And Then You Dance (Crested Butte Cowboys Series Book 2) (15 page)

Billy stood at the front door, willing himself to knock, praying Renie would answer.

Renie didn’t know what to do. She knew he saw her in the window. And he had her horse. She couldn’t leave him standing out there. Why wasn’t anyone else home?
Oh God,
she didn’t know what to do.

She looked awful. She worked late last night, and stayed in bed reading most of the day. She’d showered last night when she got home, but hadn’t this morning, she had serious bed head.

She heard his boots on the porch, and her heart started to pound. She got so dizzy that she had to grab the closest chair, or she thought she might pass out.
This must be what a panic attack feels like.

He knocked on the door.

She took a deep breath and opened it. “Hi Billy.”

Billy thought he was ready for this, to see her, but he wasn’t. A rush of emotions overtook him, and he thought for a minute he might cry. “Hi Renie.”

“Come in.” She walked in the opposite direction and sat down on a stool near the kitchen.

How was she so calm? He was ready to pass out, and she was so calm. But, then he saw it; she was sitting on her hands. She wasn’t calm at all. Thank God.

“You didn’t cash my checks.”

“No. I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

He couldn’t answer that. They were on his dresser, every single one of them. He didn’t have a reason not to put them in the bank, he just hadn’t.

“I don’t know, to tell you the truth.”

“So that isn’t why you’re delivering my horse.”

“Renie—”

She got up and grabbed a jacket off the hook by the door. It was huge on her. It must be someone else’s. She put her feet inside a pair of boots, also not hers, but sitting near the door.

He followed her out to the trailer. By the time he caught up to her, she was inside of it, hugging her horse.

He backed away. She was talking to Pooh, rubbing her nose, arms around her neck, and she was crying. He didn’t want to intrude. He understood how much she loved that horse, how hard it must’ve been to stay away all this time.

“I missed you so much,” he heard her say between her cries.

A few minutes later she led the horse out of the trailer.

“Thank you Billy, for bringing her.”

“You’re welcome. I would’ve brought her sooner, if I’d known you wanted me to.”

“Thank you,” she said again. She was walking toward the barn. He got Pooh’s tack and followed.

“Is anyone else home?” he asked once they were inside the barn.

“I don’t think so,” she answered. She got Pooh settled in the stall next to Micah, and started putting her tack away.

“I’ll get her some water,” Billy said, looking around for a spigot.

“Over there,” she pointed.

Billy filled a bucket, but stood where he was for a minute. Renie was talking to her horse again. He’d give her some time.

She came out of the stall looking for him, so he started walking toward her. He got closer and realized she was crying. She was breaking his heart, but she’d been breaking his heart for months. He thought he’d be anesthetized to it by now, but he wasn’t.

He set the bucket down and put his arms around her. She didn’t move, except when her body involuntarily did with her sobs.

He didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to do either, so he didn’t do anything except hold her. She wiped her nose on his jacket, which made him smile. Then, her hands came up, and she put them on his arms. He was afraid she would push him away, but she didn’t. She rested them at first, and then she held on to him, tight. She turned her head and rested it against his heart.

When she looked up at him, he couldn’t move. He stared into her eyes, neither of them blinked. When she moved her hands higher, to his shoulders, he pulled the rest of her body in closer to his. When she reached up and her lips met his, he was sure he was either dreaming, or he’d died and gone to heaven.

He let her take the lead, so afraid that any move he made would bring this dream to an end. How often had he had this dream? He’d be in her arms, kissing her, or making love to her. His heart would soar, and then he’d wake up to that familiar and excruciating realization that once again he’d been dreaming.

When she reached around and fisted her hand in his hair, pulling it, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He kissed her back with all the passion she was giving him.

He heard her cry muffled by his mouth. He tightened his grip on her and she didn’t try to back away. He refused to stop kissing her, even if she pulled away, which she hadn’t, he wouldn’t stop.

He’d never been kissed like this. She was ravaging his mouth, pulling at his hair, her fingernails digging into his scalp. He lifted her, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He backed her up, so she was up against the side of the barn. When she started to pull him down into the hay, he let go, but followed her.

She was pulling at her jacket, trying to get it off. He didn’t know whether to help her, or take his own jacket off. She let him know, taking his hands and putting them on her waist, pushing them toward the hem of her sweatshirt. He pushed it up and over her head. She didn’t have anything on under it.

“Wait,” she said, and he froze.

No, no, no.
The dream was ending, and he was about to wake up. Renie grabbed her sweatshirt and pulled it back over her head. Billy watched her, not knowing what to do.

She was torn. She wanted Billy more than anything. She couldn’t think past the way her body was throbbing. But not like this. Not in the barn. What should they do? Should they go inside? She had no idea where her mom and Ben were. The last thing she wanted was for them to walk in, particularly if they had the boys with them.

Think, think.
What should they do?

Billy hadn’t moved. The look on his face…it was breaking her heart, but she didn’t know what to say. Even if she did, she wasn’t sure she could speak.

“I don’t know where my mom is,” she said, as though that explained anything.

“Okay,” he answered.

“Not here,” she managed.

He didn’t answer. He grabbed her hand.

Billy made arrangements on his way into town for a place to stay. He knew whatever happened with Renie, he wouldn’t be in any shape to drive home. That’s where they’d go.

“Wait,” she said again.

Oh God no, please don’t say no. Please God.

“Let me get my jacket and shoes. And lock the door.”

Thank God.
He grabbed the back of the pickup, holding on for dear life, praying all the while that she’d come back out that door and not change her mind.

He thought about taking the trailer off the back of the truck, but was afraid his hands wouldn’t work well enough for him to do it quickly. He was all about quickly, at least until they got where they were going. Then, he’d be all about making his time with Renie last forever.

She was taking too long. Where was she? He started to pace, but close enough to the truck that he could grab hold of it if he needed to. When she came out of the front door, she had a bag with her, and she had on a jacket that looked as though it fit better.

He opened the passenger door, and she climbed into the seat, but grabbed his coat as she did, pulling him to her. She kissed him again, so hard it almost hurt. He wanted to close his eyes and concentrate on how she felt, but he was too afraid. He needed to see her so he was sure this wasn’t a dream.

He couldn’t speak, he almost couldn’t breathe.

She pulled away from him. “Let’s go.”

He walked around the pickup, holding on the whole way, to steady himself. He hoped he could drive. When he got in the truck, Renie slid over and sat next to him. Somehow he managed to get the truck in gear using his left hand because he had to have his right arm wrapped around her.

He pulled up behind a house in town, and parked in the alley, out of the way of the other garages. He got out, and she followed him. The key was supposed to be in a lock box on the back door. He reached in and pulled the code out of his pocket, hoping his hands would be steady enough to punch it in. It popped open on the first try. Renie grabbed the key and opened the back door.

Oh no! He didn’t have any condoms.

“Renie,” he found his voice. “I’m so sorry, I don’t have any—”

“It’s okay,” she said.

He didn’t want to think about why it was okay. He couldn’t let himself think about why it was okay. Why was it okay?

“No.” That was his voice. He’d said it. He’d said no.

“What do you mean?”

“Renie, I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I need to go get condoms.”

“No, it’s okay, I grabbed these from Ben’s nightstand.”

He started to laugh. Why was that the funniest thing he’d ever heard? He couldn’t stop laughing. His body was misinterpreting the schizophrenic emotions he was experiencing, and now he was laughing.

Renie was laughing too. She pulled the stream of condoms, several packets connected together, out of her pocket, and they laughed harder.

He stopped laughing and stalked toward her. She became as serious as he was, her body leaned into his. She reached up and kissed him. He picked up her and started carrying her, but realized he didn’t know where he was going.

He walked throughout the downstairs, her in his arms. Each door they came to, she’d reach down and open. They found a bedroom.

He set her down, wanting to rip every bit of clothing off her body, but she was way ahead of him, pulling it off faster than he could’ve torn it.

She was naked, standing in front of him. “Billy?”

He hadn’t even started taking his clothes off, so she helped him. Once he was as naked as she was, she ripped open a condom packet and handed it to him. Again, he hoped his hands worked.

She was on the bed, watching him as he came toward her. He couldn’t wait. He needed to be inside her, nothing else mattered.

She reached for him, pushed him onto his back, and straddled him, letting him know she wanted the same thing he did. He let her take the lead. She came above him and slowly took him deep inside her. She put her hands on his chest, and he reached up and put his on the sides of her face.

He wanted to tell her he loved her, so badly, but he was afraid, again, if he spoke, something would change. That he’d ruin it. That she’d stop. That he’d wake up.

He grabbed her hips and set his own rhythm. They both cried out as they came together.

Renie stayed where she was, but put her head down on his chest. He could feel her tears. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as tightly as he could, as her body was wracked with sobs.

***

When Ben pulled up to the house, he noticed the barn door was partway open. He looked at Liv, and she shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t remember leaving it open.

“I’ll go,” she said, “I need to check on Micah anyway.”

“I’ll go with you.”

When they went inside, they saw Pooh in the stall next to Micah’s. The two seemed very content being back together.

Liv wanted to run to the house, but Ben held her hand, keeping her pace slower than she would’ve liked.

“Renie?” she shouted out when she went in the front door.

Ben released her hand, and she ran to the stairs. When she got to the bottom, Renie’s door was open, and she wasn’t inside. Ben was standing behind her.

“Well, what do you think?” he asked.

“I’ll call Dottie.”

Dottie confirmed that Billy had left that morning, to bring Pooh to Renie. He’d made her promise not to say anything to Liv and as hard as it was, Dottie kept that promise.

“She’s not here.”

“I haven’t heard anything from him. At the very least, I’d expect him to call and want me to put Willow on the phone. She doesn’t talk, but she babbles at him enough that it makes him happy.”

“So he hasn’t called?”

“Nope. I’ve had the phone right here next to me all day. We heard from him about three hours ago, but he wasn’t to Crested Butte yet.”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“Let’s hope for the best for the time being. If I hear anything, you’ll be the first to know,” Dottie reassured her.

“Likewise,” Liv agreed.

After she hung up Ben said, “Decided not to tell her yet?”

“Oh! No, I forgot. Plus it might be too soon. I’d rather wait.”

“People will notice you’re not on the circuit.”

“I’ll think of something to tell them. But if Dottie asks, I’ll tell her the truth.”

“Come on little mama,” he said, rubbing her belly. “Let’s go cuddle.”

Liv hoped this new development with Billy meant it would be easier to tell Renie she would soon be a big sister.