared out the window. When a hand touched her shoulder, she jumped like she’d been burned, even though she knew it wasn’t Shane. His scent was imprinted in her olfactory memory.

She
exhaled as Coop came to stand beside her. Mina let herself relax against him, her head on his shoulder as he rubbed her back.

“You okay, honey?”

She didn’t know what to say. Mina was tired of lying and pretending, but she couldn’t tell him the truth either. So, she just shrugged and let him hold her, enjoying the touch of a man who was with her of her volition, someone who didn’t want anything from her that she didn’t want to give.

Mina looked up to say something to him, and he had bent his head at the same time, probably planning to whisper to her. Their gazes locked, and their lips were only an inch from touching. Before she could talk herself out of it, or remind herself of why she shouldn’t, she
stretched a bit higher to brush her lips against his.

The kiss was gentle, almost more of a comfort measure than anything arousing—though there was a strong undercurrent of sexual attraction that she had been suppressing. At the first brush of his lips on hers, it sparked to a raging inferno, and she knew she’d been denying what her heart had known all along. She wanted Cooper with an intense hunger that gave her the urge to strip off his clothes, push him back on the kitchen island, and ride him. Before she could do anything so rash, he broke the kiss.

His green eyes were so tender that she could practically feel her heart breaking in her chest. She would never be able to take things further than this kiss, not with Shane hovering in the background. Since her plan to kill him had basically petered out for lack of ability—Dana’s lessons were helpful, but couldn’t prepare her for the task—and opportunity, she saw no end in sight. When Shane went on supply runs, she found herself hoping he wouldn’t come back, since it represented her only shot of freedom.

She couldn’t do this to herself or Cooper again. With a small whimper, she pushed away from him and fled the kitchen for the second time that day, this time heading toward the stables despite the moratorium on going anywhere alone. Mina hadn’t bothered with her coat, and she shivered in the cold air as she broke into a run. Right then, she wanted nothing more than to hop on her horse and ride away, never to return.

In the stable, she went to Lady’s stall. Since the horse was due to foal any day, she couldn’t risk taking her out. Mina knew she couldn’t risk leaving anyway. Who knew what Shane would do to her family if she did? And what would she find out in the world in its current state? The possibility of multiple gang rapes per day from different men was all too likely. As loathsome as she found Shane, at least he was the devil she knew.

She was unsurprised when he came into the stable, her coat in hand. From anyone else, she would have found the gesture
solicitous when he held it for her to slip on. With him, it felt suffocating.

“What’s going on, Mina?”

“I wish people would stop asking me that.” She glared at him. “You know exactly what’s going on. You’re turning me into a neurotic mess.”

He looked
hurt. “I just want to take care of you.”

She snorted. “Your
care
is driving me over the edge.” Mina tried to turn away from him as he drew her closer, tugging her over to a clean pile of straw. “See, like this. I don’t want you to hold me, but you just do what you want.”

Shane frowned, clearly upset
. “I thought we were past all this. You’ve been so sweet with me the last month. You welcome me every night.”

She hunched her shoulders. “What choice do you give me, Shane?”

He pushed the hair that had grown to her shoulders off to the side, so he could nibble on the spot at her neck that always made her react, though she didn’t want to. “Baby girl, this is silly. We’re happy. Just let go of all the bad stuff that happened between us in the beginning.”

“It’s never stopped,” she whispered.

He took a fistful of her hair to pull her head backward. Mina lay in his arms, looking up at him, and he didn’t loosen his hold. “This isn’t bad. I refuse to believe it is. You want me. I can have you wet and aching for me in seconds.”

“It’s just physical.” She winced when he tugged her hair.

“That’s bullshit. I know you care for me as much as I do you.”

Her eyes widened. “You
care about me? Now that’s bullshit, Shane. You don’t know me. You might think you care, but the person I am around you is who you force me to be. I’m scared to tell you no or refuse to do whatever you tell me to.”

His complexion paled. “Why are you being so cruel?”

“Why are you?” Tears suddenly sprang to her eyes. “Do you know what it’s like to have someone you hate manipulating your body to do whatever he wants? I’d rather you hurt me and force me than treat me gently. It’s so much worse when you’re tender.”

Shane put his arms around her, drawing her against his chest. “
Shh, baby girl, you’re just upset. You feel hot. I think you might be coming down with something. Just rest and forget all this nastiness.”

Her tears came faster. She’d known she couldn’t get through to him, so why was she so disappointed that he hadn’t really listened to anything she said? Shane hadn’t magically changed, despite the tenderness he showed her now. He was still a brutal man, who would do whatever he considered necessary to get what he wanted.
If she didn’t comply with what he expected, he wouldn’t hesitate to show her that side again.

“And you don’t.”

“Don’t what?” she asked in a wet voice.

He kissed the top of her head. “You don’t hate me. You might wish you did, but you don’t.”

Mina closed her eyes, sagging with defeat. He was right, as much as she hated to admit it. Shane had tied her into knots and twisted her into a ghost of her former self. The person she was with him didn’t hate him. It wasn’t so easy to sort out anything at this point. She vaguely remembered hearing about Stockholm Syndrome and thought it might be an apt description for what was happening to her. He had manipulated her to the point where she couldn’t hate him, but it would be a cold day in hell before she’d be happy that he’d forced her into this mockery of a relationship.

She let her eyes close,
really not feeling well and not having the energy to pull away from Shane. Instead, she accepted the comfort he offered, though she knew it was an illusion. As her eyes started to close, he once again proved he couldn’t truly be trusted.

“I want you to stay away from Cooper Tidwell.”

Her eyes snapped open, and she lifted her head. “Coop is just a friend.” That wasn’t completely true, but it was all she could let him be.

Shane’s mouth curled on one side. “Baby girl, he wants you. Coop is my friend. I respect him, and he’s saved my ass a couple of times, so I’m willing to overlook his desire for you. However, I won’t be so generous if you’re encouraging him.” His hand tightened around her wrist, the same one he’d broken two months ago. It was still tender from time to time, and she winced at the flash of pain. “You know how I feel about cheating.”

“You were all for it when it was with my married sister.” For the first time in weeks, Shane lifted his hand to slap her. She braced for the blow, and then looked at him with surprise when it didn’t come.

Instead, he tapped her cheek. “Stop pushing my buttons, baby girl. I don’t know why you want to argue today, but I don’t feel like indulging it. I just want to hold you for a while.”