Angel Fire (22 page)

As they kept talking, my eyebrows drew together...because I wasn’t picking up anything at all from the floor plans. I don’t always from images, but given the circumstances I would have expected
something
– some glimmer of emotion. But it was like the plans were just empty pixels on a screen, instead of a map showing the location of the most vital operation in the world.

“The reception’s not black tie, is it?” asked Liz, chewing her fingernail. Most of her nails were bitten to the quick. “’Cause we can’t exactly hide guns under evening gowns.”

“Oh god, I hadn’t even thought of that,” murmured Trish, her freckled face worried.

“Thankfully, no,” said Kara. “Luis said the people representing Mexico City – that includes us – can just wear their normal outfits. Maybe something a little dressier, like you’d go to church in.”

I kept looking at the floor plans, trying to feel something – anything – about them. Finally I shrugged it away. Maybe I was just nervous.

“Do you think the angels there will be scanning people’s auras?” I asked Alex.

“Some are bound to be, because they’ll be feeding.” He glanced at me, and I could see the thought in his eyes – that the angels might recognize my aura before the team was ready to make a move. He wasn’t really sorry about it. I knew he’d give anything if I wasn’t involved in this; if I stayed away someplace where I could be safe.

“Don’t even say it,” I said quickly. “I’m going.” The thought of waiting here at the house while they all left – of not knowing what was happening, if they were going to live or die – no, there was just no way. “Alex, I
have
to,” I said before he could answer. “What about Paschar’s vision, that I’m the one who can destroy them?” I sensed a wave of doubt from the others, and knew no one took that very seriously – since I so clearly
hadn’t
been the one to destroy them last time I’d tried.

Alex sighed and pushed his hair back. I could see how tired he was – how heavily all this was weighing on him. “Maybe,” he said. His blue-grey eyes caught mine, asking me to wait until we were alone to discuss it. Reluctantly, I nodded.

Across from me, Wesley sat examining the map in his usual dour silence. With Sam sprawled beside him, they were like an illustrated example of “closed book/open book”.

“Okay,” drawled Sam, squinting at the screen. “Are the Council like ordinary angels when it comes to killing them? Or are they different, or what?”

Kara shook her head. “I don’t know, but they must be
able
to be killed, or their safety wouldn’t be such an issue. Apparently they do feed, so I’m guessing it’s their halo that’s vulnerable, like other angels. Who knows if there’s anything extra we have to worry about though.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m glad Luis is finally opening up,” she added dryly. “There’s really a limit to how many security questions I can slip in between
Oh, you’re so wonderful
and
Ooh, do that again
.”

My cheeks warmed. Kara was so matter-of-fact about her relationship with Luis. Well, not a
relationship
, I guess, though he clearly thought it was. I studied her covertly, wondering again if I’d only imagined the way I’d seen her gazing at Alex that day. I couldn’t get that soft-eyed look of hers out of my mind; I just had a feeling about it. Not that I was worried, exactly – every time Alex touched me I could sense how deeply in love with me he was – but it didn’t make me feel all that great, either. Kara was so utterly, gorgeously human.

Brendan beat a light tattoo on the table; even when he was sitting quietly, he wasn’t quiet. “Hey, wait – couldn’t Willow help?” he said suddenly.

I glanced at him in surprise. “I – sorry, help with what? I was off in my own world, I guess.”

Thinking freaky half-angel thoughts,
said the faces of almost everyone around me.

Brendan seemed alarmed to be talking to me directly – the most we’d ever said was a mumbled hi when we’d almost walked into each other in the hallway once. He cleared his throat, fidgeting with his teaspoon. “Um – help find out if there’s anything we need to know about killing the Council,” he said. “You’re supposed to be psychic, right? So maybe you could get a vision about them or something.”

The room went quiet. “Could she do that?” said Kara to Alex.

“You’d better ask Willow,” he said tersely, still studying the printed schedule. He got very short with anyone who ignored me.

“It doesn’t really work that way,” I said before Kara had to say anything. “I mean, yeah, sometimes I get flashes of things, but mostly for me to get anything specific I need to be touching someone. Like, holding their hand.” No one said anything. Feeling awkward, I traced the design on my coffee mug. “I, um...used to do psychic readings a lot, back home. People at my high school would come to me and ask for them.”

“You went to high school?” blurted Liz. Her pale cheeks reddened when I looked at her. “I mean – that sounds so normal.”

Normal. I tried not to think about the fact that, even as I spoke, I was mentally aware of my angel shifting around inside of me. “Sure, I went to school,” I said. “I didn’t know anything about any of this until a couple of months ago – as far as I knew, I was just like you.”

“Whoa,” murmured Sam, staring at me. “Half-angels going to high school, and we don’t even
know
about it? That’s...freaky.”

I saw Alex give him a considering look, and decide not to say anything. I shrugged. “I think it’s half-angel, singular, actually – as far as anyone knows, I’m the only one.”

For the first time, the thought gave me a very strange feeling. It hadn’t really struck me before how inherently lonely this was – being the only one of my kind in the entire world. I went on quickly, before I could think too deeply about it. “Anyway, I didn’t go as often as I should have – my friend Nina and I used to skip a lot, and just go clothes shopping. I’m into vintage stuff, so there’s this store in Schenectady we’d go to...” I trailed off, wondering why I was telling them this.

Open mouths around the table now. I could almost hear the same thought from everyone:
You had a friend?
Followed hard on its heels by the girls with,
Wait – you’re into clothes shopping?

From the look on Sam’s face, half-angels going shopping was seriously his idea of conversational hell. “Yeah,” he said. “So anyway, can we get back to this psychic thing? Couldn’t she –
Willow
– go into the cathedral and start holding people’s hands? Like, some of the officials there, or something?”

“It might look pretty suspicious,” I said wryly. “I usually have to focus for a few minutes; it’s not like a lightning flash the second I touch someone.”

“But you said you get feelings sometimes,” pointed out Kara, studying me carefully. “So if you did go into the cathedral, you might pick up something useful.”

Alex sat reading the sheet with his head propped on his hand, caressing his forehead. “I’m not sending Willow in there; her aura’s too distinctive. Any angel that saw it would know exactly who she is – all they’d have to do is sound the alarm, and there’d be a riot. Every Church member in the world wants her dead.”

“Yeah, but we could
scan
first, right?” Brendan’s voice quickened with excitement, just like when he was arguing politics with Sam. “Make sure there aren’t any angels around.”

Kara nodded. “Sure, and then you and me could go in with her, Alex, and make sure she’s covered.”

I was about to say it sounded good to me – and it really did; I’d been painfully aware that so far I was probably the least-contributing member of the team – but Alex glanced up and spoke first, his voice impatient. “You said angels cruise in and out of that place all the time, Kara. What good would scanning do?”

I hesitated. “But Alex, if I did get something, we’d know a lot better how to plan this thing. I wouldn’t be in there
that
long; I’d probably know in five minutes if I could get something.”

He gave me a look. “It’s not just the angels. Your picture’s been on every Church of Angels website in the world, remember? Someone could recognize you.”

“Not with my hair like this.” I touched its short red-gold strands.

He snorted. “Oh, yeah, like that’s a master disguise no one could see through.”

“But if you and Kara were covering me, then—”

“Do you even know what ‘covering’ someone means?” Alex asked coldly. “This isn’t a movie. Do you really want us to have to start shooting at a screaming mob to get you out of there if something goes wrong?”

Where had this argument come from? “No, of course I don’t
want
that,” I said. Everyone had gone quiet, watching us. Trish’s eyes were wide; her coffee mug paused in mid-air. “But Alex, you know I can usually sense if a place is going to be a danger to me. I mean, okay, it’s not foolproof, but—”

“
Willow.
” He lashed my name at me like a whip. “I said
no
, all right? Drop it.”

It felt like he had slapped me. In the sudden roaring silence, Alex tossed the sheet down and shoved his chair back. He left the room without a word.

My cheeks were on fire; at first I was too shocked to move. There was a long pause. Finally, Kara lifted a perfectly-shaped eyebrow. “Well. I see that his temper hasn’t improved any. I’ll go and talk to him.” She started to get up.

“No,” I burst out. “No – I’ll do it.”

She regarded me, her expression almost amused. “You sure? I’ve got a lot of experience dealing with Kylar boys when they get like this. It’s kind of an acquired skill.”

I hadn’t really been certain what I thought of Kara up until then, even with the look I’d seen her give Alex – but now it was becoming clearer to me. I didn’t like her very much. “I’ve acquired it, thanks,” I said, getting up from my chair. “I’ll go.”

I heard the silence in the kitchen erupt into words as I went down the hallway. I let the buzz fade away behind me, not trying to decipher what was being said. I could guess easily enough.

I knew Alex had to be in his bedroom. But when I got there, his door was shut, and I paused as I stood in the faintly sweaty-smelling mess of the boys’ dorm. His door was never shut, unless he was asleep or I was in there with him. Despite what I’d said to Kara, this was all new territory to me; Alex and I hardly ever argued. Then I remembered the way he’d snapped at me, and grimaced. We had to have this out.

I knocked. “Can I come in? We need to talk.”

There was a pause. “Yeah,” he said.

I opened the door, gathering my thoughts for what I wanted to say. It all left me the second I saw him. Alex was sitting on the side of his bed with his shoulders slumped, elbows on his thighs as he massaged his temples with both thumbs. His eyes were closed.

Hurriedly, I shut the door and sat next to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” His voice was distant; his fingers on his forehead white with tension.

I touched his arm and pain jolted through me, so sharp and furious it made me gasp. “Oh god, you’re not! Your head—”

“It’s just a headache. I’m fine.”

It didn’t seem
fine
at all. I stood up, my words rushing together: “I’ll go get you some Advil – there’s some in the girls’ dorm—”

Without looking up, Alex reached for one of my hands; squeezed it hard. “No. Just...stay with me. Please.”

I bit my lip, not knowing what to do. I sank back down beside him and we sat in silence, Alex still rubbing his temples. Finally, he let out a breath and dropped his hands. He was pale, with tiny beads of sweat on his forehead. He gave me a rueful look. “Hey, you.”

“Hey,” I echoed. I could feel how tense he was; the pain that was still thudding through him.

He put his arm around me. “Sorry,” he said against my hair. “I was a jerk. I shouldn’t have—” He broke off with a wince, gripping his forehead again.

“Alex, I’m going for the Advil now—”

His arm tightened, holding me in place. “It’s okay. It wouldn’t help.” After a pause, he sighed and dropped his hand from his head; shifting position on the bed, he lay back against his pillows, looking drained. “Shit. I thought I was over these.”

“Over what?” I propped myself up next to him, gently stroking his forehead.

“That feels really nice,” he murmured, closing his eyes again. I moved further up the bed; leaning against the wall, I rested his head on my lap and kept stroking it, soothing the pain away. His breathing slowed, grew more relaxed.

“Over what?” I repeated softly.

“Migraines,” he said. “I got them after my dad died, and after Jake died. They went away after a while; I haven’t had one in over a year. This one just blindsided me out of nowhere.”

“You never told me,” I said.

“No. It seemed pretty pathetic.”

My heart twisted. I didn’t think I’d even be able to keep my sanity if I’d been through everything Alex had – almost everyone he loved in the world dying. Migraines just seemed
normal
, not pathetic.

Then my mouth went dry. My hand stopped on his forehead. “Alex, you don’t think—”

“What?” he said, opening his eyes. Seeing the look on my face, understanding came over his features. “Willow, no – don’t even think it. It’s got nothing to do with you; I started getting them years ago.”

I swallowed. Just that morning, Alex and I had managed half an hour alone here in his room together; we’d almost been able to forget anyone else was around. “But to get one
now
, when you haven’t had one for over a year...”

“Yeah, that might have a little more to do with being responsible for this mission, and everyone’s lives. Not making out with my girlfriend.” He reached for my hand. “Willow, you’re not hurting me. I promise. It’s just this stupid thing that happens sometimes—” He cringed again and went silent. His slight stubble looked inky black against the sudden pallor of his face.

“It’s not gone yet?” Fear was curling through me.

“No, it won’t be gone for hours.” He gave my hand a slight tug, tried to smile. “Hey. That was nice, what you were doing before.”

I started stroking his head again, trying hard to believe that this really was just a coincidence. After a few minutes, Alex turned his head on my lap and kissed my wrist. “I’m sorry I spoke to you that way before,” he murmured. “Really. I was way out of line.”