And Those Who Trespass Against Us (15 page)

Reminiscing on the morning of Katherine's return from the bushrangers, she shuddered at how close she'd come to telling Katherine the truth--that she cared for her more deeply than she had for anyone in a long time. Since then, her continual restraint had meant many restless nights, her dreams filled with thoughts of Katherine. She was at least thankful for the stone walls of the house and her closed door. For she was sure, that more than once, she'd awoken calling Katherine's name.

"I can't go on like this. It's time I spoke with Susan. I'll head in tomorrow. After all, Wednesday's usually a quiet day in the store."

THE FOLLOWING MORNING after a quick goodbye to Katherine, she headed in to town, to the only other person she had confidence would keep her secret. She cast her mind back to the first time she and Susan had met and began a friendship that had steadily grown over the last three years.

SUSAN'S INITIAL ARRIVAL had caused its own share of excitement, consternation, and curiosity. She'd arrived without a husband, carrying only her luggage, and accompanied by a quiet Chinese woman. What surprised the townspeople the most was how Susan had bought the local mercantile shop outright, and with cash--a feat rarely seen in the town. She then proceeded to launch a full-scale expulsion of years of slow-moving and useless stock. Once that was accomplished, she cleaned and repainted the store. Restocking it caused a great deal of interest with the local community. For the first time the mercantile catered to men
and
women. There were bolts of cloth, soaps, and perfume not normally seen that far from Sydney. Susan also cleaned and repaired the ramshackle laundry at the back of the store, which was run by the Chinese woman who'd arrived with her.

Catriona immediately liked Susan, who remained unperturbed by her blunt manner and men's clothes. She spent quite a lot of time helping her at the store, while at the same time attempting to strike up a friendship with the quietly spoken Me Lin.

One day Catriona came into the store to find the main counter unoccupied. Presuming Susan was out the back having lunch, Catriona walked around the counter and into the kitchen, where she found Susan in Me Lin's arms. Aside from Adele, she'd never seen two women in an intimate embrace.

Shocked, Catriona stumbled backward, desperately hoping they hadn't heard her, only to trip on the kitchen rug and awkwardly fall. The couple, interrupted by the noise, instantly separated.

"Are you alright?" Susan helped Catriona to a chair.

"I--I'm fine," Catriona managed, as Me Lin quietly left the room.

Susan pulled a clear glass bottle of Moscatel and two glasses out of the kitchen cupboard. She wordlessly poured two measures and passed a glass of amber fluid to Catriona. "This might help."

Susan took a sip, placed the glass on the table, and looked at Catriona. "I expect you're confused by what you saw. I wouldn't be surprised if you felt the need to never speak to me again. But I'd like to explain something. Sometimes people can be happy with their own company, like you, for example. Most of the time women are happier finding a man to share the rest of their life with. Occasionally this isn't so, and people find happiness with their own." She placed her hands flat on the table. "I'm one of those people, as is Me Lin. We
were
both married. But neither of us ever before had the kind of happiness we've experienced together. I'm aware of how the town and society would view our relationship. But we're happy, and I suspect there aren't too many people who can say that.

"I'd never want to jeopardise our friendship. If you can't countenance my private affairs, then I'll understand. If so, then all I ask is that you go and do so in silence. Such news in a town like this would force me to move again, and I don't want to have to do that."

Catriona felt her tears fall. "I thought it was only me and Adele." She put her head in her hands. She was remotely aware of the scraping of a chair and Susan's arm encircling her shoulder.

"Oh, Catriona, it isn't only you. What happened between you and your friend?"

"She was my governess and we fell in love. My mother found out." Catriona sniffled. "She called Adele all sorts of terrible things and told her to leave, and told me I'd be doomed to hell if I ever lay with a woman again."

Susan softly stroked her back. "I don't know what to say."

Catriona rubbed her eyes. "I don't care what my mother said. I'm
not
interested in men. But out here it's so difficult. I've never found anyone else. I thought we were the only ones. It's been so hard not having someone to talk to."

Susan smiled. "And now you have me. Rest assured, if you ever need to talk then I'll be here."

Susan's offer was one Catriona had rarely taken up, but she would today.

RELUCTANT TO GO directly to the store, Catriona instead filled her morning discussing crops and the latest harvesting devices at the farmer's cooperative, before visiting the town blacksmith, Robert Young.

"But Miss Pelham," Robert protested, "I only re-shod your horse last month. I don't think he'd need to be re-shod so soon."

"He stumbled a day ago. I want to ensure nothing was caught in his hind hoof. Can you check it for me?"

"Of course I can." He raised the horse's hind hoof and inspected it. "It's the least I can do, given what you've done for my mother and father, when times were tough."

Catriona deprecatingly shrugged as she leant against the foundry shed. "Is there any news of late?"

Robert wiped the hoof pick against his leather apron. "The constable's beside himself with all the recent bushranging activity. Mind you, I think the bushrangers will be well gone before he can catch them."

The two shared a laugh and Robert stood. "Two days ago I shod a man's horse. He came from Weewaa. He said he'd seen Father Cleary there."

Weewaa was only thirty miles away. Not more than two day's ride. He must be on his way home, Catriona thought. She reached into her pocket. "How much do I owe you?"

Robert smiled. "When you charge me for your generosity, then
I'll
do the same."

Catriona nodded her thanks and headed toward her real reason for today's visit to town. She walked through the mercantile's front door and silently acknowledged Susan who was busy discussing cloth with Mrs. Greystone. The conversation amused Catriona. Despite the fact that Susan worked in the store, in terms of relative wealth, both women were on reasonably equal footing. Despite this, Mrs. Greystone continued to treat Susan like she was one of her house servants rather than a businesswoman of means.

"And the flour my cook bought from you last week." Mrs. Greystone clucked her tongue. "Substandard. She can do nothing with it."

"Maybe it's your bloody drunken cook," Catriona murmured.

Mrs. Greystone's head turned ever so slightly toward Catriona, and yet she continued to ignore her. "Make sure the next bag is better." She tossed money on the counter, picked up her parcel and, without a goodbye, left the store.

Susan folded the rest of the bolt of cloth. "Good morning. Do you think your comment could've been any louder?" She returned the cloth to its compartment.

"I don't know how you do it. You always manage to remain so polite with those women. I certainly couldn't. In fact I probably would've ended up strangling her with the bloody cloth." Catriona laughed at the thought of seeing Mrs. Greystone throttled in blue watered silk.

Susan shared the joke. "You can't make money by choking your customers. Word gets around, you know."

"And her comment about the flour. She's got a drunken cook, that's all." Catriona scratched her head. "Mind you, her cook's not the only one who's had problems with your flour."

"What do you mean?"

"Katherine tried her hand at cooking the other day. She cooked a batch of scones. It took four spoons of jam and two cups of tea to get one down. I suggested we could leave them out the back, to pitch at the occasional crow and she yelled at me."

Susan looked at a pile of flour sacks and frowned.

"Maybe there
is
something wrong with the flour."

Catriona chuckled. "Not unless there's also something wrong with your meat. I let her cook breakfast the other day and she charred two perfectly good pieces of breakfast steak. It took me all day to get the smoke out of the house. I honestly don't think she's yet mastered the art of cooking."

"That's to be expected, especially given her upbringing prior to her joining the convent."

"That might be the case, but as for that bloody Greystone woman, she's simply got a cook who I expect spends too much time drinking the cooking sherry and anything else she can get her hands on. Of course, working for that old prune, I can hardly say I blame her."

"I'm sure you didn't come all the way in to town to talk about rude old Mrs. Greystone and her drunken help. How can I help you?"

Suddenly shy, Catriona made a pretence of looking at the various jars and utensils on the shelves. At the hat stand she picked one up and idly tried it on. "I thought I'd drop in and say hello."

Susan smothered a laugh. "Is that all? I've never known you to engage in frivolous chatter in the middle of the day." She stepped around the counter to lock the door. "How about we go to the kitchen for some lunch? Unfortunately my breakfast was rather rushed and I'm starved."

Catriona was relieved to have the opportunity to talk uninterrupted with Susan. Damn it, she thought, where do I begin?

Settling down to tea and sandwiches, Susan patiently waited, hands in her lap.

"I think I have a problem, well not a problem as such, but something I need to speak to someone about. I don't exactly know how to put this but--oh, damn it! How do I tell you this?" Standing up, Catriona walked in ever decreasing circles around the kitchen.

"Can I presume you've found someone?"

"How did you know?" Worried, Catriona stared at Susan. "Has someone been talking to you?"

"Of course they have. It's all I've heard in my store during the past week." At Catriona's shocked look, Susan hurried on. "Of course no one has spoken to me but, for God's sake, sometimes you're so easy to read. Have a look at yourself. You're pacing around the kitchen with your hands in your pockets. And I swear, in
all
the time I've known you, I've
never
known you to try on a lady's bonnet covered with flowers, like you did in the store just a while ago." With a hint of laughter in her voice, she said, "I have to tell you it definitely didn't go with the moleskins."

Catriona blushed, not realising how distracted she'd been. "How do you always know something's going on before I tell you? You were the same when I told you about Coreen and Alexander." She took a seat opposite Susan. "I have found someone, but I don't know what to do about it. I mean it's not as easy as it looks." She dragged her fingers through her hair. "I believe we have a lot in common, but I don't know if she realises my feelings run deeper than friendship."

"I'm surprised it's taken you so long to come and speak with me then. Has she given you any indicator she wants more than friendship?"

"No. She acts like she's so happy though, and I think I could be too, if I wasn't so frustrated." Catriona again attempted to stand.

"Sit down. You make me dizzy moving around the kitchen like a willy-willy blown about by the wind. Perhaps you should tell me who this person is. I can't possibly help you if I don't know her name."

"It's Katherine. Don't look at me like that, Susan! I didn't plan it this way, it just happened. I can't help myself, but every time I look at her I want to take her in my arms and kiss her." Taking in Susan's stunned features, she hurriedly added, "Rest assured, haven't done anything."

"It's a good thing you haven't. Something tells me she's never been kissed by a woman. After all, you must remember what she is."

"Don't you think I'm aware of that?" Catriona said in frustration. "Everyday she gets up and puts her damned habit on. It's like a full body chastity belt!"

Susan laughed. "I suppose it is. When did you decide you liked her?"

"I felt something the first day at the train station. You should have seen her, slumped asleep against the wall covered in dust. She looked like a long lost treasure. I realised how strong my feelings were when she started working with the families of the district. They speak so well of her, and she works so hard at helping them. And she's so excited when she talks about the children, like they were part of her family. It's not just this or her beauty. She has the most wonderful stubborn streak I've seen." Catriona stared into space, oblivious to the gushed praises spilling from her mouth.

"Stubborn streak my backside! You
still
leave her for dead in that area. I must admit though, she has her own memorable way of doing things. She may not have given you any sign she wants anything more than friendship, but are you sure that's all she wants? Why does she persist in living out there with you rather than living in town?" Susan leant forward to top up their tea. "Has
anything
happened which may have conveyed to you even an inkling her feelings go deeper?"

"I don't think she can see herself living in any of the wealthy households in town." Casting her mind back to the goings on of the past week Catriona carefully chose her next words. "And in relative terms, living out at my property allows her to basically come and go as she pleases--to tend to the families of the district as well as her own affairs. She has also told me she feels the farm life suits her."

Catriona bit her lip. "Whether her feelings run any deeper than friendship, we do share a sort of intimacy. But this could be that of close female friends. I haven't had many, so I have no yardstick to measure her actions by. Although, recently, there've been a couple of moments which have caused me to wonder. You remember the cotton habits Me Lin made?" Susan nodded. "The night I gave them to her she hugged me. At first I wasn't sure what to do so I hugged her back. She has such a petite waist my arms went right around her. Now, I've hugged you, Me Lin, and Alexander. Yet this was different. We lingered in the hug for longer than I suppose might be thought proper. She eventually broke it off, but she seemed different for it."