Angel Fire (45 page)

We sat on my bed; I leaned against the wall. For a few minutes neither of us spoke, and it was such a relief – to be with someone who understood me so totally without words.

“So, this pretty much sucks,” I said at last.

Seb grimaced. “It’s because of me that you fought, isn’t it? You don’t have to answer,” he added dryly. “Everyone heard. Half of them could hardly wait to tell me about it.”

Great. I gripped my arms. “I can’t really blame him for being upset,” I said. “He’s just found out that—” I stopped. I’d never mentioned to Seb that I could sense him even when he wasn’t around. Heat swept my skin.

“Oh,” said Seb softly, picking up the thought from me. “That – can’t be easy for him, I guess.” His tone was neutral; I knew he didn’t like Alex much more than Alex liked him.

“Is it the same for you?” I asked after a pause. I felt shy suddenly. “With me, I mean?”

Seb nodded slowly. He was sitting on the bed with one foot on the floor, the other leg bent at the knee in front of him. “Even when I’m not thinking about you, you’re always in my head somehow.” He gave a small shrug. “With anyone else in the world, it would be too much. But with you, it just seems...natural.”

It was exactly how I felt. Oh god, I
could
see why Alex was so upset. What if he had this with Kara?

“I don’t know if it’s because we’re both half-angel, or—” Seb shook his head. “Perhaps it’s a mix,” he said. Though he’d left out a thought, I knew what he meant. Some of this had to be from being half-angel and psychic, but maybe it was enhanced by just – who we were. The closeness we shared.

“How were things left between you and Alex?” asked Seb finally. “What was said at the end?”

I gave a short laugh, swiping at my eyes. They seemed to be leaking again. “A lot of things that hopefully weren’t meant.” Because Alex couldn’t seriously expect me to shun Seb’s company, could he? The only other half-angel I knew?

Seb sat silently, studying my face. “Willow...would it be easier for you if I leave?”

I went very still. No –
please,
please
,
no.
“Leave?” I echoed.

“It’s me being here in the house that’s making things so bad, yes?” He stroked a tear from my cheek with a finger that couldn’t have been gentler. “I don’t want you to cry any more,
querida
, you see?”

Even through my mental turbulence, I could sense Seb’s mixed emotions: how much he hated seeing me unhappy, versus what he hoped could happen between the two of us. Remembering Alex’s words, and the look that had been on Seb’s face just that afternoon, my chest clenched. Oh god, I didn’t want Seb to be in love with me. I didn’t want him to be unhappy because of me, ever, not in any way.

“It doesn’t matter what’s easiest for me,” I choked out. “What matters is – I don’t want to be unfair to you, Seb. I can’t ask you to stay just because I want you here. Not when I don’t...” I trailed off. It was the first time I’d told him, however indirectly, that I knew how he felt about me. It was practically the first time I’d really admitted it to myself.

He knew what I meant. He always did. “You’re not being unfair,” he said, his voice level. “You’ve been honest with me from the start. I know that you’re in love with Alex. And I—” He touched my hair; I saw his throat move. “I love you in all the ways there are to love someone,” he said finally. “That includes as a friend and brother. If you want me here, then I’ll stay. I just don’t want to make things harder for you.”

“I love you too,” I whispered. “As a friend, I—” My throat closed; I couldn’t finish. It all seemed so hopeless – Seb being in love with me when I only loved him as a friend; the argument with Alex that was still pounding at my skull. Oh god, what if we really
had
broken up?

As I started to crumple inside, Seb moved beside me on the bed and put his arm around me. I rested my head on his shoulder gratefully; it felt strong against my cheek. “I shouldn’t – I shouldn’t let you do this,” I got out as I started to cry. “I can’t expect you to comfort me when I’m in love with someone else; it’s too much—”

“Be quiet and let me hold you,” he said firmly.

We sat like that without talking for a long time, Seb’s hand stroking my arm as I cried, his cheek against my hair. I concentrated only on externals: the comforting warmth of him as I pressed against him; the slight prickle of his stubble; his clean, woodsy smell. And I tried hard not to think of anything at all.

Finally he smoothed the hair away from my face and said, “The others will be coming upstairs soon...will you be all right?”

I nodded and sat up a little, wiping my eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

His gaze scanned mine; he knew I wouldn’t be. Not really. “I wish I could stay here with you tonight,” he said.

“I know. I’ll be okay.”

Seb’s mouth moved in something that tried to be a smile. His arm still around me, he leaned close and kissed my hair, his lips warm as they pressed briefly against my head. I could feel how much he cared – the depth of it embraced me, held me close. Something fluttered inside of me; I pushed it away and closed my eyes, letting Seb’s kiss comfort me.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered.

“Okay,” I said. “And Seb – thanks.”

He rolled his eyes as he stood up. “You would have had to board up the door to keep me out,
querida.
”

I hugged my knees to myself, watching as he started across the room – so different from Alex, with his loosely curling brown hair, but his back and shoulders just as firm. As he reached for the door, it swung open.

Kara stood there.

Her eyebrows shot up as she took in Seb, me, the empty room around us. She didn’t say anything, and neither did Seb – I saw him start to, and then I think he realized it was pointless; Kara was not going to be too interested in anything he had to say. Instead he glanced back at me. I knew he was saying
I’ll see you tomorrow
again with his eyes, and I nodded.

As he left, Kara came in and shut the door. She lounged against it, crossing her ankles. “Well,” she said. “That looked interesting.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” I said shortly. I unfolded myself from my bed and slid open my dresser drawer, taking out my pyjamas.

“So...are you with Seb now?”

I stiffened, and turned to face her. She met my gaze blandly, her exotic face impossible to read. She had on black jeans; a pink top that showed every line of her sleek body. I could see her
AK
tattoo peeking out from under her shirtsleeve, and suddenly hated it fiercely. It was Alex’s – it didn’t belong to her.

“No,” I said. “Seb is just my friend.”
Just
my friend – when, except for Alex, he was the most important person in my life. Language is so stupid sometimes.

“Okay,” said Kara, glancing down at her nails. “I was just wondering. ’Cause Alex seems to think so. And, you know...Seb was just up here in the room with you for over an hour, the two of you alone together. Kind of easy to get the wrong impression.”

I tried to ignore what she’d said about Alex, even though it made my heart fall off a cliff. “You may find this difficult to believe, but it’s actually possible for friends to be in the same room and not do anything,” I said.

She gave an elaborate shrug. “Look,
I
don’t care what you do. But I’ll tell you one thing – Alex doesn’t need this kind of stress right now. So if you wouldn’t mind figuring out which one of them you want, that would be a good thing.”

“I
have
figured it out,” I snapped. Angrily, I yanked off my top, childishly glad that I’d been working out for the last few weeks and was looking more toned myself now. “Look, do you think I don’t know you’ve got a thing for Alex? I noticed it the very first day.”

She nodded slowly, watching me. “And do you know he’s got a thing for me?”

For a split second, ice froze my veins, and then I caught myself and laughed out loud. “That is a total lie. I’m
psychic
, remember?”

“Okay. So what do your psychic powers tell you about his first crush? Or his first kiss, actually?”

I just stood there in my bra and jeans, staring stupidly at her.

“Alex had a crush on me for years,” she said, speaking slowly like I needed it explained in small words. “I used to catch him looking at me sometimes, and he’d blush – it was cute. And now that he’s older...well, I think there could definitely be something there.” She peeled herself away from the door. Long and lithe, like a jungle cat. “You know, I would never try to make trouble in his relationship if I thought he was happy. But this? Right here, now, with you? Nuh-uh.” She shook her close-cropped head. “You are not making him happy, Willow. You’re playing mind games with him – you and that other half-angel. God, just flap off out of here together, why don’t you, and leave Alex alone? It’s not like he hasn’t got
enough
on his mind.”

My mind was reeling, caught in a storm. “I am not playing mind games,” I said in a low voice that somehow didn’t shake. “I’m in love with Alex, not Seb. Is that really so hard to understand?”

Kara snorted and turned away. “Yeah, seems to be,” she said coldly. “’Cause I don’t think
you’ve
got a handle on it.”

Alex was gone when I got up the next morning.

I’d been planning to get him on his own so that we could talk about all this again, calmly this time. But I could tell he wasn’t there the second I went downstairs; there was an empty feel to the house, even though it was full of people. I made a mug of foul-tasting instant coffee and drank it slowly in the kitchen, trying to take in the fact that he’d actually gone somewhere without telling me. It seemed even more final than his parting shot the day before –
enjoy your friendship with Seb
.

Trish came in, her hair damp from her morning shower; she stiffened when she saw me. “Um – where’s Alex?” I asked. Heat crept over me, that I even had to ask the question.

“He went to check out the cathedral again.” She moved past me to the loaf of bread that sat on the counter. Putting a couple of slices in the toaster, she gave me a tense, sideways look. “So...have you two broken up, or what?”

“No,” I said shortly, and walked out of the kitchen.

I wanted to find Seb, but was so aware of what everyone would think now, if they saw us together. Correction: what they’d been thinking all along, from the sound of it. Finally I went into the TV room. Everyone else was there already, apart from Seb. Then, with a sinking heart, I saw that everyone else
wasn’t
there – Kara was missing. Of course; she’d gone to the cathedral with Alex. My muscles tightened at the thought of the two of them alone together; what she must be saying to him.

The room had gone silent as I entered. Sam glared; the others didn’t look much friendlier. I tried to ignore them all and perched on the footstool, still sipping my coffee. The TV was on. I couldn’t tell what was being said, but it was obviously about the Crusaders and the Faithful again. There were crowds of hundreds on the screen; signs bobbing in the air; people shouting in frenzied Spanish.

“Shouldn’t you be with
Seb
?” said Liz. I looked up. She was watching me, her sharp-featured face hard. “I thought you were supposed to be practising your aura stuff.”

“We’re practising outside today,” said Seb, appearing in the doorway. He had on faded jeans, and his blue sweater with a white T-shirt peeking out from under the collar. He nodded at me. “Are you ready?”

Relief. We hadn’t discussed going outside, but it sounded like heaven; the atmosphere in the house would choke me if I had to stay here all day. I put my coffee down and scrambled to my feet. “Yeah, I’ll just get my sweatshirt.”

He held it up, and I felt like hugging him. “When’s Alex back?” he asked the others as I moved to join him.

For a change, Brendan was sitting almost without moving, staring stonily at the screen. “He said around three.”

“Yeah, so that gives you two lots and lots of time to be alone together,” drawled Sam. His muscular body was sprawled on the sofa; he flicked a glance over us. “Don’t go runnin’ off again.”

I stiffened; decided not to answer. “I can see all your secrets, you know,” Seb said to him mildly as we turned to leave. And nothing was funny just then, absolutely nothing...but even so, the look of guilty alarm on Sam’s face was priceless.

Outside it was a gorgeous sunny day, with a cool breeze. I shifted my aura to dull, lifeless grey and pulled on my hooded sweatshirt. As Seb and I started to walk, I took my phone out and sent Alex a quick text before I could think about it:
I’m sorry we fought. We really need to talk. I love you
.

No reply came.

Seb and I walked for blocks. The shabby businesses around us turned into department stores made of sedate old stone, with bright signs and large windows. The sidewalk grew busier, bustling with people. Satin angel wings, briefcases, morning bags of shopping. I clutched the phone in my hand, glancing down at it every few seconds while my heart slowly died in my chest.

Finally Seb gently pulled the phone away from me and tucked it into his jeans pocket. “I’ll tell you if it goes off,” he said. “Come on, are you hungry? Let’s get some breakfast.”

I had never been less hungry in my life. “No, I’m fine,” I said distantly.

He ignored me, and steered me towards a sidewalk vendor selling tamales. I could see steam rising from the metal cooking cart. “You didn’t eat last night,” he said. “And I’m hungry, even if you aren’t. So you can keep me company, yes? And then I’m going to show you around
el DF
. You’ve hardly seen it at all since you’ve been here.”

I managed a faint smile. “You hate Mexico City.”

He shrugged as we waited at the tamale stand. “It has some nice places. The only rule is you can’t ask if you’ve gotten a text, all right? I’ll tell you, I promise. Just forget about it for now.”

Thank god for Seb that day. If it hadn’t been for him I would have slowly gone insane while I waited to hear from Alex. Instead, he showed me things he knew would interest me, so that even though the sick worry never went away for a second, it didn’t completely drown me. An art museum that was all towering ceilings and baroque gold gilt. A plaza where Aztec ruins sat side by side with a medieval church and a modern office building. Another church; a small stone one that tilted so dramatically I felt dizzy just walking through it. “This is what happens when you build a city on mud,” said Seb, smiling at my expression.