And Baby Makes Two (7 page)

“A week,” I lied. “A whole, excruciating week.”

Shanee nodded towards the cupboard over the sink. “There’s crisps and biscuits up in there,” she directed.

I reached for the snacks. “I don’t know how much longer I can last,” I confessed. “I really miss him.”

“My mum hasn’t had a boyfriend since my dad left five years ago,” said Shanee. “She doesn’t seem to mind.”

“That’s ’cause she’s old. It’s different when you’re in your prime.”

Shanee started filling the glasses with juice. “Physical exercise,” she decided. “You should take up cross-country running or some—”

I looked over at her. She was staring at me with her head to one side, as though she’d just noticed I had four arms or something.

“What?”

Shanee gave herself a shake. “Nothing.” She turned back to the glasses. “I was just wondering if those were the jeans you got at Brent Cross with me in September?”

I put the biscuits and the crisps on the counter. “Yeah. Why?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. They look different.”

I tugged at the waist. “They shrunk,” I told her. “
She
can’t even wash a pair of jeans without ruining them.”

“That must be it…” She glanced over and smirked. “Or did you hit the Christmas goodies a little hard?”

“God, no! I hardly ate the whole time. I was lovesick, remember?”

Shanee was still studying me like I was one of her science project plants. “Your face looks fatter.”

I picked up the crisps and two of the glasses.

“It’s all the kissing,” I assured her. “The muscles swell.”

I didn’t feel like sitting with my mother the moaner, so I spent most of that night in my room, pretending to be doing my homework while I listened to the radio and imagined me and Les going away together on holiday in the spring, to celebrate our six-month anniversary. To Ibiza, or Greece, somewhere hot and romantic. We found a secluded cove where no one else ever went. The water was as blue as a swimming-pool and the sand was as soft as feathers and as white as Nivea. We put our blanket near the water. I unhooked my bikini top and lay on my front while Les knelt over me, rubbing sunblock into my back.

But I couldn’t fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes and tried to stop thinking about our holiday, I’d see Shanee looking at me with her head to one side, telling me my face was fat.

As soon as I heard Hilary snoring next door, I crept into the living-room to watch telly. I didn’t like lying in the dark on my own. It made me nervous. I’m a person who likes light and noise.

There was a pretty funny film on Channel Five. Funny enough to take my mind off my fat face for a while. Normally, I get something to eat or drink while the ads are on, but after what Shanee said I didn’t dare go near the kitchen in case I really was gaining weight. I was sitting there, humming along with the jingles the way you do, when the Tampax ad came on. This girl all in white was running around in the sunshine.

Yeah, right, I thought. Like she never leaks even a little…

And that’s when it occurred to me that I hadn’t had my period yet that month. I tried to shove the thought away, but it kept coming back.

I know it sounds mad that I had no idea when I’d last had one, but it isn’t that mad. It wasn’t always regular. Sometimes it was late, or I missed a month if I was dieting or if
she
was giving me a really hard time. It’d never bothered me if it didn’t come when it should. But then it could never’ve meant that I was pregnant before.

I was still sitting there, staring at the screen, thinking about the last time I’d had my period when the film came on again.

Not this month so far. Not in January. Not in December.

That can’t be right, I told myself. That’s three months. It can’t have been
three
months.

I concentrated on December first. My period usually came towards the end of the month. But at the end of December I’d gone to Les’s that night when no one was home, and I hadn’t had my period then.

I tried January next. I must’ve had it at the beginning of the month, instead of at the end of December, that’s why I’d forgotten.

But I hadn’t forgotten. At the beginning of January, Shanee and I took her sister Mabel to the water slides as a birthday treat. We’d gone in the water. I didn’t use tampons; I couldn’t have gone in the water if I’d had my period; everyone would’ve thought they were in
Jaws
.

I sat very still. I couldn’t be pregnant. You can’t get pregnant the first time, everybody knows that. I had living proof that it takes more than sticking a penis in you to make a baby straight away. My sister Dara had to be on her nine millionth time and she still wasn’t pregnant. But if I was pregnant it had to have happened the first time, because we’d only ever really done it once. Plus, I hadn’t had an orgasm, and I was pretty sure that you couldn’t get pregnant without one. Besides, I wasn’t throwing up every morning, was I? No, I wasn’t. I felt absolutely fine. I didn’t want to eat gherkins and chocolate ice cream either. I only cried when I argued with my mother. And my breasts weren’t bigger. I didn’t
feel
pregnant: I felt like
me
.

I tried to remember something – anything – from our sex education classes that would give me some clue about being pregnant. But I could only remember one thing: always use a condom.

Pink or Blue, I Love You

“I don’t see why I have to be the one to buy it,” grumbled Shanee. She had her stubborn face on. It made her look about six.

“Because nobody would think for a second that you might be preggers, that’s why,” I said again. “They’ll think it’s for your mother.”

Shanee grunted. “It might’ve been helpful if you’d thought for a second that you might get pregnant.”

“Well, I didn’t,” I snapped. “I made a mistake.”

Shanee was still looking stubborn.

“And what if Mr Arway in the chemist’s says something to my mother?” she demanded. “What then?”

“Oh, for God’s sake.” Shanee was really beginning to get on my nerves. “What’s he going to say?” I asked. “‘Hello, Mrs Tyler. Was the pregnancy test positive?’” I gave her a shove. “Just
go
, will you? It’ll be fine.”

I pushed, but Shanee didn’t budge.

“I’m embarrassed,” she announced. “What if Mr Arway
doesn’t
think it’s for my mother? What if he thinks it’s for
me
?” Everybody thought Shanee was so sweet, but she could have a really mean glare when she wanted to. “You can bet your trainers he’d say something to her then.”

This was a little harder to argue with, since it was actually one of the reasons
I
wasn’t willing to buy the pregnancy test myself. I didn’t want the old cow to find out before I was ready to tell her.

“No, he wouldn’t,” I said reasonably. “Chemists are like doctors and priests. They aren’t allowed to just blab out your personal secrets to anybody who comes down the street.”

“Lucy Tyler isn’t just anybody,” said Shanee stubbornly. “She’s my mother.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I said, thinking quickly. “If it makes you feel any better, we’ll catch the bus down to Oxford Street and you can buy it there.”

The glare was replaced by a look of suspicion.

“
You
could buy it there, too,” said my best friend since forever.

“No,
I
couldn’t. Don’t you get it? If
I
buy it, they’ll be able to tell I’m the one who thinks she’s pregnant, because I
am
. But they won’t with you. You’re innocent. It doesn’t matter if anyone thinks you could be pregnant because you can’t be.”

“Innocent isn’t the same as stupid.”

I could feel my lower lip start to wobble.

“Please…” I begged. “Who else can I turn to? You’re the only real friend I’ve got.” If I asked Gerri or Amie to do it, the whole planet would know the results before I did. “I can’t face the chemist. Not in the state I’m in.”

Which was a state of confusion. Now that I was over the shock, part of me (the part that would have to tell Hilary Spiggs) was definitely scared, but another part of me was feeling really excited. Like I was a child and it was Christmas Eve.

Shanee sighed. “I can’t believe you didn’t use a condom,” she muttered. “I really can’t. The government spends millions of pounds telling people to use condoms so they won’t have babies they don’t want, and you just jump right into bed without a second thought.”

“You can’t think when you’re gripped by passion. It just takes over. You’ll see for yourself, some day.”

“No, I won’t,” said Shanee. “I’ll’ve learnt my lesson from you.”

I didn’t open the bag once on the way home. Not even for a peek. I sat with it on my lap, while Shanee banged on about how the chemist had looked at her and how the other customers had looked at her and how the guard had smiled at her as she left.

I didn’t open the bag until me and Shanee were safely locked in my bathroom.

“Oh, no,” I cried. “It’s the wrong kind. It’s pink!”

“No, it isn’t,” said Shanee. “The applicator’s white. The indicator turns pink if you’re knocked up.”

“But the one Dara used was
blue
.” I remembered it distinctly. I’d felt really chuffed at the time that Dara showed it to me and did the test while I was there, as if I wasn’t her little sister but her friend.

Shanee snatched the box out of my hand and tore it open.

“For God’s sake, Lana. What difference does it make if it turns pink or blue? It means the same thing.”

I took the applicator from her. “I know. I just want to make sure we got a good one, that’s all.”

“It was the most expensive one they had,” said Shanee.

She unfolded the instructions and read them out to me. She turned her back while I peed. She stood beside me at the sink, staring at the applicator, waiting for something to happen or not happen.

Something happened. It turned pink.

“Maybe it’s
wrong
,” said Shanee at last.

I held up the carton. “It says it’s as accurate as a doctor’s test.”

Shanee squashed her mouth together. “Well, of course it says
that
. It’s not going to say, ‘Not very accurate at all’, is it?” She grabbed the applicator and held it up to the light. It was still pink.

“Maybe it’s a dud,” said Shanee.

I hadn’t thought of that. The Spiggs was always buying things that didn’t work. Hoovers, light bulbs, small appliances. It could happen with pregnancy tests, too.

“Do you think so? You think we should’ve got two?” I didn’t want to make a mistake. This was really important.

Shanee sighed. “We’ll get another one from a different shop.” I could see the expression on her face in the mirror. She looked worried. And scared. “So we’re sure.”

Beside her, my face was already beginning to glow. I was that excited. Imagine, me pregnant! I couldn’t believe it. I was going to be a mother. Talk about when I grow up! The only way I’d’ve felt more grown up was if I’d been the queen or somebody like that.

“Good idea,” I agreed. “We’d better get two more.” I dropped the applicator and the box into the Boots’ bag. “If the next one is negative we’ll have to do a third as a control.”

Shanee’s eyebrows rose.

“Good God!” said Shanee. “You have been paying some attention in science.”

“I’ll tell you one thing…” Shanee tossed the magazine she’d been pretending to flip through back on the coffee table. “I’m glad I don’t have to tell your mother.”

I heard her, but I didn’t feel like speaking. I just couldn’t get over it. When we did cooking, my rice pudding came out like soup. When we made clocks in design and technology, mine was too small to fit the timepiece. All my plants for the science project died. Twice. And yet I got pregnant, first time. It’s like getting a hole in one the first time you pick up a golf club. But we’d done it. Me and Les. We were naturals. We were always meant to be.

Shanee twisted round so she was facing me.

“What are you going to do? I’m pretty sure you can get an abortion without your mum ever knowing.”

“An abortion?” I had to laugh. “Are you joking? I’m not having an abortion.”

Shanee blinked. “You’re
not
?”

“Of course I’m not.” I laughed again. “How could you think I would do something like that? This is my baby, Shanee! Mine and Les’s. I’m not going to throw it out like an empty milk carton.”

She just looked at me for a couple of minutes, as though I was Shakespeare or someone and she was trying to work out what I was
really
saying.

“You mean you’re going to put it up for
adoption
?”

Putting your baby up for adoption was what the government thought teenage mothers should do. It was also the government who told us it was all right to eat beef and then all these people started acting like mad cows. I wasn’t going to listen to the government.

I threw one of the couch cushions at her. “Now you’re winding me up.”

She held on to the cushion.

“You can’t mean you’re going to
keep
it,” said Shanee. She was speaking really slowly.

“Of course I’m going to keep it.”

I hadn’t
planned
to get pregnant because I hadn’t thought that I
could.
But that didn’t mean that it wasn’t the right thing to do. Really, it was the solution to all my problems. Happiness was mine.

“This is what I’ve always wanted,” I reminded her. I laughed. “Plus, having a baby beats taking my GCSEs.”

“You can’t take care of a baby, Lana!” Shanee was sitting so straight she looked like she might snap. “You’re just a kid!”

I thought about the scrapbooks in the box under my bed. There was one that was filled with nothing but pictures of babies and little children. My ideal family was two boys and two girls; one of the boys and one of the girls was dark and the other two were fair. Which one would this be?

“I am not a kid.” I got to my feet. “I’m a woman, Shanee. You may still be a kid, but I’m grown up.” I stood up tall and proud. “I’m going to be a mother.”