And I Trusted You (21 page)

I love you Tasha. I will always be here for you. This is just something we have to deal with. But, please remember that I do not blame you. I just feel so helpless. I wish there were something I could do to take the pain away. I can’t stand to see you hurt. I just want to help you.” He says holding my hands.

“Ed I love you so much. You are the best man in the world. Hopefully the Police will get something from the information I gave them this morning.” I say as I stand up. “I’m about to fix something for lunch. Do you want something?” I realize I need to do something to keep my mind busy.

“Yes, whatever you fix is fine with me. I hate to say it, but I miss you being at home. Maybe you can find something else to do when you’re ready.” He says walking to the computer. “Let me know when the food is ready. I need to check my email from the office.”

I fix a chef’s salad with chicken breast slices, ice tea and a small bowl of fruit. We eat and make plans for the children during my appointment with the counselor. Ed agrees to work at home for the rest of the week. Since today is only Wednesday, I’m happy I’ll have him around as I struggle through this ordeal. I clean up the kitchen and go take a nap. The pain medication I’m taking makes me sleep.

When I wake up, the boys are home from school. Ed is working on the computer and there is a message from my mother. I call her and she tells me she feels like something is wrong. I assure her everything is okay. I let her know I’ll have more time since I quit my job. She says she’d like to come spend a week with us during the holiday break for the kids. I agree and tell her we’ll send her a train ticket since she doesn’t fly. Finally she is satisfied and we end the call.

I ask Ed and the boys what they want for diner. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I wanted us to go out to eat if you feel up to it. I should have mentioned it earlier. “He says with a frown.

“Oh that’s fine ‘cause I really don’t feel much like cooking dinner anyway. Are we going to our usual place?”

“Yeah. Are you going to get ready now?”

“Yeah, it’ll take me about 30-45 minutes.” I say as I turn to go back into the bedroom. I take a shower then pick out something to wear. It takes a while to do my hair. I’m moving slowly so it takes me all of the 45 minutes to get ready. Once I come out of the bedroom, my youngest son walks over to me and hugs me. “Hi Mommy, I’m glad you finally woke up. I missed you and when I came home I looked in on you. You looked so pretty sleeping. Do you feel better?” Asks five-year old Eric.

“Yes sweetie, I feel better. I’m just a lil’ tired. I’m happy to see you too and thank you for letting me sleep.” I say as I rub his head.

Xavier and Jonathan are watching carefully. They know something is wrong. I make up my mind to talk with them later to ease their minds. Ed finishes up what he’s doing and we leave. We take the 15-minute drive to the Olive Garden. Italian is my favorite kind of food. Sometimes we rotate and eat Chinese. But I’m sure Ed came here to make me feel better. As we get out and walk in, I hear someone call my name. I turn and I see Jarvis, the mailman at the shop walking toward me.

“Hello there talented lady. I haven’t seen you at the shop the last few days. Are you feeling okay?” He asks.

“No. I’m a little under the weather. This is my husband and my children.” I say pointing to each as I give the names.

“Nice to meet you all. Tasha does such a good job at Sonny’s World. I’m sure he misses her as she tries to get well. Anyway, I’m meeting someone for dinner. I’ll see you all later. Bye Tasha.” He says walking off.

“He’s friendly. He must spend a lot of time talking with you. He seems to know a lot about what you did at the shop.” Ed says with a frown.

I look up at him and obviously move my eyes to the boys. He catches the hint and looks away. “Okay boys, you ready to go do some damage?” He asks excitedly.

“Yeah!” Comes a chorus from the boys. We go inside. The waitress, who is used to seeing us, gives us our usual table. The boys order their favorites then Ed and I order. I look around the restaurant. I feel uncomfortable, but I don’t know why. Then I spot Jarvis staring at me. He smiles then quickly looks the other way. I avert my gaze. There is something about him. I mean he comes into the shop and he’s always friendly. He never says or does anything questionable or out of the way. But, there’s something. I realize I’m probably being paranoid and struggle to turn my mind to something else. I notice Jonathan is talking about his science project. I look at his smiling face and realize how fortunate I am to have a beautiful family. I’m glad the crime committed wasn’t something that took me away from them.  The rest of the dinner was tolerable. A couple of times I look up and see Jarvis looking our way. But he could have been looking at someone past us. He said he was meeting someone for dinner, but he ate alone. Finally I was relieved when he paid his check and left.  I relax and enjoy the rest of my meal.

When we finish we leave and stop off at Redbox to rent a couple of movies. Ed thinks it’ll give me something to do during the day and keep my mind busy. I make sure the boys have their homework done and get washed up for bed. There is a knock on the bedroom door after about an hour. “Who is it?” I say sitting up on the bed.

“X”, Can I talk to you for a minute?” He says.

“Yeah, come in.” He opens the door and walks into the room. I pat the foot of the bed in an indication for him to sit down. He should have been asleep by now. But, for him to be awake, his nine-year old mind must be racing. “What’s the question?”

“It’s not really a question. I wanna know what’s wrong. You haven’t been acting like yourself for the last couple of days. I know you haven’t been feeling good, but you’ve never acted like this before when you were sick. Are you really okay? Is there something we should know?” He says frowning.

“X, there is nothing for you to worry about. I have been sick, but you don’t need to worry about that. I’m getting better. Why, what are you worried about?”

“I don’t know. It just crossed my mind that one day you might not be here. I mean I know parents don’t live forever, but I don’t want you to die. I just don’t know. It just crossed my mind when I came home from school Monday and you were in the bed sleeping. Then when you weren’t up to see us off to school the next day, I got worried. I was just thinking about it, that’s all.” He says looking me directly in the eye.

“X, there is nothing for you to worry about. I promise I’ll take good care of myself. Besides, if something happened to me, who would make you clean your nasty room?” I say jokingly. I reach over and give him a hug. He squeezes me so tightly I can’t believe the strength he has. He’s growing up so fast. Before I know it, he’ll be moving on to college and the things that come with it. “Now you go on back to bed and get a good night’s rest. I promise I’ll be up to see you guys off to school tomorrow.” I say with a smile.

Xavier leaves and again I think about the fact that I may not have been here to talk with him at all. I’m happy to have the kind of relationship where I can talk with my boys. They show their love for me every day. Even in front of other people. It’s strange, I’ve always wanted a daughter, but I’m happy with my boys. They think they’re big men and can protect me from anything. I pick up the book I’ve been reading, Liar’s Game, and read until I fall asleep.

Suddenly I sit straight up in bed. I remember something. I jump up and put my robe on. I leave the room and walk down the hall to Ed who’s sleeping in the guest room. I open the door and walk in. He is in bed asleep as he should be at 3:16 am. “Honey, wake up. I remember something.” I say shaking him. He sits up rubbing his eyes. “What, what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?” He says turning to me after he switches the bedside lamp on.

“No. I don’t think I had a nightmare. But I think I know who did it. Ed, I think I know who it was.” I hiss.

“Who, Tasha? Who was it?”

“I think it was Jarvis, the mailman. When he saw us tonight he called me “the talented lady”. He always calls me that. I mean every time he comes into the shop. That’s the first thing he says: “How is the talented lady doing today” or something to that effect. Then he was watching us all during the time he was at the restaurant. Ed, I think he did it.” I say crying.

“Okay. Calm down. Officer Woodson isn’t on duty yet, but she will be at 6am. We can call then, okay? In the mean while maybe you should write down the stuff you remember so you don’t forget what you want to tell her.” He says rubbing my back in an attempt to ease my pain.

“Ok. But, Ed, can I sleep in here with you? “

“Sure you can sleep in here. You don’t have to ask me a silly question like that. You just come get in the bed if this is where you want to sleep. I don’t have a problem with it. I told you, I will always be here for you.” He says.

“Good.” I say climbing into the bed. Ed reaches over and switches out the lamp. He snuggles down under the covers and turns over on his side. I miss what we’ve always shared lying beside him. I feel so violated by the rape. But I can’t shut Ed out forever. He can only be so strong. “Ed, can I ask you a big favor?” I say from behind him.

“Sure, anything.”

“Would you hold me, please? I just need to feel your arms around me to keep me safe.” I respond. I am about to tell him I love him and he turns over and pulls me to him. He wraps me in his arms with my head on his shoulder and it feels so warm and safe. It must be how a bug feels in a cocoon. “We are a perfect fit, like a hand and custom made gloves. I feel at home and definitely safe. This is what I’ve missed since I was violated. My body was taken, but I can’t let anything else be taken from me.” As I lye there nestled securely in my husband’s arms I think about Monday. The more I think about the events, the more I realize that it must have been Jarvis. But why would he do something like this? Did he not realize there was a chance he would get caught? I don’t grasp how fast time is passing. I sit up when I hear the alarm clock in my bedroom go off. I know it’s six o’clock. Officer Woodson should have arrived at the station by now. I try to get up without waking Ed, but I don’t succeed. He pulls me to him, “Where are you going?” He says sleepily.

“I’m going to call Officer Woodson. She should have gotten to work by now. Plus I promised Xavier I would see them off to school this morning. He’s worried about me dying.” I say getting out of the bed.

“Okay, I’ll be in, in a minute.”

I walk back to my bedroom and turn off my alarm clock. Then I go into each of the boy’s bedrooms and wake them for school. Even though they can all dress themselves and fix their own breakfast, I still have to wake them up. Once I’m finished with that, I call the Police Station. “Good morning. My name is Tasha Burrows. May I speak with Officer Woodson? Thank you.” I say as I hold the line. A few moments later I hear “Good Morning, Tasha. Is everything okay?” She asks.

“Everything is fine. I remembered something that could be helpful. I think I know who did it.”

“Oh really. Who do you think it is and why?”

I give her all of the information I remembered. I tell her what he says every time he sees me. I tell her about the way he was acting when we saw him at the restaurant last night. I ask her if she had a chance to talk with him and she confirms she has.

“He said he didn’t remember seeing anything suspicious, but he would continue to think on things. I also checked with Sonny and he says the shop didn’t get any mail on Monday. So, with this information, we’ll go back to talk with Jarvis again to see what we can come up with. Thank you for calling so soon.” She says.

“I truly feel like he’s the one. I told Ed, but I’m sure he’ll let you handle it. Will you let me know what you find out?” I ask.

“Yes we will. Thanks again. You have a good day.” She says before hanging up.

I realize the boys are probably almost ready. I leave the bedroom and go into the kitchen. Sure enough, they are all sitting at the table eating frosted flakes. Ed is in the kitchen making a pot of coffee. He has three small glasses of orange juice on the counter. I walk over and give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Eric looks at me and says, “Yuck, Mommy.” Eight-year old Jonathan chimes in, “Yeah, no kissing in front of us, pleeeeease.” Ed looks at me smiling. The boys get their orange juice and drink it with their vitamins. A few minutes later, Ed ushers them out of the door to catch the bus.

I start cleaning the kitchen. Ed and I usually don’t eat breakfast. I take my vitamins and make sure Ed takes his. I tell Ed about the call to Officer Woodson. He is visibly angry. “Ed, why are you so angry?” I ask, even though I know the reason before he tells me.