Angel Baby (22 page)

“Ba-ba-baa,” Sarah chortled happily as Claudia leaned
against her.

Watching Claudia flinch, then the color rush into her
cheeks, Chase sighed deeply. He immediately let go of her. She straightened,
pulling her hand away from him as if burned. Sarah had obviously decided
Chase’s chest hair wasn’t as interesting as her mother’s shiny gold necklace,
and she gave it a good tug as Claudia picked her up and quickly scooted back to
the couch.

Still lying on the floor, Chase closed his eyes, placing his
hand over his forehead. He couldn’t believe how close he’d come to kissing her
again, with her best friends in the next room and her baby right between them.
But he couldn’t be too angry with himself. Claudia was living temptation.

“Anyone ready for coffee?”

Claudia glanced up quickly to see Melanie standing in the
doorway to the living room, a speculative smile on her face. Wondering just how
much she’d seen, Claudia quickly stood and said, “I think I’ll go put some
pajamas on Sarah so she’ll be more comfortable for the ride home.”

Melanie didn’t say anything as Claudia carried Sarah from
the room toward the spare bedroom. Flicking on the light, Claudia found the
drawer full of baby clothes she’d left at Melanie's. Sitting down on the twin
sized bed, Claudia slowly began to change the baby's clothes. She didn’t hurry.
She was still trying to figure out how she was going to walk back into that
living room and look Chase in the eye right in front of Ryan and Melanie after
that sensuous moment they’d just shared.

“Mommy’s got a case, baby,” she whispered as she finished
snapping Sarah’s jammies. “Mommy’s got it bad.”

Sarah promptly yawned, rolled onto her side and stuck her
index finger into her mouth. Claudia watched as Sarah gazed at the brightly
colored blanket hanging from the side of the portable crib in the corner, and
realized the baby wanted to go to sleep. Chuckling lightly, she said, “Okay,
honey, we’re going to go home and let you go to bed.”

“Don’t count on it.”

Claudia turned abruptly as Melanie walked into the room.
“Ryan's broken out the cards," Melanie continued. "He’s teaching
Chase how to play Spades.”

“Good grief...we could be here all night.” Claudia replied.

Melanie laughed and said, “Why don’t you just put Sarah down
in the crib. Come on, it’s only eight-thirty. How long has it been since you’ve
just spent an evening with friends doing something as silly as ignoring my
husband as he starts pounding on his chest because he wants me to lead with
hearts.”

Sarah’s eyes drooped even more, and Claudia knew she’d be
asleep in a few minutes. Melanie seemed to sense she was considering it because
she pressed, “Just stay, Claude. It’s not every night Ryan and I get the chance
to impress the boss.”

Claudia heard the teasing note in Melanie’s voice. With an exaggerated
sigh of resignation, she lifted Sarah off the bed and carried her to the crib.
Covering Sarah with the blanket, Claudia watched as the baby stuck her finger
back in her mouth and promptly closed her eyes.

“I guess the decision’s been made,” Claudia chuckled as she
turned off the light and followed Melanie out of the room.

An hour later, after Claudia and Melanie had set Chase and
Ryan in yet another hand of Spades, Chase threw down his cards in disgust.
“Enough," he exclaimed. "Trying to get no tricks is worse than going
for half a dozen.”

“I warned you not to go nil,” Claudia said.

“Yeah," he retorted. "But you didn’t tell me you
and Melanie would purposely throw twos and threes at me until I broke."

Ryan laughed out loud as Melanie tallied up the score.

“Don’t sweat it, Chase," Ryan said. "They say I’m
the shark, but it’s Claude you have to look out for. Be thankful we weren’t
playing poker. Back in college, I lost my shirt to her on more than one
occasion.”

“Literally?” Chase asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No,” Claudia retorted. “We played penny poker, not strip.”

“Too bad,” Chase said as he stared intently at Claudia. “I’m
actually quite good at poker."

Ryan laughed heartily at Chase's murmured comment, and
Melanie glanced down to hide her grin. Claudia felt a slight flush in her
cheeks, surprised that Chase would be so flirtatious with others in the room.

“This is so great,” Ryan beamed as he cleaned up the cards.
“Just like old times.”

Ryan seemed to realize the instant the words left his mouth
that he’d said something wrong. A silence immediately fell over the room.
Claudia saw Ryan grimace as he glanced sheepishly toward her, then toward
Chase. Melanie bit her lip, and looked down toward her hands. 

“I’m sorry, Claude," Ryan said, his words halting and
quiet, "I didn’t mean...”

“It’s all right,” Claudia said softly. “I know what you
meant.”

Chase watched as Melanie’s eyes darted toward the photo of
herself, Ryan, Claudia and Joe on the mantle. He suddenly felt very much an
intruder.

“I think we’d better head home,” he said, his good mood
fading. “It’s getting pretty late.”

He suspected Claudia’s mood had changed, too. She gazed at
him, nodding her head slowly, and he’d swear he saw a shadow of guilt in her
expression.

He understood. For the last few hours she’d enjoyed herself
thoroughly, but Ryan’s words had reminded her of the past, and how different
her life was now. She had to be feeling guilty, angry at herself as if she’d
forgotten all about her late husband, as if he could easily be replaced by
another man at the table, another player in the game.

Well, that’s how Chase felt, anyway.

He only wondered how she was going to feel about it, now
that she’d been reminded of what she’d lost…and compared it to what she and
Chase were creating together.

Sarah never even stirred as Claudia bundled her up in a
blanket to carry her out of Melanie's house. Chase had already gone outside to
warm up the car. She joined him in the driveway and he helped her put the baby
into her car seat. Their goodbyes to Ryan and Melanie were cordial, but Claudia
sensed an awkwardness that had been absent earlier. Ryan and Mel were feeling
the same guilt she did, while Chase obviously felt like an interloper.

Chase didn’t speak during their ten minute ride back to her
house. Claudia felt the silence even more than she had earlier in the evening.
It was as if someone else, Joe, was sitting in the front seat with them,
between them...invisible, but there.

When they reached her house, Chase said, “Why don’t you go on
in and turn on the lights. I’ll carry Sarah in.”

Realizing the house might be chilly, since she hadn’t left
the heat on that morning, Claudia nodded briefly and got out of the car. She
went inside and quickly set the thermostat in the hallway. By the time she
turned around, Chase was walking past her with the baby in his arms. He never
paused, carrying her upstairs to her room. Claudia followed, watching as he
gently placed Sarah in her crib.

“I can’t believe she never even stirred,” he whispered as
she moved to stand beside him at the crib.

“She’s a sound sleeper. I used to have to wake her up to
nurse her when she was a newborn.”

After rearranging Sarah’s blanket, Claudia kissed her
fingertips, then pressed them on the baby’s chubby cheek. Chase watched her,
not saying anything, then followed her out of the bedroom and back downstairs.

“Thank you so much, for bringing us home,” Claudia said when
they reached the living room.

“I’ll pick you up in the morning,” Chase replied.

“I hate to put you out,” she said, but he waved a hand at
her, cutting her off.

“You’re not.”

She nodded slowly, waiting to see what he would do next.
Chase's eyes drifted to the sofa, and the living room floor. There was no doubt
in her mind that he was remembering the way he'd pushed her back on the sofa,
sliding her sweater off her body to lick her naked breasts the day before. She
found herself remembering how, in this very spot yesterday, they'd fallen off
the couch to the floor and he'd been inside her before he could even get his
pants all the way off. They'd made love for every moment of Sarah's long nap
and by the end of the afternoon she didn't feel she had the strength to move.

Now, however, that invisible presence was between them. She
felt it. How could he not feel it too?

He stared at her, his dark eyes filled with some emotion she
didn’t want to try to place. It was as if he was silently asking her a
question, one she wasn’t prepared to answer. Ryan’s casual comment earlier had
brought a lot of feelings rushing to her mind, memories of Joe, and an
unfamiliar guilt. She sensed that Chase realized that, and wanted to talk about
it, but wasn’t quite sure how.

“Hell, Claudia, what are we going to do about this?” he
finally asked.

Slowly, she looked up to meet his eyes. There was no point
trying to pretend she didn’t know what he was asking.

“I don’t know.”

After a brief pause, no longer than a heartbeat, he spoke
softly. "I want to make love to you again.”

Claudia’s heart skipped a beat. She felt a sudden rush of
warmth deep inside her. Just those simple words, not a kiss, not a caress,
aroused her to the point where she could hardly draw breath without thinking
about it.

“I want you, too,” she admitted on a sigh. She could tell
that Chase didn't take comfort from her admission. He obviously sensed in her voice
the words she didn’t say,
But I can’t.

“Is it Joe?” he asked, and she knew he understood she was
telling him no.

“Maybe,” she whispered, “I don’t know. I’m ready to move on,
ready to start living. I know that’s what he’d want.”

“But?”

“But I’m not just a single twenty-something year old woman.
I have to think about Sarah. What happened this weekend was wonderful, but I
have to think about what it means.”

“It means," he replied softly, "that we've very
attracted to each other. That we give each other immense pleasure. Does it have
to mean anything more than that right now?"

Claudia didn't answer for a moment. Part of her agreed with
him. Such pleasure shouldn't have to be justified. But the other part, the part
that was Sarah's mother first and Claudia the woman second, knew that it had to
mean more.

"I don't know, Chase. Maybe for some women that would
be all right. But you have to understand, I've never, that is...God this sounds
so stupid to say out loud in this day and age."

"What?"

"Chase, I've never
done
this before. I mean, of
course, I've been married, and I've had a child, but I've never had a...a
meaningless affair
...
."

"Is
that
what this is?" he asked, his voice
tight, his eyes narrowing.

"That's just the point. I have no idea. I don't know
how to act in this situation. For heaven's sake, I was a virgin on my wedding
night. Making love with someone is a huge thing for me, and suddenly, I'm
having to face the fact that I've begun this amazing, physical relationship
with you, and I have no idea how you feel about me."

Chase dropped his head and looked at his own hands. Claudia
suddenly felt a fool for practically demanding a declaration from him., one he
obviously wasn't prepared to make.

"Claudia," he finally replied, "I don't know
how to describe what I feel for you. I know I've never felt this way about
anyone else. I want to be with you. Not just making love to you, but with
you—listening to your laughter, and watching your eyes light up when you
smile."

His words were halting, as if each one was difficult for him
to utter. Claudia knew they probably were. Chase Paxton was not a man to whom
words came easily. Especially words of tenderness, those which made him
vulnerable.

She walked to him slowly, placing her hand on his chest.
"It's all right, Chase. I think we both just need time to think about
this. Maybe it would be best if we just try to cool off for a little
while."

She wondered if he'd be angry, but instead he nodded slowly.
Seeing the warmth in his eyes, she realized he did understand. She also sensed
that he wasn’t upset with her. Some men might have felt used, led on by her
mixed signals, but not Chase. He was willing to back off, to give her the time
to accept what she was feeling and act on it. She smiled shakily at him. He
nodded in return.

“Goodnight, Claudia. Pleasant dreams.”

He bent to kiss her lightly on the lips in a brief farewell.
Claudia closed her eyes, but the kiss ended much too soon. When he pulled away
she nearly cried out.

Claudia watched him slip out of the house and walk to his
car. Sitting on the sofa in the living room, she peeked through the curtains,
her forehead pressed against the cold windowpane. The room was still chilly,
and her breath made faint circles on the glass. Long after the tail-lights of
his car disappeared from the driveway, she stood and went up to bed.

Sleep proved elusive, of course. Her small bed suddenly
seemed huge, immense, because she was alone in it. Making love with Chase had
given her the most physical pleasure she'd ever known in her life. But it had
also made her face the fact that her feelings for the man weren't just
attraction, and liking.

She loved him. She hadn’t wanted to, hadn’t planned to, but
she knew she did.

This wasn’t like what she’d felt—still felt—for Joe. Joe had
been her best friend, they’d never exchanged a single cross word, never argued,
had fun together constantly. They’d lost their virginity to each other and had
laughed their way throughout the entire experience.

Chase, on the other hand….

Chase drove her a little crazy. He infuriated her, tormented
her, taunted her.