Angel Fire (32 page)

He hesitated as he regarded me; again I caught that feeling of something being buried deeply. “I don’t know,” he said finally. “Always being with the wrong girl...I guess it made me feel lonelier than being by myself, after a while.”

A pang went through me. Alex was the only boy I’d ever been involved with, but it still seemed like Seb and I had something in common. I’d been lonely for so much of my life too.

“I get that,” I said softly. “I really do.”

His smile was rueful. “I wish I’d figured it out sooner,” was all he said.

I was aware of what a personal conversation this was, when we’d only met the day before – but it didn’t feel that strange somehow. And if Seb had had a lot of experience with girls, and he’d
never
noticed anything like what I was talking about...

Seb was still studying me. “This is about you and Alex, isn’t it?” he said. “You’re worried about him; I can feel it.”

“He got a migraine a week or so ago,” I confessed. “And he’s been getting headaches a lot. I’ve been so scared it’s because of me; that I’ve been hurting him just by being with him.”

Seb had closed his eyes, shaking his head at himself. He half laughed. “Ah,
caramba.
I gave the wrong answer, didn’t I? Can I change it? Yes, we cause terrible harm to humans. You should break up with Alex right now, so that you don’t injure him. Do you want me to go upstairs with you, and help you tell him? As your brother, I would be very happy to do this.”

“Seb!” I almost laughed, though I still wasn’t totally convinced that I didn’t have anything to worry about. “So...you’re really sure?” I asked. “You never noticed any of your girlfriends getting migraines, or headaches, or anything like that?”

Seb’s expression turned gentle. “Yes, I’m sure. Willow, we’re half-human – why would our energy hurt them?” He touched my hand again briefly, his fingers comforting on mine. “Please don’t worry any more,
querida
. It’s all right, I’m certain of it.”

Relief. Soaring, total relief. “Oh, thank god,” I whispered. “I’ve been so scared these last few days that I’ve been hurting him, and hating myself for not saying anything. I’ve felt like such an awful person—”

“You?” Seb gave a sudden grin. “No, you couldn’t be awful if you tried. You’re much too sweet for that.”

“
Sweet?
” I made a face, laughing despite myself. “I am not.”

“Oh, yes. I’ve seen this about you from the start. You like to help people; you care about them a great deal. You’re very—” Seb stopped, regarding me for a long moment. “Special,” he finished finally.

I winced at the look in his eyes. “Seb—”

“I’m saying this only as a brother,” he added firmly. “Brothers are allowed to say these things sometimes.”

I couldn’t help smiling, even though I was shaking my head at him. I wasn’t hurting Alex – I really wasn’t. It felt like a million sunrises inside me. “So, you didn’t finish telling me what happened with your angel,” I said after a pause. “Did he keep nudging at you until you listened to him?”

Before Seb could answer, I heard the basement door open. “Hey,” called Alex’s voice down the stairs. “We’re about to go out.”

I scrambled up from my cushion and went up the stairs to him. He’d been checking his gun, and was tucking it back into his holster. “Another hunt?” I asked, watching apprehensively.

Alex nodded. He had on his white thermal T-shirt with the red plaid shirt hanging open over it, and just looked so...gorgeous. “Yeah, I thought I’d take them out again – maybe to a different park this time, so the angels can’t start to predict what we’re doing.”

I rested back against the wall, half conscious of Seb sitting just below. “Be careful,” I said in a low voice. “Please.”

He smiled and touched my face. “I’ll be fine; don’t worry. I’ve been doing this for years. They’ve just got to get some more practice, that’s all.” A cloud crossed his features, and I knew he was thinking about the Council; hoping Kara could find out what was happening – otherwise it wouldn’t even matter how much practice the AKs got. “Anyway, how’s it going?” he asked, nodding down the stairs.

“Really well,” I said. “I mean, we haven’t started the aura work yet, but...Alex, he’s helping me a lot.” I stopped, realizing that I couldn’t say much without going into a long explanation; I hadn’t told Alex about how worried I was in the first place.

“Good,” said Alex. “I’m glad.” And I knew he really was, though it was clear Seb still wasn’t his favourite person. He smiled, and brushed a strand of my hair back. “Got to make sure the guy earns his keep, at least.”

Earns his keep.
Was I even earning mine? I tried to smile back, but suddenly it wasn’t easy.

“What?” said Alex.

“Nothing. It’s just...here I am, hanging out in the house with Seb, while you and the others are going on another hunt, maybe risking your lives—”

“Stop,” he said firmly. He reached for my hand; gripped it reassuringly. “What you’re doing here is just as important, Willow – I mean it.” He hesitated, looking down at our linked fingers. “And...I sort of wanted to talk to you about that. Now that the Council’s here in the city, I think maybe it’s better if—”

“I know,” I broke in. “Don’t worry, I’d already decided. I’m not coming on any more hunts until I’ve learned how to change my aura.” Though the thought of sitting at home while the others put themselves in danger grated at me, I couldn’t justify the threat that my half-angel energy posed, not when I knew it was possible to change it.

Alex nodded, looking conflicted. I could feel his relief that I wouldn’t be going out with them for the time being – but at the same time it bothered him that the team hadn’t really accepted me yet, and we both knew this wouldn’t help. Just then we heard the sound of the others, congregating in the kitchen.

“Better go,” he said. Leaning forward, he kissed me and I linked my arms around his neck, relishing the warmth of his lips on mine. It felt like it had been years, not days, since I’d been able to kiss him without worrying; I had a burst of relieved pleasure that was almost giddy. Now that I knew everything was okay, all I wanted was to be alone with Alex – really alone, for as long as possible.

“See you later,” he said when we drew apart. The look in his blue-grey eyes melted me. He kissed my nose. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” I stood against the wall, watching as he walked back through the firing range and disappeared into the kitchen. The sound of voices, the door opening and closing. My happiness faded and I sighed, hoping they were going to be okay. It felt so strange, Alex going someplace without me – this was almost the only time it had happened since we’d first met.

He’ll be fine,
I told myself.
If anyone knows what he’s doing, it’s Alex.

Behind me, I heard Seb get up and move to the bottom of the stairs. “They’ve gone out?”

“Yeah, they’ve gone on a hunt.” I jogged down the stairs, brushing past Seb as he stood there, and started gathering up the cushions from the floor. “So I guess we can go upstairs to the TV room, where it’s comfier.”

Seb took the cushions from me, tucking them easily under his arm. “Yes, that sounds better.”

Upstairs, we put the cushions back on the sofa and then went into the kitchen to get some Cokes. There was always plenty of stuff like that in the house – half the supplies in the boxes upstairs were things like canned food and drinks; the other half was ammo and combat gear. It was like Juan had been preparing for a siege.

I handed Seb a Coke and then kept the fridge door open a second, peering in. “Do you want anything to eat?”

He made a face as he popped the Coke open. “The food here is very...American,” he said.

I glanced at him over the fridge door. “What? Like what?”

Seb shrugged. “Cheetos, Doritos, stuff like that,” he said, leaning against the counter. I saw the muscles of his chest flex under his T-shirt and looked quickly back into the fridge again.
What is
wrong
with you?
I demanded of myself, irritated.
You’re in love with Alex – why are you even noticing Seb?

“Doritos are sort of like Mexican food though, aren’t they?” My voice sounded thankfully normal.

Seb laughed, and picked up a bag from the counter. “Willow – they’re
orange
,” he said, holding them up. “And the Cheetos are also orange. They’re both bright, bright orange.” He shuddered. He had a point, actually.

I laughed too, and felt my tension ease. “Okay, I admit the nacho cheese Doritos probably aren’t very Mexican,” I said, still scanning the fridge. There wasn’t much in there – the guys all ate like horses, so that we didn’t have leftovers very often. “I meant the plain ones, that you eat with salsa.”

“Maybe a little,” Seb conceded, tossing the bag back onto the counter.

I closed the fridge door and grabbed a bag of chocolate-chip cookies from the counter behind him. “Here –
everyone
likes chocolate-chip cookies,” I said, handing them to him. “Including Mexicans. And there’s no orange in them.”

He grinned. “You promise?”

“
Sí,
I promise.”

In the TV room, I sat on the sofa. Part of me was hoping Seb would take the armchair, but he sat beside me. Not
right
beside me, but I was very conscious of him there, just a few feet away. Trying to ignore it, I kicked off my shoes and settled back in the corner of the sofa.

Seb bent over to take his sneakers off too, and I saw another scar on his forearm: a thin white slash this time, like from a knife blade, stark against his tanned skin. Time seemed to slow as I stared at it, thinking of everything Seb had told me – hating everything he’d been through.

“I wish we’d known each other when we were children,” I blurted out. Immediately, I was embarrassed that I’d said it, but it was true. I wanted to go back in time somehow and just...be there for him, so that he knew he wasn’t the only one of his kind.

A few loose brown curls fell over Seb’s forehead as he looked up at me. He didn’t seem surprised, just sort of wistful. “Yes, I wish so too,” he said softly. “All my life, I’ve wished that.” He gave a regretful smile. “But I think it would have been better if I had been with you as a boy in your home in the mountains. Not for you to have been where I was.”

And for a second, all I wanted to do was hug him. I looked away and crossed my arms over my chest, ignoring the treacherous voice that was whispering
friends can hug
.

“So, you were telling me about what happened with your angel,” I said, hoping that Seb wasn’t picking up on any of this. God, this must be what it was like for Alex, having a psychic girlfriend.

If Seb sensed my confusion, he didn’t let on. “Yes. My angel saved me, I think.” He settled himself in the opposite corner of the sofa, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. The sofa was long enough so that his large boy-feet in their clean white socks weren’t touching me.

I sat cross-legged as I faced him. “He saved you?”

Seb nodded. Propping an elbow on the arm of the sofa, he took a gulp of his Coke and then stretched over to put it on the coffee table. “I was in a bad fight, and I think I must have had—” He frowned and touched his head. “Concussio? How do you say it?”

“Concussion?”

“Yes.” He shrugged. “I was an idiot; I’d fight with anyone. And so I fought with someone twice my size, and he got me down and kicked me in the head. Once, twice – I don’t know how many times. When I woke up, I was bleeding; I didn’t know where I was. I lay there for a long time, and thought I was going to die. I didn’t really care, but I was furious that a human had done this to me.”

The house felt so still around us. I could see it all clearly – the angry young half-angel who’d been so badly hurt, in every way. Seb’s expression was thoughtful; his body relaxed. I could tell that he had understanding for his thirteen-year-old self, but no real connection to him any more.

“Then my angel came to me,” he went on. “He wasn’t happy, because I’d been acting so stupid that I’d almost gotten killed. He helped me up—”

“Wait – he
helped you up
?” I stared. “Can they do that? Touch you, I mean, so that you feel them?”

“It only happened that one time,” said Seb. “I don’t know, I think he—” He broke off, frowning, and finally sighed in frustration. “No. I can’t say what I mean in English.”

“Wait, I think I know,” I said slowly, remembering how the angels of the Second Wave had wanted to be seen by the masses when they first arrived, even though angels can’t usually be seen except by those they’re feeding from. “You mean he...changed his frequency, somehow. Slowed himself down so that he was closer to the human plane, and could touch you.”

Seb lightly slapped the sofa arm. “Yes! That’s exactly what I was thinking. You read my mind.”

“Yeah, I guess we’re both sort of good at that,” I said, playing with the ring pull of my Coke. As we smiled at each other, warmth curled through me.

“So, my angel helped me up, and...” Seb paused as he remembered. “He showed me what might happen if I didn’t change. Like, pictures in my head, you know? He showed me I would die – that someone would knife me in a fight, or maybe shoot me when I stole from them. But what would really kill me would be the anger. It was eating me up inside.”

“You mean you saw your own future? I’ve never been able to do that!”

“No, I can’t, either. This was just a warning.” Seb fell quiet, his eyes still in that other time. He took another sip of his Coke; put it back on the table. “And so I looked at these pictures of how I might die, and then I knew – the only thing I wanted was to find another of my kind. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, my whole life. When I was a young boy on the streets I was always looking, but after I escaped from the
reformatorio
I hated the world so much that I forgot. So then I thought, to hell with humans; I don’t care about them enough even to be angry at them any more – I’m going to find someone like me, no matter what.”

I hugged a faded throw cushion, imagining it all. I knew what came next from what I’d seen in him yesterday – the years of searching, up and down the country. “I’m glad you found me,” I said after a pause. “Seb, I really am – I’m so glad. I’ve been lonely too.”