And Then There Was You (14 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

I placed the cup of hot chocolate in Lisa’s hand and made sure she was warm enough. 'How is it?' I asked, sitting down on the soft rug near the fire.

She took a sip and smiled. 'Absolutely yummy. You really do have a knack for making hot chocolate, Evie.'

'Yes, my dad always used to tell me that. You want to know the secret?'

She nodded.

'A little cream and a touch of grated dark chocolate. It makes all the difference.'

'It certainly does.'

'How are you feeling? And be honest. No tip-toeing around me. Adam and the kids are out, so tell me the truth.'

Lisa leaned back in the armchair, and I tried so hard not to show my grimace. She looked deathly pale; her skin had lost its glow and her eyes looked tired. And then there was her weight – there was very little left of her. But regardless of all that, she hadn't lost her sense of humour.

'Oh, I'm perfectly well. Can't you tell? I look like a catwalk model for the first time in my life.'

I sighed and shook my head. 'Oh Lisa, it's alright. Tell me.'

She rolled her eyes and took a little sip before handing me the mug. 'I can't manage any more.'

I took it from her skinny fingers and placed it on the coffee table. She'd barely touched it.

'I'm comfortable enough. Stop worrying about me.'

Raising my eyebrows, I took a sip of my coffee. 'Lisa, you've got cancer. Of course I'm going to worry about you.'

'Oh please don't use the C word. It's like a curse word or something.'

'I know. I'm sorry, hon. I just want to make sure you're as comfortable and as pain free as possible.'

'I know, and you're doing a fabulous job. You're such a good friend, Evie. But...'

'What is it?' I asked, turning the gas up a little after noticing her shiver. There wasn't enough flesh on her bones to keep her warm.

'You know I'm dying.'

'Lisa, no, don't say that,' I cried.

'But it's true. I've accepted it, and now I need you to accept it, and more importantly, I need you to help Amy, Jack and Adam to accept it too. Can you do that? Can you do that for me, Evie?'

I swallowed back the tears and bit my bottom lip, turning away from her for a moment to gather myself before nodding slowly.

'Good, I knew I could count on you. I'm so lucky to have you as my friend, Evie.'

'No, Lisa. I'm the lucky one.'

'Oh don't get all soppy on me now.' She smiled and her eyelids began to get visibly heavier. 'I'm a little tired. I think I'll take a nap,' she whispered.

I stood up. 'Do you want me to help you to bed?'

'No, I'll sleep right here, in front of the fire, thank you,' she said, as I stood up and readjusted the throw over her lap.

I tiptoed out of the room and closed the door behind me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

We'd rented a house by the sea in Devon; it had been Lisa's idea. She said that's where she'd like to spend her final moments, so we'd pulled out all the stops and found the perfect place with its own little beach. It meant she could sit with her toes in the sand and watch the waves crash against the shore. It was there that she was at her happiest, as the life slowly dwindled from her weakening body.

It wasn't easy. Jack was friendly and polite to me, but I knew, deep down, he'd rather I wasn't there. But I hid my emotions; Lisa didn't need to see them. All I cared about was helping her to have the best final few months of her life. Nothing else really mattered.

Hearing movement in the kitchen, I walked towards it before the sounds of people talking loudly slowed me down.

'I'm just so angry with her,' Jack said, slamming a cupboard door.

'I know. I'm angry too,' Adam said.

'You can't be angry with her. It's not Mum's fault she got cancer,' said Amy.

'It's her fault she didn't have chemo, sis,' Jack shouted, choking up. 'The chemo could've healed her.'

'No, Jack. The chemo would just kill her sooner. She wants to die in peace. Can't you understand that? She just wants to go peacefully, with us around her. She doesn't want to get all fucking shot up with all that shit. Just let her be, Jack. Just let her be. All she needs right now is for us to love her and stand beside her while she does what she wants to do.' Amy’s voice was quiet but angry.

'You're just gonna let her die and be happy about it?' Jack replied angrily.

'No, of course not, but what I do want is for her to know that I accept her decision. And you should too.'

'I can't accept her choice to die, Amy.'

'Stop it, both of you. Just stop it,' said Adam's voice, equally as broken. 'This is your mother. My wife.'

I gasped. What the hell happened to ex-wife? I stepped closer to listen.

'I love her so much. Just like you do. And I sure as hell don't want her to die. And yes, I'm angry with her for not fighting. I'm fucking furious, but I wil
l
no
t
let her see that. And neither will you, Jack.

'You love her, Dad? Really? Then why did you leave her? You should have stayed with her. We could have stayed together as a family.'

Something smashed on the kitchen floor and I jumped back.

'I...I...didn't leave her. It was a mutual decision. We shouldn't have been together then. Both of us knew that.'

'Yes, back then you probably shouldn't, but you've grown so close over the past couple of years. And now...I know you still love her. I can see it. You should be with he
r
no
w
, Dad,' Jack said quietly. 'Not with Eve.'

I heard sobs. Adam was sobbing.

I so wanted to walk in and soothe his pain, but something was stopping me. What if Jack was right? What if what Lisa needed right now was a husband? Her husband? And what if that was what Adam needed too?

An involuntarily sob escaped my lips and I stepped backwards. Turning, I picked up my handbag, car keys and calmly opened the front door. Then I got in my car and drove.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

My mobile kept ringing But I just turned up the music and pressed my foot down on the accelerator, speeding along the motorway. I had no idea where I was going, I just needed to get away for a bit. Just a little bit. Some fresh air. Maybe the beach.

Taking off my shoes, I wiggled my toes in the sand and began walking along the beach at Plymouth Hoe. There were a few people about, even though it wasn't a particularly warm day and grey clouds hovered above. But I ignored everyone, focusing instead on my inner emotions. They were up and down, driving me insane. I was so in love with Adam, and as far as I knew, he felt the same about me. But did he really? Was I just a cover for his true feelings for Lisa? Was he really in love with his first wife? And even if he was, what could I do? She was so close to death, and I'd promised to be there for her. I'd promised to look after her family. How could I do that when I had this sinking feeling that she and Adam were still in love? How could I stick around and be witness to that? My heart was breaking. It had happened before, and it was happening again.

I stood, picking up a couple of pebbles at the same time. Then one by one, I threw them into the sea before I carried on walking along the beach, listening to the sound of the seagulls. An elderly couple sat on a bench, eating chips and smiling at each other. To see love at that age always tugged at my heart, but today it just made it feel like it was bleeding.

I wrapped my cardigan around my body and walked forcefully against the wind, which was picking up. Tears stung my eyes. I turned around and my hair, now a little longer, whipped at my face. My handbag started buzzing again. I opened it and pulled out my phone. I just stared at it until it stopped ringing.

Six missed calls. I clicked on them. Five from Adam. One from my mum. Three text messages from Adam.

Where R U? x

What happened? You just left? X

R U OK? X

I started to text back when it rang again. I sighed and answered it, trying to find somewhere out of the wind.

'Hello?'

'Babe, what happened? I saw you drive off without saying anything? I've been worried sick. Where are you?'

'Plymouth Hoe,' I replied.

'Plymouth Hoe? What on Earth are you doing over there?'

I shrugged, knowing he couldn't see me.

'Evie, what's going on? What's wrong?'

'I heard you, Adam. I heard you talking to the kids in the kitchen.'

He was silent for a while. 'But why leave? I don't understand?'

'Didn't you hear me? I said I heard your conversation. You're still in love with Lisa. Your wife. Not your ex-wife. Your wife. You said you still love her. How can I compete? How can I, Adam? Look, I'm gonna go.'

'No, Eve. Wait. Just... let me meet you somewhere. I'm coming. Meet me at the pier,' and he rang off before I could say no. I cursed under my breath and went to get a hot drink somewhere while I waited for him to drive over.

oOo

I saw him in the distance, walking towards me. He was so handsome. My stomach somersaulted, and I gulped. I had no idea what I was doing. Was I losing it? Was I seeing things that weren't there? Well, I was an author after all. My imagination did have a tendency to overreact and imagine things that weren't real.

'Eve,' he said as he approached me, pulling me into his arms. 'What's going on in there?' he asked, tapping the side of my head.

'Oh, Adam, I heard you. You're still in love with her,' I said, pulling away.

'She's dying, Eve. Dying,' he whispered.

'But that's not the point. How can I be with you when I know you love someone else?'

'No, Eve. I don't...'

'Don't what, Adam? Don't love her? Then you're lying to me, or you're lying to your kids, and I know you don't lie to your kids. Do you?'

He sighed and leaned over the railing. 'I do love her, Eve. I stopped loving her for a while, but then I started again. But it's not like you think. It's not like you and me.'

'You and me?'

'We have passion, Eve. Mad, passionate love. It's different with Lisa.'

My heart was literally breaking in my chest. He loved me, but he loved her too. I shook my head. 'I can't take this. I can't.'

He stood up and grabbed hold of my arms. 'Eve, please. She's dying. She's going t
o
di
e
soon,' he said, tears in his eyes. 'Don't leave me. I need you.'

'I can't be your back-up wife, Adam,' I said and walked away from him.

'No,' he yelled. 'It's not like that. Eve, I love you. I've loved you for the past three, four years. Ever since London. Please, don't walk away now.'

I stopped and turned as he ran towards me.

'Just before I met you, I thought I was falling back in love with her, but she was with another man then, and she encouraged me to get married. That's when I married Charlie, because I never thought I'd find you. Lisa has always been there for me, Eve. She encouraged me to fight for you.'

I looked into his eyes, confused. 'You fought for me, but were still in love with her?'

'No, oh God, this is coming out all wrong. I loved her for so many reasons, and I still do, of course. She's the mother of my children.'

'Adam, are you in love with her?'

'I...I...don't know.'

I stepped backwards. 'Are you in love with me?' I asked, waiting, closing my eyes.

'Yes,' he said, and I opened them up again. 'I want you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. But please, for the rest of hers, please come back. She needs you, I need you, the kids need you.'

'The kids?'

He nodded. 'They might not realise it now, but they do. Please, Eve. Please come home with me.'

I turned to watch the crashing waves below, letting everything sink in. There was a possibility that he was in love with Lisa, but he was sure he was in love with me. Could I cope with that? Could I live in a house with a dying woman who was also the object of his love? Could I? I sighed and nodded. I had no choice. It wasn't Lisa's fault, and she was dying. I needed to be there for her. As for Adam? Well, that would take time for me to come to terms with. But for now, all that mattered was Lisa.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

'Adam? Adam?' I asked, poking him in the side as I shook my head in distress. 'Wake up. This has got to stop,' I said as he slowly opened his eyes. He was slumped over the kitchen table, an empty bottle of brandy in front of him.

'Adam? I don't know how much more I can take.'

'What?' he asked, rubbing his head. 'Oh,' he groaned.

'Exactly. How long is this going to go on for? Do you really think this is what Lisa wants during her last few days of life? Do you really think she wants you drinking away the days and collapsing every night in a drunken stupor? No, she doesn't. Don't do this to her, Adam. Don't do this to me.'

'You don't know what you're talking about,' he said, standing up and walking over to the sink where he turned the tap on and splashed his face, before he grabbed the box of painkillers that he'd been keeping on the work surface for the past few weeks.

'Adam, please. Look at yourself.'

He looked away from me and left the room. Closing my eyes for a second, I sighed heavily before opening them and throwing the brandy bottle into the recycling bin.

'Eve,' shouted a tired voice from the hallway.

'What's up, Clare?' I asked, walking towards her.

Immediately I knew something was wrong. 'Clare? What is it?'

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she nodded. 'You need to get Adam. It's time.'

'No, no, no,' I whispered, rushing back through the kitchen, desperately searching for him. 'Adam, Adam, you need to come quickly. Babe!' I shouted. 'Babe?'

He appeared by the back door, looking like death. 'What is it?'

'It's Lisa,' I said, holding out my hand.

He ignored it, the blood draining from his face, as he rushed passed me and bounded through the house, into her room.

'Amy, my beautiful girl,' Lisa croaked from the bed in the downstairs room with a perfect view of the sea.

'Mum,' Amy sobbed as she carefully sat on the bed, holding her mother's weak fingers, careful not to break the skin, skin that had become like tissue paper. It was difficult for the young woman to sit comfortably with the huge bump in front of her.

'Amy,' Lisa whispered. 'I love you so much, my darling. I wish I could have met your baby.' She stopped and sobbed. 'You're going to make the most amazing mother. And so is Clare,' she smiled. 'My girls. Clare?' she said a little louder.

Clare stepped forward, tears pouring down her face.

'Look after each other. You're my girls. Be kind to one another, stay in love forever and ever.'

Clare nodded, squeezing Amy's shoulder.

'Mum?' said Amy. 'We're going to call her Lisa, our baby. Lisa.'

Lisa smiled, her eyes welling up even more. 'That makes me so very happy, my darling. Thank you. I'm sorry we'll just miss meeting each other but I'll be here, watching over you, I promise. Jack?'

The girls stood up, Amy leaning over to kiss her mother, before moving away so Jack could step forward and sit down.

'Mum?' he said. 'I wish you'd have fought more, you know?'

Lisa nodded, whispering ever so slowly, 'I know, honey. I know. But it's my time. I know that. I knew it all along. You be strong, okay? Find a lovely woman to love. You deserve all the love in the world, my darling. I love you so much. Be strong, be brave and be happy, Jack. I'll always be here,' she tried to lift her hand but failed. 'In your heart.' She coughed.

'Mum, I love you. I'll miss you so much,' he sobbed, letting his head drop to her side.

'I know, but I'll be here, always. Adam?'

Jack slowly stood up, wiping away his tears as his father cleared his throat and walked towards the woman who had borne his children over twenty years ago.

'Honey?' Lisa whispered. 'Thank you for bringing joy to my life. I always loved you, you know that, right?' she croaked and he nodded, wiping the tears roughly from his cheeks.

'I want you to be happier than you've ever been, you hear me?' she smiled. 'That woman,' she lifted her finger just slightly and pointed to me. 'Evie, she's your soul mate. Did you know that? I knew all along.' Her voice became weaker. 'Be happy. Be good together. She loves you so much. Be happy together forever.'

Adam didn't even look at me, he just wiped his eyes and leaned forward to kiss her hollow cheek.

'Kids,' she whispered. They all stepped forward. 'Be understanding. Your father and Evie, they are perfect for each other. I want you to both accept it for what it is. True love.'

Amy let out a deep cry and Jack sobbed.

'Evie, my friend. Thank you,' was all she said before she closed her eyes.

The nurse stepped forward. 'I'm sorry, she doesn't have long left now.'

'Mum,' they cried, rushing to her side and kneeling on the floor.

There they sat for half an hour, nobody saying a thing. We just watched as the life slowly left her, her breathing finally ceasing.

'Mum, don't go. Don't leave us,' Amy sobbed.

Jack put his arm across her shoulder. 'She's gone, Amy. She's gone. '

A deep guttural groan echoed throughout the room and Amy gasped. 'Oh God, the baby. The baby. She's coming. She's coming now.'

'Oh shit,' said Adam, as I rushed toward her and helped her up.

'Hospital. We need to get to the hospital now,' I said.

'No,' Amy said searching my face and then looking back at her mother who was now, finally, at peace. 'Here, I want to have the baby here. I need to. I know it sounds crazy, but I need to have this baby right now, in this house.'

Lisa's nurse did everything possible while we waited for a midwife to come from the local hospital.

Baby Lisa was born just a couple of hours after her grandmother passed away. Once I knew Amy and the baby were okay, I left.